"Poetry is it, Saotome?" Tendou Soun said from the hall as he
shuffled towards them. He was brushing his teeth as he walked -
Nabiki never had understood her father's peculiar fixation with
dental hygiene.
It's 'cause the excess production of tear fluid ruined his saliva composition. :)
Or maybe one of the side-effects of that demon-head thing is a
tendency towards bad breath. We may never know...
Natsume's legs kicked out from under her, one snapping straight
while the other flailed like a loose garden hose. She grabbed onto
the support beam and clenched her jaw tight.
"Nabiki!" Kurumi shouted accusingly.
Nabiki held up her hands in a gesture of innocence. "Just testing!
Sorry!"
"No! You don't understand," Kurumi said desperately. "Natsume didn't just read the book once. She
was determined to delve into our father's mind, so she read it over and over again."
"Hmm. This seems familiar somehow..." Nabiki mused aloud.
"Can it be, Saotome-kun?" Soun asked worriedly.
"Ahh, heh-heh, let's not try and find out, Tendo-kun." Genma laughed nervously.
Yes! Coming in Chapter 12 - Kuno unleashes the dreaded Bad Poetry Fu! :)
Yes! Natsume gains the proportionate strength and speed of a
Vogon! Let the world tremble...
In fact, Ranma-chan had hoped she'd be able to save this particular
card to play if and when she tangled with the Reikoku for the third
time, rather than the second. It would have been awfully nice to
get it to waste its adaptive powers going into its fourth and final
incarnation, if matters came to that.
But since this is Ranma 1/2, things never proceed to plan.
Actually, I find real life to be that way most of the time too.
Ranma-chan closed her eyes and tipped her head back ever so
slightly, gently sniffing the air. Even when the Reikoku was
dormant, it put off a nasty aura. She felt it almost immediately -
back in the direction of the river.
Wow! Ranma can smell auras! Now that's a sensitive nose. :)
I suggest using 'aroma' in place of 'aura', but that would jar with the next sentence.
Heh... nice that you picked up on this. The sniffing the air thing was
a deliberate hint about something that's happening to Ranma now, which
he has yet to figure out.
The idea that she and the ninja chef had come up with was to make
dessert okonomiyaki. The batter would be sweetened with sugar, the
toppings would be mostly fruit, the sauces would be chocolate or
caramel or tasty fruit jam. But there were a lot of variables to
sort out, and Nabiki was definitely not going to invest a lot of
money in a new product if nobody would buy it.
Suggest 'kunoichi' instead of 'ninja'
Okay... though I admit I'm unclear on the distinction.
Nabiki cleared her throat. "Uh... that must've been our
headmaster. I... didn't know he'd gotten back today. I would
have warned you."
What?! Nabiki out of the info loop? This can't be...
Another deliberate part. Nabiki hasn't changed completely, but her
priorities have shifted. She's more interested in running her business
now than staying on top of all the events in Furinkan. It's a surprise
to her as well, which is why she feels sort of responsible for what
happened...
wine of triumph tainted by the bitter wormwood of apathy. He was
surprised to admit this to himself, but he actually missed the
presence of Saotome Ranma, against whom he might test his skill.
True, the sneering junior-classman was the worst sort of deviant
and moral reprobate, but he HAD been an adversary of merit on the
battlefield.
Not to mention that he continually beat the stuffing out of me, a tiny voice of rationality
gibbered deeply within the mind of his lost sanity. :)
I expect Kunou tends to focus more on his "victories" rather than his
defeats, such as the time when Ranma was rendered weak by Happosai
(Kunou never believed it for a second) and the Phoenix Egg thing. Still,
even he has to realize he gets creamed rather a lot.
Kunou would make an excellent Black Knight. "Okay, we'll call it a draw."
This is one of the best scenes of Kuno that I've seen ever. Kudos!
Many thanks. It was fun to write.
Ban Daidu cut her off with a curt wave of the hand. "I think you
need to explain something to us, Kuonji Ukyou. I think you need to
tell us how your friend came to learn the bakusai ten-ketsu!"
Being the name of a technique, I'd suggest 'Bakusai Tenketsu'
Probably right. This means I have to go back and run a search on
all the times I mention a technique by name. >sigh<
"Ha, ha. You are paying for this call, you know. Do you really
have time to sit there and insult me?"
Suggest: 'You're paying...' or for emphasis 'You _are_ paying...'
An emphasis isn't a bad idea, though I tend to go for the all-caps
rather than the underlining thing. Personal preference.
The venerable warrior flicked a glance towards the smoldering
remains of the mechanical dragon. "Ling Ling, Lung Lung, don't
tell me you've been using that ridiculous trick again?"
'smouldering'?
I thought so too, but my spell-checker was emphatic.
I thoroughly enjoyed the fight scene between Ukyo and the Amazons. Very fun. :)
I enjoyed writing it. After all these showdowns with the Reikoku,
SOMEone deserved to hit a pitiful adversary.
"Never mind that for now." Cologne's tone was strong and
authoritative, drawing Ukyou's attention away from Shampoo. "Best
if you tell me what you're doing here. Where's the gr... Ranma.
Is he hear?"
'here'
Arrgh!
Cologne squeezed her eyes shut, shaking her head slowly. "That
fool. That selfish fool. My girl, remember this always: there
is no creature in the world more dangerous than a man of
ambition."
Yes, there is: A ruthlessly kind person. :)
So Kasumi is more dangerous than Pantyhose Tarou? That's an
interesting theory...
Whee! Longest chapter yet. This one was a challenge to do,
coming down off the dramatic high from Chapter 10 into a more
transitional period. One of my friends suggested to me that I
try writing on paper as opposed to on the computer, as a strategy
to circumvent writer's block. It actually worked quite well.
But does the style seem different now? Hmm.
Well, I've found that writing on paper often forces one to visualize the scene completely before
setting anything in pen, which definitely improves the story.
Read it, loved it, and I hope this helps.
Thanks for the suggestions and corrections - very much appreciated.
Phil.
Grayson Towler
grayson@rigroup.net
http://www.rigroup.com/~grayson/relentless