<read fic>
Logical analysis:
"hmmm... Technically pretty solid... Nothing I'd complain about"
Emotional analysis:
"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHHhh"<pant><wheeze>
...Well.. at least it wasn't "Darkness beyond twilight" ...
Or nothing about a lake of gold, thank kami...
The more-and-less obscure anime references are funny..
some recommendations, though.
Don't downplay the girls too much, part of the best humor comes from
the tension and differences between what-should-have-been(ie. orig.timeline)
and what-will-be, and what the girls think about Dan the Ass ^^
Xellos'll be a great addition to the "baddies" team, although he might not
always
be playing for his own side, ne?
<waves a flag "I'm a Xelloss fan".>
Dan seems like the kind of guy who would't hesitate revealing delicate, but
obfuscate
information just for the heck of it( Like the REAL reason why Emeraude was
"kidnapped")
in the spirit of "So what's it like to be a clone of Shinji's dead mom?"(I
believe this was in one
of Ammadeau's fics.)
Recommended inspirational viewing: Bakuen Campus Guardress.
The main heroine, Jinno Hazumi makes you wish you had more stable and less
destructive help
around, like say, Lina Inverse or the Dirty P^H^H^H^H^H^H^HLovely Angels ^^
Keep on writing, me wanna more ^^