Interesting.
Technically your writing is okay, though you want to
watch your right margin: for maximum readability,
given the variety of email programs used by subscribers
to the list, you should insert newlines somewhere after
column 66 (opinions on exactly where vary).
It reads like a bit of a cheat, though. Something
has occurred to make all the girls leave, and something
else mysterious has occurred on Jurai, and the reader
doesn't know anything. One of my reactions is a bit
of irritation: I don't know if I want to read more,
because I can't tell how well you're handling the
characters: you've given us a _possibly_
OOC situation (one where 9 out of 10 attributable
causes would have the characters OOC) without enough
information to tell if the characters are OOC or not.