All right, I don't expect this to take nearly as long between rough and
final as Episode 2 did...but who knows?
***
All was well in Ucchan's. That is, of course, until someone screamed
and threw their plate across the room.
"THIS OKONOMIYAKI F***ING STINKS!"
Chaos ensued, and eventually the entire room cleared out except for a
few certain patrons of Ucchan's, Ucchan herself, and the patrons at
the table where the scream originated. The guy who screamed was, at
this moment, yanking on Konatsu, demanding to find the "f***ing greasy
manager of this dump."
Ukyou promptly walked up to him and replied "Yes, I'm the manager.
What seems to be the problem, sugar?"
The man leaned back. "The okonomiyaki here f***ing sucks!"
"Well then, we'll get you another one. Konatsu, fix up another one!"
"But..."
"JUST DO IT!"
"H-Hai, Ukyou-sama!" Konatsu rushed back and started making another
one, but not before noticing the little bulge underneath the man's
coat that indicated that he had a gun and that, likely, his friends
had guns, too.
The man leaned back into his chair and announced in a very self-
satisfied voice, "I'm your protection."
"My what?"
"You'll pay us a million yen a month for our services."
"Excuse me?" Ukyou looked at the man with a small look of defiance in
her face. "No way. I'm sorry, hon, but I'm not paying you a single
yen."
"Well, then. If you _don't_ pay us a million yen a month, we blow the
place up." The man leaned back as Konatsu set the okonomiyaki onto
the table.
Ukyou stared at the man incredulously, then looked back at he others.
"Did y'all hear that? He said that he's gonna blow the place up!"
Then, in her best Usagi voice, she glanced back at the man and..uh...
cried. Sorta.
"WAAAH! I'M SO SCAAAAAARED! RANCHAAAAN, I'M SCAAAAARED! WAAAAAH!"
The remaining patrons at Ucchan's could recognize a fight coming from
a mile away, but they couldn't stop laughing at good ol' Ucchan's
mockery of the man enough to get up and bolt out of there. Either
that, or they wanted to keep their seats so that nobody else stole
them when the fight came along.
Ukyou resumed her straight face and glared at the man. "If you want
to come into this restaurant, fine. If you want food, fine. Just
come in and seat yourselves, sugar. You want money? Tell you what."
She pulled something out and held it in front of the patron's face.
"I gotta ten-yen coin for ya. How's that?"
"BITCH!" The man flung the okonomiyaki at Ukyou, hitting her square
on the face. Toppings fell on the table, on the floor, and all over
her apron.
The remaining people in the restaurant gathered around for the fight
that would inevitably come. Strangely enough, Ucchan wasn't mad. She
was...smiling.
Uh-oh.
Ukyou stood up from her chair and started picking up some of the
toppings. In the meanwhile, she started talking reeeaaaal casually to
the man.
"You don't like my okonomiyaki? I like my okonomiyaki. Ranchan likes
my okonomiyaki..." She stopped to take a bite of the toppings that
fell on the floor, despite Konatsu's protest of "Ukyou-sama--", and
glared straight at him. "EVERYONE likes my okonomiyaki. It's good.
Really."
She leaned towards the man, as if to tell him a secret. "You see, to
you and me, this okonomiyaki means nothing. But to my parents,
especially 'tou-san...NOW you're messing with my family." She leaned
back and began to...
...cry. "You've made me and my ancestors very, very upset!"
She continued sitting there and crying for a minute, leaving everyone
who hadn't fled from the scene concerned, puzzled, or both.
And then she exploded. "IF YOU HAVE ANY DIGNITY AT ALL, YOU WILL
APOLOGIZE TO THE OKONOMIYAKI!"
The man, taken aback, retorted with a friendly "F*** NO!"
And a brawl started. For five seconds, anyway. You see, although
these patrons had guns, this IS Nerima, and Ucchan's WAS frequently
occupied by martial artists of the top caliber. So, as is, the would-
be brawl ended with the man's two companions on the floor unconscious,
the man's gun sprawled across the floor, a crowd gathered around the
fight, some people fleeing from the scene, and a very, VERY angry
Ucchan holding a very, VERY big spatula against the man's neck.
"ALL RIGHT YOU, EAT THE OKONOMIYAKI!"
"F*** YOU!"
"BASTARD! EAT IT! EAT IT NOW!"
"F*** NO!"
A small *ahem* announced the presence of a police officer, for
probably the first time ever in the history of this community. He
took one looooong look at the scene, then spoke to Ucchan in a rich
baritone voice. "All right, you, drop the spatula..."
"Wait for this jerk to eat the okonomiyaki first."
"No, you drop the spatula first."
Ucchan glared at the policeman. "No, he eats the okonomiyaki first."
She then started digging her spatula into the man's neck. "EAT UP YOU
JACKASS!"
The policeman turned to the...um...victim. "You know, maybe you
SHOULD eat it. She looks like she means it."
The man followed the policeman's advice, laid down a roll of bills,
picked his friends up by the collars and promptly fled for his life.
Ucchan, on the other hand, set her spatula down and, with a smile,
called out, "Next customer, please!"
***
Special Ops Team 1/2 Casefile 3: Once a Thief, Now a Chef Serving Killer
Hard-Boiled Eggs in Hopes of a Better Tomorrow
Sometime this year. I hope.
***
Jeez, how many Chow/Woo references are in THAT title? (Four, actually.)
And here's the call: anyone who wants to preread either this or anything
else (especially my upcoming KoDoCha fic(s)) should write back ASAP,
including my previous prereading crew (so that I know if they're really
interested in reading "Kami-sama, not another draft...")
Thanks for reading!
Lawrence
--
"To you and me this rice means nothing, but to my ancestors...don't mess
with my family. Apologize to the rice." -- Chow Yun-Fat
--
http://come.to/pomi