On Thursday, Ranma was introduced to a weekly tradition at the
Tendo household.
Various lemon writers raise their hands, offering suggestions, but
Gary steadfastly ignores them.
"That's right, Ranma." Nabiki crossed the Tendo living room,
sliding down onto the floor next to him. "Every other Thursday, Kasumi
takes the night off and goes out, leaving the rest of us to fend for
ourselves."
The secret life of Kasumi?
"It's for you, Ranma! Isn't this why you go through all that
trouble to find new and better ways of beating people up? So that you
can get things like this?"
"But... it's not MINE!"
"Sure it is! I'm giving it to you. It's a freebie, even. You
don't owe me anything for it."
"But I didn't *defeat* anybody for it!"
"You sure you don't want it?"
Ranma nodded.
"Oh well. You had your chance! I wish it was gone." She tapped
the trophy with her finger, and it popped out of existence like a
punctured balloon.
Nabiki's either trying very obliquely to explain her own sense of
challenge to Ranma, or she's being very thick. My guess is the
former, of course, but Ranma doesn't seem to get it.
Akane turned. Dr. Tofu stood in front of his clinic, the stone
overhang above shielding his head from the late afternoon sun. "Oh, I'm
fine." She smiled. "It doesn't hurt at all anymore, thanks to you,
Doctor."
How did Akane hurt her ankle? Maybe I need to read over the last chapter
again.
Never mind that Ranma was such an idiot that he'd inevitably
screw up any wish she made. Never mind that she'd be stealing from her
*sister* -- the sister who probably probably deserved it less than any
other person in the world. Using magic to make someone love you was just
*wrong.* And what would be the point anyway? He wouldn't *really* love
her -- the magic would only make him think he did.
And it wouldn't work at all if Ranma had the Aladdin genie's wish limits.
But never mind that.
This is an interesting bit here with Akane being tempted by the power
available to her, and it sets up a potential line of development in the
future. Resisting temptation a single time is doable, especially for
a young, idealistic sort like Akane. But how about five years from now?
Ten years? Already, we see Akane making moral compromises,
such as the wish to appear in Kasumi's form in this chapter. How long
before her sense of right and wrong starts to subtly shift, and she finds
herself willing to use magic to do things she previously would never have
dreamed of?
It's possible she'll come to realize this and put some serious ethical
clamps on herself. But how long will it take?
"So, tell me about yourself." Mendo's friend smiled slyly at
Ranma. "Do you have any hobbies? What are your measurements?"
Mendo raised an eyebrow. "Must you be so crude, Moroboshi? You
treat fine delicacies as if they were instant ramen. Women like Nabiki
and Ranko should be admired as works of art."
Ugh.
"Oh, I'm so sorry!" Ranma said with mock sincerity. "My martial
self-defense training makes me automatically throttle any boy who gets
too near me. I can't do anything about it."
Technically, he didn't try to throttle Ataru there. Perhaps "pound the snot
out of" would be more apt.
Moroboshi sprang forward and wrapped his arm around Ranma's
waist. "By letting you get used to it!" Ranma's fists began pounding on
him, but he held on with an iron grip.
Little does Ranma know that this is excellent training if Happosai ever
does show up in this fic.
Which leads me to wonder... where ARE some of the other cast members?
The timeline is flexible, but shouldn't we at least have seen Ryouga by now?
He opened the closet door to fetch a change of clothes. From
inside, Kasumi looked up at him, smiling thinly.
Carefully, Tofu slid the door closed. He paused for a few
seconds.
"KASUUUUMIII!"
The lemon writers sigh forlornly, knowing that Gary's Tofu would
never have the imagination to really take advantage of a situation
like this.
Seriously, though, I like this bit of confusion and humor. It worked
well.
A facefull of Ranko's hair cut off Ataru's words. Her head
nuzzled up against his face. Her arms tightly hugged his chest. Finally,
she'd gotten over her inhibitions. What a brilliant idea it was to talk
to her!
Couldn't Ranma think of a better way to shut Ataru up at this
particular moment? Maybe I'm not visualizing this properly.
"Doctor, don't be silly." A suppresed giggle. "I'm not in your
bedroom; I'm out here."
"But... but you're in there, too! In the closet! I saw you!"
"Of course I'm not in your closet, Doctor." Footsteps. "Here,
I'll show you."
Kasumi's in the closet? There's that secret life again.
Akane's stomach trembled. She had hidden in the closet, hoping
that the doctor wouldn't open it. But now Kasumi would see her. Knowing
what Ranma's powers could do, she would inevitably put two and two
together. And there was no way to get out in time.
Ah, and here you have an opportunity for a classic Marx brothers scene
involving an open doorway which is interpreted as a mirror.
"What kind of restaurants do you like to go to?"
"Um...." Ranma considered. "Dunno." Were there different kinds
of restaurants? He'd thought they were all the same. "I don't go out to
eat much."
Hmm? That seems a little dim even for Ranma.
"Just between you and me?" Ranma paused, sighed, and continued
in a near-whisper. "I'd be happy if I never had to have anything to do
with her again."
"Oh." Akane wanted to either cry or break something; she wasn't
sure which. Why did it matter? It wasn't like she really cared what a
jerk like him thought anyhow.
"I mean, sure she helps me out of trouble, but it's only so I'll
let her make wishes. And I ain't forgot about those pics of me she sold
to Kuno. And...."
Oh. "Ranma?"
An unusually quick resolution to a misunderstanding, by Ranma 1/2
standards.
"Oh my. Ranma, you'd better not let Akane hear you call her
that."
"Heh." Ranma smirked like a child who had just gotten away with
being naughty.
"Because if she heard you, she'd probably say something like 'I
wish a frying pan would appear and strike you forcefully over the
head.'"
A loud clang resounded through the restaurant.
Now THAT was good.
A quick wish later, Akane was back in Tofu's bedroom, still
somewhat irritated at Ranma. Okay, so fooling him with her Kasumi
A quick and ill-advised wish later, that is. Akane isn't thinking very
clearly here, I guess.
No, of course not. As he'd told himself many times, there were
doctors in this world, and there were patients. Tofu had made up his
mind long ago to be a Doctor. Doctors didn't get sick; they helped sick
people get well.
This is an interesting insight into the mind Tofu, which is territory
rarely explored in fanfiction. It says a lot about him, and suggests
even more about things that may have happened in his life. Even
if you don't explore the Tofu thread farther, it's a nice touch to hint
at the hidden aspects of his character this way.
"Fear not, my dear." Mendo nonchalantly ran a comb through his
hair. "I would never allow this lout's touch to soil one as lovely as
dear Ranko."
He's already too late on this one.
Leaning over, Nabiki whispered in Ranma's ear. "I wish Kasumi
was right back where she was a minute ago."
This should lead to a very short-ranged teleport on Kasumi's part,
of course.
"For *me?*" Nabiki gasped in amazement. Ranma had to admit that
he'd been wrong about her; she definitely deserved Best Actress Of *All
Time.* This was the last time he would play her game. Next time he got
into trouble, he'd get out of it without doing business with her.
Sure...
He went back over what he knew so far. Fact: Akane had made a
wish before dinner, not telling him what it was. Fact: Akane had a crush
on Tofu, but Tofu only had eyes for Kasumi. Fact: Two wishes that
should've teleported Akane to the restaurant had both brought Kasumi
there instead. Fact: A wish to send Kasumi back had failed for no
apparent reason, but another -- one that hadn't referred to her by name
-- had worked.
Suddenly, it all made sense. The answer was simple. He resisted
the urge to laugh out loud. Clever, Akane. Really clever.
Now the only way Ranma would ever be able to sort his way through
a labyrinth of clues like that is if he's going to shoot himself in the foot
in the end. Which, of course, is what he does.
"Er, well, you see, that is...." Ranma tried to think of
something to say, and drew a blank.
"Dad, it's my fault!"
All eyes turned. "Akane?"
"I accidentally wished that Ranma would go insult someone else
instead of me. Should've known the idiot would pick somebody like
Kasumi."
Wow... that's pretty fast thinking for Akane.
I find that this is one of the areas where I'm tripping up a bit in this
story. Sometimes, the characters seem very sharp and clever,
and other times they seem to be rather thick and clueless. There's
room for portraying the Ranma cast either way, but in this story,
you seem to jump around a bit (unlike "Hearts and Minds," where
your handling of the characters seems very fluid and consistent).
Here, though, the plot seems to dictate how the characters behave
more than the other way around, so the characters are alternatively
smart and dumb when the story dictates.
This isn't a huge problem, and it doesn't take much away from my
enjoyment of the story, but I do notice it.
"Ah, that explains it." Mr. Tendo laughed. "Better get some hot
water and cancel that wish, eh, son?"
"Good idea. Sorry about this, Mr. Tendo, you, uh, you uncute
tomboy."
That part really tickled me, though.
"You're welcome," she answered, smiling sweetly. "Say, since you
have that arrangement with Nabiki, does this mean you owe *me* a wish
now?"
Ranma sighed.
"Oh, don't worry." She chuckled. "I won't wish for anything
bad."
How about he'll just agree not to tell anyone that she disguised herself
as Kasumi? That seems fair enough.
AUTHOR'S RAMBLINGS: After a change of location and job, I'm
finally settled in enough to continue my ongoing series. Hope you all
enjoyed this chapter, but please let me hear from you whether you did or
not. For the near future, I'll be putting this series aside again to
work on HaM and some other projects. But it'll be back eventually.
It seems like a tough series to write, for all its lighthearted tone. I can't
help but wonder about the "cure for cancer" storyline, which didn't even
get a mention in this chapter. Maybe you re-wrote Chapter 4 and I didn't
see (I glanced at your website, but didn't have time to do much more than
skim the chapter again). The problem I had with the cure for cancer plot
is that it seems too big to just drop and get back to the fun-and-games,
which is what happened this time around. Maybe it's just me.
I do enjoy this story and hope you get back to it eventually. However, it
seems you're on much firmer ground when you're writing "Hearts and
Minds," so I'm certainly pleased to hear you're getting back to that one.
In the mean time, I'm trying to settle back into the habit of doing some
C&C, which I haven't had time for in the past several months. Hope that
it has been of some help to you.
Grayson Towler
grayson@rigroup.net
http://www.rigroup.com/~grayson/relentless
- GK, 1/17/00
Gary Kleppe
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics.html