Everything done in either brackets, or the (=) sign is from me.
<< The characters of the Ranma � universe are
the creation and possession of the brilliant
Rumiko Takahashi. They belong to Rumiko Takahashi
and her licensees (Shogakukan Inc., Kitty-Fuji
TV, Viz Communications Inc.) No copyright
infringement is intended.
=And if there is, it's all Ranma's fault.
[Ranma] Hey!!
###################################
While discussing some stories I'm working on
(Sukeban chp. 7; Tyger, Tyger; The Long Way Home;
etc.) My friend and pre-reader Kazuma mentioned that
she wanted to do something with Ranma and Lolita.
Here is the original:
Lolita, light of my life, fire of my loins.
My sin, my soul. Lo-lee-ta: the tip of
the tongue taking a trip of three steps
down the palate to tap, at three, on the
teeth. Lo. Lee. Ta.
She was Lo, plain Lo in the morning,
standing four feet ten in one sock. She
was Lola in slacks. She was Dolly at
school. She was Dolores on the dotted
line. But in my arms she was always
Lolita.
##########################################
And now if Takihashi-sama had written Lolita:
Akane, bump on my head, pain in my guts.
My sin, my soul. A-Ka-Ne: the tip of
a spear stabbing me three times
deep into the gut to tap, at three, on the
spine. AH. Kaa. Kneeee.
She was bAHka, plain bAHka in the morning,
standing five feet four on one cinder block.
She was Akane in a fuku. She was Un-cute at
school. She was Gorilla girl on the softball
field. But when she hammers my head she's
always Akane.
[Ranma] Yep, that sounds like her, all right.
=WHAM=
[Akane](putting away mallet) I heard that....
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
A short spamfic written by my friend and fellow writer
Kazuma.
This was inspired by a conversation we had regarding a
1 hour challenge on FFIRC. The original fanfiction (
by another author and which I can no longer find on
my HD) had a scene where Ranma (on their wedding
night) confesses that Akane is not his first.
[Ukyou] That's ridiculous, right, Ranchan?
[Ranma] (turning an interesting shade of red)
[Shampoo] (grinning)
[Ukyou] Ranchan?
[Ranma] Um...look, it's starting now!! how about that let's watch! (stuffs
mouth with popcorn)
[Ukyou] .........
[Akane] (dull blue outlining her)
[Shampoo] (still grinning from ear to ear)
This is
the result of that conversation.
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Akane: I am Akane, hear me roar.
Rrrrrrooooarrrrrrrrr.
[Ranma] C-c-c-ca-ca-ca-cat.....!!!
Ranma: Uhhh. . .Akane, before we. . . ya know. . .
there's sumpthin' I gotta tell ya.
[Shampoo] Was two day after Ra-
[Ranma] (thrusts popcorn into her face almost literally) Here have some...
Akane: You contantly masturbate in front of a
mirror while in girl form?
Ranma: Well, yeah. . . but. . .
[Ukyou] Isn't that ever silly! Ranchan hates being a girl.
[Ranma] ........ [turns into the 83rd shade of red, which is quite a feat
considering there are only 72 shades of red....]
Akane: You haven't been wearing my panties again,
have you?
Ranma: Well, that too, but it's sumpthin' else. . .
[Akane] (blue aura flares to life) Ranma....!!! (hefts a super mallet over
her head)
[Ranma] (hands up) Hey!! I never touches your panties since the umisenken
story, honest!!
Akane: Come to think of it, my vinyl thigh boots
and chain-mesh bikini-thong have been missing for
a while. . .
[Akane] (blinks, dropping the mallet into hammerspace, and colors well into
the 90th shade of red)
Ranma: I was gonna give those back after the
honeymoon.
Akane: . . . and my cat o' nine tails with the ball
bearings on the ends. . .
[Kasumi] Oh, my, Akane, you don't look too well. Are you coming down with
something?
Ranma: Um, Akane. . . the thing is. . .
Akane: . . . and the matching nipple clamps . . .
Ranma: Akane. . .
[Nabiki] Wow, imoutochan, I didn't think you'd had S&M in you. Being so bold
like that...Kuno'll spend a fortune on the pics.
[Shampoo] (puts a large pot atop Akane's head) Violent Girl make great stove
top for ramen. Want some, Airen?
[Ranma] (dropping shades of red) Um, maybe later...?
[Shampoo] (grins) Okay.... (winks at him)
[Ranma] (turns more interesting shades of red)
Akane: . . . and my leather mask with the
zipper for a mouth . . .
Ranma: AKANE!
Akane: What?
=That was Kasumi's stuff, you know.
[Kasumi] Oh, my, did I leave those out again?
(synchronized massive facefault by all but Kasumi)
Ranma: You ain't gonna be my first!
[Shampoo] (nudges Ranma, winking at him)
[Ranma] (sweatdrops)
Akane: Neither are you. Can we fuck now?
[Akane] (muttering very quickly)
imgoingtokillkunoforthisimgoingtokillkunoforthisimgoingtokillkunoforthis....
{Ranma] What did you say?
[Akane] (startled) I...I was...just saying how much I can't wait to play Uno
after this!
Ranma: Are you gonna hit me?
Akane: Of course.
Ranma: Yatta!
[Kasumi] And to think, Akane didn't even know what sadism and mastochism was
until after visiting me last week....
[Akane] ........ (sweatdrops mightily)
=====
"When I get a little money, I buy books;
And, if any is left, I buy food and clothes."-Erasmus
"A man is a small thing, and the night is large
and full of wonders." -Lord Dunsany
__________________________________________________
Do You Yahoo!?
[Ranma] (absently) Only if Shampoo hits that spot right underneath the head
of my- (slaps his hand over his mouth too late)
[Shampoo] (glomps onto Ranma) Shampoo know you like that...
[Ukyou+Akane] Rrrannnn-maaa............. (the world is suddenly lit up in
blue light, or at least Ranma's side of the world, which is also accompanied
by the symphonies of mallets smashing and spatulas whacking)
Talk to your friends online with Yahoo! Messenger.
http://im.yahoo.com
>>
This is what happens when I get bored. Don't let it happen again!!
Please!!!
^_^
Later...