AARGH! Sent that accidentally before I was done with it! Stupid
key shortcuts...
Kurumi shrugged glumly. "It's a new rule in the dress code," she
said. "I guess everybody's going to look like this, so it won't
be SO bad." For the first time, she gazed around the cafeteria at
the sea of faces staring at her. "What?" she asked nervously.
"Didn't you guys hear about this?"
Hmmm... not quite da kahuna's style. Unless it's someone who's already
pissed him off, like Ranma and (presumably) Tacchi, he generally gives
people a way out of submitting to whatever he's got in mind. Of course,
the way out turns out to be fraught with traps and dead ends, and if the
victim succeeds at whatever he demanded there's always something else
that he forgot.... But making someone jump through dangerous (and
ultimately futile) hoops in order to avoid pain is a much better and
more lasting form of fun than just inflicting the pain and being done
with it.
Admittedly, I have not thought as deeply into da kahuna's psyche
as you have. I took his willingness to shave Kunou's head so many
years ago as an indicator that he does actually like to succeed in
inflicting torment, but you do make a good point about how he tends
to operate. Still, for the purposes of this case, he may have been
unable to pass up such a gullible target.
He drew breath and gave forth a weary sigh. The students of
Furinkan accorded him a wide berth as he passed. He acknowledged
this gesture of deference to a superior, but to his sorrow he could
not tell them the answer to the questions they sought - how they
might lift the heavy, dark burden from the heart of their beloved
champion. He pitied them in their helplessness.
These bits are just SO Kuno. Just perfect.
He drew breath and gave forth a weary sigh. The students of
Furinkan accorded him a wide berth as he passed. He acknowledged
this gesture of deference to a superior, but to his sorrow he could
not tell them the answer to the questions they sought - how they
might lift the heavy, dark burden from the heart of their beloved
champion. He pitied them in their helplessness.
These bits are just SO Kuno. Just perfect.
I really enjoyed writing this part. And I actually think I got to like
Kunou better from the experience.
He gazed upon the swim captain. "Ruined though thy practice may
be, should not this unexpected windfall of ice be put to proper
use? Go forth, I say, and do as I bid!"
The swimmers grinned hugely, and the captain even saluted. "Yes
SIR!"
"Yes, SIR!"
Erp. You're right.
Ahhh, da kahuna don' get no respect. :) Funny scene, even if I generally
prefer to see him get away unscathed. Also, I do think he could've given
Natsie more of a runaround, even if it would ultimately end like this.
(Did I mention I'm a fan of his? I'm sure you're shocked.)
Possible that he did, but the Wrath of Righteous Sisterly Vengeance was
too much for him. I confess - da kahuna is one of those characters who is
very hard for me to write properly, so I tried to keep his actual direct participation
in the story to a minimum, even though he played a central part in this scene.
One thing, though. The Principal shares the all-important Kuno family
trait -- inability to admit defeat. He should be laughing hysterically,
possibly even making quips, as the puck bounces off his head.
He may be. This is from Kunou's point of view, though, and young Tatewaki
has a marvelous ability to ignore what he doesn't want to hear. >grin<
Akane drew a deep breath and turned to face her destiny.
"Panties for the poor?" an old beggar whined, waving a bag in her
face. "Donate some panties for the poor, starving orphans of
China?"
*snort*
I just know one of these guys is gonna succeed through dumb luck, and
Akane'll end up charging into battle sans undies....
BTW, how'd they know to speak Japanese to her rather than Chinese? From
listening to her talk on the phone, maybe?
I assumed they could tell the difference by looking at her. And rather than
start another inconclusive debate on the list about how much visible difference
there is between Chinese and Japanese persons, let's just say that Akane
was wearing some distinctly Japanese fashion or something. And they heard
her talking on the phone. Plus her luggage tags say she was from Japan.
Something like that. These guys may think tourists will be more vulnerable
to their schemes.
The Amazon girls looked offended. "But Elder! She... she..."
"But, Elder!
Right-o. The dreaded missing commas.
"Never mind that for now." Cologne's tone was strong and
authoritative, drawing Ukyou's attention away from Shampoo. "Best
if you tell me what you're doing here. Where's the gr... Ranma.
Is he hear?"
here?"
Glargh. Thanks.
her desire to see the next chapter. And many thanks to Gary
Kleppe, who never fails to offer excellent insights into the
story.
You're welcome. Hope this wasn't the first time. :)
No, this was good too. I hadn't given much thought to the psyche of
da kahuna - if he shows up again, I will definitely take your analysis
into account.
All in all, it was a pretty good chapter. The serious bits with Ranma
were well-written, and the comedy bits for the most part fit in well.
Occasionally it got a little too silly, maybe, but most of the jokes
worked without taking away from the serious undercurrent.
This chapter was tough because I came off of a huge dramatic high
after Ch. 10. The jokes sort of came naturally to spice up the narrative
when I felt like it was dragging.
I've also been rather keen to get to this point, where all the main
characters are in China and doing important stuff. Here you got to see
the first of the "Meanwhile, back in Nerima..." segments. These are
undeniably an indulgence on my part - the story could not progress in
a more streamlined fashion with only minimal references to Nabiki,
the Tendous, and all the crew back in Furinkan. But I'm also looking
forward to writing them, mostly because they represent a way to
keep including some humor in the tale, to lighten up the serious
stuff. After all, I'm writing this to have fun.
way through the Chinese countryside, and Konatsu comes face to face
with one of the more terrifying presences in all of Nerima! All
"Ooh! Those throwing stars are so CUTE! Michelle! Michelle!"
Remember you said that.
Gary Kleppe
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics.html
Many thanks,
Grayson Towler
grayson@rigroup.net
http://www.rigroup.com/~grayson/relentless