*peers out of lurk mode*  If I throw out this fic quickly enough,
the work gods won't catch me having fun... Oh-- *muffled sounds of
conflict as Erin is tied up and forced to do more database work*
Taskete kudasai...  ^_^;;

                *

[What's happened before]

http://www.unc.edu/~ellis/fanfics/lgs.html

Himemiya Moemi is trying to catch Kenshin.  Kamiya Kaoru is trying to
catch Kenshin.  A mysterious figure is trying to catch Kenshin
(albeit for much different reasons).  Kenshin is trying to not get
caught.

[Last chapter]

Kenshin has just overheard what sounded like an affair between Kaoru
and Sanosuke.  Going out for some air, Kenshin decided that while he
wasn't sure how he felt about Kaoru, he didn't want her with Sano.
While rising to go home, he found himself confronted by two men
(neither of whom were the mysterious figure).

                *

Let's Get Serious

a Rurouni Kenshin story

by Erin Ellis

Part Six: Things Fall Apart

                *

    Kenshin half-crouched, facing the two men, sakabatou at the
ready.  Gee, he remembered it feeling a lot more solid...
    His fingers twitched over the hilt of the sword, reaching
nothing.  Kenshin's eyes shrank with surprise.  'My sword...' he
thought, scrabbling at his waist.
    "Looking for this?" the one on the left asked.  He brandished
the sakaba by the sheath.  The man was short, a few centimeters less
than Kenshin.  He had a plain, open face with bushy eyebrows that
quirked at the middle.  Wide, hazel eyes gazed from behind a shock of
unruly brown hair.  It was pulled into a thin ponytail that fell just
above his shoulder blades.  The persistent cowlick and slight curl
made him look rather young, though Kenshin guessed the man close in
age to himself.  Skilled too...  Kenshin had never noticed him take
his sword.
    "Come now, Hitokiri," the other, bishounen, egged.  This one was
tall and slim, his smooth, shiny black hair falling a few centimeters
below his waist.  His pale skin and delicate features were punctuated
by deep gray eyes that gazed calmly at Kenshin, and lips that seemed
set in a perpetual smirk.  "You have lost your weapon.  What will you
do?"
    "Hey now," said the plain one, frowning.  "Don't be--"
    It was too late.  Kenshin now soared high above them, as yet
unsure of what he would hit them with.  But, the basis of Hiten
Mitsuruugi Ryuu was aerial combat (or at least jumping really high
and kicking ass from above), so...
    "Hey, what do you think you're--"
    "Hiten Mitsuruugi Ryuu - Ryu Fuminara Sen!"  He slammed towards
the earth, crushing the manicured man with one sandaled foot.  Or
not, as the man slipped out of the way at the last second.
    "Dan?" the bishounen grunted.
    "Yo Himura, we don't want to f--"
    Kenshin had already recovered, transferring his momentum into a
spear towards the short one.  The one with his sakabatou.
    "Joe," the plain one passed a sidelong glance.  Kenshin was then
knocked to the side by the tall man.  Kenshin tried to rise but was
met by plain face, who covered the other side of his body, keeping
him from rising.
    "Geez, Himura, calm down!" he said, a well-placed elbow across
Kenshin's chest, keeping him pinned.  "You're a freaking maniac."
    "You should not have taken his sword."
    "Well *you* shouldn't've taunted him!" he shot back.  "Himura.
If I let you up, you're not going to go apeshit and bust me open, are
you?  Just because it's happened to me in this situation and it kinda
sucked."
    Kenshin nodded slowly, more confused than ever.  What was he
talking about?
    Satisfied Kenshin wasn't going to hurt the pair, plain face
sprang to his feet, offering the redhead a hand.  "As I was saying
before you attacked us--"
    "Like a true sword master--"
    "--I just wanted to know what's up with you and your women."
    "Oro?"
    "You may remember us from the Akabeko tonight.  We were the ones
that *didn't* bother you."
    Kenshin blinked, failing in his attempt to make sense of the
man's statement.  "Demo...  Who *are* you?" he asked.
    "Tomoeri Dan," the plain faced man said with a flourish.  "And
that's Takazashi Joe," he said, pointing at the bishounen.  He nodded
in acknowledgement.
    Dan leaned forward conspiratorially.  "To tell the truth, we
used to be movers and shakers during the Bakumatsu.  I was known as
the Hitokiri Dan."
    "And I, Hitokiri Joe."
    "But now, we're just Joe and Dan's Ramen Delivery."  He passed
Kenshin a business card.  "Look, I know y'all eat out a lot, help us
out, okay?"
    Kenshin blinked.  "If you run your own ramen business, why were
you at the Akabeko?"
    "...  Don't worry about it."
    "Can I have my sakabatou back?"
    "Oh, sure.  Wait-- we've got a question for you."  Dan's
expression hardened.  "What are your intentions with Kamiya Kaoru?"
    "Oro?"  Kenshin was completely baffled now.
    "I knew Kamiya-san before the war.  If you do anything to hurt
his daughter..." he trailed off menacingly.
    Kenshin's face was stricken.  "I would never do anything to hurt
Kaoru-dono!  I--  I am very grateful for her hospitality," he
answered their questioning looks.
    "Then what's up with this other chick, this Himemiya?" Dan
pressed.  "Everyone knows Kamiya-musume has a thing for you.  How is
marrying this other girl *not* hurting 'Kaoru-dono'?"
    "It... it is not that simple.  All this was neither my idea nor
my intention..."  Against his better judgement, Kenshin found himself
explaining his predicament to the two strangers.  It helped that they
listened attentively... well, Dan did at least; Kenshin couldn't read
anything from the other man's striking face.  It was somewhat
reminiscent of Shinomori Aoshi, except Joe wasn't trying to kill him.
    "So that is the situation," Kenshin finished with a sigh.  "I
haven't the slightest idea of what to do.  I have no intentions of
marrying anyone...  I just want Himemiya-dono to realize I'm not the
one for her and go home.  Then everything can go back to normal."  He
paused, out of words.
    The other men exchanged glances.  "Well, Joe?"
    "This man certainly needs help," he said dryly.
    Dan brightened.  "I hoped you'd say that.  Saa, Himura, what say
we help you out?  You've definitely got a problem, and they say three
heads are better than one."
    "When one of the heads is yours, however," Joe trailed.
    "Nonsense!" Dan scoffed.  "We will gladly lend our knowledge as
ex-assassins and ramen chefs to this man's plight."  He walked to
Kenshin, clapping the slimmer man on the back.  "Himura!  We're your
new friends.  You just sit tight, and we'll make this Himemiya person
wish she never even heard of the name Tomoeri Dan!!"
    "Even though she hasn't," Joe footnoted.
    "Himura!" Dan announced, ignoring Joe.  "So?  Are you in!"
    "..."  Himura Kenshin knew when he was defeated.  He gave a
resigned nod.
    "YOSH!"  The man's face literally glowed, thrusting a fist into
the air.  "Takatomo-action Save-Himura-Plan, HASSHIN!!!"
    The other two sweatdropped.

                *

    Eyes narrowing, the mysterious figure watched as the three men
walked off, agitatedly talking-- well, one agitatedly, the others
seemed to be refuting his words.  Ducking out of sight on the pitched
roof, the figure frowned.  How cowardly of Battousai, avoiding their
fight in favor of those two idiots.
    But...  All anger aside, it was interesting how the lines were
being drawn in Himura's little drama.  His best friend abandoning him
for his girl, these two unknowns joining in the drama, and the
woman's completely unexpected choice of allies...
    An idea struck.  The mysterious figure grinned.

                *

    Himemiya Moemi frowned into her tea.  Things were going much
rockier than she had expected.  She had been in Tokyo for almost a
week, and the best case scenario had her and Himura-sama returning to
Hokkaido tomorrow.  Obviously, that timetable was not going to work
out.  Moemi had hoped to make as little disturbance as possible, and
get this matter over with.  Instead, she had succeeded in making
things worse.  However, she had considered and somewhat expected this
possibility.  She would have to move to phase two.
    Suddenly, her eyes widened, feeling a dark presence behind her.
"Nani?"  She began to turn around.
    "Don't move, Himemiya Moemi."  The voice was low, cold and
smooth as ice.  "I have a proposition for you."
    The woman gasped, freezing instantly.  "Wh-who are you?"
    "You desire the Battousai, do you not?"
    "Battousai?"  Her face creased with consternation.  "H-Himura-
sama?"
    "You aim to make Himura Battousai yours."
    Moemi took a deep breath, trying to hide the tremor in her
voice.  "What do you want?"
    "I can help you.  But you will have to help me."
    Help?  Trust a threatening stranger versus her carefully laid
plans?  She smirked, standing straighter.  "I'm sorry, but I won't be
needing your 'help'.  I can take care of *that* myself," she said,
giving a quick toss of her head.
    "Hontou?" the voice rumbled.  "Do you really have everything so
well in hand?"
    She made no reply.  The voice's mocking tone had been enough to
shake the tenuous hold she'd regained on her confidence.
    "Or perhaps you only need more incentive to help.  Such as
stopping Battousai's duel.  You wouldn't want to see him get hurt,
would you."  There was a heavy silence as the words sank in.  "I will
see you again."  And then the presence was gone.
    Moemi whipped around, trying to catch a glimpse of the figure,
but her eyes met an empty room.  "N-nani shite deshita?  Himura-
sama..."  She sank to her knees, lost in thought.

                *

    Kenshin worried.  It was well into mid-morning and he had yet to
hear anything from Kaoru.  Maybe she was tired from last night... he
certainly was.  He yawned.  Staying up so late with those two ex-
assassin ramen chefs last night had been a really... bad... idea...
Glub glub glub...
    Kenshin closed his eyes.  What?
    ".......afdsrewr Kenshin."
    He opened his eyes.  A lap.  His lap.  He looked up blearily.
"Yahiko?"
    The boy peered down at him, leaning on his shinai.  "Daijoubu?
You looked like you were gonna fall in."  He pointed to the washtub.
    Kenshin looked at the washtub.  His hands were still inside,
clutching one of Kaoru's kimonos.  "Oh," he said faintly, placing his
hands on the edge of the tub.  "It was a late night."
    "Mm.  Up with Kaoru?  The hag didn't get to bed until like 1am.
You'd think she'd be earlier... she could use all the beauty sleep
she could get."
    Kaoru...  Up late...
    She paced the bedroom, fiddling with the sash on her thin
sleeping robe.
    Sano slid open the door, a hungry smile on his face.  "Haitte mo
ii dazo, Jou-chan?"
    "Ii," Kaoru replied, beckoning him inside.  "I thought you went
gambling."
    "I did.  But there's better games to play than dice, ne?"  He
bent close, kissing her lightly in the hollow between her
collarbones.
    She cocked an eyebrow.  "Why, Sagara-san, are you trying to
seduce me?"  She took a step towards him, allowing the sash on her
robe to fall slack.
    Slipping out of his own jacket, he embraced her.
    Passing Kaoru's door, Kenshin froze at the sounds of their
impassioned embraces, every gasp and moan like a dagger to his heart.
    Kenshin fell to his knees, his body feeling heavier and heavier.
Oh gods.  Oh Kamisama.  Oh--
    "Kenshin!"
    He was brutally yanked by his ponytail back into reality.
"Yahiko?" he uttered, wincing with pain.
    "Che, Kenshin, you trying to kill yourself?  I look away for
like five minutes and you're face down in laundry."  The boy's tone
was harsh, but held a tinge of deep concern.
    "Arigatou, Yahiko."  He rocked back on his heels, bringing his
shaking hands safely away from the washwater.  That had been too, too
realistic.  He needed to see Kaoru, needed her to tell him he was
going insane and she would never do that and he should go to the
store and get some miso.  Yes, miso would definitely make things
better.  "H-have you seen Kaoru-dono today?"
    The boy shook his head.  "Lazy wench, ain't she?"
    "You oughtn't speak so about your instructor."
    "Well, where is she to be instructing?"
    Kenshin couldn't help but agree.  "I'll... I'll go check up on
her," he said, wringing the water from his hair and standing up.  His
knees, irritated at being slept on, refused to cooperate and he fell
to the ground.  "Oro..."
    Yahiko sighed.  "You know, Kenshin, for such a cool guy,
sometimes you act like a real dork."
    "Arigatou, Yahiko."

                *

    The little bag of jasmine was carefully opened, just a pinch
being sprinkled into the steaming water of the furo.  It was late,
the day well on it's way towards noon, so the others had taken their
bath by now.  So there was no reason for Kaoru to delay any longer--
Sagara Sanosuke's Number One Plan to Capture Kenshin's Attention
could finally be put into action.  According to Sano, if she wanted
to get Kenshin to notice her, this was foolproof.
    And Kaoru was nervous.
    With good reason, she thought.  Especially considering the
originator of the plan.

                *

    "Catch this," Sano began.  "So, you want to get his attention,
right?  The number one way to make a man stand up and take notice is
to give him a little something to think about at night."
    Kaoru paled.  "You mean, I should tell him how I feel?"
    "Of course not.  I mean you should *show* him."
    "Show?" the girl echoed.  "How can I show him that I l--  What
can I do that I haven't already done?"
    "I think you know exactly what you can show," he said smugly.
    Her eyes widened as realization hit.  "S-Sano!  I...  Kenshin's
not like that!  He's different."
    The man broke into laughter.  "Just like a woman," he chuckled,
recovering.  "Lemme tell you something.  All men are pigs.  Some are
just better at hiding it.  Kenshin is world-class at hiding it," he
continued, not allowing Kaoru to interrupt.  "But, if he's really a
man, and if what I think he thinks about you is true, if you do this
right, he should be putty in your hands.  Or, if you're really good,
maybe something not so soft..."
    "NonononoNO!  I don't want to hear any more!"  The girl's face
was blazing.  "I don't understand what you're talking about, and I
don't think I want to.  That sounds so wrong..."
    "But it feels so right," Sano replied, bemused.
    "Sano!"  *THUD*
    "Itee..."

                *

    And so he'd left her with thoughts of seducing Kenshin, and that
was the reason it was very late in the morning and she was just now
getting out of the bed.  It wasn't that she was *hiding* from
Kenshin, but...  She didn't know how to seduce anyone.  And what if
it didn't work?  That would be so humiliating.  Or if it just turned
him off...
    Pursing her lips, she added another pinch of jasmine for good
measure.  Oh, there were many reasons why she shouldn't do this.
But... what if it worked?  She wanted him with an intensity that
frightened her.  To pass up anything with a possibility of working,
especially when she had to compete with both Himemiya and Megumi...
Maybe it would be good to act a little more sophisticated.  She was
the youngest of the three by far, and didn't want to be written off
as a child.
    Oh, what would Genzai-sensei say if he knew what she was
planning?  What would Dad have said?  Staring at the water
disconsolately, she sighed.  This was no good, no good at all.
    The jasmine made the bath smell quite nice, didn't it?
    Kaoru stepped into the tub, sinking into the warm water up to
her chin.  Closing her eyes, the water began to work its magic,
melting the stress away from her achingly tense neck and lower back.
Idly, she wished it were Kenshin doing the same thing.  His hands
lightly caressing her back; gently massaging away her stress, her
fears; his touch slightly tingling on her bare skin as he bent
forward and
    "Kami-sama!"  She sat ramrod straight as she snapped out of the
daydream.  "It was just a... just a...  Agh, Kaoru-chan no hentai!"
    It was definitely time to get out of the furo.

                *

    More than a little nervously, Kenshin knocked on Kaoru's door.
For a moment there was no response.  He gave a sigh of relief; he was
too worked up to talk to her now, not after that daydream.  He would
just g--
    "Just a minute!"
    So he waited.  Then the door slid open a crack.
    "Kaoru-dono?"
    "Hey, Kenshin, what's up?"  She spoke quickly, as if she were
nervous about something.  She slid the door open, mostly hiding
behind it.
    He didn't move, staring at her owlishly.
    "Ano... Kenshin?"  She paused, sounding flustered.
    "Kaoru-dono."
    "Are you okay?" she asked, voice full of concern.  "You're all
wet."
    He looked with embarrassment at his soaking clothes.  "I had a
little accident."
    "Well, you should--"  She looked down and swallowed.  "You
should come in."
    "Oro?" he oroed, thrown off-guard.
    "You said-- you said you had to talk to me.  And it's cool out;
I don't want you to get sick."  Actually, it was one of the warmer
Aprils in recent history.  But, he *had* wanted to talk with Kaoru...
Maybe he could think of something to say.
    "All right," he replied, stepping into the room.  It was the
first time he'd ever stepped into Kaoru's room.  It was comfortably
scattered, with a few cushions decorating the corners and oh my,
those were some long legs.  Kaoru must have just come from the furo;
her hair was wrapped in a towel, and she wore only a short kimono
sashed at the waist that revealed a tantalizing amount of skin.
    Trying hard not to seem like he was averting his eyes, he swung
his gaze approximately 15 degrees from her shoulder.
    "Ano, Kaoru-dono?"
    Her face was a bit flushed, and she wiped a few stray droplets
of water from her forehead.  Vigorously rubbing the towel through her
hair, she tossed it to the side, letting her freshly washed hair drop
to her shoulders.
    Kenshin swallowed.
    "Kenshin," she said expectantly.
    "H-hai."
    She glanced over her shoulder, following Kenshin's gaze.  "What
are you looking at?  Kenshin?"
    "H-hai?"  He reddened slightly at the slight annoyance in her
voice.  Turning back to her, he set his gaze firmly on her nose.  Not
up, into the azure pools of her eyes.  And certainly not lower, to
any other areas that were usually a lot more clothed--  Nose.  That
should be safe.  Now hurry up, say what you came for, and get on with
it.  He still had dishes to do.
    It was a rather cute nose, as noses go.  What had he been
thinking about?
    She moved a little closer.  "You had something to ask me?"
    "H-hai!"  He gave a short, nervous laugh, hand behind his head.
'Get it together, Himura, there's an important reason you're here.'
His face back to serious, he began.  "Kaoru-dono, I'm truly sorry
about all this... the challenge, and Himemiya-dono...  I didn't... I
understand if you want me to go."
    Her face crinkled with confusion.  "Go?"
    "If you no longer want me around..."  'If you've already got a
Sano to replace me...' he failed not to think.
    The raven-haired girl's eyes were blazing.  "What are you
talking about?  Himemiya didn't--"
    "No, no.  I was just thinking... and I wasn't sure if you..."
    Her expression changed from angry to slightly sorrowful.  Could
it be guilt?  "Oh, Kenshin."  Kaoru closed her eyes, clasping his
hand in hers.  They were so soft and warm...  And she was so close--
directly facing him, if she had inched any closer to him she would be
in his lap.  Her knees pressed warm through his hakama.  The muted
light streaming through the rice paper screens gave her eyes and hair
a sensuous gleam, and the fragrant scent of jasmine wafted from
somewhere, adding to the aphrodisiac effect.  It was becoming
decidedly more difficult to concentrate on the task at hand.
    Slowly, Kenshin closed his mouth and shook his head.  'Say
something!  Don't just stare like an idiot!'  "F-forgive me for
interrupting...  Were you on your way out somewhere?"
    Perhaps she blushed slightly?  "If someone special wants to go,
then maybe..."  She averted his eyes, yet squeezed his hand a bit
tighter.
    "Knock, knock."  Mood shattered, the pair's attention snapped to
the door as Sanosuke poked his head into the room.  "I'm sorry," he
deferred, backing out at seeing the two of them.
    Kaoru's hands flew from Kenshin's, instead moving in a futile
attempt to cover herself.  "Sano..."  If her voice was tinged with
annoyance, Kenshin couldn't tell.
    "Later, right.  I'll look forward to it," he said, flashing her
a devilish grin.
    Sweatdropping slightly, she tucked some stray hair behind her
ear.  "Sorry about that.  He's--  But you were saying something,
right?"
    "N-- I--  I ought to go; you'll catch cold, sitting here all wet
fresh from the bath."  He definitely wasn't looking at her now.
    "But--"
    "Later, all right?"  Ears blazing, he slipped out of the room,
closing the door firmly.  Sagging against it, he bit his lip, lost in
thought.  'Stupid Sagara, ruining everything,' a little voice inside
him growled.  'Who does he think he is, busting into Kaoru's room
like that?'
    Eh?  Where had that come from?  Himura Kenshin didn't think like
that.  Himura Kenshin didn't *feel* like that.  Himura Kenshin kept
certain emotions in check.  He acted with a lot more presence of mind
than he'd been showing lately.  How could he have been so--  He
groaned, cursing himself for his lack of control.  She probably
thought so little of him now...
    'It was worth it,' said the voice.
    Oh, shut up.

                *

    "He ruined it...  I finally did it, and he ruined it.  I was so
close..."  Kaoru stared down at her hands.  She'd been so close.
Kenshin had *finally* let her get close.  She'd touched him.  And he
hadn't protested, or played dumb, or anything.  Oh, she had really
had him; she could've sworn there was some deeper emotion than
confusion playing behind those violet eyes this time.  He looked like
he would've almost... almost...  And then Sano...  "Mou!"  She
scrunched her hands into her hair, doubling over.
    "Oi."  The door was roughly opened.
    At this latest interruption, she looked up slowly, hair flopping
wildly.
    "Gah, put some clothes on, woman!"  Yahiko turned, shielding his
eyes.  "I'm blinded!"
    "I'll give you blinded," she growled.  "What do you want?"
    "I was just wondering if you were busy today.  I don't gotta be
here, do I?"
    "What... hot date, Yahiko-chan?"
    "Like you would ever know, ugly.  And don't call me '-chan'," he
said, turning.  "So I'm leaving."
    "What about dinner?"
    "Kenshin says he's out tonight, and I'm safer if I don't eat
yours."  He stuck out his tongue.  "I'll be back late tonight, if
you're still here."
    She reddened slightly.  It seemed it would be another lonely
night.  "It seems the place will be empty.  Kenshin's not the only
one with a social life.  I happen to have an important appointment
tonight," she lied.
    "If you say so, busu," he called, already out the door.
    "You be home by eight," she returned.
    "Bite me."
    "I'll smack you silly if you don't--"  She started after him,
pausing as she felt her kimono loosen.  Kenshin, who for some reason
was still standing outside her room, began to redden.
    "..."  Mortified, she slammed the door.

                *

    Sano lounged outside the walls of the Kamiya grounds.  It seemed
Kaoru had already put his plan into action.  Well, good for her, but
bad for him-- he'd gotten up early to help her out.  Now what was he
supposed to do?
    Listlessly, he plucked a leaf of grass from the ground and
placed it in his mouth.  He considered walking into town.  Perhaps
he'd beg a meal off Tae, then go bother the onna-sensei for a while.
Or Katsu, he hadn't seen him in a while.  That should kill a few
hours.
    A yellow and green blur came trotting past.  "Oi, Yahiko."
    The boy turned, skidding to a stop.  "Roosterhead.  What're you
doing there?"
    "Wondering," Sano replied, calmly chewing on his grass stalk.
"How's Jou-chan today?"
    "Usual annoying self," the boy shrugged.
    "So... you been booted?"
    "Naw, I got stuff to do."  He gave a look both casual and
threatening, in case Sano decided to inquire further.  So of course,
as the considerate friend he was, Sano did.
    "So, what're you up to?  Out to the Akabeko?"
    "Like I said, I got stuff to do," the boy said guardedly.
    "Sou da.  Just because I was thinking of going over there, and
I'd walk with you."
    Yahiko raised an eyebrow.  "Like Tae'll wanna see you after last
time."
    "Tae loves me.  They all do.  And some real cuties work there,
don't you think?"  He grinned as the boy's grimace deepened.
    "I'm leaving," Yahiko growled, turning.
    "Matte--  About Jou-chan."  The ex-gangster stood, spitting out
the grass.  "I need to talk to her later.  She gonna be around?"
    "Nn, she said something like she was going out or something.
'Cause Kenshin's going out.  So she was going out."
    "Really?"  This was great-- Kaoru and Kenshin already going out.
Sagara Number One Plan or no, Sano really hadn't expected Kenshin to
crack that easily.  "Che, what did Jou-chan *do* to him?" he wondered
aloud.
    "Who knows.  He was all red-faced."
    "Well, damn.  Here, give her a message.  Tell her good luck...
get ready for tonight, and not to tire Kenshin out *too* much."
    Yahiko gave a blank stare.  "Huh?"
    "Pay attention, Yahiko-chan!"  Sano smacked the boy upside the
head.  "Just tell her I'll see her later."  He tried, with little
success, to wrench Yahiko from where he'd latched on, biting his
head.
    "All right, if I see her," Yahiko said dubiously, getting in a
last kick.  "And don't call me '-chan'.  I gotta go, I promised Tae
I'd help out for lunch rush."
    "Okay," Sano said, watching as the boy ran off.  "Say hi to
Tsubame-chan for me."
    "Shut up!"
    Smiling with wonder, Sano strolled into town.  One drunken
night's planning, and the problem of Kenshin and Kaoru was solved.
Yes, he truly was a god.  Maybe he could sell his services as a
matchmaker.  Everyone kept ragging on him to get a job...
    He needed to gloat.  Putting on a self-satisfied grin, he set
off towards Dr. Genzai's clinic.

                *

    He would try once more.
    "Ano, Kaoru-dono?  I'm going out," Kenshin called.  "Do you want
me to--"
    "Bye!" came the reply from deep inside the house.
    He slumped, trudging down the path off the grounds.  Not "Take
care, Kenshin," not "Wait, and I'll go with you, Kenshin," but a
cold, impersonal "Bye".  He sighed.
    "Himura, what's wrong?"
    "Oro?!"  The redhead jumped, startled.  His two new self-
proclaimed friends, Joe and Dan, stood right outside the gate.
"Could you not just jump out of nowhere like that?" Kenshin asked
crossly.
    The pair blinked, exchanging glances of surprise.  "Surely you
do not mean to imply that we surprised you," Joe said.
    Dan frowned.  "Something really must be bugging you-- you
shoulda been able to sense us here from inside the house.  Now,
what's on your mind?"  He walked up to Kenshin, clapping the man on
the shoulder.  "You know, it's not healthy to hold your feelings
inside, Himura-kun--"
    Dan was interrupted as Joe lifted him by the scruff of the neck,
depositing him away from Kenshin.  "Forgive his... enthusiasm, but,
in name at least, we are here to aid you."
    Kenshin looked at the pair, equally honest in their emotions, if
not equally interested in his plight, and faltered.
    "It's...  Something happened with Kaoru-dono.  She won't talk to
me."
    "What did you do?" Dan scolded.
    "Nothing... I don't know."
    Joe raised an eyebrow.
    Kenshin sighed again.  "All right," he conceded, "I'm rather
certain.  I... I think I've offended her."
    "What did you do?" Dan repeated, more dangerously.
    "I...  Well, she was acting oddly this morning, so I went to her
room to check on her.  And... and when she allowed me in, she was
dressed in a rather... risqu� fashion."  He blushed heavily at the
memory.
    "And?"
    "And... and she was moving, and her kimono didn't-- or maybe her
kimono moved and not her--  And then... I was right there, and..."
He gestured, attempting to display what happened, while blushing even
deeper.
    "And--"  Joe gestured, mocking the redhead's forlornly
embarrassed expression.
    Kenshin nodded forlornly, completely missing Joe's sarcasm.
"Just like..."  He gestured again.  "Pop!"
    Creasing his brow, Dan imitated the gesture.  "Pop?"
    Kenshin nodded again, feeling quite lost as to how he could
explain this without turning redder.  Deciding he had no choice but
to be explicit--  "You know...  She sortof bent over, and just...
popped out.  Pop."  He gestured.
    "Pop," Joe commented.
    "Oh," Dan commented.
    The trio stood silently for a beat.
    "Well?" Joe asked.
    "Oro?  Well what?"
    "Well, what did you *do*?" Dan stressed, moving closer in
anticipation of juicy details.
    "Do?  Well, ...I... I looked," Kenshin admitted, miserably.
    "That's *it*?!" Dan yelped.
    "That's offensive?" Joe queried.
    "Well..." Kenshin floundered.  "You're...  One's not supposed
to...  I've never..."  He stopped, sensing himself digging deeper.
    "You've never peeped at a girl before?!" Dan asked
incredulously.
    "Oro?  Should I have?"
    Dan shook his head, looking to the sky.  "Himura...  Are you
from another planet or something?"
    "You *do* like women," Joe confirmed, tone of voice suggesting
the negative.
    "Yes!" Kenshin exploded.  "Yes, I like females.  *Just* because
I'm *slightly* underheight and I've *slightly* delicate features
*doesn't* *mean*--"  He stopped, noticing Joe and Dan's alarmed
stares and the fact that a crowd was beginning to gather.
    Whirling, Kenshin continued down the road, movements rigid with
frustration.  He didn't have time for this.  Just because he happened
to be a *gentleman* about things like that--
    "Geez, Joe, this's the kind of guy girls dump schmoes like us
for."  Dan trotted to flank Kenshin's left.  "Come on, Himura.
You're making the rest of us look bad."  He grinned toothily.  He
stopped suddenly, forking a thumb towards the Akabeko.  "Come on,
I'll buy you a drink."
    Kenshin took a deep breath and exhaled wearily.  Didn't anything
put these guys off?  "I don't drink," he said.
    "Eh?  Doesn't date, doesn't drink, what *does* he do?" Dan asked
Joe jovially.
    "Attracts honeys like a magnet," the bishounen quipped.
    The shorter men crinkled their faces with confusion.  "You
always've had a way with words," Dan returned.  "But he's right.  It
seems that the greater Tokyo area has a jones for you, Himura."
    "Does not," Kenshin denied, feeling rather childish.
    "Does too.  Now come on, I'll buy you a tea, and you can discuss
your problem some more."
    "But--"  He was cut off as Dan yanked him into the restaurant.
Joe shrugged, following at a more sedate pace.

                *

    "Yahiko, could you get that?"
    Tae's voice wafted to the boy over the bustle of patrons eating
lunch.  "Hai!" he called in reply, weaving through the noon crowd to
deliver the heavy tray he hefted.  As if he really had time for
another table--  Tripping, he cursed softly, hot soup splashing on
his arm.  He really hated lunch rush.  "Douzo," he said, depositing
the contents of the tray onto their respective tables.  Wiping off
his arm, he moved to the new guests Tae had indicated.
    "Irasshaimase," the boy singsonged, "welcome to the Aka-- eh,
Kenshin, what're you doing here?
    "Konnichi wa, Yahiko," Kenshin answered.  "I was just--"
    "Here for a quick bite," the small, brown-haired man beside him
interrupted.  He looked really familiar...
    "Ehh, I know you, you're the ramen guys.  You're the guys what
come in here all the time, order ramen, and complain about it.
Where'd you pick up these losers, Kenshin?"  The redhead gave the
defeated look Yahiko knew so well, the one that usually meant there
was Nothing He Could Do about it, and No, Yahiko, He Couldn't help
him out.  The boy sighed, scratching his head.  "Look, what's your
order?"
    "Might I have the ramen?" the tall, slick-looking one requested.
    "No."
    He narrowed his eyes slightly with annoyance.  "Yakisoba, then."
    "Make that three orders," said the loud-looking one.  "And sake-
- you're *sure* you won't drink, Himura?"
    "I told you, I don't drink alcohol," he said flatly.  "Not this
early, anyway."
    "Your loss, though I don't see why not...  Okay, three yakisobas
and *tea*.  Because he doesn't *drink* alcohol."
    "All right," Yahiko replied, turning to walk the order back to
the kitchen.  If he were Kenshin, he wouldn't take strange guys
talking about him like that.  Kenshin was such a pushover sometimes.
    "Maa, you guys are as bad as Sano."
    'Sano...'  Yahiko stopped, a thought niggling at his brain.
Wasn't he supposed to do something for him?  Like... talk to Kaoru?
Oh yeah...  Well, Kenshin would probably see her again before Yahiko
was off work.
    He turned again, walking back to the table.  "Oi, Kenshin.  Do
me a favor?  Tell Kaoru that uh, Sano said to get ready, and he'll
like, see her later, or something."  Yeah, that was pretty much the
gist of Sano's message.  He thought.
    "He... he said that, Yahiko?"  Kenshin's voice was small and
tinged with surprise.
    "More or less," the boy replied evasively.  "What?  ...Kenshin?"
    A strange expression passing over his face, the man rose.
Without a word, he left the group and walked out of the restaurant.
    "Himura!"  The short ramen guy started after Kenshin, then
stopped, looking perturbed.  "Man...  Can we make that two
yakisobas?"

                *

    Himura Kenshin wore a solemn mask as he ascended the stairs to
Sanosuke's flat.  The apartment flop house was quite dingy, and
Kenshin's housekeeping side was screaming in revulsion.  The hallway
was dull and sparse, as well as dark and ominous, and he could swear
he felt a rat scamper over his socked feet.  He suddenly realized why
his were about the only pair of shoes sitting at the door.  Wrinkling
his nose, he now knew why Sano spent so much time at the dojo.
    This brought Kenshin back to his original reason for making the
trek to this part of town in the first place.  This had gone on long
enough.  He would settle the issue of Sano and Kaoru, tonight.
    Ah, here was the room.  'Sagara', the nameplate said in slightly
messy hand lettering.  He knocked.  "Sano."
    There was no answer.  Kenshin shuffled slightly, looking at the
ground.  A pair of black slippers sat outside the room, so Sano had
to be there.
    "Ojamasuru de gozaru," he called, entering the flat.  He found
Sano behind a Chinese screen, humming loudly off-key and preening
before a mirror.
    "Ano..."
    "Hm, Kenshin!  Didn't hear you come in!" Sano said, not looking
away from the mirror.  He carefully combed his hair up, using a
strange creamy substance to hold it in place.
    Kenshin figured it might be wiser not to ask, but...  "What is
that stuff?"
    "Huh?!" Sano asked.
    "Never mind.  About Kaoru-dono," Kenshin began again, a bit
louder.
    "What?!  I can't hear you!  Speak up!"
    "What?  What's wrong with you?" Kenshin asked, suddenly cross.
    "Rut long?  What bullshit are you talking?  I can't hear a
damned thing, Kenshin!  Sano turned to the shorter man, giving a
piteous look.  "Look at this," he said, indicating a swollen bruise
around his ear.  "I went to the clinic to tell the good news, and the
Fox hit me but good.  Who knew she'd take it so hard... or that I'd
have to.  Maybe someone else should've told her," he loudly mused,
turning back to the mirror.
    "Oro?  What good news?"
    "You know, about Jou-chan...  Oh, don't act like you don't
know."  Sano elbowed him playfully in the side.
    Eye twitching, the red-haired man stepped back stiffly, in no
mood for Sano's games.  "Sano, I--"
    "You know, I hate women that get all bitchy when they don't get
what they want," Sano continued, oblivious.  "Luckily, I get to see
someone who appreciates my numerous good qualities tonight."
    Kenshin tensed.  "What would be the venue for that, might I
ask."
    "Huh?!"
    "What are you talking about?!"
    "Che, there's no need to yell," Sano yelled.  "I'm surprised
Jou-chan didn't tell you.  I'm going on a date."
    Kenshin's face set into a frown, as his mind began to spiral
with the implications that rang so loudly in his head.  "When," he
asked, sounding more like the Battousai.
    "Tonight.  What, you got a fight for me?"
    "Perhaps it won't have to come to that."  His voice was like his
sakabatou-- dull, with a sharp edge just behind.  "It may not be my
place to say, but I don't want you seeing her."
    Sano's eyes narrowed slightly, but he did not turn away from his
hair.  "You're right, it's not your place to say.  I keep out of
where I'm not wanted, and maybe you should, too."  He straightened.
"I don't understand what your problem is."
    "You ought to, you are not as stupid as you look.  We're
friends, Sanosuke.  I do not want this to come between us."
    He bristled at the insult.  "You're talking crazy, Kenshin.  I
think you'd better leave, since Jou-chan would be pissed if she saw
you coming home with bruises.
    "Oh?"  His eyes glinted yellow.
    Sano promptly threw Kenshin out the window.  "Don't come back
'til you find some sense!" he yelled after the smaller man.
    Slamming the window shut, Sano stomped back to the other side of
the room.  What the hell was Kenshin thinking?  He had a date with
one of the girls at the Akabeko.  She was pretty cute, and if he
could charm her out of his large tab there, all the better.  Why
Kenshin would have a problem with this was a complete mystery.
Must've been hit on the head too many times by Kaoru or something.

                *

    Kaoru sneezed, involuntarily revealing her cards to Yahiko.
    "Any fives?" he asked, smirking.
    "Geez, you're so good at this game!"  She passed him three
cards, her own expression changing to a smug grin.  "So, how was
Tsubame-chan this afternoon?"
    "So, what happened to the 'important appointment' you had?" he
mocked.  "Playing cards with a ten-year-old just that much more fun?"
    "Shut up."

                *

    Kenshin slouched home, dejected.  That talk hadn't gone well at
all.  Granted, he *had* overreacted slightly, but there was no reason
for Sano to have thrown him out a window.
    And he definitely hadn't made any progress in breaking up Sano
and Kaoru.  Something the taller man had said stuck in his mind...
    'I keep out of where I'm not wanted.'
    Which meant... that Kaoru *wanted* to be with Sano!
    "It can't be true.  I don't believe it," Kenshin said aloud.
But why else would the two of them be together?  And how could he
stop them?
    He could kill Sano-- oops!  Bad Battousai.  Bad.  No, no, if he
couldn't stop Sano, he would have to break them up from the other
side.  Kaoru.
    He didn't know why he needed to do this.  Sano was right, it
wasn't his place to make this decision.  Nevertheless, he would stop
Kaoru from being with that... that kid.
    ...If Kaoru would ever start talking to him again.  But she
would.  This could work.  He'd talk to Megumi to get Sano off his
back; then Kaoru would be his for the taking-- er, for... for their
continued friendship.  The friendship that was fine and more than
enough of a relationship for him.  'That sounds weak, even to my
ears...'
    Kenshin shook his head, a determined look on his face.  He would
take this one day at a time, and everything would work out.  He had a
plan.  From now on, everything would be clear sailing.
    "Himura-sama..."
    Urk.
    Himemiya Moemi.
    "Himemiya-dono," he said, trying not to look too dismayed.
"What brings you out so late?"
    "Actually, I was looking for you..."
    "Eh...  Oro?!"  She bonked him over the head with a daikon
radish and dragged him after her.
    From behind a tree, the mysterious figure sweatdropped.

                *

    "Where *is* everybody?!" Kaoru exclaimed.
    "Go fish," Yahiko replied.

tbc.

[Notes]

+ The chapters keep getting longer... ^_^  Anyway, thanks to
Ammadeau, Lily-dono, Jan Story, Harumi, and probably some other
people I'm forgetting. ^_^;

+ Ryu Fuminara Sen - 'fuminara' is roughly equivalent to 'to stamp
[feet]'.  So, this technique means something like 'Stomping Dragon
Flash'.  If you've better Japanese you'd like to share...

+ -Technically-, Joe would be 'biseinen', as he's rather old. (well,
not *that* old..)  However, bishounen has a nicer ring to it, don't
you think?

+ Dan and Joe are my default names for everything.  I got it in my
head a while back that a Hitokiri Joe would be pretty humorous, in an
anticlimactic sort of way.  Plus, I thought Kenshin needed a friend.
It all went from there...

+ 'Hasshin' = launch

+ Gee, the mysterious figure got serious this episode.. ^_^;;

+ 'Haitte mo ii dazo' =(roughly) Is it okay if I come in?

+ 'Maa, futari tomo' =(somewhat) Hey, you two...

+ Yeah, I know Sano doesn't live in a 2 story building.  But isn't
defenestration fun?

[Next Time]

Okay, so I finally get time in this episode, and I spend it all
working?  Dammit, I *hate* fanfiction!  --Oh, you're here already?
Eh-heh... it's me, Yahiko...  Anyway, next time.  Bad stuff happens
to Sano.  I mean, like everyone's mad at him.  Kaoru's pissed at him,
Kenshin's pissed at him, Megumi's pissed at him, and she's barely
been on screen five minutes.  So, I'm thinking he's about to get
snuck.  It's not going to be pretty.  Plus, those stupid ramen guys,
and that crazy Himemiya woman have a plot or two.  Fun for everyone,
except, maybe, me.  I hate fanfiction.  So read chapter seven,
'What's Goin' On'.

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