BGlanders presents…
Something Less
***
PaRt 1
"For now should I have lain still and been quiet, I should have slept: then
had I been at rest"
-Job 3-13
***
"Who am I?"
All in all it wasn't that bad of a question to be asking.
I had been floating in limbo for what could have been days, years,
Seconds.
I can't tell really. Everything's so white and dull and boring here it's
driving me crazy! Where's the life? The color? The excitement? Who
Who am I?
Would dare consign me to this? Me, the queen of love and ambition! How dare
anyone try and keep me down! They only invite my beautiful and slightly
young wrath upon them, the fools. I am… I…
Who am I?
I remember a fight, a fight with that overly good and sickeningly sweet
soldier of justice, Pretty Sammy. Ha, Sammy thought she could keep me down,
that she could defeat me in my finest hour? As if! Like, I am the ultimate,
the new model, the magical girl for the next millennium. That 'pretty' crap
went out with that sailor bimbo. I refuse to be classified as pretty. I am
sexy. I am mysterious. I am…
Who am I?
The fight… Oh yeah, I remember now. We were fighting, and I was winning.
Hey, that's not something to just shrug off. Even though I don't like to
admit it, she's a pretty good fighter for someone so pathetic. I remember
that we were really pushing ourselves to the limit; each of us knew that this
would be the last time. It was winner take all, and I would be damned if
that blue haired bubble-gummer was gonna get the better of me.
I was winning. I was alive! It felt great, wonderful! I was so free, so
full of energy! I had never let myself go that much, never let my powers
take control at that level. She felt it, too. I know she did, I could see
the determination in her face increase with my power. I was tearing her up,
and then…
Then I heard the voice.
Who am I?
And she was there, clawing furiously away at the back of my mind. That black
haired little bitch! I had always been able to hold her down before, but
this… this was just too much. I found myself diverting all my energies from
the fight into keeping her at bay, but it just wasn't working. Her will was
overpowering me, pushing me, ripping me out of place and forcing herself in.
When it was over, she made a choice.
Who
And that choice was to murder me.
Am
But who was I to complain?
I
"Who am I?"
"I don't know. Who are you?"
***
Okay, I remember what happened now. Misao had woken up. I don't know how,
but when we heard her father calling out her name, something just snapped.
It was like every mental barrier, every brick wall in my mind just came
crashing down and all that was left was her. And that presence, just her
naked screaming mental presence was more terrifying than anything Sammy could
have hoped to throw at me.
When it was all said and done, Misao decided to make a choice. She would be
Misa from now on, fighting evil and protecting her precious, sickeningly
sweet little friend, Sasami. I wasn't needed anymore to shield her from the
blinding horrors of the real world. Scared little Misao didn't need big
strong Misa to handle everything for her, oh no. Scared little Misao decided
to take matters into her own hands. This is all fine and good, mind you.
However it leaves me with quite a few questions.
First and foremost being, if she's going to be Pixy Misa from now on, who the
hell was I?
Ever since then, I've been floating in this kind of white, fuzzy perpetual
haze that I just can't seem to break through. God this is boring. I wish
there was at least something to look at, or maybe something to do, like a
travel game or something. All this nothing is really starting to get me
cranky, and lovely madams like myself should NOT be cranky!
But… there was still the question rolling around in my mind. If Misao was
Misa and I was here, then who was I? Was I waste product from some little
girl's frady cat conscience? Did I even have a place in the universe
anymore? Was I worth a place?
"Who am I?"
"I don't know, who are you?"
A voice! Someone was nearby! Oh thank God! Finally I could get out of this
pathetic THX-1138 rip off, take a shower and get back to enjoying life. Now
if I could only figure out where the voice was coming from…
"Hello? Where are you? I really need to get out of here…"
One minute, there was nothing in front of me. Then I blinked and wham! Of
all the people in the universe, she just happens to be the one speaking to
me. I guess I shouldn't have been surprised, come to think of it…
"What are you doing here? Come to think of it, how'd you get here in the
first place? Where are we?"
She was standing completely still, staring at me with those gigantic,
all-too-familiar blue eyes. I half expected her to be smiling at me; now
that would have been the real icing on the cake.
Come on, Misa. Don't you think there's a more important question you should
be asking yourself?"
"Oh yeah? Like what?"
"Who are you?"
"…"
"Well? You've been asking it since you got here and you don't have an answer
yet? This isn't like you, Misa. You always have an answer, or comeback, or
at least something witty to say."
Damn. I was about to ask how she knew what I had been thinking, then
withdrew the question. Considering who she was, it was pretty easy to guess
how she knew what was going on in my mind. However, the little wuss had
asked a question, and if nothing else she was right; I always had an answer.
I puffed out my chest and put my hand by my face in a victory sign. Then, I
went into my carefully rehearsed magical girl monologue. It never failed to
impress folks before.
"I am the Magical Girl of love and ambition! I am what puts the bomb in
blonde bombshell! I am Pixy Misa!"
Funny, she didn't seem impressed.
"All right, now the tricky question. Who is Pixy Misa?"
I froze. I was trying to come up with something witty and sarcastic, but the
only answer that would come to mind was 'Misao'. No. That wasn't right.
Misao was Misao and Misa was Misa. I was me and she was
No wait, was that right? What… what had she
I
We
Said? Misa was Misa and…
She was…
"Misa is Misao, and Misao is Misa."
Those words still cut me right to the bone. I had said them when
Sasami/Sammy had invaded our heart. I had said them, but until now I never
really thought about what they meant.
Did I have an identity? Did I serve a purpose in this world? I mean, aside
from being the ultra-cool magical girl Pixy Misa and causing as much havoc as
my evil little heart desired, what was my real purpose in life? Was I just
some cushion for Misao to fall back on whenever she felt hurt or scared? Was
I just some security blanket for that sniveling little…
"Sniveling little what?"
Damn. Forgot about the whole mind reading/sharing/messing around in thing.
It didn't matter, everything I said/thought was true. I was the strong and
she was…
"She's… she's weak! I exist because a certain someone can't stand up for
herself! I exist because I am the strong! I am the bold! I am everything
'she' is not!"
"Oh really? And what happens when Misao becomes strong, miss Misa?"
"I… I don't…"
"You don't know, do you?"
"…"
"Shall I tell you? It's really quite simple, really."
She started to pull back, fading a bit from sight. It was as if a mist had
popped up out of nowhere, slowly blocking me from seeing her.
"You become unnecessary. You're unwanted. No one needs you."
I started to chase after her. How dare she talk that way to me! I was Pixy
Misa! I was…
"Unneeded, plain and simple. Who would ever need you? Besides, you don't
need anyone either, so in the end this should work out perfectly, ne?"
"Come back here! We're not finished, you and I! I…"
"No one needs you."
"I…"
"And you don't need anyone."
"I…"
"And that's just the way you like it. Independent and strong and on your
own…"
"I…"
"All. By. Yourself."
I couldn't chase her anymore. It was like I was in one of those dreams where
your running and running but no matter how fast you go, you can't get to
where your going. I dropped to my knees and started to cry, because I knew.
I knew that she was right.
No one needed me. No one cared about the dangerous and flamboyant Pixy Misa.
No one would care if she was ever seen again. In fact the world would
probably be glad after awhile, then everyone would probably just forget.
That's all, just forget. The world really didn't need or care about me, but
I…
"I… I need you."
Damn it hurt to admit that.
The fog around me grew denser, closing in on me from all sides. Even though
I knew it wasn't real, I could still feel its cold, chilly fingers on my
body. I felt so alone, so closed off from the world. I started to cry,
sobbing and screaming at the mist around me.
"I need you. I need you! You hear me you little bitch? I NEED YOU!"
Nothing.
I dropped to the ground, hugged my knees and started to cry. I couldn't
believe she had abandoned me so easily. How could she? I was a part of her!
I was her better half! Her real half. She was nothing without me and… and
damnit, I wasn't all that hot without her. Hell, what did I care anyway? If
she wanted to, she could go off on her own and let the world walk all over
her. Let her see just how much of a person she was without me there to
protect her
I looked around and saw that the fog was giving way to an ever present,
lingering darkness. It was the kind that you don't so much see as feel. As
I sank headlong into it, I could feel the dark covering my entire body, and I
for the first time in my life, I was afraid.
I was going to die.
***
Pixy Misa, Misao Amano, Pretty Sammy and Sasami belong to Pioneer, TV Tokyo
and AIC
All C&C should go to BGlanders@aol.com