"Aya, I am so sorry about your mother, if I had known she was ill-"
Not a good way to start a conversation with your fiancee.
"Would you have returned sooner?" Once again, there was a slight accusation
in her voice, but she didn't look at him. She sat silently, her hands
folded in her lap with her head bowed.
Model Japanese submissive woman.
"Aya, I. . ."
You're repeating yourself Ranma me boy.
Ranma bowed his head and closed his eyes. He was not ready for this
confrontation, nor had he expected it. "Aya. The Art is very important to
me. It -is- the most important part of my life, and I can't change that,
but I will marry you."
don't be too enthusiastic there Ranma.
"Uh. . . yes, they're fine." Ranma was confused by the sudden change of
subject.
Be afraid.
"Good. I added a special ingredient; just for you."
Be very afraid.
"You will understand, Ranma-san. You will feel my pain." Aya drew a short
elegant tanto from the sleeve of her kimono.
DIE Ranma Die.
"They are magical and mystical creatures, and they grant immortality. You
will live until you understand what you have done to me. The pain you have
inflicted on me, I return a thousand fold. You will fall in love a thousand
times before you die, and as you lose each love, maybe you will understand
the one woman who loved you." Aya drew the tanto out of it's sheath and
plunged the blade into her belly. "I. . . have always. . . loved. . . you."
o/~Remember that I always loved you, as I throw your fucking throat
away, there can be no other way. o/~
Nice scene.
Ranma was certainly a master; and however much he may deny it, Akane knew
that he was close to her in age. To accomplish so much at such a young age.
. . Akane wanted that, she realized. She wanted it more than anything else.
Is that an ellipse or not? I'd kill it either way.
"I. . . appreciate the help, but I don't want you interfering in my fights
any more." Akane took a deep breath. "I'm a martial artist too!"
Oh dear me not this again.
"There's a lot to being a martial artist, Akane. There's a lot to fighting
a battle with honor." Ranma paused and his voice became soft and gentle.
"But there's also a lot to knowing when you need help, and sometimes,
reaching out for that help is the hardest and bravest thing you could do."
Ranma, showing maturity? Dare I hope?
"No, but that's because I'm the best!" Ranma smirked arrogantly. "Ready to
start now?"
Appearently not.
Tears streamed down his eyes as he held his chopsticks.
This is supposed to be unusual?
"Hey, it wasn't my fault you over-extended your arm!" Ranma protested. "I
know you want to hit me, but honestly, that was just sloppy."
If Ranma's that good, I doubt he'd let Akane do that.
Ranma ran out of the clinic, closing the door behind him.
Very considerate of him.
"Ranma, did you find the person who shot you?" Soun asked.
Now, they're blase.
"It wasn't terrorism," Ranma replied. "It was an accident. I was in a
street fight and sort of got carried away."
Sigh. Only in Ranma.
"So it would seem. I will accept your money and let you go, on one
condition."
I get your first born son.
Ranma grinned cockily. "Let's do it." He flipped out of his chair and
ended up standing behind it. "Did you want to fight here?"
Couldn't just stand, could you?
Freeman fell to the ground but immediately jumped back up, kicking Ranma in
the stomach as he did so. Ranma doubled over, rolled forward on the ground,
leaped straight up in front of Freeman and nailed him with an uppercut
beneath the chin. As Freeman fell back, Ranma crouched down and connected
with a spin kick to his legs. Freeman landed solidly on his back and the
air was forced out of his lungs. Before he could recover, Ranma's fist
sailed towards his face and stopped inches in front if his nose.
You had a few slight problems with your fight scene.
1)See spot run. all your sentences were composed of subject then verb
ten predicate.
2)Also, you repeated Ranma and Freeman's names quite often. As a result,
the dialogue didn't seem to flow.
"I will. You'd better train up by then, cause I'll give you one hell of a
fight." Ranma bowed, then left.
Interesting changes you've made in Ranma. I see some Manji in him that I
find quite interesting.
"I wish you wouldn't put it that way," Ranma winced.
Feeling delicate?
"And you're a master, and. . . as frustrating and annoying as you are, I
want to learn from you. I want to learn what you know." She stood up and
turned towards him. "I'll help you find the person who shot you! I can
pull my own weight, I'll prove it to you."
And Akane is only minorly changed. Sigh.
Actually, considering the massive difference in maturity levels, I can't
see how any relationship between them would work. I'm curious to find
out what happens.
Miashara