They're gone, he thought. For some reason, life didn't seem as peaceful
and pleasant as he had thought it would when the girls finally left.
Instead, he just felt lonely.
This seems just about right. I thought you might want to get more into how
things broke up between the group. Also more in how Tenchi felt lonely.
The television still rambled on about Juraian politics; that was one thing
that remained the same. Washu had 'fixed' the set the first day she had
arrived. But everything else was gone. He never could quite shake the
feeling he had just woken up from some dream, trying to hold on as the last
little bits slipped from his memory.
Good imagery.
"Tenchi!" His father called once again. "Breakfast!" Breakfast didn't
seem right, either. Some of the food was burned, and some not quite
finished, and the seasoning just tasted off. Not too mention the
unmistakable taste of 'instant' food. He started to ask Sasami what was
wrong, then stopped himself when he realized who must have cooked the meal.
He hurried through the meal faster than usual, and grabbed his bag, glad
for something to do to take his mind away from the emptyness of the house.
He almost looked forward to school these days. Of course, his mind still
found time to wander on the long trek down from the shrine to the bus.
Chibi was on the steps once again. Unconciously, he quickened his pace.
The cat, or at least its ghost, had been there the first time he met Ryoko,
and had been sitting right on those very steps watching when she left. He
remembered Ryoko floating there, waiting, when he had come home. He could
still see the half-concealed tear in the corner of her eye, more emotion
than she had ever shown. "Tenchi, give me my gems," was all she had said.
And then, she and Ryo-Ohki had just disappeared.
Try to get more into what happend so the reader can get an idea.
Aeka, Sasami, and Washu had left that same day, when Azusa had arrived the
second time, and this time had taken them with him. Why they had demanded
Washu go as well was beyond him. Mihoshi, of course, had been gone even
longer, off on her patrols. The last he had heard, she and her partner had
been reassigned to some other part of the galaxy. He almost felt sorry for
whoever her partner was.
I would think this would have been an emotional scene. Also, Washu would
not go unless she wanted to. I don't think anybody or anything can really
make her do anything.
"Tenchi! Are you pretending to be a statue?" Masaki Katsuhito called
from inside the shrine. "You still have work to do."
Startled, Tenchi started sweeping the steps again. "Yes, Grandfather."
Does the grandfather have some sort of resentment toward Tenchi? hmmm....
"Well, while your not doing anything, Tenchi, you might as well come take
a look at this," his father said, >
"Tenchi, you are a prince of Jurai. It is your duty to attend every meeting
of the Juraian council." Light glinted off the front of Katsuhito's
square-framed glasses, like it usually did when he lectured.
About time!
"Your disguise, Yosho?"
"Disguise?" Tenchi managed to blurt out, before he saw his very pale
looking grandfather become a very pale looking thirty-year-old, and decided
that lying face first on the floor was the appropriate manner to watch this
conversation.
I think this would have been a bigger shocker!
"Your father has taken the news hard, as always. Your return is something
of a scandal."
How?
Good work. I hope to read more and I hope this takes a different turn than
most Tenchi fanfics. I like where your going, but you might want to get
more emotional. Tenchi is an emotional series and there are servral things
left hanging. Like what happened to Ryoko and such. Good work though!