<snip>
"Do you like the noodles?" She asked.
technical nitpick: 'She' should be lowercase
<snip>
I really liked this piece, but I felt that the middle (the
shooting through his return to the dojo) went too quickly. While I'm
not sure how it could be extended, or if it really should be, it feels
too rushed. Too easy, I guess. :)
Grammarwise, spelling, and the like - no complaints from me. :)
BTW - is there an archive for this fic? I can't seem to find one,
and I'd love to read the start of it.
Brian Payne
sofaspud@sofaspud.org
http://www.sofaspud.org