Hello everyone!
Just a short while ago, I read Utini's sestina on RAAC. I heartily
recommend this activity to everyone; if you don't have a usenet
account, go to deja.com and read it in their archive. I was really
impressed by the poem and decided to give the format a go myself. I
should note that this is *not* my first sestina: my first was an
absolutely wretched piece called the "Sleep Sestina" that has since
been reduced to its composite atoms. I mean, yeccth. Anyway, I just
thought I'd post this up and see what people thought. It's not likely
to change much, but I'd appreciate suggestions, C&C, etc.
Further note: iambic tetrameter is not a necessary component of the
sestina form. I just happen to write a lot of poetry in that meter. In
the voice of Shinji (though that should probably be obvious once you
start reading)...
Separation
At times I feel my soul is split,
halves placed across a great divide:
a space through which they cannot join.
When danger comes I burn with rage
that tramples down its cousin fear,
but other times I care and love.
And I have always wanted love,
yet always my distaste has split
me from the father that I fear.
For since the time death did divide
my mother from me I feel rage.
My father and I cannot join.
Yet still I wish that I could join
with him and feel a father's love.
A son should not be trapped in rage
against his dad; for such a split--
when two who have one blood divide--
is chieftain in familial fear.
But of my father I have fear
that means we two can never join;
my horror makes a great divide
that overcoming would need love
he has not shown me since we split.
His reticence has forged my rage.
Not all my life is caught in rage--
nor is it always lived in fear.
Because my dad and I are split
I sometimes have a chance to join
with others that I maybe love,
yet still I face a great divide.
It seems my duty will divide
me always, that with my deep rage
I'll never have a chance to love.
I kill and maim my friends; in fear
they never have a chance to join
and heal my soul's deep split.
This great divide--my lasting fear
is that in rage it cannot join;
that from all love I will be split.
Cheers,
Sparky
*********
"Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent."--Isaac Asimov
Access Sparky's fanfiction, links galore, and all kinds of heresy
at Heaven's Gate!
http://sage_ohlmin.tripod.com/evafic.htm
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