Subject: [FFML] [R 1/2] The Sane Kunou - Chapter One
From: TrboTurtle@aol.com
Date: 1/16/2000, 9:12 PM
To: ffml@fanfic.com

Disclaimer and Author's notes

    Ranma ½ belongs to Takahashi-sama, Shogakukan Video, Viz Communications, 
and Shonen Sunday Comics. I think I know where I'm going, but Ryoga's the 
muse ramroding this story, so, I have no idea whaere it's going......

**********

Chapter 1

    Morning at the Tendo Dojo.

    "Take this, Pop!"

    *splash*

    "Ha! You're getting slow in your old   "

    "Rolf!"

    "Ack!"

    *splash*

    "Oh man!"

    "Ranma! Mr. Satome! Breakfast!"

    The same old thing. . . . 

    After Ranma, Akane, and Nabiki headed off to school, and Gemna left for 
his job in Dr. Tofu's clinic. Kasumi sat at the dinner table, carefully 
checking her shopping list. Soun sat at the far end of the table, reading the 
newspaper and occasionally sipping from a cup of tea. After several minutes, 
she smiled and stood up. "I'm going to the market now,  Father. I'll be back 
before lunch."

    A grunt from behind the newspaper was the only answer she received. 
Humming to herself, she picked up her basket and went outside. It wasn't 
until 
she strode out the front gate did she see the two cars parked down the street 
from her. She stopped, and looked carefully. Despite her demeanor, there was 
very little that Kasumi Tendo didn't notice, and she knew both cars weren't 
part of the neighborhood. The first car was a mid-sized, fairly new model 
that 
she didn't recognized, but the second look a lot like the Kunou family's car.

    Frowning, she walked slowly towards the cars. The property the cars were 
parked in front of had been up for sale since late last year. Smaller then 
the 
Tendo home, it also had a wall surrounding it, but neglect and age had taken 
some toll on the property. As she got closer, she heard several voices coming 
from just inside the open gate.

    "I am not amused!" said a male voice angrily.

    "Do we have to put up with this Baka, boss?' asked a second voice with 
some irritation.

    "I'm not making this up, Mr. Yosan," replied a third, calm voice that 
sounded to Kasumi to be awfully young. "Here is my bank's phone number. Ask 
for Mr. Ikasu Geru. He will confirm that I have an account and the amount of 
money in it is sufficient to purchase this house This is the phone number for 
Professor Tetsujin at Tokyo University, who is my thesis advisor. And this is 
the phone number for Furinkan High. They will substantiate my graduation from 
there five years ago."

    "You expect me to believe that you have this type of money, or that 
you're some sort of boy genius?"

    "I expect you to at least try and authenticate what I have told you. 
Will you please now do so?"

    By now, Kasumi had reached the gate and she looked in. A tall, thin man 
looking very irate was glaring at a trio of shorter figures. One was the 
Kunou's servant, Sasuke, who stood several feet away from the other two, 
looking impassive at the argument. *What's he doing here?* thought Kasumi 
with 
a frown.

    She focused her attention on the other two people in the yard. *They're 
just boys!*

    The boy that seemed to be doing most of the talking was short, slim, 
with dark hair that looked like it need some combing. He wore a dark suit and 
a pair of small spectacles perched on the end of his nose. In one hand he 
held 
a walking cane, nut-brown in color, and was lightly tapping on the stones of 
the courtyard with it. There was a quiet, confident look on his face as he 
watched the real estate agent.

    Kasumi frowned. *He looks like Kaitou. But he's in America!* Memories of 
a shy boy who was always reading sprang to mind.

    If the first boy was composed, the second wasn't. He was slightly 
smaller and shorter then the first with very short dark hair. His suit was 
baggy and rumpled, but his movements didn't seemed to be impaired from the 
way 
he was bouncing on the balls of his feet. "Let's blow this place, Boss," he 
said. "He doesn't believe you."


    "You damm right I don't believe you!" shouted the agent "When I was told 
a Kunou was interested in this place, I thought it was a joke. Now that I'm 
here, I know it's a joke! Just wait until I tell your parents!"

    *Kunou?* thought Kasumi with a smile. *It is Kaitou!*

    "That will be hard to do," replied Kaitou. "First, my father, and I use 
that term loosely, is on holiday in Hawaii for six weeks, hopefully longer. 
Second, my mother is dead. As for Shingi's parents, it's even more difficult. 
First, he's already a high school graduate, and second, his parents are in 
the 
United States of America. Show him your passport, Shingi."

    The second boy reached into his pocket and pulled out a passport. He 
handed it to Mr. Yosan. He opened it up and stared at something inside, then 
at Shingi. "It says you are nineteen years old." He peered closer at the boy. 
"You don't look nineteen."

    "You want my birth certificate too?" asked Shingi in irritation. He turn 
and looked at the sky. "Why do people find it so hard to believe I'm nineteen 
years old?"

    Kaitou ignored his friend. "Are you accusing us of forging passports?" 
he asked mildly. He handed the agent a card. "Here's the phone number for the 
US Embassy. Ask for a Miss Katrina Wright."

    "Excuse me," said a quiet voice from behind Kasumi.

    Kasumi was startled. She turned quickly, wondering how anyone could walk 
up behind her with her noticing. Instead of a face, Kasumi found herself 
staring at a male chest. A VERY large and broad male chest. She looked up and 
said, "Oh, my."

    The man who stood there loomed over her the same way skyscrapers loom 
over small houses. He was almost half again as tall as Kasumi, and four times 
as wide, none of it fat. A broad face with long dark hair tied into a short 
ponytail. He had sad, puppy-dog eyes and looked gloomy. He wore a brown vest 
over a blue t-shirt, blue jeans and working boots.

    A shout from inside the gate startled Kasumi. "Kam?"

    The large man brighten slightly, but still looked glum. "Hi, Shingi. 
Hello, Mr. Kunou. Hello, Uncle Sasuke."

    Shingi walked out of the gate, followed by the other boy, Sasuke, and 
the agent. Shingi looked at Kasumi, a fait gleam in his eyes. "Who's your 
friend, Kam?"

    The man mountain shrugged. "I don't know."

    "I-I'm Kasumi Tendo" the eldest daughter stammered.

    "Kasumi?" said the first boy, stepping out from behind Shingi. "Is that 
really you?"

    She tilted her head slightly. "Kaitou?"

    The boy smiled. "It's been five years, Oneesan."

    Kasumi smiled back, thinking of the small boy that had stayed for 
several months after his mother had died. "Has it been that long?"

    "Afraid so."

    "Oh. My."

    "Who's the babe, Boss?" Shingi asked with some interest.

    "That 'babe'," replied Kaitou dryly, "as you so elegantly put it, is 
Kasumi Tendo, Soun Tendo's oldest Daughter."

    "She's Nabiki's sister?"

    Kaitou's eyes clouded over, and his smile becoming a silly grin. "M-m-my 
Nabiki...."

    "Oh, bother," said Shingi. "I KNEW I should have mention her name." To 
Kasumi and Mr. Yosan's surprise, Shingi slapped Kaitou across the back of the 
head. "Business first, Boss," he said in a loud voice.

    Kaitou shook his head, the mindless smile gone. "Thank you, Shingi," he 
said stiffly. "You are right. Where was I?"

    "You were about to introduce me to Kasumi here."

    "Shingi," said Sasuke, a quiet note of warning clear in his tone.

    "I'm just trying to be friendly, uncle."

    "Yes," replied Kaitou in irritation. "Kasumi Tendo, the uncouth boy here 
is my friend and nursemaid, Shingi Kashin."

    Shingi bowed slightly, smiling. "Please to meet you." 

    "And the rather large individual there is his twin brother, Kamokuyama 
Kashin. We call him Kam for short."

    "Hi." said the giant.

    Kasumi smiled up at the giant. "Hello."

    "In case you're wondering," continued Kaitou, "Shingi and Kam are 
fraternal twins."

    "Oh. Is he here with you two?"

    "Yes," replied Shingi quickly. "We sent the Boss' stuff ahead and Kam 
came with it."          

    "Speaking of which," said Shingi with a frown. "Kam, did all the stuff 
make it OK??"

    "Yes."

    "Now wait a minute!" shouted Mr. Yosan. "I don't have time  "

    Kaitou turned and looked at him. "Why don't you go and check those phone 
numbers I gave you," he said in a calm voice. "Knowing Kam, it's going to 
take 
us twenty minutes for him to tell us everything. Why don't you go and do 
something useful in the meantime?"

    Mr. Yosan turned and stalked over to his car. Kaitou turned back to Kam. 
"Did you have any problem with customs?"

    "No."

    "Is my stuff stored away securely?"

    "Yes."

    "How was your trip, Bro?" asked Shingi.

    "Fine."

    "Did you get seasick?"

    "No."

    "Oh, my. You don't say much, do you?" asked Kasumi.

    The giant looked down at her. "No," he said in, what sounded to Kasumi, 
a sad voice.

    "I'm afraid Kam isn't much of a talker, Miss Kasumi," said Shingi 
apologetically.

    "But he is a very good cook," said Kaitou.

    Kasumi brighten. "Really?"

    Kam nodded, a smile coming to his lips. "Mama taught me everything," he 
said proudly.

    That started several minutes of discussions involving ingredients, 
cooking methods, and presentation. Starting slowly at first, Kam proved he 
knew cooking and was soon chatting away with Kasumi like a couple of old 
friends. Several of the things discussed were mentally filed away by Kasumi 
for later use in her own kitchen. At one point, Kasumi noticed that Shingi 
had 
stepped forward, evidently to interrupt the conversation, but Kaitou put a 
restraining hand on his shoulder.

    After that, the conversation drifted to Kam's reasons for being here. 
"....And when Mr. Kunou decided he would come back to Japan, he asked Shingi 
and me to come along and give him a hand setting up."

    "Kam," said Kaitou with an expression of pain flickering across his 
face, "will you please call me Kaitou or 'Boss'? Every time you call me Mr. 
Kunou, I start looking around for my father, and I want to see him about as 
much as I want to catch the plague."

    The giant hung his head."Yes sir."

    "Did you have a problem with the directions?" asked Shingi. "I thought 
you would have been here before us."

    Kam shrugged. "The cab driver dropped me off several blocks away. He 
said this area was crazier then most of Nermia and he wasn't going to go into 
it if he could help it."

    "Well," said Kaitou with a shrug. "It doesn't surprise me any. This area 
is, after all, where the Kunou family's sanatarium is."

    "Do you have to disparage your family so?" asked Kasumi mildly. 
"Especially in front of Sasuke?"

    Kaitou looked at her reproachfully. "You know as well as I do that my 
entire family is deranged. Pretending it doesn't exist won't solve the 
problem. As for Sasuke, I am glad he's around to ride heard on them. He's a 
better man than I am."

    Kasumi detected the strong trace of bitterness in his voice and she 
sighed quietly sighed. *You're too young for that much contempt,* she thought 
to herself.

    "Mr. Kunou?" said the real estate agent, suspending the current 
conversation.

    Kaitou turned and looked at him. "Yes?"

    Mr. Yosan looked nervous. "I called the numbers you gave me, and. . . ." 
He hesitated, looking for the right words. "It seems that you were telling 
the 
truth," he said in a rush. "Mr. Geru confirmed that the amount in your 
account 
is sufficient to purchase this property, and he has assured me he will handle 
all the necessary finances. Furinkan High confirmed your graduation, and 
asked 
me to ask you if you wouldn't mind being a substitute teacher for them, if 
needed. And Professor Tetsujin told me to remind you about an appointment you 
have with him at ten o'clock Monday morning."

    "Are you ready to deal then?"

    "Certainly. We can go over the papers at Mr. Geru's office. If all goes 
well, you should be able to move in officially tomorrow."

    Kaitou nodded. "In that case, Shingi, Kam, go and arrange for my stuff 
to be delivered here tomorrow."

    Shingi looked crestfallen. "But I wanted to stay and talk to Kasumi."

    Kaitou sighed. "Kasumi is probably on her way to the market, and has 
spent too much time talking to the three of us as is. You'll have plenty of 
time to talk to her in the future. Go."

    Looking glum, Shingi walked off down the street, trailed by his brother. 
Kaitou shook his head, then turned to Sasuke and gave him a small bow. "Thank 
you for you time today. I hope I haven't interfered with your duties to my 
siblings any."

    The ninja shook his head. "You are part of my duty, Master Kaitou, one I 
have taken great pleasure in performing again."

    Kasumi saw tears forming in the corner of Kaitou's eyes. "Your service 
to my....relatives is your paramount concern these days. Your nephews can 
handle the small demands I make. If you want to stop by to teach them the 
family's art, or even for a cup of tea, you are always welcomed here."

    "Thank you, Master Kaitou. I may take you up on the training offer. 
However, I must leave. Master Tatewaki usually needs some first aid when he 
returns home from school, and I find it best to be ready for his needs."

    "I won't retain you any longer, then." He reached out and hug the 
family's retainer. "It's good to see you again, Sasuke."

    The ninja returned the hug. "It is good to have you back, Master Kaitou, 
even if you are not staying in you family's home."

    "Maybe one day, Sasuke. But it's time I stop being in the shadows of 
both my siblings and be my own man."

    They release the hug and Sasuke left quickly. After he had driven away, 
Kaitou turned toward Mr. Yosan. "If I can trouble you for a ride down to the 
bank, I would appreciate it. However, I first need to talk to Miss Tendo for 
a 
couple of minutes alone."

    "Of course," replied the real estate agent briskly.

    "What did you wish to talk to me about?" asked Kasumi softly once the 
agent was out of earshot."

    "I just wanted to warn you about Shingi."

    "Why?"

    "Shingi's is a really nice guy, but he thinks of himself as a romantic 
figure, complete with women will swoon in his arms. A pretty face will turn 
his head quicker then a pile of cash. In the last two years, he's had seventy-
four rejections, sixteen irate boyfriends fight him, ten incensed fathers who 
have chased him, and a love-sick female basketball player by the name of 
Sandra who would move Heaven and Earth for him."

    At Kasumi's puzzled look at the last statement, Kaitou grinned. 
"Shingi's scared of her because she's significantly taller then him, and 
doesn't fit into his ideal of womanhood."

    Kasumi still looked puzzled. "In what way?"

    "Sandra's spent most of the last two years pursuing him, and he's scared 
of aggressive women. Which is a pity, because she's a really nice girl. She 
pretty, nice personality, athletic, and a good cook."

    "What about Kam? He seems so, well, depressed."

    "That's the way he's always been." Kaitou shrugged. "A man of hidden 
depths. Beneath that massive interior, is the soul of a gentle artist. You 
wouldn't think someone his size would be so mild, but he is. Don't let the 
brooding demeanor fool you - he's slightly smarter then his brother, but he's 
not the type to express himself like Shingi."

    "And what about you?"

    "Well, I haven't changed. I'm still the some old Kaitou - smarter then 
anyone else in my family, and saner by a long shot." He smiled at Kasumi's 
mild disapproval. "It's true."

    "It's still not nice." Kasumi sternly.

    "Neither was growing up with them. Still, they were the force behind my 
studying so hard, so I have something to thank them for."

    "When are you going to see them?"

    "Tomorrow morning."

    "Tomorrow is a school day."

    Kaitou's smile became slightly cold. "Then I know where to find them. 
Could you do me a favor though?"

    "What?"

    "Don't tell anyone I'm back. I want to surprise everyone, starting with 
Tatewaki and Kodachi."

    "I suppose so...."

    "Thanks, Oneesan." He gave her a quick hug, and walked over to the Mr. 
Yosan's car. After they drove away, Kasumi stood there for several seconds, 
frowning. *It's nice to have you back, Otoutobun. I hope you're not here to 
cause trouble.* She shrugged. She had to get to the market, and she wanted to 
try a couple of Kam suggestions in tonight's dinner....

*********

Craig


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