Time to play that wacky gameshow "Backlogging," where we go through some
recent (or not so recent) stories on the ML and send them some comments.
And our first contestant is....
Morgan Hudson <Dataraven_659@excite.com> wrote:
while you wait. C&C is, as always, appreciated greatly.
Better late than never, I hope. :)
OBLIGATORY DISCLAIMER : As if you didn't know, Ranma 1/2 is the
creation of Rumiko Takahashi. It is currently owned by Viz Video
and Viz Comics, as well as Kitty Video in Japan. All of the
Shogakukan, actually.
"Oh, no... oh, no... this is horrible..." A wizened old
voice floated through the air, and Akane's scowl turned into a hidden
smile. Happosei! He'd know what was going on, and he'd tell her if she
Happosai!
had to squeeze it out of him! Setting her jaw, the girl stormed over
to the old pervert's room and opened the door.
A three-foot tall old man was rooting through a thick wooden
Suggest 'The three-foot tall...' (Akane already knows who Happosai is)
box, his bald head gleaming in the afternoon sun as it filtered through
his window. A pile of scrolls and books dwarfed the dimunitive master
of Anything-Goes, and he seemed to have completely missed the
appearance of his favorite glomping target.
Actually, female Ranma seems to be his clear favorite,
"This is horrible indeed," he grumbled to himself, bouncing
across the room, "horrible! Tomeo Kumogen, after all these years!
Suggest: room. "Horrible!
Carefully, the youngest Tendo daughter brushed aside some
scrolls and looked into the box Happosei had been rummaging through.
Happosai
(And so on....)
Maybe there were some answers in here...
The book drew her attention immediately. She wasn't even sure
why : it was
Odd way to use a colon. Suggest: why; it was
The pile of bags trembled slightly, then self-destructed,
spilling all over the table and revealing a handsome young man in
Chinese clothes, his long black hair tied back in a pigtail. "Who
cares? Not me!"
Interesting description, but the POV is a little weird. Why is Ranma
being mentioned as if the observer (who is presumably Ranma himself,
since we were given his thoughts two paragraphs ago) didn't know who he
is?
Silence fell as the school champion stepped forward to speak.
His long tail of black hair waved dramatically in the howling wind as
he planted his spear firmly into the grass before him. "This is your
final chance, stranger," he stated boldly, a flash of lightning
reflecting off of his glasses. "Back down now, or face the vengeance
of heaven itself! Recant thy foul and insidious slander against the
glorious Megami Toshiro, and you may yet live to see another day."
This some sort of title? Sorry, but my Japanese is a little lacking.
"Buddy?" The crowd gasped as their champion scowled. "I am
the undefeated champion of this school's karate club! The rising new
star of the high school fencing world! The sound of my voice strikes
fear into the hearts of my enemies..." A peal of thunder rang out, and
lightning flashed. "My peers call me the Crimson Lightning of Furinkan
High!" The boy bowed slightly, lifting his spear into a ready
position. "Soun Tendo, age... sixteen."
Soun as Kuno? I dunno....
"Ahem!" Both boys suddenly looked up to realise that they were
completely alone in the field, with one noticeable exception : an
aristocratic old man in a business suit, carrying an umbrella in one
hand and a thick sheaf of manila folders in the other.
"Hello, Principal Ono," the boys chorused in disgust.
Wasn't Genma from outside the school? How's he know who the principal
is?
"Huh!" Ranma crossed his arms and leaned against the wall.
"My old man was a real jerk when he was our age!"
Akane bit her lip. I will NOT say it, she told herself. I may
be THINKING it, but I will not say it.
Heh.
Akane sighed. As of tomorrow, she knew, the attic would be
spotlessly gleaming, and smell vaguely of lemon, like every other part
of the house. Her sister was like that.
A Kasumi lemon? Nooooo! :)
"Be silent and play, you wretch!" Soun crossed his arms and
watched as Genma insolently picked a piece almost at random, and placed
it directly next to his own. That fiend! He was trying to build a
ladder : it was the most basic tactic in Go, and one that usually wound
ladder; it
"Wow," Ranma said drily, "intense... shogi... action."
dryly. Ranma's evidently a MST3K fan. :)
"Well," Genma muttered as the two boys walked back to school,
"we played shogi all weekend, and all we proved was that we're both
lousy cheaters. That was a great plan Soun. I'm really impressed."
plan, Soun.
"Oh, is the big bad martial artist afraid of a few ghosts and
goblins?" Genma began to make clucking noises.
"Cut that out, I just don't want to get in trouble..."
Soun's Kuno-speak is getting a little frayed....
Genma bowed in return, thinking quickly. "Uh... Genma Saotome,
and my friend there is Soun Tendo. We're from the Tendo Dojo in
Nerima." Well, he said to himself, we are FROM the Dojo. That's where
we started this morning.
Makes sense to me. :)
"Good night Dad," she whispered,
night, Dad,"
"and good-night Mr. Saotome.
good night, Mr.
Interesting story so far. Soun as Kuno is a little hard to swallow, but
I suppose stranger things have happened. I'll be interested to see hgow
this continues.
Gary Kleppe
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics.html