[SCENE: Study. WRITERSUBI is frantically searching, CODERSUBI is at
the PC, MUSICSUBI is sprawled on the sofa listening to the Beastie
Boys' "Hello Nasty" at ear-bleeding volume. ARTSUBI enters.]
CoverSubi: Get the teabags?
ArtSubi: Yeah. What's the wordmeister doing?
WriterSubi: I'm looking for the disk I put File 0.3 of the Burn-Up W
5MT on. I can't find the bugger! And I'm already a day late!
ArtSubi: Can't you remember where you put it?
WriterSubi: I looked there.
CoderSubi: Least this gives me a chance to get on with the EVA:R
screensaver. Hmmm... hardware T&L...
WriterSubi: I can't remember what I wrote!
ArtSubi: Look, it's _painfully_ obvious where it is.
WriterSubi: Where? WHERE?!
[ARTSUBI hauls MUSICSUBI up from his recumbent position, slaps him hard
on the back. Bits of floppy disk pop out of his mouth.]
ArtSubi: There y'go.
WriterSubi: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!
CoderSubi: Calm down, give it here. Yeah, the round black bit.
[CODERSUBI gets out a magnifying glass and looks at the surface of the
mangled disk with it.]
CoderSubi: Ah! Here we go... offset 0x00002348. Right. [opens a hex
editor and starts typing.] 0D, 0A, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20...
WriterSubi: This could take a while...
.
.
.
%%%%%
% %
.=%%%%%=.
=%/' % '\%=
- -- --- .%%' % % '%%. ------------------------------------- -- -
___ %% ___ % % %% ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ __ ___
|__ |\ %/|__ %|\/|||\%|| | | |__ | |__||__ /\ | |__)|__
| | \/%|___ | |||%\||_/| | |___ | | ||___/--\ | | \|___
%% %%
- -- --- '%% %%' ---------- P R E S E N T S -
=%\. ./%=
^=%%%%%=^
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Burn-Up W belongs to AIC/MRC, and they HAVEN'T said I can do this.
Be nice and don't tell them. Cheers!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subi: If I see that Princess Minerva trailer at the front of ONE MORE
ADV tape I will... take steps.
Matt Greenfield: Oooh, I'm _so_ scared.
Subi: Shut up and go update your UK website. Be warned, I have the
same persecution complex as every other UK anime fan. And hurry up
and give us Bakaretsu Hunter, we know you're only holding it back to
piss us off.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
5 MINUTE THEATRE PRESENTS : BURN-UP W
File 0.3: Policetown Assault
Original screenplay: Katsuhiko Kochiba & Sumio Uetake Parody: Subi
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Rio: HAH! Bet you thought Japanese used underwear shops were a fan
myth, didn't you? I still don't believe the one about the vending
machines though...
Shop Owner: Are you _sure_ you're a schoolgirl? Of course, we're
calling them "high school students" here to be more acceptable to a
Western audience.
Rio: Me a cute Catholic girl. Money. Give. Now. See?
Shop Owner: Never seen a student with a peach of a pair like that.
Rio: You'd _better_ be talking about my panties. Hi Yuji. YUJI?!
Yuji: Ah. Yes folks, it's true. All Japanese men are sick perverts
who should be eradicated right now like the rabid animals they are.
You're not going to accept anything I offer as an excuse, are you?
Rio: No. You're making a mockery of the anime fan argument that Japan
is actually a deeply cultural society. This is gonna be worse than
the Overfiend debacle. But you can make amends by stopping those
repo men. I _promise_ to go out with you if you do.
Yuji: I can't understand why I let the twin domes of her body's temple
talk me into doing something unpleasant for her _again_.
Repo Men: Because, like all anime fans, you keep your brain in your
boxers. Let's get ready to rumble!
Yuji: This was a _bad_ idea.
Maya: Yeah, shooting at people is a much better one. Run in this
direction Yuji, I'll stop 'em! *URRRP* Shit, I'm turning into Homer
Simpson. Americana, DOH!
Lilica: The stupid thing is, _I'd_ give her the money if she asked. No
Daddy, decommissioned ex-Soviet bloc space hardware is just _so_ last
season.
Rio: Huh... huh... huh... huh... must... find... friend... to...
sponge... off...
Chisato: I'm a sucker for hard-luck cases. I even let Rio keep a
spare toothbrush in the bathroom.
Rio: And I pay her back by teasing her about her love life. Who do
_you_ think gets the better part of the deal?
Chisato: I wonder if I should be worried about the fact that I'm a
friend of one of the main characters and am being introduced in the
third episode? Wait... have I got "cannon fodder" tattooed across my
forehead? Nah, this isn't Bubblegum Crisis.
Priss Asagiri: All my friends are dead! WAAAAAH!
Virtual Drug Syndicate Boss: Back in the plot I've just discovered that
one of my minions has let the police get their hands on one of those
headsets. Throw him to the mad scientists, boys.
Henchman: She's wearing her sunglasses indoors again, so any violence
will be purely psychological. No blood. Yet.
VDS Boss: And we've got a police official on our side. Are we evil or
what?
Lilica: I wouldn't worry too much about us having one of the headsets,
we can't do squat with the kit we've got. Told you I wasn't a real
anime computer expert. You're right Chisato, this _isn't_ Bubblegum
Crisis, Nene Romanova would've cracked this hours ago.
VDS Boss: Don't care, I like to play safe. Dance my puppets!
Henchman: She thinks she's Gendo Ikari already. The Evangelion homage
was _last_ episode.
Mad MSFS Supervisor: Hmmm... Who to kill... Eeny meeny miny mo...
*BANG*
The Entire Police Force: Get him! *PIG-PILE*
Chisato: I _knew_ I was dogmeat. Light-hearted ecchi comedy my butt.
Rio: All my friends are dead! WAAAAAH!
Yuji: So this isn't a good time for a gag about your spectacular milk
bar then? *THWACK* OW!
Maki: Okay, what I really want to hear now is some answers, instead I
get a load of technobabble about mind control and "endomorphins".
I'm sure they actually mean endorphins, but I'm not a scientist, so I
can't argue. What is it Yuji?
Yuji: Run! We're being invaded by terrorists!
Maya: Hang on, _we're_ the anti-terrorist squad.
Yuji: ...oh yeah.
Maya: How'd they get in? Did the cleaner leave the impregnable anti-
assault shields open again or something?
Maki: I'm doing what I do best, leaping to conclusions. There's a
traitor.
Everyone: A traitor? *GASP* Shock horror!
Lilica: They're coming here! Police work isn't a game anymore! What
do we do Maki?
Maki: We fight, or run. Shall we toss a coin?
Maya: Heads we fight, tails we don't run. If it lands on the edge we
do it naked.
Rio: I'M STRESSED OUT AND OVERWROUGHT WITH GRIEF! LETS KILL THE
MOTHERFUCKING COCKSUCKING SHIT-EATING SCUMBAGS!!!
Maki: Wow, depth of character. I'll take that as a vote for "heads"
then.
Rio: IF WE RUN WE'VE NO RIGHT TO CALL OURSELVES WARRIORS!
Maki: Okay, okay. I get the general drift of your feelings on the
subject. What _does_ WARRIOR stand for anyway?
Rio: RETRIBUTION!
Lilica: Cute hackers!
Maya: Big guns!
Nanvel: Big robots!
Yuji: Big ti- *THWACK* OW!
Maki: Yuji, this is _not_ the time.
Yuji: I was just trying to offset this episode's lack of fan service.
And we've had hardly any breast euphemisms either.
Maki: All right, go on then. Get it off your chest.
Nanvel: Haha! Chest! Good one... *COUGH*
Yuji: Okay, here goes. (deep breath) Amapuas, apples, babloos, bags,
bajongas, ballasts, balloons, bamboochas, bazooms/bazoomas, bazongas,
beauts, blubbers, bombs, bongos, boobs/boobies, boobulars, bosom, bra
busters, breastworks, bristols, bubs/bubbies, buckets, bullets, bust,
cans, cantaloupes, chestnuts, chupas, cones, cups, dairy farm,
diddies, Dolly's, droopers, dugs, endowed, eyes/brown eyes/big brown
eyes, flapjacks, flops tetutas, fried eggs, funbags, garbonzas,
gazungas, glands, globes, grapes, growths, guns, hands, jugs, juts
(Korean), kajoobies, kettledrums, knobs/nobs, knockers, lemons,
lungs, mams, melons/honeydew melons/watermelons, milk bottles,
milkers, mounds, nacks, nards, nenes, nugs, opai (Japanese), oranges,
orbs, the Peak District, pillows, pimples, plates, pumps, raisins,
teacups, teats, tits/titties, thruppenny bits, tonsils, top heavy,
torpedoes, twins, warts (derog.) and udders. (breathe out) I think
that'll do before the violence commences next episode.
Rio: _He's_ supposed to be my love interest? Oh FUCK.
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subi@mono211.com
http://www.geocities.com/SiliconValley/Orchard/4834/
[end]