Scenes From An Elevator:
An Idiotic Utena Spamfic
By: Dreiser
EPISODE TWENTY ONE: The Lack of Life Goes On
SCENE: A nondescript broken elevator at Ohtori Academy
where the shadow of no one is seen inside. Some birds are
still inside of it busy making a nest. The Sunlit Garden no
longer plays faintly in the background.
BIRDS: Tweety, tweet, tweet.
AUTHOR: (Grimaces.) What?! What do you want from me?!
The friggin elevator is empty now and I've always started this
dinky spamfic with a scene in the stupid elevator! My car is
snowed in and they're predicting a blizzard tonight!
SCENE: The bowels of hell. It's very dark, hot, and for some
reason smells like the perfume, CK1. Takatsuki Shiori stands
in front of Satan wearing an unusually humble face on her evil
features. The Sunlit Garden no longer plays faintly in the
background.
SHIORI: (Sadly.) I'm really, really, really, really, really, sorry
that I didn't carry out my mission like I was supposed to,
Lord.
SATAN: (Frowns.) Normally I'd send you to the racks for
some torture as punishment but I think you'd enjoy that.
SHIORI: (Hopeful tones.) But you'll send me anyway?
SATAN: (Scowls.) No! (He pauses to think.) Tell you what,
I'll forgive this transgression if you do a favor for me.
SHIORI: (Perks up.) Favor? What favor is that?
SATAN: (Imperious.) You must serve as my official
representative at Ohtori! You will act in my interest for
everything that happens there and sit in on those boring
shareholder meetings that I really hate going to.
SHIORI: (Whines.) Do I have to?
SATAN: (Booms.) YES!!
SHIORI: (Pouts and mutters.) Fine, I'll do it. But I'll have you
know I'm just agreeing so I can see Juri-sama again.
SATAN: (Dismissive tones.) Whatever. (Pauses.) What about
Mikage and Mamiya? I thought you wanted to get revenge on
them for not being able to help you carry out my plan.
SHIORI: (Blinks. Says dimly.) Who?
SATAN: (Groans.) Never mind.
SCENE: The ground by Ohtori Academy's main building.
A crowd of people aren't staring at the anvil flattened remains
of Akira the Janitor at all anymore. In fact, his squashed
remains are oddly missing for some reason. The Sunlit Garden
no longer plays faintly in the background.
ANTHY: (Puzzles.) What happened to Akira the Janitor's
body? Is it just me or did it suddenly disappear?
TOUGA: (Shrugs. Careless tones.) Frankly, I couldn't care
less what happened to his corpse. I'm going home so I can put
good use to my time. Once I get my PC running again I'll get
my online porn downloaded five times faster.
(Touga then sprints off into the distance still talking to himself
about online porn as the others watch him depart.)
JURI: (Mutters lowly.) Freak.
SAIONJI: (Nods wisely.) It's strange, isn't it? When this
spamfic began I'm sure that I was the one considered most
odd of us all but now it's Touga who has claimed that title.
WAKABA: (Dryly.) Actually, it I think Touga was always the
strangest one in this fic.
B-KO: (Pops up out of nowhere.) No way! Saionji is way
more of a freak than Touga! Trust me on that.
SAIONJI: (Affirms.) Yes, quite! I'm much more of a--- (He
pauses to think on this. Glares at B-ko.) Hey!
B-KO: (Snickers.) Baka.
JURI: (Shakes her head and sighs.) That's it. I've had enough
of this idiocy. I'm going home and taking a long shower like I
always do when I'm depressed, upset, or just the mood to
look really cool in my online screenshots.
(As Juri walks off, C-ko suddenly frees herself from the huge
pile of girl groupies who are starting to wake up on hearing the
news that Juri is leaving them.)
C-KO: (Cries out.) Wait, Juri-sama! Take me with you!
GIRL GROUPIES: (Wail.) Juri-sama! Don't leave us!
JURI: (Eyes go wide. Gulps.) Oh no... not again.
(Juri takes off like a shot before the girl groupies can free
themselves of the massive pile they've made.)
GIRL GROUPIES: (Running after Juri.) Please come back to
us, Juri-sama! We can't live without you!
C-KO: (Starts after them.) Juri-sama, don't let them assault
you! (Notices that although she is running she's not going
anywhere. Looks back to see B-ko holding the back of her
shirt.) Hey! What are you doing?! You're keeping me from
running after my beloved Juri-sama!
B-KO: (Eyes narrow.) It's time that we settle this, scab.
(As rather ominous music plays the scene fades to black.)
To be continued...
All characters in this spamfiction are from Utena. This is a
nonsensical out of character piece of tripe that I wrote when
extremely bored. I'll continue to write this series when I'm
extremely bored because sometimes I just feel like being silly.
In other words don't take this stinky poo seriously. It's just for
fun.
Send comments to: Dreiser1@ix.netcom.com
The not so thrilling trailer line: What will happen next time?!
Will Touga still not be trapped in the elevator?! Are those
birds going to keep making their nests in the aforementioned
elevator?! And can C-ko survive B-ko's horrible, horrible,
wrath?! Stay tuned!
Chat with me on ICQ! My ICQ # is: 37674780
Thanks to Red Death all of my fanfics are archived at:
http://www.lvdi.net/~reddeath/dreiser.htm
For SFAE in text and other spiffy Utena fanfics go to:
http://www.duellists.tj/~utena/index2.html
To hear the excellent SFAE radio production go to:
http://michiru.com/utena/
A RANDOM QUOTE AND ANALYZATION:
"If someone is kind to you it isn't always love."
-Tiger; Saber Marionette J-
WAKABA: (Groans.) Dammit. She's getting all heavy on us
again. Why couldn't I have gotten the pika pi quote?
DIOS: (Looks thoughtful.) ...
WAKABA: (Glares at him.) And a fat lot of help you are too!
All you can do is sit there and look bishonen with a blank look
on your face! What sort of skill is that?
DIOS: (Seems hurt.) ...
WAKABA: (Walks off and mutters.) I can't even take this gig
anymore. It's getting more stupid each time. And how am I
supposed to know what love is? They got me lusting after an
idiot Kendoist and a crossdressing chick in canon. Neither of
which give me the time of day romantically. I'm just an abused
character, I tell you. Abused!
DIOS: (Gives a hapless shrug.) ...