Konnichwa,
I've been following this fanfic for a while, as a fello Xeongears addict
and fanfic writer, and I have got to say its been good. But I have a
couple of long standing gripes here, but first...the trailer...
[Fade out. Massive explosion, followed by a series of
quick shots: Crescens attacking the Alpha Weltall;
Elly running down a corridor, holding Fei's pendant,
followed by Citan and Bart; Fei screaming and holding
his head, falling to reveal the puffy-haired cyborg
standing behind him grinning; a determined-looking
young man in a Solaris uniform walking towards the
camera; the Red Gear with Crescens' wings on it's head
and huge claws, hovering over Shevat; Siebzehn
attacking something out of shot, then getting knocked
flat; the Alpha Weltall exploding out of the grip of
Fenrir and Renmazou; Emeralda throwing a punch that is
caught by the young man from Solaris; Id and Fei
facing each other in a feild of blackness; Elly
crying; the Yggdrasil crashing into a forest; another
shot of the Red Gear with the extras; close-up of the
cyborg smiling madly; Fei's pendant spinning slowly;
Elly sparring with Fei; Emeralda and the youth from
Solaris laughing; Midori running to Citan with open
arms; Emeralda looking up at the sky, joined by Elly
on her right; the Solarian youth polishing a katana;
Bart, Sigurd and Jessie laughing in the Gun Room;
Billy praying as Elly walks into the room; Maria
crying; the side of the Yggdrasil exploding as the
Alpha Weltall leaves from the hole; the cyborg
grabbing Fei by the throat; Fenrir cleaving a Gear in
half, then getting shoulder-rushed; Regrs launching
mean-looking Aerods; Elly setting her jaw; Billy and
Maria exchanging looks as something blows up behind
them; Emeralda screaming as she cries, running towards
the camera; the Solarian youth looking up at the Alpha
Weltall; Fei's face fading into Id's...]
You could try breaking this up into sections, I had troube following it.
Now to the gripes:
You said this fic was based on events in Amber Michelle's "Shadows Falling"
fanfic series, correct. If so:
1> Does she know about it? She had a long standing (and *very* justified)
gripe against people who steal her stuff. It's happened before with her
fanart.
2> Are you using the right version of "Shadows Falling"? Amber Michelle
has the updated version on her website "Guardian Angels" at
http://guardian.xenogias.com You might want to check there.
Other than that, it's been a great story so far. Keep it up!
Brian Yaple
Knight Productions
BYapes@erie.net
webpage:<MOVING!!!>
IRC Handle: Stardancer (It sounded cool)
ICQ#: 57379741
MoonieCode (1.12.05)
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