Well, here's chapter 2. Most of the comments that I
received from chapter 1 fall into two categories. The first
is that Ryoga was rather OOC. I hope that this chapter will
Hmm... Well, I just got my mail system stabilized after moving to
a new server. Is there a place I can find the rest of this? Rifts is
my bag, baby! :)
help explain why. The second set of comments can be summed
up in the words "Ranma should have won the fight." To those
people I say (with all due respect) quit whining. Now, I
don't want to start a "character vs character" debate (since
they are forbidden by the admin), but I want to get this out
of the way now. Ranma may think he's the best, but Drizzt
*IS* the best. It has been argued that Ranma, late in the
series, defeated some sort of minor god. For those who have
not read Salvatore's work, Drizzt defeated a demon-lord at
the beginning of the series, and (literaly) battled the
legions of Hell at several points. In addition, Drizzt has
learned not to underesimate opponents (getting the snot
kicked out of you by a blind man would do that), Ranma has
yet to learn.
Again, hmm... While there are some things that could be argued
(NOT HERE), I think you're probably right... but one question that
raises itself in my mind is regarding Drizzt's weapons. Without them,
could he still defeat Ranma? I seem to recall him being.. um... not
quite as good without them as he is with them. :)
It's not really important, but I'd kinda like to see your take on
it. ;)
Oh yeah, I want to thank my pre-readers for helping me
polish this before distribution.
Disclaimer: We all know who owns what. Don't bother suing
me, I'm a college student, so you won't even get enough to
cover your lawyers fee's.
Time line clarification:
Ranma: shortly after Ryoga got the doodle on his belly (I
assume about a year since the series started, since two
summer trips separated by winter happened by this time). So,
STOP ASKING ABOUT THE BLOODY CHI-BLASTS! HE DOESN'T HAVE
THEM! (sorry, but it was getting annoying)
Okay, okay! Geez, chill! :)
Lodoss: about 400 years after the series ends. Sorry, but
I do not have information on the second series or the
original books (neither made it to this side of the Pacific,
as far as I know), so I'm ignoring anything that might have
happened there.
Rifts: 98 PA, a couple of years before everything goes to
hell (well, further down anyway). This includes mechanoids,
apocalypse demons, coalition war, etc, etc.
Ok. Gotcha.
Salvatore's series (there is no real name for it): Shortly
after Siege of Darkness
Finally though of a title. If you want to know what the it
is supposed to mean, check out my notes at the bottom.
The Warriors path
By Andrew Wilson (templar@softcom.net)
Chapter 2: A Learning Experience or "You Have Got to be
Kidding"
Chapter titles are well and good, but I think the whole Rocky and
Bullwinkle (although it may not have originated there - I don't know -
that was where I first saw it) title-thing has been WAY overdone,
especially in fanfics. I'd suggest picking one title and sticking
with it, especially since this isn't really a humor fic.
If it IS supposed to be a humorous fic, then you've got an odd
sense of humor... or I do. ;)
The sun was at it's peak above six figures riding through a
mountain pass.
Um... ok. While it does jump right in, the starting description
is a little... dry. Maybe something juicier? To set the scene a bit
better? Flesh it out a bit - for example, like so:
Glints of light from the noon sun reflected off the rocky walls of
the mountain pass. Echoes of hoofbeats bounced back and forth between
the walls, and soon six riders appeared at the crest of the hill.
Their horses were plodding with heads down along the worn track, and
the people were chatting quietly back and forth amongst themselves.
That's how I'd do it, anyway. :) I mean, depending on the mood
you want to set, this may not be appropriate. But I still say the
intro paragraph needs to be juicier. :)
"So, let me make sure we're understanding ye," Cattie-brie
said after Pirotess explained some of what the technology of
the planet can do. "What, on our world, could only be done
can -> could
by magic, is done here with machines?"
"Any sufficiently advanced technology," Ryoga said, "could
be seen as magic to those who do not know how it works."
*blink* This is Ryoga talking? Whoa... I really must have missed
something in the first chapter.
"What he said," Ranma commented, "though this seems like
something out of science fiction."
Out of the mouths of babes.... :)
Pirotess smirked. "Wait until you hear the rest of it."
"What do you mean?" Ranma asked.
"Well," Deedlit said, "first let's start with personal
nitpick: 'first' should have a comma after it, OR the sentence
should be rearranged so that 'first' is the last word:
"Well," Deedlit said, "let's start with personal weapons, first."
weapons." With that she began to explain the technology
dedicated to war.
*******
"So, why is Ryoga acting rational?"
Ranger looked over at Zaranth. "A chaos demon."
Amanda was confused. "Huh?"
"Simple. One of those troublemakers from the lower planes.
The ones that thrive on emotions such as anger, hate, grief,
and so on. Why else would such a large part of a city be so
blind to reality?"
Y'know, there's a good portion of that that could REALLY explain
things.... :)
"Oh."
"It seems that, in his wanderings, Ryoga picked one up. He
was already angry at Ranma for missing the fight, and wanted
an explanation. The demon took that and magnified it into
rage. After arriving in Nerima, the demon found more 'toys'
than it could ever dream of."
"That explains Kuno," Jade said.
"No, he was already like that. In fact, that entire clan is
known for two things, insanity and skill in battle. In
times past, the skill was such that the insanity could be
ignored. This generation just received all the insanity,
but none of the skill. Otherwise Kuno would be a match for
Ranma, with just a few odd habits."
"Like wearing a rabbit on his head during fights?"
Bwah? Don't get that one....
Jade looked over at the smirking Amanda. "Wrong universe."
*******
Once the (abridged) explanation was finished, the entire
group stared at the elven women. All were wondering just
what they had gotten themselves into.
"Hey, Ryoga," Ranma said at last, "this remind you of that
one movie? The one with the big guy in black armor fighting
with laser swords."
"I remember seeing it five times when they released it
again."
"Only five? I thought you would have seen it a dozen times
before finding your way out of the theater."
Ryoga just glared as a response.
"Don't you two start again," Deedlit said, "the important
thing is that we need to equip ourselves for this world."
"You may have to," Ranma said, "but Ryoga and I don't need
tools to fight or survive."
Oy vey. Will someone please smack Ranma around a bit? :)
*******
"Not a fast learner."
"He's a Saotome."
"Good point."
OUch!
Ok, that'll work. :)
*******
"This is no time for arrogance Ranma," Ryoga shot back,
Proper names need to be set off from dialogue with a comma:
"This is no time for arrogance, Ranma," Ryoga shot back ...
"from what she said, there are some things that could
disintegrate us from a near miss."
"Not really," Pirotess said. "For some reason, you two have
enough energy in your bodies to be supernatural beings. I'm
pretty sure that either of you could take a direct hit from
a plasma rifle and survive. And you'd be able to tear apart
power armor with your hands. However, you should a least
have some kind of armor just in case."
Yeah, 'cuz those third-degree sunburns just ain't fun, y'know?
(had a character who managed to acquire one of those, once. :)
Hint: just because you've got anti-radiation drugs doesn't mean a far
away nuke still won't fry you to a crisp. Especially if your GM is
feeling mean.)
"That goes double for you two," Deedlit called to the back
of the line, "especially if this 'Errtu' finds out you're
here."
'Errtu'? TELL me this isn't a mispronounced Star Wars reference.
PLEEEAAASE.
(Errtu = R2? Noooo... please God, NO!)
A roll of thunder sounded.
"Hmmm," Deedlit looked up at the sky. "I didn't think it
would rain today. Though it looks like a storm brewing. We
have about an hour before it starts, so we better start
looking for shelter."
*******
They found a cave shortly before the clouds burst.
Unfortunately, a gust of wind soaked the first few feet of
the cave, right where Ranma and Ryoga were standing. Seeing
a man turn into a woman is one thing, seeing a man turn into
a small black piglet is something else. Cattie-brie just
stared dumbfounded.
She's good at that, ain't she? :)
BTW - 'dumbfounded' should be set off with a comma:
Cattie-brie just stared, dumbfounded.
"Why does she keep doing that?" Ranma asked after
Cattie-brie moved off to gather her wits.
Drizzt explained. "She grew up with among people with
little use for magic. Even after I met her, all I could
show her were simple tricks. Your curses are feats of
shapshifting that only the most powerful wizards would be
able to accomplish."
"So what about you, why aren't you in the same position?"
Two questions = two sentences:
"So what about you? Why aren't you in the same position?"
"I grew up among people that were powerful, and cruel. I
cannot begin to describe the atrocities that I saw before
the end of my second decade. Such a feat would not be
beyond the wizards of Menzoberranzan, though they would have
no reason to be so gentle."
Gentle is hardly the word. The Jusenkyo curses would be like
being smacked by a feather compared to what THEY could do.
Ranma, stunned by the last comment, could not make a reply.
Instead she picked up Ryoga and walked toward the cooking
fire, hoping to boil some water.
Y'know, the way that's worded, it sounds like he's pulling a Genma
here... "Oh, Mr. Customer, you find very nice piglet, yes?"
"Tell me something young one," Drizzt said to Ranma's back,
causing her to turn, "why is it that you are always so eager
to change back, even when such action is futile." He
gestured outside. "The rain is still there, so you might be
changed again before it clears. Why not wait until then,
and save the effort?"
Ranma set Ryoga down, and the pig walked over to Pirotess
(though the course took him around the rest of the cave
first). "I don't want people thinking I'm a girl."
Hmm... never really noticed Ryoga having a problem with directions
when he could actually SEE who or what he was trying to find (this
assumes he actually realizes that he's looking at his target -
observation is not his forte).
"We are the only people around here, and we know what you
really are. So, I ask again, why? Could it be that you are
you afraid that if you stay in this form too long, your mind
will be affected?"
Ranma nodded.
Would Ranma admit this so readily? Of course, I haven't read the
first chapter yet, so maybe this isn't all that sudden - I don't know
how long he's known Drizzt.
"I see. Tell me something, what's the longest that you ever
nitpick: the comma should probably be a dash or a colon, instead
(depending on the style you want to follow).
stayed in this form?"
"A few weeks."
He did? When?
"And was your mind affected at all? Did your memories fade,
to be replaced by new ones? Did your attitudes shift? Did,
in short, anything change about who you are?"
"No." By this time everyone was listening in.
"Then you don't have to worry. If the curse affected your
mind, it would have happened over a matter of days. I know,
because a friend was affected in this way."
"But I don't want anyone to think I'm some weak girl."
Drizzt did something very uncharacteristic, he burst out
nitpick (again :): the comma should be a semi-colon.
Drizzt did something very uncharacteristic; he burst out laughing.
laughing. "Look around Ranma. Do you think these women
Proper name, again. (I'll stop mentioning these now, but you
should try to correct it. It's not really bad, but it is
distracting.)
here are weak?" He gestured toward Cattie-brie. "She was
raised by a dwarven king, and could put an arrow through an
orc's eye at fifty paces." Another wave at the elves.
"They are two of the most powerful mages on their planet.
If you had said a comment like that among the drow, you
would have been slowly skinned alive, by a woman. I think,
They would've been that nice? :)
my friend, that you need to get over whatever fool ideas
were put in your head by your so-called 'idiot' father."
"Or," Deedlit said as she came up behind Ranma, "we could
find other ways of clearing those fool notions out of your
head." Deedlit draped her arm around Ranma's shoulders and
held her other had in front of Ranma's face. An arc of
electricity shot from one finger to the next. "And if you
don't, we can always learn by example."
All things considered, I think it's fairly safe to say that Ranma
isn't so hot at learning by example, at least when it comes to what
NOT to say. :)
Everyone chuckled at that, even Ranma, though she sounded
more nervous than amused. The laughter was interrupted by a
sudden flash, and two figures appeared in the back of the
cave. The first was a tall, dark haired man wearing jeans
and a flannel shirt. The second was a slightly shorter man
wearing a cheap suit, and carrying a small black box.
"Dear me," the taller one said, "this doesn't look like
Lazlo."
"Of course it isn't," the shorter one said, checking
something on the box. Both men spoke with British accents.
"We're fifteen hundred miles off. Who set these
coordinates?"
"You did," the taller replied, "after having a drinking
contest with Zaphod."
_Zaphod_? Just how many sources does this crossover have?! :)
"What's your point?" The shorter one finally noticed the
other occupants of the cave. "Oh, pardon us, but we're just
passing through." With that he pressed a few buttons on the
side of the box and they both disappeared in another flash
of light.
The group was quiet for a while afterwards, slightly stunned
and generally confused by what had happened.
"Well," Cattie-brie said, "it's me guess that we could all
use some sleep at this point."
None argued with her.
Don't know about you, pal, but _I_ wouldn't argue with her no
matter what. :)
*******
Morning brought more rain. Not wanting to stay in one place
for long, the party endured the rain as they traveled.
Ryoga, though, could not stay on a horse, so he rode along
with Pirotess (very much enjoying the ride). Because of the
Which one? Ryoga, or Pirotess?
limited visibility, Drizzt was riding around on a scouting
patrol.
Umm... not so sure that makes a whole lot of sense, actually - I
mean, aren't his eyes still sensitive to daylight? As in, near-blind?
Cattie-brie would seem the more logical choice, to me at least.
Unless Guenhwyvar (sp?) is doing the scouting with him, I guess.
:)
"So," Ranma asked after a few miles, "where are we heading?"
Deedlit answered. "There's a cluster of city-states about
another two days ride to the east. We're stopping there for
supplies. After that, I want to track down one of our
contacts on this world. Although finding him might be a
problem."
"Why is that?" Cattie-brie asked.
"The city he lives in doesn't have a fixed location. It
barely exists in this dimension. Because of that, it tends
to wander. I have an item that will allow me to find it if
we're close enough." She paused for a moment. "Isn't that
panther of Drizzt's an astral being?"
"Yes, Drizzt once had to use Guenhwyvar's plane shifting to
fight an astral monster. Why?"
"Because Psyscape is on the astral plane, we might be able
to use the cat to find it quicker."
Nitpicky: I'm not sure if this is two sentences run together, or
one sentence that I just read wrong. Is it:
"Because Psyscape is on the astral plane. We might be able to use
the cat to find it quicker."
or is it what's written above? The way I read it, the emphasis is
on the word 'because', and it's one sentence. It'd make more sense as
two, though, because she's answering a question and then qualifying
it.
"C-c-cat?" Ranma didn't look to good
Missing period, to -> too
"Don't worry about it. It's a few weeks before we'll need
her."
Their conversation was interrupted by Drizzt returning to
the group. "We may have trouble," he said, dismounting.
"At the end of this pass, there are several large, black,
humanoids. And something larger" He closed his eyes for a
Missing period after 'larger'.
second, concentrating. "In fact, you can hear them."
Deedlit and Pirotess listened, then quickly looked back to
Drizzt. "Were they metal? With wings? And with skulls for
faces?"
Um, question: how is it that Deedlit and Pirotess recognize
Rifts-universe stuff? Aren't they from Lodoss Wars?
He nodded at each question. "Yes, do you know what they
are?"
VERY nitpicky: should be two sentences:
"Yes. Do you know what they are?"
"Coalition SAMAS."
Again, nitpicky (bet you're tired of this by now, eh?:). You
should probably add the word 'units' after 'SAMAS', or something to
the same effect.
Ranma though for a second. "Are they the rednecks in
power-armor you were talking about yesterday?"
*snarf!* Oh, I'll have to remember that one! :)
"Yes," Pirotess said, jumping to the ground, "just don't say
that to their faces." She listened for a moment more.
"About eight of them. Assuming the other thing Drizzt saw
was a transport of some kind, this may be some kind of
scouting mission."
"That much firepower for a scouting mission?" Ranma couldn't
believe what she heard.
Hmm... they must be traveling light. :)
"Well," Deedlit said, sliding off her horse, "they think
that anything not native to Earth is hostile, and even some
natives, so they always make sure to have enough firepower.
Especially this far from home."
Yes - speaking of which, where are they?
The pitch changed, and even the non-elves could hear the
whine of engines over the rain, growing louder.
Drizzt swore. "It sounds like their getting closer. We
their -> they're (they are)
should be under cover so they don't see us."
Ranma looked shocked. "Running away from a fight? I didn't
think you were a coward."
Before Ranma could blink, Drizzt had grabbed her by the
collar and pulled her off her horse. "Listen young one," he
said, "and listen well. If you have not yet learned that
some fights are not worth the effort, I wonder how you are
still alive. They have superior numbers, their armor give
them abilities we do not have, and we do not know their
give -> gives
level of training. We do not have the time to argue about
this, so move!"
"Too late," Pirotess said, pointing down the pass. A
skull-faced, wheeled vehicle was rumbling between the pass
walls, while the SAMAS units flew back and forth across the
path. As they watched, on of the units turned toward them,
and the others quickly stopped and looked toward the
companions. There was no doubt that they had been spotted.
"Stay calm," Drizzt said, "they may no more desire a fight
than we do."
He had barely finished talking when a loud buzz filled the
air, immediately followed by Deedlit's horse becoming a
cloud of gore. "Wanna bet," was all she said.
Replace the comma with a question mark.
BTW - ICK! Although that is the usual reaction of a fleshy mammal
when exposed to high-velocity railgun rounds... :)
******
"This should be good," Jade said, the others nodding
agreement.
Who is Jade? Who are the others? How are they watching this?
I'm so confused! Waah!
******
Cattie-brie quickly dismounted, and all five of the group
scattered (well, six, but Ryoga was being held in a small
harness at Pirotess' hip). Ranma and Drizzt, though
Heh. Bet he enjoys that! :)
separated, both were watching the flying figures, wondering
how they would be able to approach them to strike.
Cattie-brie wasted no time, however, and was already aiming
her bow.
The Heartseeker's string sang, and three silver arrows were
streaking toward their target. The SAMAS pilot had no time
to react as two arrows plunged into his chestplate. Of
course, he barely had time to realize he had been hit before
the third shot went through an eye of the skull faceplate.
Watching their commander fall lifeless to the ground, the
other units scattered, staying in one position only long
enough to fire.
Oh, that's gotta demoralize the troops. "Whaddya mean a bitch
with a bow just took out a SAMAS?"
Drizzt dodged stream after stream of white-hot metal slugs.
I'm wondering how the superheated air trails from the railgun
slugs would look to his infravision... it's a laser light show! :)
Between his dodging, and Cattie-brie's arrows, the SAM's
were ignoring the other members of their group.
Too bad for them.
Ranma leaped onto the back of the nearest unit (a fair
twenty feet up), nearly screaming from the exhaust heat.
No kidding. She's standing behind a jet turbine!
She flipped over, landing on the rifle, and began pounding
the armors face and chest.
*plink plink plink*
"Lady, would you stop that?"
:)
The pilot, rightly spooked, did
the first thing that came to mind, which was to bring his
other arm up and try to pry the red-haired monster off.
Ok, she can be ugly when she's pissed, true enough. But I've
never seen her reach monster-like proportions.... :)
Struggling against the armors enhanced strength, Ranma aimed
a strike at it's forearm, hoping to injure the arm enough
for it to let go. What she did hit was a strange lump
attached to the arm, causing some sparks to fly. Over the
hissing of the rain, Ranma heard a beeping sound coming from
the part she just smashed. Looking there, she saw a pair of
red lights blinking. The SAM pilot followed her gaze, and
quickly began to panic. He tried to eject the
malfunctioning rocket launcher, but failed as the rockets in
it detonated.
Um... ouch? Standard-issue HE rounds, or antipersonnel? Or,
heaven forbid, plasma?
Ranma's gonna be hurtin'...
The explosion threw Ranma across the pass, causing her to
collide with another unit, which in turn was smashed flat on
the cliff wall. Ranma issued a muttered "check please"
before falling to the ground, unconscious.
Heh. :)
Another SAMAS flew in low, trying to find where the arrows
had come from. Drizzt rushed it from behind, the heat of
it's engines being dissipated by his scimitar. Two quick
cuts, and the engines were disabled. Another pair and the
units wings were gone. It spun around, trying to bring it's
rifle to bear, and Drizzt quickly sliced the gun in half.
The pilot, being a (relatively) sane person, turned and ran
back toward the transport, which was at the moment trying to
turn around and leave. Drizzt felt something behind him.
He turned, bringing his scimitars up to strike...
When a stream of slugs hit him in the chest, knocking him
down and back. The SAM lined up for another shot...
*wince* Oooh... that's gotta STING.
A bolt of lightning struck it, causing it to explode.
Drizzt looked over and saw Pirotess throw him a wink as
Deedlit sent a bolt toward another unit that was hovering
near Ranma, with the same results.
The two remaining intact units, seeing how quickly their
allies had been defeated, decided that it was more important
to report this encounter to high command than to die, and
moved back toward the transport, which was driving though
though -> through
the pass at full speed.
******
"Time," Jade said.
Zaranth checked his stopwatch. "Thirty seconds from the
initial arrow shots to the second lightning hit."
"Impressive."
"No wonder," Amanda said, "the other two ran."
******
Cattie-brie helped Drizzt to his feet. "Are ye all right?"
Drizzt fingered the cooling pieces of metal stuck in his
chainmail. "I am, but this armor wasn't designed for that
type of weapon."
Well, maybe not, but when a craftmaster like that makes chainmail,
I'd assume it's not going to be what you'd exactly call 'normal' in
the first place, anyway.... :)
A low overhang provided some shelter from the continuing
rain. "Fine, when we go back to visit, ye be the one to
tell me father the work of his clan isn't good enough."
"When we do go back, you will be with me. I have no
interest in fending off his axe and hearing him yell,"
Drizzt dropped his voice from the normal tenor to a gruff
baritone, "'where's me girl?'"
They both laughed as Drizzt stripped off his mail shirt.
Bruises covered his chest, blending with his dark skin.
Though luck, or devine intervention, the unicorn pendant he
devine -> divine
wore was undamaged. He began removing the deformed bullets
as Cattie-brie tended to his injuries.
"Do they be as bad as they look?"
"I have had worse," he replied. "A few of these are from my
match with Ranma. If I had not been wearing this, things
might have been unpleasant."
"I saw what he... she... ARRRGH.. what Ranma did to that
thing. Ye could have been killed."
"If I had not been wearing my armor, I would have called off
the match after I parried his blow."
"Maybe we could get one of the elves to help ye. They seem
to have some healing magic."
"No, Deedlit is busy with Ranma. That explosion did not
look pleasant."
"I was talking about Pirotess, not Deedlit."
Drizzt didn't answer.
"What? Don't tell me she makes ye nervous? We're a long
way from Menzoberranzan, and that Baenre bitch is dead. The
hunters learned long ago that their prey cannot be caught.
Besides, she comes from another world, who says that the
drow are the same there."
Last sentence should be split:
"... Besides, she comes from another world. Who says that the
drow are the same there?"
"I talked with her a little after Ryoga went to sleep the
first night." The mail shirt had more than a few holes, but
it would have to do for now. "She did not talk about
herself much, but I had the impression that dark elves from
her world are just as despised as they are on ours. She
once conspired with evil greater than any we have seen."
"But no longer. Give her a chance."
*******
Deedlit kneeled above Ranma's prone form, focusing her
energy into a healing spell. The cuts and burns on the
redheads body quickly disappeared, and a groan sounded.
"Still alive? I'm impressed," Deedlit said, half joking.
"Knock it off Deed," Ranma replied. She looked down, and
blushed. "Could you get my spare clothes out of my pack? I
think these are useless," she said, indicating the charred
shreds of clothing still clinging to her form.
Deedlit tossed her cloak over Ranma. "We have to get the
horses back first, they ran after the first shots went
off." She started to walk awy, then paused. "Why did you
awy -> away
call me that?"
"Huh?"
"You called me 'Deed.' Why?"
"I don't know, it just seemed right."
"Oh." Deedlit continued in the direction the horses went, a
smile on her face.
*******
Then spent an hour chasing down the horses, then recovered
whatever was salvageable from the dead horse (or, what was
left of said horse). Nothing useful could be recovered from
the downed power armor units, so they were left where they
Huh? NOTHING? The missiles alone are worth some decent creds...
fell (destroying the intact one first). The companions
decided to leave the area as quickly as possible. Deedlit
rode Ryoga's horse since the eternal lost boy was still a
pig (much to his irritation).
They exited the mountains that day. Two days later, the
city of Hope stood before them.
Ryoga, once again human after the previous days rain finally
cleared, stared at the city from the back of Pirotess'
horse. "If you don't mind," he asked, "why did we pass
those towns yesterday and the day before?"
"Because," Pirotess replied, "most of the towns we passed
were too small for us to find supplies. And Charity is the
second worst place to be within a few hundred miles.
Totally lawless, we'd be ambushed within an hour. We're not
looking for fight, remember."
Oh, so THAT's where they are. Hmm... I see possibilities... :)
Ranma shook his head. "I'm afraid to ask, but what's the
worst place?"
"Silvereno, I think," Deedlit said, "there's a vampire clan
operating there. And none of the locals are trying to stop
it."
"Ouch."
As they set off toward the outer gate, Cattie-brie rode up
beside Deedlit. "How do ye know all this? I thought you
said you avoided this place?"
"Our knowledge is the reason we tried to avoid this place.
It's a little dangerous for a casual visit."
"Ye haven't answered me question."
"I was getting there. We've come here maybe a half dozen
times in the last three hundred years, even since..." She
trailed off.
Curious: should 'even' be 'ever'? I can't tell from context...
although it seems that the latter would make more sense.
"Since what?"
"This world was once like the one Ranma and Ryoga came from,
though not as chaotic. Three hundred years ago, a war broke
out. The deaths of millions in an instant caused a surge of
mystical energy. That surge caused more deaths, releasing
more energy, causing greater surges. The fabric of reality
tore itself apart. A few communities survived to rebuild.
Others rose from the ashes of what had come before.
Pirotess and I have seen civilization rise and fall on this
world since the cataclysm. Some places inspire hope, others
dread. Perhaps we can make a difference here, perhaps not."
"Ye still haven't answered me question."
"Stubborn, aren't you? Oh well, what should one expect from
a person raised by dwarves. We've established contacts all
over the megaverse, knowing that when we found who we were
looking for, we would need information on the world. This
seemed a likely location, given how chaos loves those two."
Just my opinion, feel free to ignore... :)
I think you should toss some more flavor into your dialogue
sections. The words the characters say are fine, but we don't know
HOW they are saying them. In the above section, for example, it'd be
more interesting written like this:
"Stubborn, aren't you?" Deedlit grinned. "Oh well, what should
one expect from a person raised by dwarves?"
Cattie-brie didn't return the grin.
"Ah... We've established contacts all over the megaverse ..."
And so on. Of course, if that's not the tone you're trying for,
fine. But the point is, I personally like to see HOW the characters
are saying things. Are they gasping the words? Whispering? Cackling
maniacally? speaking-in-a-monotone? :)
By this time they had arrived at the gate, and were forced
to surrender their weapons to the guards (though none of
them liked the idea). The town had a layout that Drizzt and
Cattie-brie found familiar, yet the buildings looked like
they were from Ranma and Ryoga's era. "A mix of old and
new," Deedlit said, "like most of the things on this
world." Two rooms were rented, and preparations were made
for departure the next day.
*******
Ryoga set down the book he was reading as Ranma entered
their room.
"Where's Drizzt?"
Ranma shrugged. "In the bar, I think. Last I saw, he and
Cattie-brie were sitting in a corner talking. What are you
reading?"
"An English book. I figured I should touch up on the
language. Where have you been keeping yourself?"
"Talking with Deedlit. It's nice, for once, to find a girl
I can talk to without every word I say being
misinterpreted. I though you would be with Pirotess."
Which reminds me - where is the Fiancee Force? (Remember - I
haven't read the first chapter yet! Don't hurt me! *ducks*)
"I was, for a while. It's hard to explain, but she makes me
a little uneasy."
Gee, I wonder why...
"Having someone thirty times your age claim that you're her
long lost love can be a little shocking. There is something
I've been meaning to ask you, though."
"I can think of two questions you might want to ask. The
first is what it feels like to have a stereotypical black
knight in my head. The other is why I've been acting so
calm since we arrived on this world. Which would you like to
hear first?"
"The second."
THIS I gotta hear...
Ryoga carefully marked his place in the book and set it down
on the table beside the bed. "It's hard to explain. When I
think back to our time in Nerima, I feel like something was
getting in the way of my thoughts. When we can here, I felt
like a weight was lifted. Don't laugh Ranma, I'm serious."
"I wasn't going to say anything, but when did this block
start?"
"I'm not sure. All I can say is that all I wanted to do
after you, or rather I, missed the fight is talk to you. I
though you were a man of honor, so I didn't understand why
you wouldn't wait, since you knew of my direction sense. I
only wanted an explanation, but as time went on, my
curiosity turned to rage. By the time I arrived at the
springs, I was blaming you for everything. After Genma
knocked me in the spring-"
"Wait, I thought you said that I knocked you in?"
"No, that was the clouding I told you about. It caused me
to see events differently. Now that I can think without it,
I can look at my memories without it editing them. In
reality, I was knocked off balance by your father. I was
startled by you running by, so I fell."
"Why were you startled?"
Ryoga blushed at the memory. "You must have opened the top
of your gi when you changed, to prove the change to
yourself. You forgot to close it before chasing the old
fart."
"Oops."
I LIKE that explanation... damn, now you're giving me ideas! :)
Too bad I can't use them....
"I'm wondering, how is it for you? Having another man's
memories in your head?"
???!
"It's strange. I few days ago, I called Deedlit 'Deed.' It
seemed natural at the time, yet all of us, including
Pirotess, have been calling her by her full name since we
came here. I thought about it later, and found that it was
what Parn and the rest of her friends called her."
"Stray memory?"
"When they first did the ritual, I felt the memories settle
in one corner of my mind, and just stayed there. Now, they
seem to be mingling with my own memories. I need to
concentrate to determine what's mine and what's Parn's."
"In a sense, you just said that you're confusing your
memories with your own."
*eyes crossing* I think... I need an aspirin....
"I know, weird ain't it. But I think they were doing that
before they did the ritual. When I originaly saw Deed, I
felt something was familiar about her. Then there's what
happened the other day. I was trained to fight, to win, but
never to kill. But just a couple of days ago, I caused the
deaths of two people. What's worse is I don't see anything
wrong with it."
"They tried to kill us, and might have too. The Coalition
fit's just about every definition of evil that I can think
of, like the Nazi's from back home. Regardless, you
protected yourself, and your friends from death. Killing in
that respect isn't murder, so don't let it bother you."
"I still don't like it."
"If the time comes that you do, I'm going to put as much
distance between us as I can."
"Likewise."
"Having seconds thoughts?"
seconds -> second
"'Why oh why didn't I take the blue pill?' Nope, no second
Eh? Is The Matrix a part of this fic too?
Damn, I've GOT to read the first chapter!
thoughts. What about you? You were the one obsessed about
Akane."
"Looking back, I think I just had a crush on her. She was
the only woman who didn't judge me, or didn't mind me
getting lost."
"Now you have another. This time she knows, so no
'P-chan.'"
"True. And no, I don't have second thoughts either."
*******
The bar was populated by all manner of creatures. Most were
human, or near enough in appearance. This distinction
included elves, dwarves, strange hairless chalk-white
people, and others that would be human except for some
'strange hairless chalk-white people', huh? Um... if you are
using the dudes I think you're using, then the group is in for some
nasty encounters... and very frightening ones, as well.
distinguishing feature or three. Among them were beings
Drizzt had never imagined. Huge human-like beings made of
metal, a group that looked like a cross between a person
and a cactus, and a large, four-armed, bird creature in one
corner.
Hey, the cactus-folk are cool!
Drizzt sipped his drink. Cattie-brie was beside him, like
him drinking something the natives called a 'soda.' The bar
was crowded, but the large panther curled around
Cattie-brie's feet made an effective deterant.
deterant -> deterrent
"Well?" Cattie-brie asked. "Are ye going to talk to her?
Or just sit here all night brooding?"
"I would not sit here all night. The boys need some time
alone. If there had been room here, I would not have to
share quarters with them. I'll be going up in a few hours,
after they are asleep." He reached down and scrached the
cat's head. "Besides, with Ranma's difficulty with cats,
this is the only chance we have to spend time with
Guenhwyvar."
Nice kitty... good kitty... kitty want a kitty-treat?
*CHOMP*
"... medic..."
Deedlit entered the bar, casting a wary glance at the
chalk-skinned human. Cattie-brie waved her over, then
scooted over in the booth to make room, nearly pushing
Drizzt out, and prompting a growl from Guenhwyvar.
"Oh, Drizzt," Deedlit said when she came over, "Pirotess
wanted me to tell you that, when you have the time, she
would like to meet with you."
Drizzt shot a glare at Cattie-brie. "Where is she now?"
"In out room. She know's you're coming, so don't worry about
out -> our, know's -> knows
knocking." Deedlit shot a wink at Drizzt as he slid out of
the booth and headed towards the stairs, handing the pather
figure to Cattie-brie on his way.
"Does she know he's coming?" Cattie-brie asked when Drizzt
was out of sight.
"Well, we both know that those have a lot to talk about, so
I thought that we should get it over with now instead of
later. Besides, she should be done with her bath by the
time he gets there."
Oh, Deeds, you are SO not funny. That's cruel....
Their laughter echoed into the night.
End Part 2.
notes:
1)yes, I know Ranma might not know about rednecks, but it
had to be said
2)Drizzt got hit because his instincts are more toward
swordplay and slow moving missile weapons. Metal slugs
moving at mach 1 kinda threw him off.
Mach 1 plus, you mean. :)
3) for those who don't play Rifts, SAMAS stands for
Strategic Armor Military Assault Suit (or System, depending
on where you see it). That class of armor is, for all
intents and purposes, the best on earth.
Bwah? Ok, ok, must not start an off-topic debate... let's just
agree to call them 'good' and leave it at that, hmm? :)
4) The unicorn is a symbol of Drizzt's religion, the Lady of
the Forest (he's a ranger, for those who don't know).
5) ten points to whoever gets the rabbit reference (none for
the guy I got it from). another 20 to whoever recognizes
the people in the cave cameo.
Rabbit - I am without a Clue.
Cave cameo - would I be correct in assuming that one of them was
our friendly space hitchhiker Ford Prefect, and his companion was
monkey-man himself, Arthur Dent?
6) Why was Deedlit nervous in the bar? Simple, the guy with
chalk-white skin is a psi-stalker. Those are mutants that
drain magical energy for food. A mage could provide enough
nourishment for a week (or, in Deedlit's case, more like a
month).
*snort* No kidding. I'm still trying to figure out just what
*Ranma*'s PPE/ISP ratings would be, let alone Deedlit....
A note of what's to come: Ranma (I think we can all agree)
is a hotheaded brawler. Drizzt will slowly teach him what
it means to be a true warrior (trust me, this will be harder
than it seems). Of course, before that happens, they'll
have to deal with a demon lords grudge (and you though Ryoga
was bad), dimension hopping amazons ("how the f**k did you
get here son-in-law?"), and rouge personalities ("damit
rouge -> rogue (yes, I'm pathetic, I'm C&C'ing the Authors Notes!
:)
Ryoga! we're sparring, not in a death duel." "Ryoga's not in
right now... Parn"). I might even throw a tarrasque in
A tarasque, eh? From Xanth, from Forgotten Realms, from AD&D,
from where?
there for the hell of it. Muhuwahahahahahahahahahaha
Oh, yeah, chapter 3 will have, as requested, scenes from the
home universes.
Yaay!
:)
Well, I'm hooked. Nice work on this - you've combined elements
fairly well, and aside from the fact that your Drizzt seems to be more
comfortable around strangers than the canon one, I haven't noticed any
unexplained OOC-ness. :)
Good job - keep it up!
Brian Payne
sofaspud@sofaspud.org
The NEW Sofaspuds Couch coming online within the week!
Until then, the old one is still available at the same URL.
http://www.sofaspud.org