Subject: [FFML] Re: [Ranma] [Fanfic] Relentless - Chapter 11
From: Gary Kleppe
Date: 1/22/2000, 7:29 PM
To: ffml@fanfic.com

Grayson Towler <grayson@rigroup.net> wrote:

The first rays of dawn struck like weightless arrows against the 
walls of the Tendou Dojo, beaming their golden radiance through 
the crisp autumn air.  Nabiki welcomed the sparse warmth that the 
early morning sun afforded.  She didn't have to be up at this early 
hour - this was one of the days she hadn't scheduled herself to go 
to the restaurant in the morning - but she seemed to have lost the 
ability to sleep in.  <Another side-effect of running a business, I 
guess,> she thought.  <Oh well.>

I can relate to this, even as but a lowly employee....

Now, another challenge presented itself.  They'd already seen the 
way the Reikoku selected its targets - it homed in on whichever of 
its designated victims was closest at hand.  So, in order to protect 
Ukyou and Ryouga, who'd be stuck in the Amazon village for 
who-knew-how long, she had to make sure SHE was always closer to the 
monster than they were.  It promised to be a tricky game of 
cat-and-mouse, and this time she definitely was not the cat.

Heh. Very well put. :)

The small girl ran her hand self-consciously across her scalp and 
sighed.  Her springy mop of hair was all but gone - all that 
remained was a shallow coating of stubble.  At this distance, 
Nabiki could now discern that there were shapes shaved into the 
girl's remaining hair, the rough outlines of pineapples situated 
above each temple.

Kurumi shrugged glumly.  "It's a new rule in the dress code," she 
said.  "I guess everybody's going to look like this, so it won't 
be SO bad."  For the first time, she gazed around the cafeteria at 
the sea of faces staring at her.  "What?" she asked nervously.  
"Didn't you guys hear about this?"

Hmmm... not quite da kahuna's style. Unless it's someone who's already
pissed him off, like Ranma and (presumably) Tacchi, he generally gives
people a way out of submitting to whatever he's got in mind. Of course,
the way out turns out to be fraught with traps and dead ends, and if the
victim succeeds at whatever he demanded there's always something else
that he forgot.... But making someone jump through dangerous (and
ultimately futile) hoops in order to avoid pain is a much better and
more lasting form of fun than just inflicting the pain and being done
with it.

Kunou Tatewaki wandered the grounds of Furinkan high, the drying 
grass of late autumn crunching softly beneath the tread of his 
sandaled feet.  The skeletal fingers of naked tree limbs cast a 
web of crisscrossed shadows across his melancholy countenance.  
Here he stood, the lord of all he surveyed with sword in hand, and 
yet the approaching winter had robbed the land of its vitality and 
spirit, leaving him the ruler of a hollow, empty kingdom.

He drew breath and gave forth a weary sigh.  The students of 
Furinkan accorded him a wide berth as he passed.  He acknowledged 
this gesture of deference to a superior, but to his sorrow he could 
not tell them the answer to the questions they sought - how they 
might lift the heavy, dark burden from the heart of their beloved 
champion.  He pitied them in their helplessness.

These bits are just SO Kuno. Just perfect.

"Wh... whadda good son!" the principal enthused from his icy 
prison.  "He... go...g...gonna get m... me out..ta here and d... 
den tt... ttt... ttteach d... dat delinquent wahine a gg...good 
lesson!"

Kunou opened his eyes and raised his sword to punctuate his 
impending proclamation.  "Go forth!" he commanded.  "And summon 
here the esteemed members of the Furinkan High Ice Hockey Club!"

"Sir?"

"T...Tacchi!"

He gazed upon the swim captain.  "Ruined though thy practice may 
be, should not this unexpected windfall of ice be put to proper 
use?  Go forth, I say, and do as I bid!"

The swimmers grinned hugely, and the captain even saluted.  "Yes 
SIR!"

"Yes, SIR!"

Ahhh, da kahuna don' get no respect. :) Funny scene, even if I generally
prefer to see him get away unscathed. Also, I do think he could've given
Natsie more of a runaround, even if it would ultimately end like this.
(Did I mention I'm a fan of his? I'm sure you're shocked.)

One thing, though. The Principal shares the all-important Kuno family
trait -- inability to admit defeat. He should be laughing hysterically,
possibly even making quips, as the puck bounces off his head.

The man glanced over her luggage.  "In which of these bags are you 
keeping your panties, Miss?" he asked.

Akane pulled the receiver away from her ear and glared angrily.  
"I BEG your pardon!"

"We've had a rash of panty thievery," the man explained.  "If you 
could just turn your panties over to me, for safe-keeping..."

This guy gets points for inventiveness, if not for smarts....

Akane drew a deep breath and turned to face her destiny.

"Panties for the poor?" an old beggar whined, waving a bag in her 
face.  "Donate some panties for the poor, starving orphans of 
China?"

*snort*

I just know one of these guys is gonna succeed through dumb luck, and
Akane'll end up charging into battle sans undies....

BTW, how'd they know to speak Japanese to her rather than Chinese? From
listening to her talk on the phone, maybe?

The Amazon girls looked offended.  "But Elder!  She... she..."

"But, Elder!

"Never mind that for now."  Cologne's tone was strong and 
authoritative, drawing Ukyou's attention away from Shampoo.  "Best 
if you tell me what you're doing here.  Where's the gr... Ranma.  
Is he hear?"

here?"


her desire to see the next chapter.  And many thanks to Gary
Kleppe, who never fails to offer excellent insights into the 
story. 

You're welcome. Hope this wasn't the first time. :)

All in all, it was a pretty good chapter. The serious bits with Ranma
were well-written, and the comedy bits for the most part fit in well.
Occasionally it got a little too silly, maybe, but most of the jokes
worked without taking away from the serious undercurrent.

COMING SOON:  Ranma has some new techniques to test out... but why
do the effects of the Neko-ken seem to be lingering?  Ukyou and 
Ryouga face the judgement of the Amazon council, Akane works her
way through the Chinese countryside, and Konatsu comes face to face
with one of the more terrifying presences in all of Nerima!  All

"Ooh! Those throwing stars are so CUTE! Michelle! Michelle!"


Gary Kleppe
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics.html


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