At 09:30 AM 1/11/00 -0600, Richard Lawson wrote:
"Do you want that kind of power?
"Do you?"
For some reason, this infomercial-style intro just doesn't grab
me. I'd prefer something a little less... tacky, for lack of a
better word. It just doesn't fit in well with the style of the
rest of the prose.
I'll have to agree here, and add that I'm not entirely sure what that
segment was doing in the prologue anyway. It seems to have nothing to do
with what happens to Hatta. Obviously, it's supposed to be important, but
you run the risk of disassociating it from its context. I'd either wait
until there was more context for it, or add a little more to it so readers
can at least guess at who's involved and why it's important. Even if
they're wrong, it would call for a response other than "Eh?"
"Let me wash up, first. I'll meet you at the club."
"Very well. I'll see you there."
Well, certainly quite grim. Seems like a typical "clash of the
titans" kinda thing.
Too soon to judge the plot. Technically, this is very good.
Enough to draw my interest despite the infomercial. I'd like
to see more.
For some reason, the plot feels familiar. Maybe it's just because I read
this practically right after the other darkish KOR fic that was sent to the
list a few days ago. The writing here is good, though, and I'll be
sticking around for a few chapters, at least.
Nice to see some KOR fiction, too.
Scott Schimmel Ex ignorantia ad sapientium;
Ex luce ad tenebras
"You really aren't normal, are you?" - Miki Koishikawa