[25/01/00]
[SCENE: WRITERSUBI is looking smugly into the screen, with ARTSUBI
standing behind him.]
WriterSubi: Look at them.
ArtSubi: Look at who?
WriterSubi: Look at all of them out there. Waiting for me to fill
their empty lives with humour they couldn't possibly think of
themselves.
ArtSubi: And that you can't think of either. That's from one of Bill
Hicks' standup routines.
WriterSubi: Shut it.
ArtSubi: Pa-THETIC.
[A fight starts.]
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Burn-Up W belongs to AIC/MRC, and they HAVEN'T said I can do this.
Be nice and don't tell them. Cheers!
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Yuji: I'm apologising to one computer generated sex toy about the fact
that I'm seeing _another_ computer generated sex toy instead of her.
Cyberbabe: If my programming allowed it, I'd call you a pathetic
hormonal geek. Sadly I actually have to say this: *SIMPER* Hurry
ba-ack!
Maria: Don't worry, _I'm_ about to stand _him_ up. Getting dumped by a
virtual girlfriend, now that _is_ sad. Bye-bye!
Yuji: I feel used.
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5 MINUTE THEATRE PRESENTS : BURN-UP W
File 0.2: Search for the Virtual Idol
Original screenplay: Katsuhiko Kochiba & Sumio Uetake Parody: Subi
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Maki: Here's your paycheques for the Hotel Kingdom job.
Rio: Is this IT? Shit, I may have to let the repo man feel up my
maracas again.
Lilica: My Daddy's as rich as Rio's chi-chis are big, so I don't care
how little we get. I only do this policebabe stuff for kicks.
Maya: Can I be paid in human targets?
Yuji: I'm too busy thinking about Maria being kidnapped to worry about
money. Can't WARRIOR get her back?
Rio: Sorry, you need NINJA. Nerds Investigating Naughty Jerk-off-
object Abduction.
Yuji: I expect nothing less from Rio, but Lilica, how can _you_ accuse
_me of being a geek? You're the hacker!
Lilica: I can't be a real anime computer expert. I don't wear glasses.
Virtual Drug Syndicate Boss: Meanwhile, we're annihilating the local
competition. Serves them right for nicking their suitcase guns from
Ghost in the Shell.
Henchman: On the other hand, since _we've_ got a cybernetic killing
machine in the shape of a cute babe, who are _we_ to accuse people of
plagiarism?
VDS Boss: Don't draw attention to it. Sic 'em Axia.
Axia: *SLASHSLASHSLASHBUDDABUDDABUDDA*
Henchman: Don't mess with the boss when she takes her sunglasses off.
Well, that sure made up for last episode's lack of gore. Uh, boss?
Your phone's ringing.
VDS Boss: WHAT?! Maria's escaped? I told you not to give her one of
Axia's spare bodies.
Technician: Okay, putting our unwilling guest in six foot of armoured
death was a bad move, I admit it. But she made the lab look nice.
Yuji: Kindly note here that it's deemed perfectly acceptable for Rio to
virtually have an orgasm at the thought of a pile of corpses stewing
in their own vital fluids, but I can't fantasise about pixelised
dream girls. What is she, a necrophile? It's just not fair!
Rio: Sir? Can I go and look at the bodies and the sea of blood?
Rio's Boss: No, go and look for Maria. And I'm not changing my mind,
not even if you let me bury my face in your double-Ds and go
*BUBALUBALUB*
Rio: *SIGH* Yes sir. Yuji? Show me what a virtual idol is.
Yuji: I'm gonna regret this...
Cyberbabe: My inner voice is telling me to tell Yuji to go strum his
own one-string bass, but I end up offering him a threesome?! My
pseudo-life sucks.
Rio: You got that right. Guess we'll be paying the ransom then.
Maria: Why wasn't I programmed to steal some clothes before escaping?
Oh well, I'll pretend I'm the kidnapper to get some money.
Maki: You know our resident hacker, now meet the engineer. Bear
witness to the overwhelming proportions of her mochi hills. Although
why I'm bothering to point them out is unclear, it's not as if any of
you are paying attention to anything _else_, like the plot for
example.
Nanvel: Which plot? The one we stole from Ghost in the Shell or the
one from Evangelion? Check out my robot! I like 'em BIG and HUNKY.
Maki: Nanvel, You're taking this obsession too far.
Nanvel: WAAAH! I WANNA BE RITSUKO!
Rio: Meeting the kidnapper in a graveyard. Tactful I don't think.
Maria: Got the money? Great. Maria'll be back on the network in a
bit.
Rio: I don't think you've got this whole kidnapper/ransom payer
relationship down pat yet, have you? It works like this: I give you
the money, and you give me the program.
Maria: You mean me, er, Maria.
Rio: I am _not_ getting into another argument about the definition of
self-awareness and the sentience of artificial life forms. This is
_not_ Ghost in the Shell, despite the guns those guys were using
earlier.
Maria: Stuff you then. And my gazongas are bigger than yours.
Rio: Those bee stings? No they're not.
Maria: Are too!
Rio: Are not!
Maria: Are too! Shit! Axia!
Rio: Who? AAAH! Time for this episode's dust-up, and for a flash of
my panties. Which, considering the length of just about every skirt
in this series, I'm surprised there hasn't been more of. Makes a
change from flaunting my speed bags at least.
Axia: *BUDDABUDDABUDDA*
Rio: My turn! NUDE TRANSFORMATION SEQUENCE! Ooops, forgot I'm not a
magical girl. I'll just have to rip my clothes off by hand then.
Like my lacy underwear, boys?
Subi: Oh yes. Very much.
Axia: *BUDDABUDDABUDDA*
Rio: AAAOW! Hey, you're supposed to wait until I've finished! This
android doesn't know the rules!
Maria: I don't think she's listening. Does that suit of yours really
work?
Rio: Sure it does, watch! *CRACKLEFIZZPOPSHVIZZZ* EEEEE! Uhhh... I
feel like I just knocked the radio into the bath.
Maria: I'm dead.
Maya: Yup. *BANGBANGBANGBANGBANG*
Rio: Stop! That one's Maria!
Maya: Which one?
Rio: The one with the small mosquito bites on her chest!
Maria: I heard that!
Maya: This is nuts. I give up, what else could possibly happen?
Yuji: I _really_ wish you hadn't said that.
Nanvel: Let's rock!
Yuji: Oookay. A big purple and green robot, with glowing yellow eyes
and a horn, that's initialised using what looks like the episode
list to Neon Genesis Evangelion, that goes berserk and destroys
everything in sight, and has a cute girl frantically trying to get it
back under control. I suppose this is what's called an homage. Maya
Ibuki's ta-tas, bodacious though they were, were never that big
though.
Rio: And he'd know. He checks with a ruler and the pause button.
Yuji: Hey! Maria's under that rubble!
Nanvel: Don't worry, I can load her into Unit One - er I mean El
Higante's memory. You'll be dating a hundred-foot biomechanical
killing machine from now on though.
Yuji: *SIGH* It's still got a better temperament than Rio *THWACK*
OW!
Rio: Just for _that_ I'm gonna go prick-tease my boss, that'll make me
feel better. Want to buy some crusty panties sir?
Rio's Boss: Now _there's_ an offer I can't refuse.
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subi@mono211.com
http://www.geocities.com/SiliconValley/Orchard/4834/
[end]