No, I'm not C&C my own work. This is a C&C for all those who C&C
First Knight.
First off, thanks for C&C my repost of First Knight. It was really
weird reading reply from various authors C&C each other about the fic.
One would say one thing and then the other would defend or support.
It's almost like someone was reading my thought. lol. Anyway, thanks
for the replies and I appreciates all of them.
I won't be able to comment on everything because some of the info.
relates to later chapters. I do try to keep the characters IC as much
as possible, but that won't always happen. I've read most of the
manga and seen a lot of the anime so my view is a mixture of the two.
Some of the characters might seem OOC for one reason or another is
because of my opinion of them or I need it to be that way. Also, I do
feel strongly towards certain characters and that will affect my
writing. Also, these are my earlier works and english is not, i
repeat NOT my first language. I do have trouble with grammar,
especially with tense so I'll say this now, 'Help!'.
First Knight takes place after vol 38 and since I haven't seen the
anime version of that, I'm sticking with the manga. Akane's
relationship with Ranma is different because she knows Ranma loves
her; he just couldn't say it. That's why she's willing to give Ranma
a chance to explain himself in hope that he would get the courage to
tell her what she wanted to hear. As for Ranma, I had him do a lot of
'soul searching' after the wedding disaster, though not stated in the
fic. I might go back and add comment in the beginning. The scene
between Ranma and Nabiki didn't go as well as planned. What I wanted
was a confrontation between them. Not the violent type, but one of
understanding. *sigh* I'll work on it more.
Here's my comments from the various people.
[Ryoga P. Hibiki vs Andrew Norris match :)]
Hoo boy, this is obviously a new fic writer's work, so I'll be
gentle...
You've got some pretty good ideas here and your execution is ok,
most of
the problems in this fic root from out of character problems or
things
that happened in the manga that you are obviously not aware of.
#I didn't think I was that obvious.
It was a typical day in Nerima. It's had been two weeks since the
failed wedding fiasco of Ranma and Akane. Even after the
incident,
the insanity in Ranma life continued to plaque him like nothing
happened. The Saotome's home have been repair and Nodoka returned
to
live there while Ranma remained here with his fiance, meaning
Akane.
Genma said he had to stay there to make sure Ranma stayed fit and
not
loose his edge. Again, Nodoka was left to live at the Saotome's
house
by herself.
No evidence was ever given that Nodoka or Genma were even thinking
about
fixing the Saotome home; Why bother when the Dojo will belong to
Ranma
after he marries Akane. In retrospect your not so subtle hints about
Nodoka's financial status do help this part of the story a bit.
While there is no evidence given that the pair were thinking or NOT
thinking, about it.
It's logical to assume. (Even if Nodoka STAYS at the dojo, the house
can be
rented out... money. Nabiki at the least would think of that.)
Nodoka's financial status is like Soun's.
We DON'T have a clue. (though I lean towards she was "well off"
before the
marriage and managed to keep most of the dowry in HER hands.)
That's why the idea of Nabiki rasing funds to help the household isn't
totally out of line, becasue we DON'T know the money supply.
####
There is very little know of Nodoka's past or her side of the family.
She spent 10 years in that house doing who knows what. If you
consider Genma, he's stupid, very stupid, cheap, a thief, liar,
dishonorable, and lots of other things that I won't go into. Anyway,
if he marries someone he would find someone that could support him
easily, hence, she must have money or her family does. This is the
angle I went with.
####
Ranma lied on the rooftop of the dojo thinking about the day
events.
His mother came over to see her son and spent the day with him.
He
noticed how happy she was and he was just as happy to see her.
After
being away for so long, it was good to be with her. In the
beginning,
it was a little awkward since he didn't know how to interact with
his
mother. Not only that, his only contact with her was 'Ranko' and
she
always tried to make him more 'lady-like. <I'm so glad I was able
to
tell her the truth about my curse. Even better, yet, was when she
accepted my curse and still called me her son. It felt like a
large
weight had been lifted off my chest. Still, there are times when
I'm
scared to be with her. I don't want to live with this fear when
I'm
with her. I don't ever want to be afraid of my own mother. But
how?>
Even after his mother's discovery of Ranma's curse, he still lives
in
fear of the woman because any indication that he is less than manly
would
mean Seppuku, the contract is still in effect.
Well, There are indcations that Ranma's not sweating it. But on the
whole,
there isn't MUCH seen with that past 36.
(Read 36, last chapter has Rchan in a VERY female outfit.)
#####
The Saotome's house was ruined during the wedding disaster so they had
to stay at the Tendo. First off, this is anime. They could have that
house fix, upgraded into a first class nuclear arsenal withing a day.
Joking aside, I allowed two weeks for the repair.
####
Ranma clasped his hands behind his head and stared upward at the
stars
as if expecting an answer. <The school year is almost over and
only
another year left till graduation. I could transfer to the high
school in Juuban and live with my mom for the last year. If I did
that, what would Akane say? How would she react to it? I really
want
to spend more time with my mom, but I don't really want to leave
Akane. Listen to me talk about Akane like I love her or
something.
Oh man. What am I saying? I know I love her. I've known that
for
at
least a year now. Too bad I'm such a coward I can't to tell her.
If
I'm going to stay with mom, I need to tell her or I might loose
her.
The latter is not an option. Now, how do I break the news to her?
I
could ask her out and tell her, but then the others will interrupt
and
everything will be in chaos. I hate to do this, but I'm going to
need
Nabiki's helps.> Ranma shuddered slightly at the thought.
This is fairly good, Ranma stays pretty close to IC in this scene.
The
thought of inlisting Nabiki's help isn't such a bad thing, he's done
it a
few times in the past. They seem to have a fairly good relationship
between them in the manga. The time she became his fiancee is a
pretty
good example of this, just look at the scenes before Nabiki nabs him
and
that's probably a good example of how they normally get along.
Act. I lean towards the idea, that Nabs and Ranma as a team couldn't
be
beaten. *Shiver* but all in all, I think Ranma lets a LOT of what
Nabiki
"does" to him slide, and you're right. In the Manga, they are
"brother and
sister" more than anything else.
Standing outside the door of one of the Tendo's sisters, Ranma
straightened his posture and took a long deep breath. <It's been
a
week since I've decided to ask Akane out and get help from Nabiki.
I
knew that she is a mercenary and extremely good at it. I've been
replaying the conversation in my head over and over again till it
hurts. It's strange to stand here and prepare myself for battle
and
knows I'm outwitted. There's not any physical fights I can't
handle,
but when it came to verbal or planning, I'm outclassed. Just
think,
'soul of ice.'>
Slowly knocking on the door, Ranma called out "Nabiki?" with an
attempt to make his voice manly but ended with a squeak.
"Come in," echoed from inside the room.
Slowly, Ranma entered the room and closed the door behind. He
noted
the calculating face and even heard the grinding of gears already
turning before the door even closed. Ranma had little doubt she
already knew what he was going to ask and was only waiting to
strike
at a moment notice. He took one last deep breath and prepared for
battle.
"Soul of Ice," he whispered the mantra in his head.
"Well Ranma, what is it? I don't have all night you know?" she
grinned.
"Nabiki, I, er, need your help," Ranma demanded quietly.
She blinked once. "I'm sorry, Ranma. But could you repeat that
again?
I didn't quite hear that right."
<Stay calm. She's just teasing me. It's best to play along.> "I
said, I need your help," he repeated.
"Alright, where's the hidden camera?"
Why the comment? Nabiki would jump on this like a starving chipmunk
on
the last acorn on earth. Her plans are relatively simplistic and she
doesn't appear to think things through all the way like this when
she
makes plans. The Nabiki as Ranma's fiancee story line is a good
example
of this. [I.E. she doesn't expect Shampoo to attack her. "If Nabiki
dead
Ranma date for free."
This is true, she does have streaks of being careful, but if she sees
a easy
score, *LEAP*
Though losing all the money at the wedding MIGHT have wised her up.
#####
Ok, the comment about the 'hidden camera' is out of line. I was left
over from the original and I forgot about it.
####
<snip>
******
Early the next morning, the same routine replayed itself like any
other school day. It began with Ranma and Genma sparring in the
dojo,
breakfast, and Akane running to school with Ranma in tow.
By lunchtime, Ranma became very nervous. For the first time an
awfully long time, he didn't fall asleep in class. All morning
long,
he had glanced over at Akane while she wasn't looking, at least he
thought she wasn't. For the umpteenth time this morning, he
peaked
at
the clock and sighed in relief. <It's almost lunch time.>
Akane was surprised to say the least. All day, Ranma had been
nice
to
her and haven't insulted her. At first, she thought it was
strange
and that Ranma was up to something. She quickly dismissed the
idea
and to gave him a chance. She likes this Ranma.
Akane should be worried he's done something wrong, this has happened
a
few times before...
*nods* Or something IS wrong.
####
Ok... Akane almost die the last time and believe that Ranma say he
loves her when he thought she die. This Akane just thinks that Ranma
is just showing his feeling towards her as another sign that he really
cares about her.
####
The bell rang indicating class was over and time for lunch. Ranma
ran
out of the room, grabbed his lunch box and went outside looking
for
Akane.
Akane sat the by a tree where they usually sat for lunch, he made
his
approach quietly. Ranma sat down next to her and proceeded with
his
lunch. He had a hard time eating and placed his lunch aside, and
turned to look at Akane.
"Umm.Akane?" his voice shook as he asked.
"Yes, Ranma?" She looked up from her lunch, slightly annoyed.
When
she noticed that Ranma didn't finish his lunch, her expression
turned
to concern.
"Can you come with me for a little bit?" He asked nervously.
"Well, I guess so," Akane said after closing her lunchbox.
Getting
up
she followed after Ranma up to the roof of the school.
Akane saw Ranma scanning the area and became suspicious. "Ranma,
why
did you bring me up here?"
Ranma looked back at Akane, but didn't look at her face. Instead,
he
stared at the ground, "Well.."
Her eyes narrowed as she placed her hands on her hip. "You're not
going to try something perverted are you?"
Pretty IC for Akane there.
Act. after 37/38 she's a LOT less angry at Ranma.
####
See last comment.
####
"No!" Ranma shouted as his face shot upward to face Akane.
Quickly
looking around to see if anyone had heard and sighed with relief
when
he didn't. "No, ain't nothing like that," Ranma continued.
Pausing
for a few moments to gather his courage, "I just
wannaaskyououtonadate," he blurted.
Akane blinked once. "Can you repeat that again?" Akane asked.
She
thought she heard the words 'wanna', 'ask', and 'date' in a single
sentence. However, she had to make sure before getting her hopes
up.
This was Ranma, and anything was possible. For all she knew, he
could
be asking to borrow a book or something.
Ruined again, Akane would jump to conclusions imediately. She very
rarely thinks things through, and when she does she ends up scaring
herself because of her warped perception of Ranma. He's a pervert in
her
mind after all. Perhaps the events in Jusendo mellowed her a little,
but
I doubt it would be this much. The manga states that they still
don't get
along well, it's just not as bad any more.
More like that she's accpeted that they WILL get married.
####
Yes, she jumps to conclusion and usually the wrong one. She's just
giving him a chance to explain. Well, at least her fuse is a bit
longer than before.
####
Ranma knew this was going to be difficult. It was worst than
fighting
Saffron. "I just wannaask you out for tonight."
Akane's eyes shot wide and round like giant saucers. She wasn't
sure
if she was dreaming this conversation or not. She quickly pinched
herself. <Ok, I'm not dreaming. That meant Ranma did asked me
out.
Does he really mean that?> "Do you really mean that?" she asked
suspiciously, but held her breath.
"Y...Yeah." Ranma replied weakly.
<Kami-sama. Ranma really asked me out on a date> She released
her
breath as her heart jumped with joy. She felt the smile reaching
from
ear to ear. Since the fail wedding and Ranma's denial of him
telling
her he loved her, she had been waiting for him to make his move.
To
say it was frustrating was like saying Mt. Fuji was just a hill.
To
have him actually asking her on a date on his owns free will was
like
a miracle come true. She quickly moved closer to Ranma and took
his
hands in hers and saw his eyes focus on hers. She knew that once
she
looked into his pale blue eyes, she would loose herself. It's one
of
the things she loves about him.
Not hearing Akane a reply, he was beginning to doubt himself and
his
heart began to sink. "Yeah. That is if you wanna go."
She gave him the sweetest smile she could muster and whispered in
his
ear. "Of course I want to go."
Akane would most likely try to turn the phrase around and make Ranma
answer, but that's relatively minor. I could see this happening.
The date alone would blow her mind.
####
I agree.
####
"R-Really?" Ranma asked as he jerks his head back in surprise.
"Yes. Now why don't we finish our lunch up here before class
starts,"
Akane said sweetly.
"S-Sure."
Both Akane and Ranma finished their lunch while exchanging small
talk.
In order to keep up the pretence that nothing was going on Ranma
would
most likely return to his group of friends, especially if you're
making
him smart in this fic. Especially since Ukyo attends Furinkan, you
should
add in how he destracted her and Shampoo away, both girls visit him
during lunch almost every day according to most cannon.
Umm... this is after the Wedding, It's HIGHLY doubful that they would
visit,
without being sure that Ranma doesn't want their heads on platters.
#####
Again, Akane is really happy about him asking.
####
*****
Later that afternoon, Nabiki was busy with her plans to keep the
suitors occupy. She had gotten Kuno order a lot of ramen from the
Nekohanten thinking that it would make his two 'loves' jealous.
Which, coincidentally kept Shampoo very busy.
How much time could it take to get a big order of Ramen to the Kuno
mansion? Think of something else, like having Mousse become angry
with
him for toying with Shampoo's feelings.
####
Well, I could have him run around doing what ever for the whole night,
but luck would have it where he would run into Ranma and Akane at the
worst of time. I didn't really spend that much time with the Kunos
because I don't consider them important, at least for the story. I'll
think of something more convincing.
###
She enlisted Mousse
help to make sure Kodochi would not interfere.
This is good, it's very likely that Mousse would help Nabiki out
with
this.
As for Ukyou, she
just
asked Kunatsu to keep Ukyou busy for the few hours. He happily
obliged.
'Konatsu' and incidentally Konatsu isn't his family name, it's
Kunoichi.
All that left was Ryouga. It was hard to track him, and
since he hadn't been around for a week, she could only try to
catch
him first and kept him busy. That was an easy task in all aspect.
Why? Ryoga has given up on Akane and is relatively friendly with
Ranma
by this point, he's got Akari and it's unlikely he spends too much
time
around the Tendo dojo any longer. [By the end of the Manga Ryoga is
a
better candidate for Ranma's best friend than Ukyo.]
This is the MOST common mistake that I see made with post 38 fics.
Ryouga (while still carrying a torch for Akane.) HAS given up on her.
He
DIDN"T beat Ranma up at the wedding for trying to marry Akane. He did
it
for the WATER, or losing it, and failing to marry her. Ryouga, is
quite
possibly Ranma's best friend as pointed out (Esp with Ukyo tossing
bombs.)
(In Fact, Ryouga didn't show up until the madness was WELL under way.
In
fact, Ryogua MIGHT help Ranma out with trying to have a date with
Akane.)
####
My opinion of Ryouga is that his heart changes easily. If given the
chance to be with Akane, he would take it. In the manga, when Ryouga
sent a letter to Akane to say that he was home alone sick or
something. Akane and Ranma visit, but Akari also shows up. He played
with them both. One moment, he would be with Akari, and the next, he
was with Akane. Ranma even dressed as a maid and he didn't see it.
####
After school, Ranma quickly grabbed Akane and jumped out of the
window
to avoid the crowd and any suitors who might want to talk to him.
After some distant away from the school, he lowered Akane and
walked
beside her.
"Akane, I have gotta take care of something. I'll meet with you
at
home later ok?"
You should use 'I've' instead of 'I have' this just looks akward.
"Where are you going?" "You better not be going to the other
fianc�es!" she thought darkly.
"Just somewhere. I'll tell you about it later. Bye" Ranma
quickly
leaped away before she asked anymore question.
"Ranma, wait." She shouted at the retreating form. <Baka. You
could
at least asked me to come along. Baka.>
As soon as Ranma left Akane, he ducked around the corner to make
sure
no one was following him. When he was certain, he ran to the
shopping
district.
Scanning through the display case, he gapes at the price. <It's a
good thing Mom gave me money to spend. I can't believe how much
she
gave me though. I never expected Mom to have this much. She gave
me
like it was nothing. Oh well, I can't really complain about it.
It's
really handy in this case. Now to find that gift.> He spent
three
hours finding the right gift.
Put quotes around "the right gift." other wise it looks like you're
just
repeating yourself instead of using it for emphasis.
"Umm. you. l..look very cute," he stuttered rather than what he
meant
to say "beyond cute is more like it. Gorgeous." Ranma was
blushing
big time.
Should have stopped at 'very cute." its way out of character for a
nervous Ranma to say that much, perhaps have him think it? Akane's
reaction should still be the same.
I can see both. Ranma DOES have a tendancy to say what he thinks,
without
editing, esp under situations where he is stressed or nervous.
###
Ok, Ranma asked her out and he doesn't want it ruing, especially now.
###
Akane was confused by the serious look in Ranma's eyes. She
didn't
know if she should be scare or jumping with joy. So she just
nodded.
He looked away from her and stared along the river, while only
holding
one of her hand. "Akane, you know that the time I'd spent with you
and
the Tendo's were the longest time ever spent in one place. It's
the
first time I can call a place home. It's strange that after
traveling
for ten years, I finally have a home."
<No, he can't. He's going to leave me. He just can't. I don't
want
him to go. Please, Ranma, don't leave.>
Actually Ranma took it worse than Akane, he spent most of his time
moping around the house because he missed her. Even with his
feelings
towards his mother it's unlikely he'd leave without her agreeing to
go
with him first.
Very true. Nodoka WOULD expect him to go, but since Genma ripped
Ranma away
before Nodoka could "brainwash" Ranma into obeying her every command.
(Surpise, Japanese males do lean towards this. Go check out UY)
He gulped before continuing. "A-Akane, w-will.will you marry me?"
Ranma asked almost choking on his own tongue. That was the
hardest
thing he had ever done. He had played his moment thousands times
in
thousands of different possibilities. He had done everything he
could
and was at the end of his courage. Everything up to this moment
depends on one word. He desperately wants to hear the word from
her.
He prayed that he didn't make a mistake.
Cute but effective, they are already engaged after all so it's a bit
unessesary.
Ranma's NEVER shown to "protest" Marrying Akane, as much as protesting
being
FORCED to marry her. He's ALSO shown that he IS willing to give her
up.
I think he WOULD ask her to marry him, as a way of making sure that's
what
SHE wants.
####
I agree. This engage is important to both of them. It's something
they're doing willingly and not under pressure from other people.
It's their choice.
####
"I love you, Ranma. I love you so much!" she said happily.
"I love you, too," he whispered in her ear.
I'll say it again, even if they did finally admit their love for
each
other, Ranma and Akane are getting along far to well, move slower
and
pace things so they aren't at this level for a few chapters.
Disagree here. 37/38 was a MAJOR shock to R/A.
(Akane's wised up a lot.)
"I know. I don't think I can either. I love you too much to stay
away. That's why I stayed the first time. That's also why I want
you
to come with me."
This is good, It'd be interesting to see what Nodoka has for them,
she
is just as bad as the men about getting Ranma and Akane together.
She
actually wonders why he isn't already sleeping with her. A little
prodding from the Saotome woman could make Akane very nervous and
cautious of Ranma.
Then again, depends on what view of Akane you use. IF you use the
anger is
her repression of her sex drive, and a LOT of her reasons to be angry
are
gone, Nodoka would be wondering why AKANE int. "phyiscal" relations.
###
Will be seen in future chapters.
###
Akane froze at the last request. She couldn't help but laughed at
her
herself for jumping to conclusion.
'Conclusions', you should pre read these a little more carefully, I
spotted several such errors in this fic; fortunately I'm more
interested
in content than grammar.
Amen, some of your alpha stuff was very bad, but since I'm horrible
too...
###
Ok, I do have trouble with grammars.
###
"First, we need to take care of the Amazon. They're the most
dangerous and persistent. I need to go on a training trip this
summer
to prepare myself. I might end up be fighting the Old Ghoul and I
don
't want to take any chances and I'll win 'course," he smirked at
the
last statement.
Incharacter for Ranma, but he still doesn't have much of a chance
against Cologne, despite beating Saffron she still runs circles
around
him as far as pure skill goes. He'd have to get pretty worked up to
do
much and a summer long training trip probably won't be enough. I'd
assume
he knew this as well, he might just be blowing steam now though.
Skill, mabye. Colonge by this point ISN'T going to WANT to tangle
with
Ranma. Raw power, Ranma execls in. Plus he's as fast, and stronger.
If he
can get her staff away from her, she's sol. Note that Cologne just
came
along for the ride in 38.
###
This will be seen in chapter 3.
###
She decided to allow him a moment of ego but will remind him if it
got
too inflated. "Can I come also?"
Also in character, Ranma's responce is a little to insiteful for
him,
but I see you've made him much smarter. Hopefully you'll exsplain
why
this is in another chapter.
He looked at her sadly, "I'm sorry Akane, but I can't take you.
If I
do, they'll become suspicious and come looking."
"But."
Ranma lifted her chin so he could see her eyes. "Please Akane, I
need
to do this. Don't worry, we still have a month before summer. I
want
to train you during that time. That way, you will be able to
defend
yourself against Shampoo."
"You're really going to train me?" she asked suspiciously.
"Yep. I'll train you so good, you'll wipe the floor with her."
"I can hardly wait," she snickered at the thought of seeing
Shampoo's
face begging her.
This is a bad thing, have you forgotten about the kiss of death?
Shampoo
gave Ranma much more trouble when she was trying to kill him than
when
she was trying to date him. Ranma actually feared for his life and
ran
away.
Shampoo's not that much of a fool. She saw what ranma did to Saffron.
Wait, then again, she is. Ooops. (Which makes my Reiko fic, much much
more
plausible.)
####
Ranma ran away from Shampoo when the kiss of death was in affect
because he doesn't want to hurt her or kill her. Ranma is a lot
better than Shampoo and could easily kill her if he wanted to, but
won't because she's a girl. When Shampoo tried to kill Akane, Ranma
interfere immediately.
###
"There's something else. Before I leave, I'm going to pick a
fight
with you."
"Huh? W-What do you mean?" she asked slightly confused by the
comment.
"I need to make them believe that I'm leaving you for good. I'm
not
of course," he quickly added. "But, I need them to believe that
we
broke up. Even if our fathers end the engagement, we are still
legally engaged since I did asked you to marry me and you did say
yes."
Legally engaged? As far as I know there are no laws concerning this
unless it's arranged.
"And you're my favorite hentai. What about your Mom?" she said
through her giggles.
"Oh, everything has been taken care of. She said everything will
be
ready when we move in."
"You mean, you had this planned out," she said unbelievingly.
"How
did you know I was going to say yes?"
He shrugged his shoulder. "I didn't really, I was only hoping you
did."
You should have Ranma tell his mother about this after she says yes.
It
should be noted that the only reason Genma lives with the Tendos is
the
fact that he's affraid for his life [He shouldn't be any longer] and
his
home was destroyed. So you really can't keep this a secret for very
long
after Ranma returns home after his trip.
Also think about this, if Ranma is gone a while, both Shampoo and
Ukyo
would go after him hoping to take advantage of the fight. Both girls
can
track him also, they found Ranma when he went to Nerima despite the
fact
that even he didn't know he was going there.
She gave Ranma a nudge on his rib. "I've been hoping you ask me
for
the last six month."
"would ask"
He laughed nervously, "I'm sorry I took so long. Here, let me
make
it
up to you."
"Oh, how?" she asked with a devious smile.
Ranma took out another gift.
"I want you to have this."
Akane gathered the gift with shaking hands and opened it slowly.
Inside there was a silver necklace.
"R-Ranma, I can't accept this. You've given me so much already."
"Akane, don't worry about that. I want you to have it. It's also
good for hiding the ring until we move out."
"Hide the ring?"
"Yes, our fathers and the suitors?" he reminded her.
"Oh!" She continued in sad voice, "I wish I didn't have to. I
want
so much to run around shouting that you're my fianc�e and future
husband."
An unlikely senario, Akane would be embarassed and most likely keep
quiet about it until they found out through other means. Ranma is
also
far to confident considering the context of the conversation. He
should
act nervous and basically be a bluttering idiot.
####
If Akane showed the ring, it would show that Ranma chose her and that
she won.
###
"I know, but we really need to keep this quiet until everything is
taken care of. It also means that on occasion, I'll insult to
you."
"I guess you're right. That's ok, I'll just hit you for them,"
She
said while giggling.
"Heh? Just don't hit too hard ok?" He frowned at the aspect of
seeing
her mallet up close and personal. He knew it really hurt when she
hitted him, but they had to keep this a secret.
Akane doesn't use a mallet that often [It's mostly in fan fiction,
usually she just kicks or punches him.] and both martial artist can
easily pull punches and keep up the context of fighting without
hurting
Ranma.
Ranma if he knows it's coming can roll with it also. (Akane's nailed
him
from BEHIND a lot.)
Ranma removed the ring and slid it on the necklace. He then
brushed
away some of the hair to place the necklace on Akane.
Akane has long hair again? Why? When? How?!!
Well, it is neck length.
While behind
Akane, he wrapped his arms around her shoulders and kissed the top
of
her head. "I love you."
"I love you, too."
It had been the perfect night. The date went without
interruptions.
They were officially engage. Also, one of the most important
phrase
tonight seemed to role from their tongue with greater ease. It
still
felt a little strange to say them, but they would never stop
saying
it
to one another.
"We better head back."
"I guess so."
Ranma and Akane walk back holding hands until they reached the
gate.
Before entering, Akane quickly gave Ranma a peck on the lip.
"I could get use to this," he thought wishfully. "Baka otemba!"
He
gave the shocked Akane a wink before running into the dojo.
Akane realized what Ranma was doing and ran after shouting.
"Ranma no baka! Get back here you hentai and take your
punishment."
Call me your queen! [insert image of leather dominatrix Akane.]
Go read C. Jones. It's more of a dual dominatrix relationship... (runs
and
hides :-) )
Part of Akane wished Ranma could spend the night with her.
This I argee on.
Ranma? I guess he really is a pervert then, or perhaps he knows how
Akane would react to this?
For the rest of the month, Ranma and Akane continued to play act
their
fights. The only unusual thing was Akane spending more time with
her
friends after school. At least she said she was. Most people
thought
she was trying to stay away from Ranma. Which suited everyone
just
fine, especially their suitors.
Genma and Soun would pitch a fit and do anything they could to make
them
get along again.
However, Ranma had also been
disappearing after school for long period of time. He usually
came
home for dinner while other time he wasn't home till bedtime.
Most
of
the time, Ranma and Akane came home fighting while other time
Akane
came home alone fuming, irritated, angry, or disgusted.
Things don't appear any diffrent than normal, are you trying to make
it
sound worse?
###
The more they fight, the safer Akane would be. When she tried to
marry him, they brought bombs and sword. As long as they're not
getting along, Akane would be safe..
###
For the most part, Ranma and Akane have been training after
school.
Though Akane did spend sometime with her friends, it was only for
a
short period. The rest of the time she was training. During
their
training, Ranma sent Akane through a various technique to improve
her
speed, stamina, strength, and power. One thing that had been
consistent in their routine was every night, Ranma would entered
Akane
's room via the window and gave her goodnight kisses which always
lasted several minutes.
Though their acting were fooling a lot of people, Nabiki becane
suspicious after only a week. Ranma and Akane decided to talk to
her.
They might need her help later on, after all.
[Flashback]
It had been a week since the night Ranma proposed to Akane.
Though
they try to make their acting as convincing as possible, tricking
Nabiki was still difficult.
Ranma sat on Akane's bed and held her on his lap. "We need to
talk
to
Nabiki. If she sells any information about us, it will get nasty
and
I don't want you to get hurt."
"I can take care of myself," she said in an irritated voice.
After years of jamming his foot in his mouth, he had learned
considerable control. "I know you can, but you're not ready to
face
both Shampoo. You should do fine against Ukyou, but Shampoo has a
lot
more experience. Even though she hadn't been practicing, she is
still
dangerous. I need to make sure that you can beat her hands down.
But
if they work together, you would have a hard time."
I've never seen any indication that Shampoo doesn't still practice,
and
she and Ukyo are an even match. Shampoo fights her to a draw a few
times
in both the anime and the manga. Akane wouldn't have a prayer
against
both of them. However, it's unlikely that Ukyo would do anything to
hurt
Akane, despite their rivalry the two appear to get along well and
are
friends. One of Akane's biggest frustrations is the fact that they
are
both better than she is at almost everything. It's unlikely that a
few
weeks of training, even with Ranma will change that.
Ranma knows both of their style. Ukyo could very easy lose to Akane
if
Akane could keep it up close and personal. (Ie well within the
reach... if
she could get rid of the BFS, and stay tight, Ukyo's going down.)
Ranma
could teach her eng. to at least hold her own vs. them (Akane is
skilled at
fighting groups, and is a VERY good weapon user.)
####
Given enough time, Ranma could train Akane to defeat Ryouga. He has a
talent for learning new techniques very quickly like the Umisen ken.
###
"I guess you're right," she sighed in defeat.
"Let's go talk to Nabiki."
Ranma prepared to get up, but Akane stopped him. "Ranma, I think
it's
best that I talk to her alone."
"Ok."
Akane entered her sister room and closes the door behind her.
"Nabiki, we need to talk."
Sitting up from her bed, she asked, "Oh, about what?"
"Sis, I need you to not sell any information you find on me and
Ranma,
please."
"And why not?"
"Because of this." She pulled out the necklace and showed Nabiki
the
ring hanging inside.
"You mean to tell me that Ranma proposed to you and you didn't
tell
me?" Nabiki asked while staring at the ring.
"Yes," she said with a large smile as she quickly plays the night
over
again.
"You know how much money I could have made with this kind of
information to the right people!"
An out of character reaction from Nabiki, she might exploit Akane
but
she still is very protective of her little sister. She wouldn't do
anything to her she didn't think the girl could handle.
Iffy. But, on the whole, I argee.
"And if I refuse?"
"Then I will no longer call you my sister."
"You can't be serious," stuttered the shocked Nabiki.
"Yes, I am! I love you sis, but if you come in between Ranma and
me
I
will choose Ranma. He means everything to me and I will not loose
him. He's trying to fix the problems with the fianc�es. Though
it's
not all of his fault for the situation created by his worthless
father, he is trying to correct it. If you sell out on us, you'll
not
only put him in danger, but me as well. You know what the others
are
capable of. If they knew he has chosen me, they would become more
desperate and who knows what they will do. So, I ask you again,
will
you keep this quiet?"
A way over the top responce by Akane, she wouldn't go that far. At
least
I don't think so, it's more likely she'd threaten to take back some
of
her borrowed belongings or threaten her in a more physical manner.
Sparring session in the Dojo.
####
Sparring session would be nice, but I wanted the extreme just to
stress the point how far Akane would go.
###
"I'm not sure. He said something about having the Kunos
committed.
But he's not sure what to do with Ukyou. He asked Auntie Saotome
for
suggestions. I think Auntie will be helping when it comes to
that."
"Now, when is the wedding?"
"As soon as we rid of the suitors. Ranma wants to wait till we
graduated at least," she said with a hint of disappointment.
"You're really moving?"
"Yes. I'm going to miss everyone here, but."
"You're going to miss him even more. Don't worry, I understand.
I'm
going to miss you too."
"Thanks sis. There's something we want to ask you."
"Go right ahead."
"Well, it has to do with Amazons and the Kuno. Ranma wanted your
help
in drafting a legal document that will prevent the Amazons from
harming us and press charges against the Kuno if they try
anything.
The Amazons are the more important one. When Ranma leaves to go
train, we have to make sure to miss lead everyone.
It's unlikely, a better option would be their imigration status, but
even then why not just have this done a long time ago? Cologne most
likely has this covered, and I doubt if they could prove anything to
the
autorities if they tried.
Err. Wrong. Colonge/Shamps/ Mousse are Chinese. If Nabiki goes to a
court
and says they are harrasing me. Bye bye. (Japan is VERY racist.) For
this,
no quesiton, Nabs has SO many ways to get them to go away.
If Ryoga shows
up,
we have to ask him to stay and help. I could tell he's pretty
jealous
of Ryoga even after I told him not to be. He would agree only if
I
don't let P-chan sleep in my room." Akane shakes her head.
That sentece about P-chan sounds weird, re-write it in a diffrent
way.
"I know
he's jealous, but of P-chan!? Sometime, I think he's
overprotective
of me."
Does Akane know about P-chan? This last part makes it seem that way.
"Would you prefer that he wasn't?"
"Well, part of me gets frustrated at the thought, but I know he
just
wants me to be safe and that he only does it because he loves me.
I
can't blame him. Though it's strange, I agreed not to let P-chan
sleep with me."
Akane would most likely act indignant about it and force Ranma to
answer
"Why not?" he would probably give up and avoid the answer somehow.
Ryoga
isn't really a problem anymore anyway, it's unlikely they see
'P-chan'
any more unless Ryoga can't help it somehow.
To the letter here. Ryouga rather sleep with Akari by this point ;-)
###
I don't know. If he saw there was a chance to be with Akane, he would
go for it.
###
"Back to the legal document."
"I'm not entirely sure what Ranma wants on it, but he said he'll
talk
to you after me."
"Well, get him in here so we can get started."
"Thanks you sis."
"Consider it your wedding gift in advance."
Akane quickly left and returned later with Ranma.
"Well Ranma, you're certainly full of surprises."
"Er.. Thanks Nabiki."
This is way too smart for Ranma, perhaps he's just repeating what
his
mother suggested? Even then it's a bit much, Nodoka is a cluts and
doesn't appear to be any smarter than her son. That doesn't mean
she's
dumb either, she suspects that Ranko is Ranma almost from the start.
[At
one point she tries to turn him back into his male form by hitting
him
over the head with a tea kettle.]
Err. Here's the second gitch about Ranma that tends to bother me, a
lot.
Ranma's NAVIE, not STUPID. Do you think someone gets that good at the
art
by not having brainpower? Ranma's WHOLE life was the Art (as preached
by
Genma) before he hit Nerima. He's still clueless about a lot of
things, but
if he treats this situation as a fight, he's quite capable of figuring
something out.
"That's not a problem. My Mom has contacts in the government. I
didn
't know until I talked to her about it two weeks ago. She said
that
she can have it done within a day if needed. She also has friends
in
the police department and other agencies. It seem that my Mom
side
of
the family comes from very high rank officials."
It's possible, but unlikely. Ranma's house wasn't that great. While
hardly street trash, the Saotomes are probably just as poor, if not
poorer than theTendos. Perhaps have her working as a secretary or
something for some imortant people to support herself while waiting
for
her family to come back instead?
Not really, In some ways, Nodoka's standard is VERY hard to peg.
(I've seen
VERY rich people living in a one room aparment, in Japan.) It's a lot
more
likey that Nodoka has the contacts, due to family, not money. (Status
rich,
cash poor...)
####
Like I said, there's little info on Nodoka's past or her side of the
family. Given it's Genma she married, I doubt her family would be
willing to give that much to them and more likely to keep as much
under Nodoka's name as possible. Also, they could have it where Ranma
inherites everything when he marries.
###
"Really?" Nabiki asked gleaming.
I could see her liking this though.
*nods*
"Don't worry little brother. I'll let you know how much you have
left
and you can withdraw any amount from that."
"Only if I get 30% of what ever profit you make from the money
left
over."
You're making Ranma smarter as this fic goes on, I certainly hope
you
have some sort of exsplination besides 'he was just acting dumb.'
Err... how about he FINALLY wised up? (Sorry, 37-38 could quite
finally have
him THINK for once.)
####
Ranma has been through a lot, whether it was his personal adventure to
find a cure or to rescues Akane. But the last adventure shook him up,
at least I believe it would. In none of the other time did Akane came
close to dying as she did at Phoenix Mountain.
###
"It's Ukyou." Ranma could see the slight twitch of the eyebrow
when
he
said the name. He reached out and brought her on his lap and held
her. "Akane, you don't have to be jealous of her. I don't love
her
the same way I love you."
"I know, Ranma. It's just that sometime I'm just scare of loosing
you."
'losing' the fact that Ranma is a girl half the time makes this
funny
though.
*Shrugs* She's shown not to really care about the curse.
Ranma planted a firm passionate kiss on her lips. "Akane, I'm
more
scared of loosing you than anything."
Heh heh, you're afraid of whating her? heh heh.
"That Ukyou can be my mistress and concubine," he said quietly.
Akane sat there in silent for a moment and then shouted, "WHAT?
AND
YOU AGREED?"
"NO! 'Course not," he denied hotly.
"What else?" she asked dangerously.
Very IC for Nodoka. Perhaps Genma intentionally engaged Ranma so
often
for this very reason...
Act, I could see this, esp. if the "misspelling" of Saotome was a play
on
the act. status of the clan.
"Mom and I also talked about adopting Ukyou into the family. It
will
satisfy her honor and is the best option. I-I just hope she takes
it.
If she accepts the offer, she might be living with Mom and us.
Will
that be ok with you?"
Ukyo isn't likely to take this news well. She might use it to get
closer
to Ranma, but why? She can't really marry him if she's a Saotome.
Most
likely she'll refuse and demand that he marry her instead.
Err... wrong. about 50-70% of the time, esp in the older days, that
was the
predlue for a wedding. In fact, the way family names are changed is
by the
following, the one who is taking the "name" (Ie, if Akane marries into
the
Saotome clan) will be adopted before (time is not quite the hassle
here,
though if a woman is marrying into a man's family, usually short.
Males,
longer) the wedding. Unlike US/Western rules.
(Right now, I think "adoption" of a "mature" child is only done for
marriage
reasons. (Could be wrong, offhand.)
####
We'll see all of this mess when Ranma returns in chp3 to sort it out.
####
"I-I don't know. It'll be strange, but I think we can manage.
You
know that she might try to use that closeness to get in between
us."
Sighed, "I know. But it won't work. We.we will be sleeping
together
by then.." Ranma blushed deep red.
"Yeah, we would," she blushed and then stopped. "W-What do you
mean
by that? We wouldn't be marry by then." Her eyes widen and her
face
turned crimson red, easily matching Ranma's red silk shirt.
'married' and Akane should hurt Ranma in some physical way here.
It's
unlikely that either one of them plans to do anything until after
the
wedding anyway.
As stated before, there is plenty of proof to suggest that Akane is
quite
willing to have Ranma before the Wedding, once he makes his choice.
Blushing deeply, "Umm. you see, Mom thinks that, er, since we're
officially engaged. W-W-We can d-do
whateverwewantedincludingthat,"
he explained.
It's a matter that neither of them want to right now, Genma and Soun
would both love to see it happen; they even encourage it at times
openly.
Ranma would be afraid to bring it up even if he did want to.
*Nods* Here it is RANMA doesn't want to. AKane just might. (esp if
she
KNOWS for a fact that she'll have Ranma for sure.)
Go read a Lord Archive fic for the families reaction! (Call a
minister!)
That's about the only reason why Akane would hold back, if she doesn't
want
to be married the next day, but since she's shown that SHE WANTS to be
married, and soon... SHe might do it just to get caught.
####
Ok, it was Nodoka's suggestion, not Ranma. He wouldn't say it on his
own.
####
It took a moment before she realized what Ranma had said in the
jumble
sentence and blushed very deeply. <Ranma and me sharing the same
room. That means we will be sharing the same bed and ..Oh
Kami-sama.>
If possible, she began to radiate such intense heat that it could
have
mistaken for a nuclear meltdown.
Just so you know, it's not possible.
;-) in the Ranma verse?
###
LOL.
###
"Since you put it that way, I guess it would be ok. At least we
will
be getting away from all the craziness," she said softly, refusing
to
look at Ranma.
Akane's reaction is way OOC, Ranma would be wondering why he isn't
dead
yet right about now.
Questionable. Akane's had a month of total shocks to her system,
capped by
Ranma telling her that he loves her? Quite possible.
####
the scene could have gone either way.
####
Glad for the change in topic, he said, "That's true, but I heard
that
Juuban has their share of strangeness as well."
"Huh? What do you mean?" asks the confused Akane.
"I saw a few news report while I was with Mom about group of girls
fighting monsters and stuff. I think they're just exaggerating
the
whole thing," he said absently. It wasn't long before his knew
jerk
reaction kicked in, "Of course who would believe that a bunch of
girls
fighting monsters. I mean, what could a bunch of clumsy we...."
'we'? Wemmin? That thair sure is rite.
"RANMA!" she growled and began to glow a different shade of red.
Ranma laughed nervously and decided it was best to shut up. It
was
one of his best decision he made tonight.
Akane continued to glare at him for a moment longer before
settling
down next to him. After a while, she decided it was best to
continue
on with other topic.
"Ranma, if there are such things as monsters, I want you to
promise
me
something," she said quietly.
"Heh?" he said after realizing it was safe again.
Akane turned and looked at Ranma with concern and fear in her
eyes.
"Ranma, promise me you won't go around fighting those monsters.
Please, promise me."
Akane asking this? The girl who ran off to Ryugenzawa by herself? No
freaking way. Ranma would most likely bring that incident up and
several
others, such as Pantsuto Taro, Herb, and Saffron.
Yup. Unless she fears that by Ranma doing this, he;d bring MORE
madness to
the show, and that IS IC for Akane. (She's been shown to want a more
normal
life.)
####
I agree. They have been through a lot, and now that their
relationship is finally going some where, I doubt they would be
willing to loose the other. Still, they're martial arts and would
help those in need, especially Ranma. Even Akane went to look for
Shinnosuke even though it was so long ago.
####
"Ok, Akane. I promise I won't go looking for monsters to fight,
but
if they attack us then I won't hold back. Or if they attack
someone
while I'm there and I don't see anyone around to help, then I'll
fight. Will that be ok?"
"I guess it will have to do. Just come back to me safely. We
been
through a lot together and I don't want to loose you. If that
ever
happens, I don't .."
Akane has stated on several occasions that it's a martial artists
duty
to protect the weak, it's unlikely she'd make Ranma give her such a
promise.
See above comment, It's likey that she would just want Ranma NOT to
LOOK for
it.
Akane wanted to stay angry at Ranma for taking so long to decide,
but
with him kissing her like this, all her anger, frustration,
irritation, or any other negative emotions she might have had at
the
time just melted aways.
After some time, they released and looked at each other smiling.
"How's that for an answer?" Ranma asked smugly.
"Hmm..maybe you should answer like that more often, love." Akane
smiled when she saw Ranma flinched. "Just kidding, love."
*'Love' huh? I like that. Two can play this game.* "As you
wish,
dear," he replied with a goofy grin.
Ouch, I think I'm getting a tooth ache, this is more of a case of
"How I
think Ranma and Akane should act instead of how they really would."
Then again, after 38 who knows the amount the pair has changed.
Akane's smile grew even more, if that was possible, when she heard
Ranma called her 'dear'. She gave him another kiss for the
compliment. Reluctantly, they pulled away some time later.
"I better leave."
"I wish you didn't," she responded sadly. Then she had an idea.
"Umm.. Ranma, maybe you can come back in after everyone's asleep.
You
know, just so we can spend a night together."
He face faulted when the words dawn on him. He asked nervously.
"Y-You really want me to?"
"Y-Yes, I do. We just have to be careful though." She felt her
capillaries working on overdrives.
"Er.About what?"
She eyed him for his lack of knowledge concerning the obvious.
"Baka.
I meant that we shouldn't get carry away with.. You know, our
passion," she said in a very sheepish manner while still ruby
red.
After a moment, Ranma realized what Akane was referring to and ran
through several shades of red from head to toes. His knee became
weak
and collapsed on the floor. His eyes widen in realization.
"O-Oh,
that," Ranma replied sheepishly.
"Y-Yes that," Akane turned even redder, if that's even possible.
"umm.O-Ok, w-we'll just.just have to be..be. careful," Ranma
stuttered the whole way.
"I-I'll s-see you later. then."
"B-Bye."
Later that night, Ranma crept back into Akane's room through the
window. Akane was lying in bed fully awake when Ranma arrived.
He
walked stiffly over to the bed and Akane moved over so Ranma could
slip in. Both were pretty nervous at the situation. Neither
really
knew what to do or how to act. After a little while, Akane
cuddled
herself against a shocked Ranma. Once Ranma recovered, he wrapped
his
arms around her and drew her closer.
"G-Goodnight, love."
"G-Goodnight, dear"
Meanwhile Genma and Soun peered through a crack in the doorway with
tears in their eyes. "We'll have the wedding tomorrow morning!" they
cried happily as they ran down the stairs to get drunk.
Ranma wouldn't risk it, especially in a house full of martial
artists.
*NODS* THIS is the reaction!
####
ok, I might need to expand this scene a little. They're trying to
keep their relationship a secret!
####
Moments later, both fell asleep with each dreaming about the
other.
Early the next morning, Akane woke to the numbness of her left
arm.
She tried to remove, but felt something heavy pinning it down.
She
then realized that her pillow was moving in an up and down motion.
"That's strange," she thought. Though it wasn't soft like her
pillow,
it was incredibly comfortable and relaxing. Straining to open her
eyes, she saw a blur of someone in bed with her. She immediately
recoiled causing the person to be thrown off the bed. She blinks
a
few times to focus. She then heard a moan on the floor where the
person landed. <Some pervert was sleeping in my bed! How dare
he?>
Quickly, she pulled her trusty Mallet over her head as she
prepared
to
bash whoever it was.
"Ummm.. Akane, the next time you decide to wake me up, could you
do
it
more softly?" Ranma groaned.
"What do you think you're doing pervert? Sneaking in my room that
way!"
bam! pow! What if one of the parents came in to wake them up? Or
even
Kasumi?
####
"Oh my," Kasumi said softly. "Ranma-kun, next time, please keep it a
little more quiet." :)
####
Soon Akane joined the others at the table. She sat very close to
Ranma. It was really hard controlling herself. Several times,
she
wanted nothing more than to hold Ranma in her arms or even feel
his
soft lips. Soon they made their way to school. Once there, they
did
they best to act their part. It became harder every day. She
recalled numerous instances where they stole kisses at school
while
no
one was watching. They had to spend lunch in different places so
others would not find them. Lately, they spent most of their time
on
the roof or the tower.
Both of which are places where they are not only not allowed to go,
but
places Ukyo and Shampoo would probably look for them, especially if
they
suspected something.
###
It's questionable. Whether they can go or not doesn't really matter.
###
The rest of the fic is plauged with the same problems, I'm assuming
that
you only know of the last volumes through the mailing list here.
It's a
good story and has some good ideas in it, but it needs a lot of
cleaning
up and some major work if you want it to work the way you seem to
want it
to go.
The biggest flaws are Ranma and Akane's WAFFYness, and Ryoga's
characterization in the fic. With a little tweaking and the reading
of a
few Synopses you should be on track. [Which can be easily found on
the
web BTW. I don't have an adress available or I'd send it along with
this.]
I think I remember reading this before, it was good then and it
still is
now. You've got a good story here, especially if this is what I
think it
is. Hopefully you can make it even better this time.
Ja!
####
Whew.. that was a long one. I hope that answers some of your
questions and comments. I also think some of the comments were
repeated in other replies so hopefully, the above covers them.
Any comments regarding a fight between Ranma and Cologne will be
answers in chapter 3. Anything regarding Ranma's training is still
unknow at this time. I started plotting a side story to cover the gap
between chapter 1 and 3, but still not sure if it's necessary. I
could always cover some of the training in later chapter as part of
the story. At this time, I'm still not sure.
If you still further comments, let me know.
X-ile
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