Miashara wrote:
"I hate you," Aeka said calmly to Ryouko right before Ryo-Ohki was
dragged into the icy depths of the ocean below.
The sad part is, I saw this coming and thought, "He wouldn't actually do
that."
I stand corrected.
Yep. I'm evil enough to do anything. You should have realized it by now.
Okay, I'm not evil enough to do Chibi-Usa/Rei Ayanami lemons, but aside
from that I'm evil enough to do anything.
If the Neraton can survive orbital reentry, how could you just stick one
end of the injector into it? And would the heat of reentry, proven to be
thousands of Kelvins, sublime it? And come to think of it, why would you
ned a seperate chemical to make it sublimate in the first place?
Sublimate? Been more than few years since I've had physics. Afraid I'm a
bit rusty. But the whole process sounded really neat in that 'sci-fi that
doesn't really regard actulal physics' way, yes? ^_^
And...Note to self. Never C&C after doing two hours Physics work. Sorry.
Nevermind.
Not very original in most of the names of planets and Races are you?
They're...ah, homages. Yeah, that's it. Homages. I think that's what they
call it when you steal someone else's ideas and openly admit you knew you
were doing it at the time.
Within seconds after it was freed, the Sasquish's eyes fluttered open as
it >reoriented itself to the world it had been awakened to.
Considering the line before was talking about the chances of the
Sasquish dying, you might want to add a "However" or something similar.
Will consider.
His blows had no effect, mostly due to the thick hide of the alien.
Doesn't he have a gun? Or in shock did he simply not think of it?
Shock. As he's blacking out he considers using it (not that it would have
done him any good.)
On the other hand, he's even stronger than most Sasquish and can bench
press well over a ton under standard gravity conditions.
So the bad guys have a berserker were-bear? This could be interesting.
As you could see from his approximate remaining lifespan, he wasn't
interesting for all that long.
Darkness began to claim Onita.
Already mentioned that.
Oops.
Ariana's amusement turned to chastisement as she saw Stargrave standing
in the ruins of the doorway to the ship's brig. "It's... ah..."
Old custom from my homeland. "The Strangling of Friendship."
Heh. I really like that line.
As much as she couldn't stand the woman, she exuded an air of
controlled deadliness.
Of course, the fact that none of these people have bathed in days might
have something to do with that air.
Ariana: That smell was all that Fera's doing! You know how much Katasans
stink up the joint when they get excited.
Tenchi assessed the situation.
He was in the single most common, yet unfortuante situation in any anime
sex farce. He was really in trouble now.
Yep. Pity poor Tenchi.
Not.
You use the word cleavage a whole lot in that scene. You may want to
take make a few exchanges.
Okay.
I also don't really see what point that scene servered. Mere filler?
I'd call it eye candy, but I don't think it would be appropriate, given the
circumstances. It was meant mostly for humor's sake while showing a little
of Tenchi's mental process when it comes to women in general and Mihoshi in
particular.
Besides, if they end up as a couple by the time the fic is over, he'll
already have a head start on how to turn her on.
It took them another day and a half to cover the forty-eight kilometers
between themselves and the path the Shihana had taken.
Snip
and they were able to set a pace
that would cover slightly better than twenty kilometers a day
? My math gives me an inconsistency.
Oops. Will have to rework that.
Within several moments, he was completely encased in ice.
Kill him while he's down!
Now, now. Good guys generally don't operate that way. Especially Mihoshi
and Tenchi.
And several feet away, one of the most lethal killers in the universe
remained where it was, only two shields away from blossoming as it was
created to do.
Feh. Just use a really, really, REALLY big bomb. Shihanna, pff.
Nah, big bombs cost lots of money. With Shihana, all you need is a good
greenhouse and voila! Instant multiple planetary genocidal weapons without
all the maintainence fees of a Death Star or other really big target that
just cries out, "Blow this baby up, heroes of justice."
Good job.
Thanks. The comments were really appreciated.
D.B. Sommer