Jason Liao wrote:
Those of you who are trying to do these "cute" test messages are
completely missing the point of the ban. The moderators are trying to
regulate spam, and if you're writing a load of nonsense that isn't meant
to be read and enjoyed (thus defeating the purpose of this list), then
you're spamming.
If you really need to write a test message, do some public C&C. You might
even be thanked for it. Here's how:
Neil-
Someone wrote to you earlier about the "show, not tell" principle. While
I usually agree with that, I believe that the way you introduced this fic
was more plausible. Just having Ranma act OOC without prior warning would
have caused most people to delete the fic with the majority unread (I
freely admit that I would be one of those people).
However, I think that there is another problem of the same magnitude.
While you introduce Ranma's plan well, you never have Ranma actually
implement listed parts of the plan. The counter-principle to "Show, not
tell" is "Tell the reader what they know to be true" and it's a very hard
one to implement correctly. I think you have a plausible chance of doing
it here, but because Ranma doesn't fufill certain parts of his statement,
some readers may feel cheated, in a manner of speaking.
I need some commentary on this. The only OOC should be Ranma, I've made him
brighter :)
Will keep in mind.
To Tell a Hawk From a Handsaw
Out of curiosity, what's the signifigance of this title? It doesn't look
like something you made up out of the blue.
The story is a fusion of "Ranma 1/2" with "Hamlet". When Hamlet is pretending
to be insane, he acts much like Ranma does in this story. Of course Hamlet does
have a _much_ better reason for what he is doing. He believes his uncle will have
him killed if he looks like a threat. Ranma's just being an even bigger jerk.
In any case, the Hamlet connection also explains why Ranma soliliquises about
what he is going to do, before doing it.
So, how to regain control?
So, how do I regain control?
There is nothing really wrong with the original sentence.
But that will never work here.
Remove the 'here'. It's unnecessary.
Leaving isn't an option, I've never succeeded in getting alone for long
...an option, as I've never succeded...
Or just turn the comma splice into a period.
The next morning was unusual in that the Saotomes weren't sparring. When
Kasumi called breakfast, and neither Saotome appeared, she sent Akane to wake
Ranma. But inside the Saotome's bedroom, all she found was an unconscious
Genma, and a mess.
Saotomes' bedroom.
When the posessive is plural, place the apostrophie at the end of the
word.
"Then it is rude for school to be late. I'd expect it to be here promptly."
I expect...
I'd means "I would". By saying it as you have it, he's not making a
complete sentence.
Yes he is. "would" is a perfectly acceptable verb.
"I can not. I'm expecting my departed parents."
Out of curiosity, why did Ranma not use the contraction (can't) here? If
you're trying to make him sound a little stranger, then I could see it,
but then you shouldn't have him use contractions in other places either.
People's speech patterns don't usually move -that- erratically.
They do when they are faking it.
Where are the random 'acts' of madness? What posessions is he treating as
meaningless pieces of paper? Again, you have not accomplished what you
have said tha tyou originally intended.
Well, the truth is Hamlet's speeches were not so random as all that either.