Neil Reynolds <neil@panix.com> wrote:
I need some commentary on this. The only OOC should be Ranma, I've made him
brighter :)
Sorry, but this one really didn't work for me.
It wasn't just that Ranma's characterization was unrecognizable -- which
it was; the problem I had was that this version of Ranma wasn't at all
likeable. Manga Ranma can certainly be a jerk at times, but he at least
tries not to be. He doesn't blame everyone else for his troubles, and he
doesn't knowingly and deliberately try to hurt people out of spite, the
way this one does.
So why should I care whether this Ranma's plan -- whatever it is --
succeeds or not? I don't like him, so I'm certainly not going to hope he
succeeds. I'm not going to hope he fails, either, as the rest of the
cast aren't exactly showing their best sides either.
The second problem I had with this was the way in which it was told.
"Explain what you're going to do and then do it" may be a good strategy
for an instructional seminar, but it doesn't work well in a story.
Readers want to be *shown* the plot, not told it. If we already know
what's going to happen, what's the point in our sticking around? To see
if anything goes wrong or unexpected, maybe, but that doesn't seem
likely. Instead of explaining the plot, *show* it happening, and work
explanations in as you go.
Gary Kleppe
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics.html