On Tue, 25 Jan 2000, Miller, Bert wrote:
Another excellent episode. Good characterization bits,
some really funny bits.
You don't _seem_ to have gotten our heros much further
towards their goal, however. Only one more chapter to
go? (Suspiciously) You're not going to short-change us
on the Temple of 500 Gratuitous Deaths, are you?
Heaven forbid. ^_^ They're actually almost there... rocket-boats eat up
distance fast.
Imbecility is the only label I can apply to having
willingly gone along on a trip with Takashi after the
Sumatra disaster.
I agree with you; it's much more fun to just allude to
Sumatra.
Fun, perfectly safe, relazing Sumatra.
had to worry about saving our own skins from being
sacrificed to rat gods, demonic llamas, and the shog...
"Llamas"? Did they go to Peru with Takashi as well?
Probably. ^_^
The grimy riverboat hummed down the Mekong at a far
greater clip than one would expect. Not that this was saying
much; the rotting wooden hull looked as through the only
direction it could make great speed in was straight down.
River direction discussed in my response to Part 1.
I know. For some reason, it just sounded more natural to write 'down the
river'.
Well, semiformal. Soun could be proper anywhere. Inji
had a sort of casually relaxed look that would have fit a
concert hall in Vienna, and Kiri... well.. she'd washed her face,
Not that I think Genma's been to a concert hall in Vienna, but
operas, at least, are _very_ formal there. Suit and tie for
men are de rigeur.
Well, yes, but who'd argue with Inji over proper dress? ^_^
Kiri-kun here had taken the thirty pieces of silver.
You put a lot of metaphors in the mouths of your characters
which, while vivid, either don't seem to fully fit Japanese
characters, or the time (mid-sixties): "inner child"?
I'm not sure how I feel about this. Certainly, even if you
did the research to find a Japanese equivalent of "thirty
pieces of silver", the odds are that it would be much less
vivid to many, perhaps most, or your readers. On the other
hand, you lose a bit of verisimilitude here with a few of
your readers.
I look at it like this: It's equally wrong to put in any word, language,
or diction jokes, not to mention using slang or spellin' things so's t'
indicate rough talkin'. Since they're speaking Japanese, none of that
would be used. However, the audience I write for speaks the Queen's
English, and won't understand any Japanese word plays, slang, etc - ever
try to catch all of the visual jokes in a Takahashi manga?
So, when a character makes an English word joke or uses a slang reference,
simply understand that the character is actually saying a Japanese
equvalent. (Although a cultural archeologist like Inji can and would use
'thirty pieces of silver.)
ages. My compliments to the chef. Have you decided on a good
story regarding Miss Nodoka?"
"Well, er, ah," Soun and Genma began.
(groan) They didn't even _start_ to figure one out!?!
It's Soun and Genma. Foresight? What's that?
not vice versa. "Well? You tell me that you tried to murder one
of your old buddies, and I should just... what, shrug and say,
'That's nice?'"
<clip>
hot, but I don't do narcotics or object lessons anymore. It
wasn't..." She stopped, seeming uncertain.
"It wasn't you?"
"It was too damn much me," she said in a low voice.
"That's why I got out. While I still didn't really enjoy it.
Good characterization of Kiri. Leaves me feeling... unsettled,
perhaps afraid of her.
Kiri can be a scary person, and not just in a fun way.
damaged, no major scarring, no, uh, gender-related stuff. And
Further confirmation of our hypothesis regarding Inji...
Mmm. ^_^
decided. Seal Nodoka and him up in a small room for long
periods of time, and who knew what might happen?
Not that it was an entirely unpleasant thought...
She'd drag you to the nearest altar, his higher thought
processes pointed out, shuddering in terror.
Nice characterization regarding Genma: so allergic to 'commitment'
that he avoids even the 'pleasant parts'. This is common
enough as described here, but fully characteristic, in an exaggerated
and broadened form, with his behavior later.
Easy to see where Ranma gets it from.
A drop of water glistened on the rail for a second, catching the
sun and the river, then soaked into the rough wood and
vanished. Another drop, kicked up by the prow, replaced it a
few minutes late, seemingly no different than the first.
Nice imagery; nice echo of the previous conversation.
Thanks. ^_^
arrangement to slow him down! We should be well out of Laos
by the time he, hmm, even reaches the Temple of Five Thousand
Forms of Highly Gratuitous Agonizing Death!"
<clip>
Takashi coughed apologetically. "I'm sure that there's a
perfectly innocuous reason why the last 23 heavily-armed
expeditions failed to return."
Now, THIS is entertainment!
Prossibly the final kind. ^_^
"It would, hmm, be far too frightened by the terrible
hideous powers of the equally imaginary gods sleeping fitfully
beneath the surface, only lightly chained and ready to send any
trespasser into an eternity of soul-tearing agony in the cold
lands of nightmare and shadow, where the mad things of fallen
Tsygh-Shadoth lie chained in stygian darkness gnawing on the
bowels of the damned. But, of course, that's all just silly
native superstition." He beamed. "I'm off to bed. Sleep well! Ta-
ta!"
Heh. Nice paragraph.
Thanks.
Kiri started to open her mouth to give a firm denial, and
then the arm emerged from the heap, snaked up her leg, and...
Her eyes crossed. Nodoka was going to die.
Heh. Wonderful.
A throaty purr emerged from the heap, the husky sound in
it making Kiri want to run like hell.
Heh again.
And Nodoka flirts with death. ^_^
"I am not Kiri's lover," Genma said impatiently. Or was
that the story? "Er, am I? Sorry, maybe I am?"
Heh. This dialog was _quite_ funny. Congratulations.
Inji clucked. "This is getting vexing. Which of you,
exactly, is Nodoka's partner?"
"I am!" Genma said without thinking, and heard Kiri and
Soun say the same thing.
Then he realized exactly what Inji had asked them.
Oops. They really _are_ quite incompetent at this...
Well, they seldom have to deal with people as sharp as Inji.
"Or maybe we're too subtle for you, and you'll never see
our real plan until it's too late," Genma said, trying to sound
casual.
Heh. Well, Inji'll never see _Takashi's_ plan until it's too late...
Takashi has a plan? ^_^
"No. No, I doubt you are."
Someone said they had a problem with reading this line. I didn't;
on the contrary, I like it (a lot) as it stands.
And then Inji stopped advancing, pulling back with a
speed so abrupt it was almost jarring to watch. He looked
_relaxed_, Genma noticed with horror. He wasn't even
breathing hard. "Not bad, Mr. Kasigi. Very fluid style. I like the
short punches."
Effectively terrifying...
He's Real Fast.
"KASIGI!" Soun bellowed. "Shield Nodoka with your body!"
He paused. "I mean, no! Shield her with someone else's body!"
Heh.
"Yup, with rocket launchers," she said. "Can we please get
the hell outta Dodge?"
Another out-of-place slang term, less effective, IMO, than some
of the others. Kiri likes James Dean and Sinatra, neither noted
for their westerns.
See above. And she does see westerns in the theatres. ^_^
"Just now. Please, hmm, this way." With that, Takashi
took out a submachine gun, aimed it at the deck, and held down
the trigger for slightly over a minute.
Just to make a hole in the deck? Very dramatic, but possibly a
"Hmm, ah, Genma, the floor, if you please? A hole?" would have
worked better.
I've had some technical complaints on this; I might change it.
With a roar, the two surface-to-air missiles intended for
sale to the Viet Cong ignited, lurched once, and then soared
into the inferno, taking the boatload of screaming martial
artists with them.
Heh. Nice picture.
And on this part, but it stays. ^_^
Ukyou never really grasped that, I think. She had
potential - still does - but she let herself be focused
into a limited, stylized cumbersome weapon-school.
She'll never become what I'd hoped for; it's much too late
now. I suspect it was done on purpose, though it didn't
completely work.
No, she'll never be what I hoped for, but it may be
that she is something much better.
I'd guess, from this (intriguing hints, these) that Genma,
on encountering the six-year-old Ukyou and her father, recognized
that the child had Inji's potential for speed and decided on a
course of action that he thought would bring her potential out,
preferably in an unarmed style.
No comment. ^_^ He does have an agenda.
Thanks for the commentary!
- Susan Doenime
Brisbane, U of Q
"I hit the streets / They watched me in the monitor..."