At 01:30 PM 1/29/00 -0500, DB Sommer wrote:
And here you probably thought I forgot about this.
I confess I was beginning to consider the possibility. :)
Well, finishing WUE has allowed me to get my other projects back on track
(as much as they ever are); Chapter Eleven's finished in draft as well,
and
should be out relatively soon.
Here am I, not even having read this yet, and already I want to see chapter
11. Boy I'm an impatient cuss.
Back, back! <lays about with stick>
Anyway, I'm going to post a revised Chapter 10 to RAAC and the home page
tonight, but will try to make some progress on Chapter 12 (which so far has
a title and nothing else) before posting Chapter 11 to the FFML.
Wincing as her bruises protested even the simplest
movements, Afura sat down on the bed beside Shayla. "You know,
every time this happens, you say that."
And every time Shayla says it, Afrua ignores it, yes?
Well, that's clear enough from the context of this scene.
"It's just so damn hard," Shayla muttered, tension beginning
to flow out of her voice and body. Fire was right for her; burn
hot, burn quick.
Nice comparison.
One of the clever aspects El-Hazard is that the personalities of the three
priestesses are to an extent grounded within their respective elements.
Thus, Shayla is hot-tempered and builds to anger quickly, Afura is cool and
distant, and Miz goes from sweet-natured to tempestuously angry within an
instant--witness the opening "wedding" of the second OVA series (even
though I'm not using them in ME :)), where she engages in destruction that
makes Shayla look amateurish.
Afura had been the first person Shayla spoke to after five
months of silence.
And Shayla had said, "Would you please not stand on my foot like that?"
Afura replied, "Perhaps the fault lies not in my standing, but in the
excessive size of your feet." And a life-long friendship was born.
"Ever wonder what's harder?" she asked quietly, seriously.
"Having to remember, or not having anything to remember?"
"What's sharper, Afura," Shayla replied, "the point of a
sword, or the edge of a sword?"
Afura: That's easy. The point. Got any others?
Shayla: Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
Afura: The egg.
Shayla: Wow. You're good.
The actual answer, of course, is dependent upon the kind of sword, and
where the care of sharpening and polishing has been lavished by the owner. :)
The two of them sat in silence for a while. Shayla's hand
trembled with pleasant warmth in Afura's gentle clasp. She was
suppressing further tears, holding them back.
Because it just didn't elicit the same emotions as when Nanami held it.
That deep retsrained passion just wasn't there. Besides, Afura's hands felt
like a couple of ice cubes.
It was at this point that Shayla realized Afura was probably a brain-eating
undead monster, and had to be purified by the cleansing holy flames.
Yes, I'm still on the Nanami/Shayla bit, Alan. It's fun. ^_^
Well, you obviously think so. :)
"Some day, I'm
going to be fighting, and I'm going to freeze, and hear my mom's
voice saying, 'It is wrong to do harm to prevent harm', and even
if I only freeze up for a second, someone's going to die because
of that, someone that I care about.
Ah. Now it begins to fall into place.
Hopefully so. :)
"Why don't you just talk to him, if you're so concerned
about what he thinks?"
Because that would be too easy and would spare us some angst. ^_^
Shhh! Don't break the fourth wall; it's all bound up in complex
motivations of character, I swear, and not just within my self-serving
needs as an author.
Perra stepped onto the forking roads Katsuhiko Jinnai walked
with an ease coming from both long practice and natural gift.
She was the Lilaian Sibyl, the inheritor from her mother of a
tradition almost destroyed in the Holy Wars, and the countless
pogroms that followed over the centuries after it ended. People
did not like what they perceived as false prophets, especially
when the prophets told them to stop doing things they wished to
continue doing.
Hehehe. That is so, so true.
History shows it. :)
The Demon-
Waker. Every path led to darkness: she saw him standing on a
crest of rock high above the ocean's surge, beckoning with his
hands, and demons rose in answer to do him service; another path,
and he stood laughing upon a mountain slope as endless legions
marched below him; another, a panoramic view of the world, and a
slow cancerous blackness spreading over the continents.
Fun loving Jinnai, that's him.
Him and his wacky megalomaniacal psychosis.
reached a single road without forks, and followed it back,
glimpsing episodes along the way, three faces prominent: his
sister (her double), a handsome dark-haired boy (he hated him,
with the twisted hate only possible among those who had once been
friends). The third face was covered in darkness; something
buried so deep, so painful, that she could not see it.
Interesting. I take it we'll learn what it is before the end.
Well, dramatic convention would require it. :)
"What did you do to him, little witch?" the Bugrom Queen
snarled, the threat of a bone-breaking tightening shivering in
bare restraint within her grip. "Answer!"
"Lobotmized him," Perra answered.
"Oh." Deva relaxed. It was nothing bad, then.
"Just as long as I can still extract his DNA to use in producing my new
army of Jinnai/Bugrom crossbreeds."
Around them, the other Bugrom huddled in a concerned crowd,
chattering like a flock of agitated hens. Deva glared down at
Perra, lips snarlingly twisted. "I said, answer me. If you have
harmed my Grand General, you will die slowly."
"Of old age, to be specific," Deva clarified. That was sure to strike
terror into the heart of the girl.
Damn! she thought later, looking back on the situation. I always forget to
add "and in horrible pain" to that threat.
Forcing her way through the Bugrom as
Bugrom, as (I think. Not really all that sure)
It'll depend on the relation of events within the sentence. I'll look at
it and see.
Deva turned her angry gaze upon Nanami. "Look at what she's
done to your brother."
"And this is supposed to concern me how, exactly?" Nanami asked.
"What if he comes out of it?" Deva said.
"Ohh. I see what you mean." Nanami now looked on in concern as well.
"Quick! Let's bury him in the sand up to his neck before he does!"
"Why only up to his neck? He can still breathe if we do that."
Jinnai blinked. Slowly. Then he looked around at the
gathered Bugrom. "Give us some space." Obediently, the hulking
insects shuffled back; even Nanami and Deva stepped away,
although neither looked happy. "Now." He leaned towards Perra
with conspiratory closeness. "How can we mutually benefit one
another?"
"Hot sex." Perra answered.
"With you as a double of my sister? I think not." There were some boundries
even Jinnai wouldn't cross. Besides, she might really be a guy, with the
whole Fatora/Makoto bit and if things worked the same way for other people
here.
Which led him to postulate the existence, somewhere, of a female version of
himself. The idea sent him into catatonic shock for several hours,
allowing Makoto and company to catch up with him and stop his nefarious
activities. Then there was a giant orgy, and everyone (even Deva) lived
happily ever after. The End.
"I am not designed for it," the war machine replied
neutrally. "I do not function at maximum offensive capability
when out of the water."
"I'll be as useful as an unplugged toaster."
Hey, if you've read "The Langoliers" by Stephen King, you know just how
useful an unplugged toaster can be. :)
"If he interferes with me, I'll crush him like a bug!"
Jinnai clenched his fist tightly to punctuate. "No offense,
Queen Deva."
Nanami touched Perra's shoulder. "Can we talk for a
minute?" she asked quietly.
Have them switch clothes and really screw with Jinnai's mind. ^_^
Oh, wow, that'd be just like the plot of so many bad sitcoms and teenage
romance novels. :)
Because he hurts inside so much. Because I wish to heal him.
Because his paths are not yet solid, and may be changed. Because
I have feared the Demon-Waker since I was a little girl, and now
I see that he is nothing more than a sad and frightened boy.
"Because God so wills it."
That too.
The primary purpose of metaphysics often seems to be providing additional
justification to things we want to do anyway.
"Silence! This is intolerable, how could you allow it to
happen? Aren't you supposed to protect me? Who programmed you,
complete incompetents?
"His name was Willy Gates--" Lethiaphan began.
Nahato: "Lord Gallus, explain to me how you caused the Eye of God to
malfunction."
Gallus: "It's quite simple, Nahato; I installed an ancient piece of
software called 'Windows 2000' into the operating system, and..."
hand, nor shall I stand by and allow any other hands to harm her;
do not look so dubious, please. Done? Ready? Away, then!"
I understand the use of only using Jinnai's dialogue here, it helps to
speed things along and it's easy to divine what's happening, but I don't
think I'd use it overmuch. One of the best things about reading your work
is the skillful prose you use, and this effectively neutralizes it.
Yes, this will probably be the only time in Mortal Engines that I use it;
the scene is really from Lethiaphan's perspective, and what it does and
doesn't pay attention to is meant to reveal certain insights into it.
"Oh, God, shelter her beneath your hands, for you have
placed great burden upon her, and delivered her into the clutches
of the unrighteous. Surely there is some greater good behind
this, surely out of this you shall bring the triumph of
righteousness, but keep my daughter safe. As you will it, Lord."
Trident, flying.
Pinned to the beach, butterflylike, in macabre display.
Blood scrawled beneath him; no genus or identifying name.
Blood looks black upon the sand, and gets blacker as time passes.
Out in the ocean, standing on the waves, the sea-god waits.
That was a nasty bit of work there. Short, but terribly effective. Nice
writing.
Thanks.
"Slow the ship, Alielle," said Makoto. Their approach
became a hesitant crawl. "Miz, Afura." The wind stopped
blowing; the sea smoothed out, glass-calm, until it seemed a flat
plain. "Now."
And, as they launched themselves to the attack, Lethiaphan
began, horribly, to laugh.
Damn you! Making us wait until next time for the final conflict.
Yeah, I'm a bastard. :)
Part of writing short serial fanfics (which Mortal Engines really is,
moreso than WUE) is that a lot of chapters will end in "what happens next?"
cliffhangers.
A messenger arrived short minutes later, and informed her
that whatever it was, it had apparently emerged from the
underground vaults which lay below the Royal Library.
Ah, reenforcements. That should help things out. Of course it's too bad
Ifurita is still in limbo somewhere. Come to think of it, where is Ifurita
and that little case of head she was getting the last time we saw her?
Bad! No biscuit.
Ifurita gets some scene time in the next chapter, along with her friend the
head.
Excellent work, as always. Not much in the way of grammer errors. Perra's
starting to develop as a character, Jinnai moves closer to his goal, a
final fight with Lethiaphan appears in the works. The chapter seemed
smaller than usual, but it might have been just me. In any case this is
great work and I can't wait for the next part.
The chapter was shorter by about 200 lines than the past few, actually, so
it wasn't just you. :)
Thanks for the commentary, DB; as always, deeply appreciated.
Ciao,
-Alan Harnum