This fic belongs to Andrew and Mystery Science Theatre 3000 belongs to whoever owns it, I am just trying a MST for practice and fun.  If I come off overly harsh or mean, it is not my intention.  Onto the MST.  By the way the MSTing characters are mine.

In the asteroid belt of the Sol system exists a lime green castle, built on top of an orange asteroid.  Walking the halls of this castle were three beings  A pengiun wearing a monocle and a World War I German helmet: Mr. Penguin.   A half Japanese/half African man wearing a martial artists gi and gold chains: D.J. Rapper  And a man wearing a 70's disco suit: Heckles N. Soultus

Mr. Penguin: Squawker don von libershire,  How much longer vwill ve have to vwatch over those things?

D.J.: EASY TUXIE MY MAN!!  WHEN OVERCOMP HAS THE PLAN, AND OUR ENEMY WILL BE OVERRAN!!

Heckles(slapping a helmet over D.J. Rapper's head):  If you're not going to be quiet, wear this and muffle the sound.   Why they put a DJ on guard duty...  Look, Mr. voice here is right.  We have to wait until the signal.

Mr. Penguin: Squawk. Vut, I am vored vwaiting all the time.  Can't we get vwatch zomething other than '10 Easy steps to self liposuctioning'?

+This is Overcomp.  I have heard the request and will be transmitting somthing called a fanfic from the late 20th/early 21st century.+

D.J.(still wearing helmet): The we will be seeing a fic.  This is extrodanarily slick.

Andrew wrote:

"The 49 Inverses, Part 1"

Penguin: Vwell, maybe their vrom Californa.

"Female Bonding"

Heckles: Use super-glue

Slayers is copyrighted...blah, blah, blah...I'm such a sucker for red-heads...

Penguin: Vwat?  He couldn't even ve vothered to put in a proper disclaimer?
DJ. It's not grooving to be movin.
Heclkes: Huh?  Oh, never mind.  He said he's a sucker for red-heads.  Probably cherry or strawberry.

(We open up with Lina Inverse wandering around your typical forbidden
and supposedly empty castle. She's holding a map of the place, and a note.)

Penguin: Da!! Dis is not a good opening sequence.
Heckles: And ours was?
DJ: In details we have it beat.  Now, let's get onto the meat.
Heckles: If you were'nt a black belt in rap attack, I would stop yor ryming.
Penguin: Ja.  Vut, let's vack to the story, Zhall we?

Lina: Hmm...if I'm correct, the throne room should be this way. I wonder...
(She wanders through, and leaps and ducks under rolling saw blades,

DJ: She wanders and wonders as she goes through the tiers.

slicing ginzu blades piercing from the bottom, and generally avoiding a
lot of sharp objects.)

Heclkes: I think they got the point.  And...the edges.

Lina: And the damn place won't let me use my magic... (She leaps over
another pile of sharp pointy scissors, complete with red handles.)

Mr Penguin: Now vwhere did I put ze sewing basket.

Man...who ever wrote this scene has obviously watched too much Indiana
Jones crap. (Well, I'm partial to Lara Croft.)

Heckles:The woman who was vacuum sealed into her clothing.

(Anyway, Lina finally gets through the knives part of the Double Dare
competition, and she slides through a whole room made out of jello and
slime. Don't ask me how they made it. Finally, she finds herself in Heckles: Well, that's one use for what we're guarding.

Mr. Penguin(waving one flipper in a no fasion):  Now, now.  Vwe don't vwant to give them any ideas.

the
throne room. She then trips over someone.)

Heckles: Well, it's better than taking a trip on someone.
DJ: Drugs aren't cool.  Stay in school.

Lina: Ow! Hey, watch it...(She gasps as the face is revealed to be her
sister...Luna Inverse.) Ack! Sis! I...I...I didn't know you'd be here!

Heckles:  With a name like Luna.  You have to wonder if it's because the back of her pants are completely worn through.
[Mr. Penguin thows a pitcher of lemonade at Heckles]
Mr Penguin: Squawk.  Dis isn't that kind of fic.

Luna (smirking): You got the same letter that I did? (Lina nods.) Ha!
(The two girls look at each other. Luna looks a lot like Lina, red-hair,
same sort of shape, except her hair is cut in a more tomboy-ish style
while Lina's looks like it hasn't been tamed in years. Oh, yeah, and

DJ: To tame the unruly mane.  You use a whip, sometimes a cane.

there's the thing about Luna's bigger breast, but we won't dwell on it.)

Heckles: Actually you could dwell in it.
Penguin:SQUAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWK!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lina: S-s-so...do you want me to leave?

Luna: Well...let's just see what the guy wants and we'll see. Say, look
at those chairs. (Luna points to two velvet covered throne chairs with
the names Lina and Luna written in big 70 point Cornet fonts. If you

Heckles:  Figures they would need a core net.  This fic needs something to catch it.

don't know what Cornet fonts are, let's just say it's a Script-like font
you'd see on Wedding invitations directing you where the
bachelorette-keg party is.)

Heckles: Aw, fawn memories indeed of my cousins wedding.

I suppose he's waiting for us.

Lina: Well...I suppose we s-s-should go. (Lina lets Luna proudly go in
front of her and Lina carefully trails behind her. After the two of them
sits down, the chairs, and the two sorceress, fall down a trap door,
down below the basement, and landing in a cave. A waterfall covers the

Mr. Penguin: Like how do they fall down a trap door beneath the basement, when they are above the first floor.

enterance of the cave, and it's well lit.)

Heckles: The entrance or the cave?  Besides they entered through the ceiling.  Shouldn't they be drowning.

Luna: Wow, that was quite the ride!

Mr. Penguin:Von libershire. 'E-tickets R Us' strikes again.

Lina (screaming): Are you kidding?! We could have died!

Luna: What, my sister afraid of a little fall like that? (Lina glares
back at Luna.)

Mr. Penguin:She must ve vwone of the testers for 'E-tickets R us'.

Lina: Hey, I'm...

Woman's voice: Greetings, great sorceresses. I am pleased you have come here.

Lina (sounding a bit braver): Yeah, we got your message. Come alone,
bring no one else.

DJ: Man oh man, sounds like a bad ransome plan.

Luna: Say...you sound familiar...

(The woman appears, and she's covered with long, golden yellow hair.

Heckles: Look it's a female cousin It.
DJ: Oh man, this is very, very silly.  I wonder how many people watch the Adams Family

The
two red-heads gasp.)

Lina: The Lord of Nightmares!

Heckles:  That explains why she's so hairy.  She has horse blood in her.

Luna: What are you doing here?

Lord: Well, I got tired of playing Sailor Moon roles...(she looks
confused) No...wait. Got it. I have a quest for you two.

Mr. Penguin:Squawk.  Not another version of Mamoru Chiba.

Lina (eyes glowing, smiling): A quest! Great!

DJ: Don't be late, it's a quest for the holy grate

Luna (not smiling): Um, yeah. Great. Fine. Okay-dokay.

Lord: Let me explain...before time began, a portal conjured itself out
of the nothingness. This portal then began to multiply itself. Then it

Mr. Penguin: Where's Falkor when you need him.
Heckles: I wonder how many people will get that refrence.

created the Lord of Nightmares. Thanks to its teachings and

DJ: A portal that created Tuxedo Mask.  that was quite a task.
Heckles: That joke is over.  Move on.

discussions,
I was able to create this world with an A- grade. Then, the portal let

Heckles: No wonder this fic is so crakced.  The eggsecution of it seems like a yolk.
Penguin: Das.  That was eggsaperating.

it for me to use as I wished. It's sole purpose was to be a servant,
regardless of the person. After the gods were created, I realized if Penguin: Wash my monocole, portal.
the
Gods knew about the portal, bad things will happen. So, I hid the
portal, hoping it would never been found.

Luna: And let me guess, bad things have happened?

Heckles: And Luna gets the prize for asking something completely obvious.

Lord: The Mazoku have discovered the portal and used it to trick the
gods to come through the portal, and in doing so, losing their power of immortality.

Heckles: To bad they don't lose their immorality.
[Mr Penguin hits Heckles with his cane]

Lina: Power of immortality? Just that?

Lord: It is sufficient enough for that alone, since the powers we wield
are so great, even attempting one spell would kill the average dragon or
Mazoku, let alone a human. Therefore, I must have you to find and

DJ:Call me dense, but that made no sense.
Heckles: I think she was trying to say that the gods are only human now.

destroy the portal, since I know that the Mazoku has probably already
moved the portal to a more accessible spot.

Heckles: Yep.  The local nudist beach.
DJ:That makes sense to take a trip to where clothes aren't hip.  And, wearing them makes you a drip.

Luna: Oh? Is that all? One portal? Well, if that's what you want, then
I'll defer to my sister, Lina here, and let her and her merry band >take care of it. (The Lord of Nightmare shakes her head.)

Heckles: More like mane.  But, I get the point.

Lord: Truly, for a Knight of Ceephid, I am truly surprised of this

Mr. Penguin:Squawk.  A night of sea food?  I resemble that remark.

disdain for such a quest. Your sister, as powerful as she is can not do
it alone. (Luna is about to speak, but the Lord holds up a finger.)

Mr. Penguin: Wrong finger.  You're holding up my relative.
No,

I insist that you help your sister in this quest, and Ceephid agrees
with me.

Heckles: I thought sea food didn't agree with horses.

Luna: B-b-but she's my sister. Besides, I'm a loner. I don't do groups.

Heckles: Get me a canon. An userer.

I can't stand company. And I've got this little business as a waitress
back home---

Lord: I have taken care of that as well. I wrote in your resignation
papers yesterday. (Luna looks at the Lord of Nightmares with a wide-eye,
dropped jaw look.)

Heckles: Nice equine, isn't she?
Penguin: Squawk.  Enough with the horse jokes.

Luna: You did what?!

Lord: I told them that she was on a quest and that it was not likely
that she'll come back afterwards, and thus she was quitting being a waitress.

Heckles: You know if someone told me that, I'd be running for the door.  Bare bottom is being told that this is a suicide mission.

Luna: No!

Lina: Gee, aren't you being a little harsh, L-sama?

DJ: Sama, spring, winter and fall.  That girl is going to bawl.

Lord: Harsh? This sister still enjoys the pleasure of making you look
like an idiot all because of that naked image you conjured up many Mr. Penguin: I take it back.  It is that type of fic.
years
ago. (Lina blushes.) And, you could use a little social training
yourself. And besides, when was the last time you had a haircut?

Mr. Penguin:  Vwhen Gourry threw her up in the air and slashed a tiara off her.

Lina: Um...six?

Luna: My job! Gone! Now what will I do?

Heckles: You're going to die.  Why do you need a job?

Lord: You will join your sister to find this portal and defeat it!

Luna: Oh, yeah? Well, there's no way I'm going to go with her (pointing
to Lina)!

Lina: Well, I'm not exactly fond of you either.

Mr. Penguin: No deer jokes.
Heckels: You're taking all the fun out of it.

Lord (sounding exasperated): Girls, you hardly know each other! (Lina
and Luna look at each other, blinking.)

Lina: I don't remember sleeping with you...

Luna: Yeah, wouldn't that be incest? (The Lord of Nightmares face-fault.)

Mr. Penguin:Dis coming from a race who's ancestor Adam slept with his sister Eve.
Heckles: That didn't count.  There were special circumstances about that.

Lina: Well...besides, I'm sure I could figure this out on my own. I
mean, I've faced worse problems.

Heckles: Yeah.  Going through life looking like a thin board with two quaters glued to it.
Mr. Penguin: Von libershire.  You know it is a good thing dey can't hear us.

Lord (sigh): Well, it seems that I must do this to keep you together.
(singing) I call upon the four elements, the five rings, and the six
degrees of Kevin Bacon, and call on your most powerful of jewelry, the

Heckles:Come on.  He's nothing but a ham.

most dangerous of toys, and the most stupidest of comedic humor. I
summon the chain of love!

Mr. Penguin:Squawk.  I guess you vwere right.  She is Mamoru.  She's using the power of Sailor Venus.
DJ:It's time to play a get out a hoola-hoop.  It's Mianko Ai the fruit loop.

(Suddenly a golden chain appears. It's not very long, and on each end is
brace with each girls' full name on it. It magically zooms towards Luna
and snaps the chain on her right wrist, and pulls her over to a now
running Lina and catches her, attaching the chain to her left wrist.
Suddenly, the chain pulls itself in the middle, and the two girls knock
into each other. Somehow, the Lord of Nightmares has disappeared.)

Mr. Penguin: Who's there?
Heckles:  This isn't a knock-knock joke.
Penguin: Too bad.  This fic could use a bit more humor.

Lina & Luna: Oof!

Heckles:  Shouldn't that be 'woof'?
Penguin: SQUAAAAWK!!

Lord's voice (singing): The Chain of Love has a mind of its own, only it
knows when to release you from its spell. It is indestructible, and Heckles: If it starts calling them Dave, I am out of here.
not
even I can destroy it. It has connected you two physically and
magically, such that whatever spells one has, the other has, and uses
the magical powers of both of you. If one is injured, both of you are,
and whatever one feels, the other feels as well. In short, if you try to
hurt your sister, you only end up hurting yourself.

Mr. Penguin: Isn't their a phrase that 'You always hurt the one you love'?
Heckles:  There's that.  But, I'm more concerned with the S&M tendinces of theese two.
[DJ throws some into onto the fic]
DJ: Now it's inky and can now become kinky.

Luna: Um...wait a minute, that doesn't make sense.

Heckles: And the rest of this has?

Lord: And how so?

Luna: Well, my sister is an expert in black magic, I'm the best at white
magic. The two don't coexist...

Heckles:  You've never heard of oppiste sides of the coin, have you?

Lord: But, remember, Love conquers all, and (sings) it doesn't matter if
your black or white...Wooo! (Stops singing.) Wait a minute...oh no...

Penguin: Michael Jackson is Mamoru?  Dat's a zuprize.
Heckles: Move on.  That joke has played its course.
Penguin: Vwell that's why that golf bag is leaving.

Lina: W-w-what?

Lord: Something has gone terribly wrong. Somehow, during the spell, I've
somehow turned myself into this chain...and I can't get out of it!

Heckles:  Cousin It has been called the missing link before.

(Suddenly there's a hideous sound of laughter.)

Penguin: It's Woody Woodpecker.  Hi cousin.

Luna: Com..pany. Figured.

Lina: I don't like the sound of that laughter...it sounds like...

Voice: That is a secret! (Lina groans.)

Heckles(holding up a deodorant):No, this is Secret

Lina: Xelloss! What are you doing here?!

Heckles: Being annoying.

(An earthquake rumbles through, causing the two girls to roll over as
the Xelloss and a very large Stargate-like looking portal appears out of
the cave...)

DJ:  The Fringeworthy are about to arrive.  I wonder if the girls will survive.
Heckles: That is even more obsucre.

Xelloss: Well, hello, dear Lina...and ah, this must be your sister.
Charming. So, Nighty, how does it feel to be apart of this family?

Penguin: Apart from the family?  That means she is a sister of Lina.

Lord: The portal! Why is it here? I thought it was heading to Walla
Walla Washington.

Heckles: Beats Bibbty-boppity-boo.

Xelloss: Well, I wanted you to save the time and trouble of making the
girls go through a clumsy fifteen part episode in finding their way to
Walla Walla Washington.

Penguin: Dunkashane.  I don't think i could go through it.

Lina & Luna: Walla Walla Washington?

Xelloss: It's where Mazokus go to gamble, sleep with protestitutes, Heckles: Protestitutes?  They must protest everything.  The protest going to bed, not going to bed, not.... Never mind.

DJ: Hookers marching on City Hall, before, in the sack, they take a fall.
and

gamble on the Super Bowl, which isn't even on this universe.

Lord: Portal, how could you obey his command to turn me into my own spell?

Portal: I only obey what is asked of me. Besides, you would have died
after conjuring that spell. Have you forgotten? (The chain slaps itself,
pushing the two Inverses onto the floor.)

Lord: OH, yeah, "Thou shall not invoke any one of the six degrees of
Kevin Bacon, or really bad things will happen. NO exceptions." Sorry, Sorceress...

Heckles:  There's that ham again.

Xelloss: We all make mistakes. I'm sorry, girls, but I'm going to have
to take you in.

Penguin:  Zo, that iz why he's wearing zee lue uniform.

We Mazokus really can't trust you two girls to ruin
things for us, now, right? But, I'll tell you a little secret that I've
been waiting to tell you.

Penguin:  Since little birds usuall have the secrets, I wonder which of my realtives told him.

Lina (frowning): Secret? And what kind of secret is that? That you're
wearing briefs?

Heckles: Or is it boxers?

Xelloss: Well, suppose I told you I knew your father. (The two girls
look at each other.)

Luna: Mr. Xelloss, for your information, Father died before Lina here
was born. I'm sure of that.

Xelloss: Ah, but that's what Leda would have told you...she would never
wanted it known that she was in love with a Mazoku...(Luna looks concerned.)

Heckles:  Explains their tempers.

Luna: Wait a minute...h-h-how'd you know mother's name?

Lina: Xelloss is a very nosy Mazoku, sis. (to Xelloss) Now, if had you
hurt Mother...(She stops as Leda Inverse enters. She's a bit shorter
than Lina, but still has the patented red-hair, and curious smile.) MOTHER?!

Leda: Yes, Lina, it's me, your mother. I'm still here. I do wish you
would write more often. And you really need a haircut, dear. (Luna
laughs, flopping Lina over.)

Penguin:For zome reason that scene makes me hungry.
DJ: Lina's flopping looks like a fis a-hopping.

Luna: Okay, this is got to be some kind of illusion, right? A damned
good one...

Heckles:Check me on this, but Hell doesn't exist in the Slayers world.

Leda: Luna! How dare you talk to your mother and father like that! That
is so improper, child! (The two girls blink and drop their jaws.)

Lord of Nightmare (sighing): I was afraid of something like this. I was
afraid the first thing the Mazoku would ask the portal is to give them a
better brain.

Heckles: Well you can Leda Inverse to portal, but you can't make them think.

Xelloss: Well, Lordy, I'm still smarter than the average Mazoku. Anyway,
your mother's right, kids. Lina, Luna (he hugs Leda)...I'm your father.
(He then grabs the motionless girls and hugs them.)

(We pan away from the portal and we can here both Lina and Luna scream...)

Mr. Penguin: Throw them in Antartica, then they'll ice scream and vwe'll get a tasty snack.

******************************

Author's Notes:

Hey, what can I say? I've always wanted to do a Slayer's fic...the Title
I got was from a suggestion at the FFIRC, who mentioned a movie called
"The 49 steps." So...I kinda played with it, and here it is.

Heckles: Never headr of it.

Next time: Lina and Luna talks to their dad...sleeps in a bed together
for the very first time...and Gourry finds the portal while everyone

Heckles:Ah, the patented lesbainism fetsih of anime.

else runs away from a very annoyng Amelia. This and Naga in a bunny
suit, next time on The 49 Inverses, Part 2: "Bunnies, Beds, and Blonds"

Comments, Criticisms, and other types of correspondences are welcome.

+Did you ebnjoy the fic?+
Heckles: It needs a bit more humor value to make it funny.
[The trio are stopped from talikng to overcomp by a loud knocking and a voice screaming from outside]
WHERE ARE THEY?  THAT QUARTER COMMENT DESERVES DEATH!!!
Heckles: DJ get to the 'door' an get ready.
[DJ heads for an inner door andlifts the heavy bar barrricading it.  he grabs hold of the handle and nods at Heckles.  Heckles opens the door and in rushes a furious Lina Inverse.  Before she has time to stop, DJ opens the other door and  Lina rushes inside.]
Lina: OH MY GOD!  NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[DJ Rapper slams the door closed and drops the bar back in place]
DJ: It's quite sad that chick was mad, becuase our comments are bad.
Penguin:  Our vwe gong to let her out?  She will be needed for other fics.
Heckles: Don't worry about.  Some author will write another Slayers fics and another Lina will apppear.  Of course we have another of them to use.
Penguin:Squawker don von libershire.  I wonder if vwe'll being doing more of zeeze fics.
+That remains to be seen+
---------------------------------------------------------
If I offeneded you, I didn't mean to.  This is my first MST
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