DB Sommer wrote:
-----Original Message-----
I know it's been a while, but chapter 12 is finally ready. Hopefully,
the next chapter won't take as long. Earlier chapters can be found at
http://members.xoom.com/Yoshiro_san/cwires. A brief reminder for anyone
who may be confused. Ranma, Ryoga and Nabiki aare in the wrong bodies,
Ukyo is getting ready for a duel with Mousse and Akane is jumping to
conclusions.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter 12:
Akane knew that following Nabiki was a bad idea. It was just that
not following her would be worse.
Heh. A classic no win situation.
Ukyo grunted slightly as she blocked Shampoo's bonbori with her
spatula. A hint of movement out of the corner of her eye was her only
warning as Ryoga swept her feet out from under her. That wasn't enough
for her to do more than convert her momentum into a forward roll instead
of an awkward sprawl. Before she could regain her feet, a sweeping
kick from Shampoo knocked the spatula from her loosened grip.
Well, she's either going to get better or bruised.
Probably both. Ukyo is lucky Ranma isn't more like his father. "Okay, first
we need an aquarium full of electric eels..."
"Great! You know, Pop showed me some speed drills you can do while
you're eating."
Geat. Ukyou with Ranma's eating habits.
At least she won't have to freeload to get food.
"I was not! I was just making sure he didn't take advantage of
you." Too late, Akane bit her tongue. That explanation might make a
certain amount of sense, considering how Nabiki treated the guys she
dated. When the other person thought she was talking about Ryoga...
"That's absurd! Ryoga wouldn't hurt a fly."
Unless he thought the fly had made his life hell. ^_^
There's probably a spamfic that could be written about that.
Akane blinked in surprise. She knew that Ryoga was a nice guy, but
he was a little violent at times. The rest of the time he was
homicidal.
Given how Akane usually treats Ryouga, I doubt if she sees him in the
latter terms. 'little violent' easily, but I just can't see her referring
about him as 'homicidal'
Exageration for effect and she didn't actually say it. Although strangely,
Akane was worried about Ranma being killed or seriously hurt during the
bakusai tenketsu duel and still treated Ryoga well. I might change this
anyway.
"Did I just make things worse?" Akane wondered.
It's the nature of the game, dear.
After everything that's happened she shouldn't even need to ask.
=================
"Do you think Ukyo has a chance, Ranma? Are you listening to me?"
Ryoga scowled angrily at Ranma, who was standing motionless in front of
the Tendos' door.
Break up the first two sentences in quotes and place the second one at the
end of the paragraph. It works better for me.
Will do.
"Nabiki Tendo, I require your services." The formal wording and
stiff tone could belong only one person.
The Dojo Destroyer?
No, but that would be an interesting twist.
Turning, Ranma had her suspicions confirmed. Standing behind her
was Tatewaki Kuno.
I was close. :P
"How do you think it makes me feel when you always buy pictures of
other women?" Ranma demanded.
This is just pure evil. I like it.
Ranma seems to have two ways of dealing with Kuno. Beating him up, and
leading him on.
"Surely you jest. I hardly think a heart of ice such as your's
yours
could be troubled by such a thing."
"Do you really think so little of me?" Wiping awayan
away an
"Very well. I will buy pictures of you as well." Deep inside
Kuno's skull a single thought began to stir. Had Nabiki Tendo fallen
victim to the manly charms of Furinkan's most noble student? Perhaps
this could result in a discount rate?
Ohh, an actual coherent thought in there at the end. Nice touch.
Too bad it wasn't something useful.
Akane looked over at Ranma staring at a picture she held in her
hand and flushed angrily. "Give me that." Akane snatched the picture
out of Ranma's hand and glanced at it herself. She immediately realized
two things. First, Ryoga had a better build than she'd thought.
Heh.
=================
Ukyo sat wearily at the counter of Ucchan's. Her day hadn't been
an easy one by any standard and closing Ucchan's was starting to cut
into her profits. The days when Shampoo had served as a waitress had to
draw business in though.
had drawn
Actually, that was sort of depressing. It
wasn't as if she needed a reminder of how much more feminine the amazon
was.
I think even Ukyou isn't so deluded as to not consider the fact that she
cross-dresses a major mark against her in any femininity wars.
True, but she still doesn't like having her nose rubbed in it.
"Say, aren't you a bit embarrassed that she has better luck with
girls than you?"
Ouch.
Maybe she'll give him some pointers.
"I'm not as easy to fool as my Great-granddaughter or that chef. I
know it couldn't be destroyed that easily."
Ah. He's holding out?
"Just like the Nanban mirror? Believe me, I'm just as broken up
about this as you are."
Cologne paused. Happosai's sorrow was insincere as always, but
he'd never been able to lie to her. "I'll be watching."
Happosai watched Cologne pogo off. How could she accuse him of
something that dishonest. It was an insult to his honor as a martial
artist. She did have point about the statue though. Suddenly, an evil
grin twisted his withered face. Things might be even better than he'd
thought.
Oh? Now that could be promising.
There have been a few other clues about what exactly happened.
Nice work overall. Any idea how much longer the story is going to be?
Two or three more chapters, depending how I divide things up. There's also
the possibility of a sequal although not until I get some other stuff out of
the way. Glad you're enjoying it and I appreciate the comments.
D.B. Sommer
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