I wonder if the author really wanted it to be a comedy or not. It seems
to me Adrian just started writing with an idea she/he had, that was
funny.. but then let the fic get out of control in trying to extend the
time covered.. and things just got dark quickly. As commented, its not
a bad draft for a short exploration of decisions and consequences. But
overall I didn't enjoy things, with its shifting personality.
I did enjoy the first part of the writing, which I thought had potential
which could be developed. I suppose both the humor path and the darkly
depressing path both have potential to be expanded upon. I would simply
prefer to read a good comedy.
-Rain