The Fanfic.
A SI shortfic by Carrot Glace.
Carrot lit a cigarette as he sat lazily in his car waiting for his
friend to come out of the store, a few moments later Dan appeared with an
arm load of beer and various other impurities meant to be consumed by the
both of them in an evening of anime watching. He started his car and
smiled as the thunder rolled in the distance.
"Hey, let's drive around in dangerous conditions," said Dan casually as
he lit his own cigarette and pulled the Katana he had hanging off the gun
rack in the back window of the 1979 Pinto.
"Yea, maybe our car will be struck by lightening and explode, sending us
into an adventure when we get sent to a magical anime world with super
powered martial arts abilities implanted into our bodies by unexplained
means." Carrot started the car and drove off into the storm. He casually
flicked his cigarette butt out the window.
Unbeknownst to him, [but knownst to us.] a small trail of flames started
that lead to the gas pumps causing them to explode in a great ball of
fire. The car was caught in the blast and pieces were sent in every
direction, but strangely no bodies were ever found from the wreckage.
"Wow! That was even cooler than the time we used a blender to transport
ourselves to Bubble Gum Crisis!" exclaimed Dan as he dusted himself off.
Except he didn't look like himself any more. He was a grossly muscular
man in shadow black armor, he was also about six-three and weighed about
three hundred pounds. "Come on, I haven't seduced Shampoo since the last
time we did this."
"That was last week," reminded Carrot calmly as he stood up from his own
spot. "Besides, it's my turn to seduce Shampoo, you can have Akane this
time."
"Aww, man. She's to rough, how about Ukyo?" whined the boy pathetically.
"Suit yourself," said Carrot with a shrug. He was also much more
muscular; he was wearing a Ryoga style-traveling outfit and had light
green hair now.
"Which way is the Tendo Dojo from here anyway?" asked Dan as he searched
around to get his bearings.
"I think it's this way, we can fly there if you want," Dan looked at
Carrot's clothes and grabbed his arm pulling him in the other direction.
"I wanna outsmart Nabiki this time, you always do it!" said the boy as
he looked down at Carrot with a small frown.
"Fine, be that way, as long as I get to beat up Ranma this time!" said
Carrot calmly.
"I thought we weren't going to fix everyone's problems this time, you
know, just be your average Ranma character who isn't really better than
everyone else. That's all the rage now," Replied the hulking boy as he
slung Carrot over his shoulder and started walking.
"I'm tired of taking it like a puss, I wanna beat the crap out of
everyone for once!" the boy frowned and slapped his friend on the back.
"Put me down, I ain't crippled!"
The pair continued walking through Nerima and Dan stopped in mid stride.
"Hey, if this takes a while where are we going to stay?"
"The Tendo dojo of course, we'll just come up with some flimsy sob story
and they'll let us stay with them. You know that. 'Oh, Ranma stole my
honor', or 'Akane hit me!' We could even go with 'I'm weak alone and lost
with no where to stay! Please take pity on me!' If nothing else Akane
will probably offer to let us stay."
"Yea, I knew that," said Dan with a small frown.
"Aren't you supposed to be a super powered ninja or something?" asked
Carrot.
"Yea, pretty cool huh?"
"Not really, stop sulking and try to look intimidating! How else are we
supposed to make Cologne afraid of us?" Carrot slapped his companion on
the back of his head and the ninja stood tall and crossed his arms as he
walked down the middle of the street. Most of the residents ignored him
though.
"Where to start? Furinkan or The Dojo?" Dan looked back and fourth as
they found the crossroad that would lead to either one.
"Let's go to the Dojo, I've had enough school this year," commented
Carrot.
"We graduated three years ago Carrot," said Dan in confusion.
"Yea, I know."
The pair walked up to the gates of the Tendo Dojo and looked at the
sign. "Well, here we are, let's go!"
"Hey!" cried an angry voice; the pair turned to see an overweight man
dressed in a Chinese silk shirt glaring at them.
"What is it?" asked Dan looking annoyed.
"The line starts back there buddy!" the fat man pointed over his
shoulder to reveal a long line of people that stretched all the way back
to Dr. Tofu's clinic. Many of them were dressed in street clothes, but
just as many were wearing everything from martial arts dogi's to spandex.
"What the hell is this?" asked Carrot.
"This is the line for Ranma 1/2 fanfiction!" snorted the man.
"Oh," said the boy looking surprised.
Nabiki appeared over the wall of the dojo and pulled out a megaphone.
"Due to extreme demand we are forced to limit all of your stories down to
five minute Spam fics today. Please be patient and have your entry fee
ready when you reach the gate so we can get everyone through today."
Dan and Carrot stared at the spectacle in a sort of dazed shock. "But
today is my day off! I've got all day to write with! That'll leave me
with hours of free time!"
Nabiki looked at him and shrugged. "Sorry buddy."
The pair looked at her and shrugged before walking away from the line
towards the Ucchan. "Let's get something to eat and go some where else."
The found the restaurant and found a line that was just as long, but
another much shorter line for patrons. "Hey, fanfic authors are in that
line!" cried an incredibly cute looking girl from inside the door.
"Hey Konatsu, we aren't here to write, we just want to eat before we
leave," said Carrot calmly.
"The lines too much for you?" asked the ninja as she recognized him, but
not so much as to remember his name. He was a regular there, but usually
with the other group.
"Yea, we're off for greener pastures today, this one's about been
trampled," sighed the boy.
"I understand that sugar," said Ukyo with a sigh as she flipped an
Okonomiyaki in front of the pair.
"How about a Slayers fic?" asked Carrot as he looked towards his
companion.
"Sailor Moon has a few babes in it," offered Dan with a shrug. Slayers is
cool, but it has a relatively low babe factor.
"You're right about that one, but Sailor Moon is likely to be crowded
too, maybe Magic Knight Rayearth?" said Carrot with a sigh.
"Eww, dude, those chicks are like fourteen!" said Dan as he almost
choked on his Okonomiyaki.
"Sailor Moon isn't much better, or Ranma for that matter," rationalized
the boy with a shrug.
"True," sighed the boy as he agreed. "Hey, how about Bubble Gum Crisis,
it'll be busy, but not too crowded!"]
"Sounds good, we are there dude!" agreed Carrot happily. "It'll be nice
to sleep with someone around our own age for once too."
"Hey, I get mine!" retorted Dan angrily.
"Yea right, fan-boy," said Carrot with a small snort. "Let's go."
The pair walked out of the Ucchan leaving enough money to cover the
check and tip Konatsu. After that they dramatically vanished into the
sunset.
The End.
Hee hee, that was naughty.
C&C to Carrotglace@juno.com