Hoo boy, this is obviously a new fic writer's work, so I'll be gentle...
You've got some pretty good ideas here and your execution is ok, most of
the problems in this fic root from out of character problems or things
that happened in the manga that you are obviously not aware of.
snip
It was a typical day in Nerima. It's had been two weeks since the
failed wedding fiasco of Ranma and Akane. Even after the incident,
the insanity in Ranma life continued to plaque him like nothing
happened. The Saotome's home have been repair and Nodoka returned to
live there while Ranma remained here with his fiance, meaning Akane.
Genma said he had to stay there to make sure Ranma stayed fit and not
loose his edge. Again, Nodoka was left to live at the Saotome's
house
by herself.
No evidence was ever given that Nodoka or Genma were even thinking about
fixing the Saotome home; Why bother when the Dojo will belong to Ranma
after he marries Akane. In retrospect your not so subtle hints about
Nodoka's financial status do help this part of the story a bit.
Ranma lied on the rooftop of the dojo thinking about the day events.
His mother came over to see her son and spent the day with him. He
noticed how happy she was and he was just as happy to see her. After
being away for so long, it was good to be with her. In the
beginning,
it was a little awkward since he didn't know how to interact with his
mother. Not only that, his only contact with her was 'Ranko' and she
always tried to make him more 'lady-like. <I'm so glad I was able to
tell her the truth about my curse. Even better, yet, was when she
accepted my curse and still called me her son. It felt like a large
weight had been lifted off my chest. Still, there are times when I'm
scared to be with her. I don't want to live with this fear when I'm
with her. I don't ever want to be afraid of my own mother. But
how?>
Even after his mother's discovery of Ranma's curse, he still lives in
fear of the woman because any indication that he is less than manly would
mean Seppuku, the contract is still in effect.
Ranma clasped his hands behind his head and stared upward at the
stars
as if expecting an answer. <The school year is almost over and only
another year left till graduation. I could transfer to the high
school in Juuban and live with my mom for the last year. If I did
that, what would Akane say? How would she react to it? I really
want
to spend more time with my mom, but I don't really want to leave
Akane. Listen to me talk about Akane like I love her or something.
Oh man. What am I saying? I know I love her. I've known that for
at
least a year now. Too bad I'm such a coward I can't to tell her. If
I'm going to stay with mom, I need to tell her or I might loose her.
The latter is not an option. Now, how do I break the news to her? I
could ask her out and tell her, but then the others will interrupt
and
everything will be in chaos. I hate to do this, but I'm going to
need
Nabiki's helps.> Ranma shuddered slightly at the thought.
This is fairly good, Ranma stays pretty close to IC in this scene. The
thought of inlisting Nabiki's help isn't such a bad thing, he's done it a
few times in the past. They seem to have a fairly good relationship
between them in the manga. The time she became his fiancee is a pretty
good example of this, just look at the scenes before Nabiki nabs him and
that's probably a good example of how they normally get along.
Standing outside the door of one of the Tendo's sisters, Ranma
straightened his posture and took a long deep breath. <It's been a
week since I've decided to ask Akane out and get help from Nabiki. I
knew that she is a mercenary and extremely good at it. I've been
replaying the conversation in my head over and over again till it
hurts. It's strange to stand here and prepare myself for battle and
knows I'm outwitted. There's not any physical fights I can't handle,
but when it came to verbal or planning, I'm outclassed. Just think,
'soul of ice.'>
Slowly knocking on the door, Ranma called out "Nabiki?" with an
attempt to make his voice manly but ended with a squeak.
"Come in," echoed from inside the room.
Slowly, Ranma entered the room and closed the door behind. He noted
the calculating face and even heard the grinding of gears already
turning before the door even closed. Ranma had little doubt she
already knew what he was going to ask and was only waiting to strike
at a moment notice. He took one last deep breath and prepared for
battle.
"Soul of Ice," he whispered the mantra in his head.
"Well Ranma, what is it? I don't have all night you know?" she
grinned.
"Nabiki, I, er, need your help," Ranma demanded quietly.
She blinked once. "I'm sorry, Ranma. But could you repeat that
again?
I didn't quite hear that right."
<Stay calm. She's just teasing me. It's best to play along.> "I
said, I need your help," he repeated.
"Alright, where's the hidden camera?"
Why the comment? Nabiki would jump on this like a starving chipmunk on
the last acorn on earth. Her plans are relatively simplistic and she
doesn't appear to think things through all the way like this when she
makes plans. The Nabiki as Ranma's fiancee story line is a good example
of this. [I.E. she doesn't expect Shampoo to attack her. "If Nabiki dead
Ranma date for free."
<snip>
******
Early the next morning, the same routine replayed itself like any
other school day. It began with Ranma and Genma sparring in the
dojo,
breakfast, and Akane running to school with Ranma in tow.
By lunchtime, Ranma became very nervous. For the first time an
awfully long time, he didn't fall asleep in class. All morning long,
he had glanced over at Akane while she wasn't looking, at least he
thought she wasn't. For the umpteenth time this morning, he peaked
at
the clock and sighed in relief. <It's almost lunch time.>
Akane was surprised to say the least. All day, Ranma had been nice
to
her and haven't insulted her. At first, she thought it was strange
and that Ranma was up to something. She quickly dismissed the idea
and to gave him a chance. She likes this Ranma.
Akane should be worried he's done something wrong, this has happened a
few times before...
The bell rang indicating class was over and time for lunch. Ranma
ran
out of the room, grabbed his lunch box and went outside looking for
Akane.
Akane sat the by a tree where they usually sat for lunch, he made his
approach quietly. Ranma sat down next to her and proceeded with his
lunch. He had a hard time eating and placed his lunch aside, and
turned to look at Akane.
"Umm.Akane?" his voice shook as he asked.
"Yes, Ranma?" She looked up from her lunch, slightly annoyed. When
she noticed that Ranma didn't finish his lunch, her expression turned
to concern.
"Can you come with me for a little bit?" He asked nervously.
"Well, I guess so," Akane said after closing her lunchbox. Getting
up
she followed after Ranma up to the roof of the school.
Akane saw Ranma scanning the area and became suspicious. "Ranma, why
did you bring me up here?"
Ranma looked back at Akane, but didn't look at her face. Instead, he
stared at the ground, "Well.."
Her eyes narrowed as she placed her hands on her hip. "You're not
going to try something perverted are you?"
Pretty IC for Akane there.
"No!" Ranma shouted as his face shot upward to face Akane. Quickly
looking around to see if anyone had heard and sighed with relief when
he didn't. "No, ain't nothing like that," Ranma continued. Pausing
for a few moments to gather his courage, "I just
wannaaskyououtonadate," he blurted.
Akane blinked once. "Can you repeat that again?" Akane asked. She
thought she heard the words 'wanna', 'ask', and 'date' in a single
sentence. However, she had to make sure before getting her hopes up.
This was Ranma, and anything was possible. For all she knew, he
could
be asking to borrow a book or something.
Ruined again, Akane would jump to conclusions imediately. She very
rarely thinks things through, and when she does she ends up scaring
herself because of her warped perception of Ranma. He's a pervert in her
mind after all. Perhaps the events in Jusendo mellowed her a little, but
I doubt it would be this much. The manga states that they still don't get
along well, it's just not as bad any more.
Ranma knew this was going to be difficult. It was worst than
fighting
Saffron. "I just wannaask you out for tonight."
Akane's eyes shot wide and round like giant saucers. She wasn't sure
if she was dreaming this conversation or not. She quickly pinched
herself. <Ok, I'm not dreaming. That meant Ranma did asked me out.
Does he really mean that?> "Do you really mean that?" she asked
suspiciously, but held her breath.
"Y...Yeah." Ranma replied weakly.
<Kami-sama. Ranma really asked me out on a date> She released her
breath as her heart jumped with joy. She felt the smile reaching
from
ear to ear. Since the fail wedding and Ranma's denial of him telling
her he loved her, she had been waiting for him to make his move. To
say it was frustrating was like saying Mt. Fuji was just a hill. To
have him actually asking her on a date on his owns free will was like
a miracle come true. She quickly moved closer to Ranma and took his
hands in hers and saw his eyes focus on hers. She knew that once she
looked into his pale blue eyes, she would loose herself. It's one of
the things she loves about him.
Not hearing Akane a reply, he was beginning to doubt himself and his
heart began to sink. "Yeah. That is if you wanna go."
She gave him the sweetest smile she could muster and whispered in his
ear. "Of course I want to go."
Akane would most likely try to turn the phrase around and make Ranma
answer, but that's relatively minor. I could see this happening.
"R-Really?" Ranma asked as he jerks his head back in surprise.
"Yes. Now why don't we finish our lunch up here before class
starts,"
Akane said sweetly.
"S-Sure."
Both Akane and Ranma finished their lunch while exchanging small
talk.
In order to keep up the pretence that nothing was going on Ranma would
most likely return to his group of friends, especially if you're making
him smart in this fic. Especially since Ukyo attends Furinkan, you should
add in how he destracted her and Shampoo away, both girls visit him
during lunch almost every day according to most cannon.
*****
Later that afternoon, Nabiki was busy with her plans to keep the
suitors occupy. She had gotten Kuno order a lot of ramen from the
Nekohanten thinking that it would make his two 'loves' jealous.
Which, coincidentally kept Shampoo very busy.
How much time could it take to get a big order of Ramen to the Kuno
mansion? Think of something else, like having Mousse become angry with
him for toying with Shampoo's feelings.
She enlisted Mousse
help to make sure Kodochi would not interfere.
This is good, it's very likely that Mousse would help Nabiki out with
this.
As for Ukyou, she
just
asked Kunatsu to keep Ukyou busy for the few hours. He happily
obliged.
'Konatsu' and incidentally Konatsu isn't his family name, it's Kunoichi.
All that left was Ryouga. It was hard to track him, and
since he hadn't been around for a week, she could only try to catch
him first and kept him busy. That was an easy task in all aspect.
Why? Ryoga has given up on Akane and is relatively friendly with Ranma
by this point, he's got Akari and it's unlikely he spends too much time
around the Tendo dojo any longer. [By the end of the Manga Ryoga is a
better candidate for Ranma's best friend than Ukyo.]
After school, Ranma quickly grabbed Akane and jumped out of the
window
to avoid the crowd and any suitors who might want to talk to him.
After some distant away from the school, he lowered Akane and walked
beside her.
"Akane, I have gotta take care of something. I'll meet with you at
home later ok?"
You should use 'I've' instead of 'I have' this just looks akward.
"Where are you going?" "You better not be going to the other
fianc�es!" she thought darkly.
"Just somewhere. I'll tell you about it later. Bye" Ranma quickly
leaped away before she asked anymore question.
"Ranma, wait." She shouted at the retreating form. <Baka. You could
at least asked me to come along. Baka.>
As soon as Ranma left Akane, he ducked around the corner to make sure
no one was following him. When he was certain, he ran to the
shopping
district.
Scanning through the display case, he gapes at the price. <It's a
good thing Mom gave me money to spend. I can't believe how much she
gave me though. I never expected Mom to have this much. She gave me
like it was nothing. Oh well, I can't really complain about it.
It's
really handy in this case. Now to find that gift.> He spent three
hours finding the right gift.
Put quotes around "the right gift." other wise it looks like you're just
repeating yourself instead of using it for emphasis.
"Umm. you. l..look very cute," he stuttered rather than what he meant
to say "beyond cute is more like it. Gorgeous." Ranma was blushing
big time.
Should have stopped at 'very cute." its way out of character for a
nervous Ranma to say that much, perhaps have him think it? Akane's
reaction should still be the same.
Akane was confused by the serious look in Ranma's eyes. She didn't
know if she should be scare or jumping with joy. So she just nodded.
He looked away from her and stared along the river, while only
holding
one of her hand. "Akane, you know that the time I'd spent with you
and
the Tendo's were the longest time ever spent in one place. It's the
first time I can call a place home. It's strange that after
traveling
for ten years, I finally have a home."
<No, he can't. He's going to leave me. He just can't. I don't want
him to go. Please, Ranma, don't leave.>
Actually Ranma took it worse than Akane, he spent most of his time
moping around the house because he missed her. Even with his feelings
towards his mother it's unlikely he'd leave without her agreeing to go
with him first.
He gulped before continuing. "A-Akane, w-will.will you marry me?"
Ranma asked almost choking on his own tongue. That was the hardest
thing he had ever done. He had played his moment thousands times in
thousands of different possibilities. He had done everything he
could
and was at the end of his courage. Everything up to this moment
depends on one word. He desperately wants to hear the word from her.
He prayed that he didn't make a mistake.
Cute but effective, they are already engaged after all so it's a bit
unessesary.
"I love you, Ranma. I love you so much!" she said happily.
"I love you, too," he whispered in her ear.
I'll say it again, even if they did finally admit their love for each
other, Ranma and Akane are getting along far to well, move slower and
pace things so they aren't at this level for a few chapters.
"I know. I don't think I can either. I love you too much to stay
away. That's why I stayed the first time. That's also why I want
you
to come with me."
This is good, It'd be interesting to see what Nodoka has for them, she
is just as bad as the men about getting Ranma and Akane together. She
actually wonders why he isn't already sleeping with her. A little
prodding from the Saotome woman could make Akane very nervous and
cautious of Ranma.
Akane froze at the last request. She couldn't help but laughed at
her
herself for jumping to conclusion.
'Conclusions', you should pre read these a little more carefully, I
spotted several such errors in this fic; fortunately I'm more interested
in content than grammar.
"First, we need to take care of the Amazon. They're the most
dangerous and persistent. I need to go on a training trip this
summer
to prepare myself. I might end up be fighting the Old Ghoul and I
don
't want to take any chances and I'll win 'course," he smirked at the
last statement.
Incharacter for Ranma, but he still doesn't have much of a chance
against Cologne, despite beating Saffron she still runs circles around
him as far as pure skill goes. He'd have to get pretty worked up to do
much and a summer long training trip probably won't be enough. I'd assume
he knew this as well, he might just be blowing steam now though.
She decided to allow him a moment of ego but will remind him if it
got
too inflated. "Can I come also?"
Also in character, Ranma's responce is a little to insiteful for him,
but I see you've made him much smarter. Hopefully you'll exsplain why
this is in another chapter.
He looked at her sadly, "I'm sorry Akane, but I can't take you. If I
do, they'll become suspicious and come looking."
"But."
Ranma lifted her chin so he could see her eyes. "Please Akane, I
need
to do this. Don't worry, we still have a month before summer. I
want
to train you during that time. That way, you will be able to defend
yourself against Shampoo."
"You're really going to train me?" she asked suspiciously.
"Yep. I'll train you so good, you'll wipe the floor with her."
"I can hardly wait," she snickered at the thought of seeing Shampoo's
face begging her.
This is a bad thing, have you forgotten about the kiss of death? Shampoo
gave Ranma much more trouble when she was trying to kill him than when
she was trying to date him. Ranma actually feared for his life and ran
away.
"There's something else. Before I leave, I'm going to pick a fight
with you."
"Huh? W-What do you mean?" she asked slightly confused by the
comment.
"I need to make them believe that I'm leaving you for good. I'm not
of course," he quickly added. "But, I need them to believe that we
broke up. Even if our fathers end the engagement, we are still
legally engaged since I did asked you to marry me and you did say
yes."
Legally engaged? As far as I know there are no laws concerning this
unless it's arranged.
"And you're my favorite hentai. What about your Mom?" she said
through her giggles.
"Oh, everything has been taken care of. She said everything will be
ready when we move in."
"You mean, you had this planned out," she said unbelievingly. "How
did you know I was going to say yes?"
He shrugged his shoulder. "I didn't really, I was only hoping you
did."
You should have Ranma tell his mother about this after she says yes. It
should be noted that the only reason Genma lives with the Tendos is the
fact that he's affraid for his life [He shouldn't be any longer] and his
home was destroyed. So you really can't keep this a secret for very long
after Ranma returns home after his trip.
Also think about this, if Ranma is gone a while, both Shampoo and Ukyo
would go after him hoping to take advantage of the fight. Both girls can
track him also, they found Ranma when he went to Nerima despite the fact
that even he didn't know he was going there.
She gave Ranma a nudge on his rib. "I've been hoping you ask me for
the last six month."
"would ask"
He laughed nervously, "I'm sorry I took so long. Here, let me make
it
up to you."
"Oh, how?" she asked with a devious smile.
Ranma took out another gift.
"I want you to have this."
Akane gathered the gift with shaking hands and opened it slowly.
Inside there was a silver necklace.
"R-Ranma, I can't accept this. You've given me so much already."
"Akane, don't worry about that. I want you to have it. It's also
good for hiding the ring until we move out."
"Hide the ring?"
"Yes, our fathers and the suitors?" he reminded her.
"Oh!" She continued in sad voice, "I wish I didn't have to. I want
so much to run around shouting that you're my fianc�e and future
husband."
An unlikely senario, Akane would be embarassed and most likely keep
quiet about it until they found out through other means. Ranma is also
far to confident considering the context of the conversation. He should
act nervous and basically be a bluttering idiot.
"I know, but we really need to keep this quiet until everything is
taken care of. It also means that on occasion, I'll insult to you."
"I guess you're right. That's ok, I'll just hit you for them," She
said while giggling.
"Heh? Just don't hit too hard ok?" He frowned at the aspect of seeing
her mallet up close and personal. He knew it really hurt when she
hitted him, but they had to keep this a secret.
Akane doesn't use a mallet that often [It's mostly in fan fiction,
usually she just kicks or punches him.] and both martial artist can
easily pull punches and keep up the context of fighting without hurting
Ranma.
Ranma removed the ring and slid it on the necklace. He then brushed
away some of the hair to place the necklace on Akane.
Akane has long hair again? Why? When? How?!!
While behind
Akane, he wrapped his arms around her shoulders and kissed the top of
her head. "I love you."
"I love you, too."
It had been the perfect night. The date went without interruptions.
They were officially engage. Also, one of the most important phrase
tonight seemed to role from their tongue with greater ease. It still
felt a little strange to say them, but they would never stop saying
it
to one another.
"We better head back."
"I guess so."
Ranma and Akane walk back holding hands until they reached the gate.
Before entering, Akane quickly gave Ranma a peck on the lip.
"I could get use to this," he thought wishfully. "Baka otemba!" He
gave the shocked Akane a wink before running into the dojo.
Akane realized what Ranma was doing and ran after shouting.
"Ranma no baka! Get back here you hentai and take your punishment."
Call me your queen! [insert image of leather dominatrix Akane.]
Part of Akane wished Ranma could spend the night with her.
Ranma? I guess he really is a pervert then, or perhaps he knows how
Akane would react to this?
For the rest of the month, Ranma and Akane continued to play act
their
fights. The only unusual thing was Akane spending more time with her
friends after school. At least she said she was. Most people
thought
she was trying to stay away from Ranma. Which suited everyone just
fine, especially their suitors.
Genma and Soun would pitch a fit and do anything they could to make them
get along again.
However, Ranma had also been
disappearing after school for long period of time. He usually came
home for dinner while other time he wasn't home till bedtime. Most
of
the time, Ranma and Akane came home fighting while other time Akane
came home alone fuming, irritated, angry, or disgusted.
Things don't appear any diffrent than normal, are you trying to make it
sound worse?
For the most part, Ranma and Akane have been training after school.
Though Akane did spend sometime with her friends, it was only for a
short period. The rest of the time she was training. During their
training, Ranma sent Akane through a various technique to improve her
speed, stamina, strength, and power. One thing that had been
consistent in their routine was every night, Ranma would entered
Akane
's room via the window and gave her goodnight kisses which always
lasted several minutes.
Though their acting were fooling a lot of people, Nabiki becane
suspicious after only a week. Ranma and Akane decided to talk to
her.
They might need her help later on, after all.
[Flashback]
It had been a week since the night Ranma proposed to Akane. Though
they try to make their acting as convincing as possible, tricking
Nabiki was still difficult.
Ranma sat on Akane's bed and held her on his lap. "We need to talk
to
Nabiki. If she sells any information about us, it will get nasty and
I don't want you to get hurt."
"I can take care of myself," she said in an irritated voice.
After years of jamming his foot in his mouth, he had learned
considerable control. "I know you can, but you're not ready to face
both Shampoo. You should do fine against Ukyou, but Shampoo has a
lot
more experience. Even though she hadn't been practicing, she is
still
dangerous. I need to make sure that you can beat her hands down.
But
if they work together, you would have a hard time."
I've never seen any indication that Shampoo doesn't still practice, and
she and Ukyo are an even match. Shampoo fights her to a draw a few times
in both the anime and the manga. Akane wouldn't have a prayer against
both of them. However, it's unlikely that Ukyo would do anything to hurt
Akane, despite their rivalry the two appear to get along well and are
friends. One of Akane's biggest frustrations is the fact that they are
both better than she is at almost everything. It's unlikely that a few
weeks of training, even with Ranma will change that.
"I guess you're right," she sighed in defeat.
"Let's go talk to Nabiki."
Ranma prepared to get up, but Akane stopped him. "Ranma, I think
it's
best that I talk to her alone."
"Ok."
Akane entered her sister room and closes the door behind her.
"Nabiki, we need to talk."
Sitting up from her bed, she asked, "Oh, about what?"
"Sis, I need you to not sell any information you find on me and
Ranma,
please."
"And why not?"
"Because of this." She pulled out the necklace and showed Nabiki the
ring hanging inside.
"You mean to tell me that Ranma proposed to you and you didn't tell
me?" Nabiki asked while staring at the ring.
"Yes," she said with a large smile as she quickly plays the night
over
again.
"You know how much money I could have made with this kind of
information to the right people!"
An out of character reaction from Nabiki, she might exploit Akane but
she still is very protective of her little sister. She wouldn't do
anything to her she didn't think the girl could handle.
"And if I refuse?"
"Then I will no longer call you my sister."
"You can't be serious," stuttered the shocked Nabiki.
"Yes, I am! I love you sis, but if you come in between Ranma and me
I
will choose Ranma. He means everything to me and I will not loose
him. He's trying to fix the problems with the fianc�es. Though it's
not all of his fault for the situation created by his worthless
father, he is trying to correct it. If you sell out on us, you'll
not
only put him in danger, but me as well. You know what the others are
capable of. If they knew he has chosen me, they would become more
desperate and who knows what they will do. So, I ask you again, will
you keep this quiet?"
A way over the top responce by Akane, she wouldn't go that far. At least
I don't think so, it's more likely she'd threaten to take back some of
her borrowed belongings or threaten her in a more physical manner.
"I'm not sure. He said something about having the Kunos committed.
But he's not sure what to do with Ukyou. He asked Auntie Saotome for
suggestions. I think Auntie will be helping when it comes to that."
"Now, when is the wedding?"
"As soon as we rid of the suitors. Ranma wants to wait till we
graduated at least," she said with a hint of disappointment.
"You're really moving?"
"Yes. I'm going to miss everyone here, but."
"You're going to miss him even more. Don't worry, I understand. I'm
going to miss you too."
"Thanks sis. There's something we want to ask you."
"Go right ahead."
"Well, it has to do with Amazons and the Kuno. Ranma wanted your
help
in drafting a legal document that will prevent the Amazons from
harming us and press charges against the Kuno if they try anything.
The Amazons are the more important one. When Ranma leaves to go
train, we have to make sure to miss lead everyone.
It's unlikely, a better option would be their imigration status, but
even then why not just have this done a long time ago? Cologne most
likely has this covered, and I doubt if they could prove anything to the
autorities if they tried.
If Ryoga shows
up,
we have to ask him to stay and help. I could tell he's pretty
jealous
of Ryoga even after I told him not to be. He would agree only if I
don't let P-chan sleep in my room." Akane shakes her head.
That sentece about P-chan sounds weird, re-write it in a diffrent way.
"I know
he's jealous, but of P-chan!? Sometime, I think he's overprotective
of me."
Does Akane know about P-chan? This last part makes it seem that way.
"Would you prefer that he wasn't?"
"Well, part of me gets frustrated at the thought, but I know he just
wants me to be safe and that he only does it because he loves me. I
can't blame him. Though it's strange, I agreed not to let P-chan
sleep with me."
Akane would most likely act indignant about it and force Ranma to answer
"Why not?" he would probably give up and avoid the answer somehow. Ryoga
isn't really a problem anymore anyway, it's unlikely they see 'P-chan'
any more unless Ryoga can't help it somehow.
"Back to the legal document."
"I'm not entirely sure what Ranma wants on it, but he said he'll talk
to you after me."
"Well, get him in here so we can get started."
"Thanks you sis."
"Consider it your wedding gift in advance."
Akane quickly left and returned later with Ranma.
"Well Ranma, you're certainly full of surprises."
"Er.. Thanks Nabiki."
This is way too smart for Ranma, perhaps he's just repeating what his
mother suggested? Even then it's a bit much, Nodoka is a cluts and
doesn't appear to be any smarter than her son. That doesn't mean she's
dumb either, she suspects that Ranko is Ranma almost from the start. [At
one point she tries to turn him back into his male form by hitting him
over the head with a tea kettle.]
"That's not a problem. My Mom has contacts in the government. I
didn
't know until I talked to her about it two weeks ago. She said that
she can have it done within a day if needed. She also has friends in
the police department and other agencies. It seem that my Mom side
of
the family comes from very high rank officials."
It's possible, but unlikely. Ranma's house wasn't that great. While
hardly street trash, the Saotomes are probably just as poor, if not
poorer than theTendos. Perhaps have her working as a secretary or
something for some imortant people to support herself while waiting for
her family to come back instead?
"Really?" Nabiki asked gleaming.
I could see her liking this though.
"Don't worry little brother. I'll let you know how much you have
left
and you can withdraw any amount from that."
"Only if I get 30% of what ever profit you make from the money left
over."
You're making Ranma smarter as this fic goes on, I certainly hope you
have some sort of exsplination besides 'he was just acting dumb.'
"It's Ukyou." Ranma could see the slight twitch of the eyebrow when
he
said the name. He reached out and brought her on his lap and held
her. "Akane, you don't have to be jealous of her. I don't love her
the same way I love you."
"I know, Ranma. It's just that sometime I'm just scare of loosing
you."
'losing' the fact that Ranma is a girl half the time makes this funny
though.
Ranma planted a firm passionate kiss on her lips. "Akane, I'm more
scared of loosing you than anything."
Heh heh, you're afraid of whating her? heh heh.
"That Ukyou can be my mistress and concubine," he said quietly.
Akane sat there in silent for a moment and then shouted, "WHAT? AND
YOU AGREED?"
"NO! 'Course not," he denied hotly.
"What else?" she asked dangerously.
Very IC for Nodoka. Perhaps Genma intentionally engaged Ranma so often
for this very reason...
"Mom and I also talked about adopting Ukyou into the family. It will
satisfy her honor and is the best option. I-I just hope she takes it.
If she accepts the offer, she might be living with Mom and us. Will
that be ok with you?"
Ukyo isn't likely to take this news well. She might use it to get closer
to Ranma, but why? She can't really marry him if she's a Saotome. Most
likely she'll refuse and demand that he marry her instead.
"I-I don't know. It'll be strange, but I think we can manage. You
know that she might try to use that closeness to get in between us."
Sighed, "I know. But it won't work. We.we will be sleeping together
by then.." Ranma blushed deep red.
"Yeah, we would," she blushed and then stopped. "W-What do you mean
by that? We wouldn't be marry by then." Her eyes widen and her face
turned crimson red, easily matching Ranma's red silk shirt.
'married' and Akane should hurt Ranma in some physical way here. It's
unlikely that either one of them plans to do anything until after the
wedding anyway.
Blushing deeply, "Umm. you see, Mom thinks that, er, since we're
officially engaged. W-W-We can d-do whateverwewantedincludingthat,"
he explained.
It's a matter that neither of them want to right now, Genma and Soun
would both love to see it happen; they even encourage it at times openly.
Ranma would be afraid to bring it up even if he did want to.
It took a moment before she realized what Ranma had said in the
jumble
sentence and blushed very deeply. <Ranma and me sharing the same
room. That means we will be sharing the same bed and ..Oh
Kami-sama.>
If possible, she began to radiate such intense heat that it could
have
mistaken for a nuclear meltdown.
Just so you know, it's not possible.
"Since you put it that way, I guess it would be ok. At least we will
be getting away from all the craziness," she said softly, refusing to
look at Ranma.
Akane's reaction is way OOC, Ranma would be wondering why he isn't dead
yet right about now.
Glad for the change in topic, he said, "That's true, but I heard that
Juuban has their share of strangeness as well."
"Huh? What do you mean?" asks the confused Akane.
"I saw a few news report while I was with Mom about group of girls
fighting monsters and stuff. I think they're just exaggerating the
whole thing," he said absently. It wasn't long before his knew jerk
reaction kicked in, "Of course who would believe that a bunch of
girls
fighting monsters. I mean, what could a bunch of clumsy we...."
'we'? Wemmin? That thair sure is rite.
"RANMA!" she growled and began to glow a different shade of red.
Ranma laughed nervously and decided it was best to shut up. It was
one of his best decision he made tonight.
Akane continued to glare at him for a moment longer before settling
down next to him. After a while, she decided it was best to continue
on with other topic.
"Ranma, if there are such things as monsters, I want you to promise
me
something," she said quietly.
"Heh?" he said after realizing it was safe again.
Akane turned and looked at Ranma with concern and fear in her eyes.
"Ranma, promise me you won't go around fighting those monsters.
Please, promise me."
Akane asking this? The girl who ran off to Ryugenzawa by herself? No
freaking way. Ranma would most likely bring that incident up and several
others, such as Pantsuto Taro, Herb, and Saffron.
"Ok, Akane. I promise I won't go looking for monsters to fight, but
if they attack us then I won't hold back. Or if they attack someone
while I'm there and I don't see anyone around to help, then I'll
fight. Will that be ok?"
"I guess it will have to do. Just come back to me safely. We been
through a lot together and I don't want to loose you. If that ever
happens, I don't .."
Akane has stated on several occasions that it's a martial artists duty
to protect the weak, it's unlikely she'd make Ranma give her such a
promise.
Akane wanted to stay angry at Ranma for taking so long to decide, but
with him kissing her like this, all her anger, frustration,
irritation, or any other negative emotions she might have had at the
time just melted aways.
After some time, they released and looked at each other smiling.
"How's that for an answer?" Ranma asked smugly.
"Hmm..maybe you should answer like that more often, love." Akane
smiled when she saw Ranma flinched. "Just kidding, love."
*'Love' huh? I like that. Two can play this game.* "As you wish,
dear," he replied with a goofy grin.
Ouch, I think I'm getting a tooth ache, this is more of a case of "How I
think Ranma and Akane should act instead of how they really would."
Akane's smile grew even more, if that was possible, when she heard
Ranma called her 'dear'. She gave him another kiss for the
compliment. Reluctantly, they pulled away some time later.
"I better leave."
"I wish you didn't," she responded sadly. Then she had an idea.
"Umm.. Ranma, maybe you can come back in after everyone's asleep.
You
know, just so we can spend a night together."
He face faulted when the words dawn on him. He asked nervously.
"Y-You really want me to?"
"Y-Yes, I do. We just have to be careful though." She felt her
capillaries working on overdrives.
"Er.About what?"
She eyed him for his lack of knowledge concerning the obvious.
"Baka.
I meant that we shouldn't get carry away with.. You know, our
passion," she said in a very sheepish manner while still ruby red.
After a moment, Ranma realized what Akane was referring to and ran
through several shades of red from head to toes. His knee became
weak
and collapsed on the floor. His eyes widen in realization. "O-Oh,
that," Ranma replied sheepishly.
"Y-Yes that," Akane turned even redder, if that's even possible.
"umm.O-Ok, w-we'll just.just have to be..be. careful," Ranma
stuttered the whole way.
"I-I'll s-see you later. then."
"B-Bye."
Later that night, Ranma crept back into Akane's room through the
window. Akane was lying in bed fully awake when Ranma arrived. He
walked stiffly over to the bed and Akane moved over so Ranma could
slip in. Both were pretty nervous at the situation. Neither really
knew what to do or how to act. After a little while, Akane cuddled
herself against a shocked Ranma. Once Ranma recovered, he wrapped
his
arms around her and drew her closer.
"G-Goodnight, love."
"G-Goodnight, dear"
Meanwhile Genma and Soun peered through a crack in the doorway with
tears in their eyes. "We'll have the wedding tomorrow morning!" they
cried happily as they ran down the stairs to get drunk.
Ranma wouldn't risk it, especially in a house full of martial artists.
Moments later, both fell asleep with each dreaming about the other.
Early the next morning, Akane woke to the numbness of her left arm.
She tried to remove, but felt something heavy pinning it down. She
then realized that her pillow was moving in an up and down motion.
"That's strange," she thought. Though it wasn't soft like her
pillow,
it was incredibly comfortable and relaxing. Straining to open her
eyes, she saw a blur of someone in bed with her. She immediately
recoiled causing the person to be thrown off the bed. She blinks a
few times to focus. She then heard a moan on the floor where the
person landed. <Some pervert was sleeping in my bed! How dare he?>
Quickly, she pulled her trusty Mallet over her head as she prepared
to
bash whoever it was.
"Ummm.. Akane, the next time you decide to wake me up, could you do
it
more softly?" Ranma groaned.
"What do you think you're doing pervert? Sneaking in my room that way!"
bam! pow! What if one of the parents came in to wake them up? Or even
Kasumi?
Soon Akane joined the others at the table. She sat very close to
Ranma. It was really hard controlling herself. Several times, she
wanted nothing more than to hold Ranma in her arms or even feel his
soft lips. Soon they made their way to school. Once there, they did
they best to act their part. It became harder every day. She
recalled numerous instances where they stole kisses at school while
no
one was watching. They had to spend lunch in different places so
others would not find them. Lately, they spent most of their time on
the roof or the tower.
Both of which are places where they are not only not allowed to go, but
places Ukyo and Shampoo would probably look for them, especially if they
suspected something.
The rest of the fic is plauged with the same problems, I'm assuming that
you only know of the last volumes through the mailing list here. It's a
good story and has some good ideas in it, but it needs a lot of cleaning
up and some major work if you want it to work the way you seem to want it
to go.
The biggest flaws are Ranma and Akane's WAFFYness, and Ryoga's
characterization in the fic. With a little tweaking and the reading of a
few Synopses you should be on track. [Which can be easily found on the
web BTW. I don't have an adress available or I'd send it along with
this.]
I think I remember reading this before, it was good then and it still is
now. You've got a good story here, especially if this is what I think it
is. Hopefully you can make it even better this time.
Ja!