Hi all,
Behold the most normal fanfic I have ever written! Absolutely nothing
about it is weird, twisted, or unusual. It sort of developed overnight
after a discussion I had with Alain Gravel (author of _The One I Love
Is..._) so he sort of gets some credit for the idea.
Oh, and if you don't like TOILI, you're a satanist.
This is a draft, so if anyone has any ideas for expansion, or thinks I
should just go jump off a bridge, please let me know.
The events of this story occur shortly after the events of episode 12.
"Dialog in Japanese"
_Thoughts in Japanese or German_
SOMETHING ELSE
A Neon Genesis Evangelion Fanfiction
by Sparky Clarkson
The computer beeped and flashed a message at Shinji, jarring him from
his reverie. He shook his head to clear it and glanced around the
classroom, noting that almost all the other students were spacing out
as well. _Sensei really is the most boring teacher I've ever seen,_
Shinji thought, then returned his attention to the computer screen. He
smiled ruefully as he read it.
HEY, STUPID SHINJI! I WANT YOU TO COME WITH ME AFTER SCHOOL.
Shinji shook his head. Sometimes he had trouble figuring out who had
sent him a particular message, but never with Asuka. Her personality
showed through even the drab green text of the computer screen. Shinji
realized that he would probably end up doing what she said anyway, but
he mustered as much of an effort at resistance as he could manage
without getting punched later. He typed his reply.
WHERE? WHY?
Asuka's answer wasn't long in coming.
I HARDLY THINK IT MATTERS... YOU'LL HAVE AN OPPORTUNITY TO SPEND TIME
WITH THE GREAT ASUKA LANGLEY SORYU. THAT SHOULD BE ENOUGH FOR YOU!
Shinji smiled as he read that. Pure Asuka. _What would she do,_ Shinji
wondered, _If she knew how true that was?_ He typed an affirmative
reply and sent it. _She'd probably kill me, or call me a perverted
idiot,_ he thought, and sighed softly. He shifted slightly in his seat
so he could see Asuka.
The red-headed girl turned to flash him a thumbs-up and a huge grin,
then quickly rotated back to face the front of the room. Shinji, on
the other hand, held his position, carefully watching his housemate.
He couldn't decide whether to look forward to whatever Asuka had
planned for after school or not. Asuka pulled him in so many
directions.
Shinji really hated the way she called him an idiot all the time and
made fun of him, but there were times that she made him feel
wonderful, too. The smile she had given him at the end of that
misadventure in the volcano had made him feel warm and happy inside,
and completely blocked out the pain he felt from being immersed in
lava. The only time he could remember being as happy was when Rei
smiled at him after the fight with Ramiel. And certainly, life with
Asuka was never boring.
All the same, living with her was beginning to wear on Shinji
emotionally. Her constant desire to be the center of his and everyone
else's attention was charming in a way, but kept him from the peaceful
downtime he needed so that he could hold himself together. After he
had tried to run away, Shinji had quickly slipped into a routine of
taking several hours each day to listen to his SDAT and unwind the
considerable tension that built up in him from dealing with NERV and
the Evas. Since Asuka had come, however, that time was becoming harder
and harder to find even as the stress she brought into his life made
him need it more and more.
Shinji could feel himself coming apart at the seams. Twice in the past
week he had cried himself to sleep. It didn't happen because of
something specific Asuka had said so much as because of the sheer
frustration brought on by trying to deal with her.
Shinji's hand clenched. _Why does she have to be so mean?_ he asked
himself, _I try as hard as I can to make her happy!_ He relaxed
quickly, however, when his eyes again focused on Asuka. He had to
admit it, though. Ultimately, something about her made the trouble she
caused him worth it. If only he could figure out what that 'something'
was...
His computer beeped again. He glanced back to the screen, barely
suppressing a groan as he read the new message.
ADMIRING MY BEAUTY, HUH?
Shinji turned towards the front of the room and buried his head in his
hands. _Was I?_ he wondered. _Is that it? Do I want her to be my
girlfriend?_ Shinji barely had any idea what that sort of thing was
about. He got two pictures from people he knew: one from the off-color
jokes that Touji and Kensuke told (and Misato too, when her blood
alcohol was high enough), and another from the deplorably boring
"romance" movies Misato sometimes rented. Shinji had a feeling neither
perspective was really right, but he knew he would never be able to
ask anyone about such an embarrassing subject.
_It's hopeless, anyway,_ Shinji thought. _She probably hates me, or at
least despises me. Really, though, I can't figure her out at all._
***
"So, um... what's this about, Asuka?" Shinji asked as they stood
outside the campus. Touji and Kensuke had just left him with "the
red-headed devil" and gone off to play at the arcade.
"There's something I want to show you," she replied, and began walking
down the road towards a maglev station.
Shinji started after her, catching up after a few moments. "Is it out
of town or something?" he asked as they descended to the subway.
"Sort of," Asuka replied. "It's on the mountain."
"The mountain?" Shinji asked, trying to restrain the whine in his
voice. The shoes he was wearing really weren't any good for a hike. He
should have realized that Asuka would have some reason for wearing
unwieldy boots today rather than the standard shoes of the school
uniform.
"Well, if you're going to be that way, we can just turn around. Heaven
knows why I'm spending my time with an idiot like you," Asuka replied.
As if to carry out her threat, she turned back towards the stairs that
led to street level.
"No, wait," Shinji said. "If you want to drag me up the mountain, then
I guess it must be important to you. I'll go."
Asuka folded her arms and smirked. "That's better," she said, and
moved back towards the turnstiles. Shinji shook his head slowly and
followed her.
A short ride on the maglev took them to the edge of the nature
preserve on the mountain nearest to Tokyo-3. Asuka jumped up from her
seat and charged out of the train car, Shinji following at a more
leisurely pace, watching the sway of Asuka's hips and the graceful
movement of her body.
Shinji had the impression that this sort of looking was something
people who were in love did often. But he didn't feel right doing it.
Something about ogling Asuka this way just struck him as being wrong.
He shook his head and sped up so that Asuka wouldn't yell at him. The
last thing he needed was to have her call him a pervert in a public
place like this.
When he finally did catch up with her, Asuka commented, "Took you long
enough, stupid. Are you up for a climb?"
"Sure," Shinji replied, without enthusiasm. Already, he was beginning
to regret agreeing to come with her. But maybe doing so would buy him
a little peace and quiet later on. He could only hope.
***
"Ta-DA!" Asuka shouted as she reached a little clearing. The two
children had been following a rough trail up the west side of the
mountain. Because it was in a nature preserve, the trail had trees
growing thinly on either side. They allowed a somewhat obstructed view
of the surrounding area. Here in this clearing, however, the trees
were gone from the outside edge of the trail, leaving a small, grassy
plateau facing almost due west.
Shinji leaned against a tree. "This is what you wanted to show me?" he
asked. Something in his voice made him sound a little annoyed.
"Well, I'm sorry it doesn't match up to your *high* expectations,
stupid Shinji," Asuka snapped. Shinji hadn't said anything about it on
the way up, but she knew he had to be a little irritated by the whole
excursion.
Shinji held up a hand. "No, no, you misunderstood me. It's very
pretty, just... I don't understand why you wanted me to come up here
so badly," he explained.
"Well, you just have to wait a while," Asuka said, "You made far
better time than I thought you would. You should be proud that you
exceeded my expectations." She realized that she had actually been the
one lagging behind most of the way, prodding Shinji to "break a trail"
for her. "Just sit and wait for the sunset, idiot," she added, turning
back towards the view.
Shinji was silent for a few moments, then said, "Why do you say things
like that all the time?"
"Huh?"
"Why do you always say those insulting things? What do I do to deserve
them?"
Asuka was dumbfounded. She couldn't imagine where Shinji had gotten
the nerve to say something like that to her. She was about to respond
when Shinji added something else.
"I'm always trying to do what you ask and make you happy," he said,
"And all you ever do is say things that hurt my feelings? Why can't
you be nice to me?"
Asuka didn't know what to say. Of course she knew that she said mean
things to Shinji all the time, but she never imagined that they
actually had any impact on him. She grasped for the first reply that
came to her mind--after all, anything would be better than admitting
the truth to him. He would probably take it in some perverted way.
"You're just a boy," she said, "I don't see why you think you're
worthy of *my* respect. It's your job to be nice to me."
"What?" Shinji asked, his face betraying more than a little shock. "I
don't do the things I do because it's my *job*. I... I even
*disobeyed* my orders when you had that fight in the volcano and I
caught you. I mean, I didn't come up here because I had to. I did it
because I care about you, and I want you to be happy."
Asuka froze. This couldn't be right. Shinji never did anything on his
own initiative--his only source of direction was doing what other
people told him to do. She turned to her housemate, and saw from his
expression that he was entirely earnest. She could hardly believe it.
"What are you trying to say?" she asked. _If it's what I think it is,
maybe I can get this off my chest,_ she thought, _It sure would be
nice to be able to drop my facade for someone._
Shinji seemed to shrink a little bit. "I don't know," he said. "I've
never had to deal with people much before, so I don't even understand
how I feel about them... about you. I don't know if I want you to be
my girlfriend, or if it's something else, but I know I care about you.
I think... I think I love you. Don't you care about me at all?"
Asuka's reply came out before she even knew she was going to speak, a
response born of her emotional reflexes more than anything else.
"Hmph! I could *never* love *you*," she retorted, barely realizing
that she was saying the words. Their impact on Shinji, however, made
it clear that they had, indelibly, been uttered. The boy stood
stone-still for a moment as her words sank in. Then he began shaking,
and reached out to support himself on a tree as his knees buckled
briefly. Asuka frowned, wondering why he was reacting so oddly to
whatever she had said.
Then she realized exactly *what* she had said. She clasped her hand
over her mouth to stifle a cry and took a step towards Shinji, but at
that moment his last shred of strength evaporated. Asuka had a brief
glimpse of a tear rolling down his cheek before he turned and ran down
the path as fast as he could.
"No! Shinji, wait!" Asuka called, but he kept running. She watched him
disappear from view, stumbling down the rough path. When he had been
out of eyeshot for several minutes, she sat gracelessly on the ground,
leaning against a tree trunk. "Idiot," she muttered, but she this time
the insult wasn't meant for Shinji. "God damn idiot."
She stayed in that position for several hours, watching the sun slowly
track down the sky. _I really did want Shinji to see this,_ she
thought as she watched the golden orb descend behind the hills. _It's
very beautiful. I know he would have liked it._
She was jarred from her reverie by the sudden ringing of her mobile
phone. Asuka reached inside her satchel and grabbed the unit, flicking
it on with practiced ease. "Soryu here," she said automatically,
half-expecting a summons to the Geo-front.
"Asuka! Where are you?" Misato asked, sounding almost angry.
"I'm in a nature preserve," Asuka replied. "What's up?"
There was a pause, then Misato continued in a calmer voice, "I just
got a little nervous because I didn't know where you were. You should
tell me when you're going to do something like this. Are you coming
back tonight, or are you camping up there with Hikari?"
"I, uh... I'm coming back soon," Asuka said. There was an
uncomfortable silence that lasted a few moments.
"Okay, well..." Misato began, but Asuka cut her off.
"Misato, how's Shinji?"
Another silence ensued. Finally, Misato replied, "He's shut himself up
in his room. I heard him come in a while ago, but I haven't seen or
heard from him since. He didn't come out for dinner."
"Misato... could... could you check on him for me?" Asuka asked. When
her guardian did not respond, Asuka added, "Please?"
"I'm doing it," Misato replied after a moment. Asuka heard the phone
being put down on the table, and the faint sounds of Misato walking
across the kitchen. A few minutes later, Misato picked up the phone
again. "He's crying, that's all I can tell. You realize, you're going
to tell me what this is about right now."
Asuka mentally kicked herself. Expressing so much concern for Shinji
was bound to send up a red flag with Misato. Oh well. She needed the
advice anyway. "Misato," she asked, "Have you ever said something that
was true, but wasn't right?"
"I don't understand what you mean."
"Well... I said something to Shinji earlier today, and it was the
truth, but it didn't come out right. I didn't realize I had misspoken
until too late, and I think... I'm worried that I really hurt him, and
I... I don't want to do that," Asuka explained.
"I think I see what you're getting at, although it would be easier if
you'd tell me what it was that caused all this," Misato replied.
"I... I can't. Not just yet," Asuka said. "But Misato, what would you
do if that happened? How can I explain to him that what I said wasn't
what I meant?"
Misato thought for a moment, then said, "Well, the only way to do it
is just to say it. Shinji's had some terrible experiences in his life,
as bad as or worse than yours, and so he's very timid about opening up
to people. If you hurt him, there's a chance that he'll just turn
inward and cut himself off from you. If he does, there's no way to
make him listen. The best thing you can do is say the words and hope
he hears you."
Asuka nodded, before realizing what a ridiculous gesture that was when
using a phone. "Yeah, I guess you're right," she agreed. "Thanks,
Misato."
"Anytime."
"I'll be home in a bit," Asuka said, then flipped the phone off and
shoved it back into her satchel. She stood as the last fringe of the
sun started to disappear, and quickly walked down the path before the
light was all gone. _It's time to set this straight._
***
Asuka's voice was muffled by the door, but still recognizable.
"Shinji, can I come in?" she asked.
Shinji, curled up in his bed with his face buried in a tear-damp
pillow whispered, "Please don't. Please just leave me alone." But the
words were too soft for Asuka to hear. So a few moments later Shinji
heard the door quickly slide open and shut.
"Shinji, are you all right?" Asuka asked.
"No," Shinji moaned. "Please leave Asuka. I know you don't care. It
was stupid of me to say anything when I didn't know how I felt
anyway."
Asuka sat down on the edge of Shinji's bed. "That's what I came in
here to talk about," she said. "What I said today... wasn't exactly
true."
Shinji just buried his face further in his pillow. _She's just taking
pity on me,_ he thought.
"To tell you the truth," Asuka continued, "I spoke before I thought,
and it came out sounding like I don't care about you. I didn't mean it
that way, and I... I'm sorry. I know... I know I don't have the kind
of feelings for you that a girl has for her boyfriend. But..." Asuka
trailed off. After a few moments she began again. "I don't even know
how to say this," she explained, "I've been thinking ever since...
what happened... and I still can't get the words right. It's not
romantic love I'm feeling for you, but... something else."
"Contempt?" Shinji suggested, still not lifting his head from its
protective shelter. "That's how you always act. I'm just trying... oh,
it's no use," he said, struggling to hold back more tears. _I can't
cry in front of her,_ he thought, _I can't. She'd never let me live it
down._
Asuka said nothing for almost a minute. Then, very tentatively, she
reached out and placed her hand on Shinji's shoulder. He reflexively
tensed up when she touched him, fearing the worst, but nothing really
happened. She squeezed gently, then began to talk.
"I... I owe you an apology, Shinji. I know that I mostly act like I
despise you, but it's honestly because... because I don't know *how*
to act around you. I've never had to live with someone my own age
before, so I don't... I don't know what to do. Especially since...
since I know that I *do* care about you. And that's why I'm mad at
myself right now. Because today, when I meant to say I couldn't love
you as my boyfriend, I ended up saying that I don't care about you at
all. And that's not true. I know that... that I really do love you. I
just think of you more as a brother than a boyfriend. And I don't want
to hurt someone who loves me... someone whom I love."
Shinji had slowly rolled over as Asuka spoke, seeing that her eyes
were filling with tears as she explained herself. Something about her
words was striking a chord in him, also, giving him the strength to
hold back his own tears. When she finished speaking Asuka gave him a
weak smile, and gently stroked his cheek, Shinji caught her hand, and
said, "I think... I think I feel the same way. I mean, you're very
beautiful, but I... I can't see us together... that way." He squeezed
Asuka's hand tenderly, and continued, "I just... I *do* care about
you, and it just hurts so much that you make fun of me all the time. I
just don't know if I can keep doing what I've been doing, with NERV,
and school, and here... it's just so... so frustrating!"
Asuka smiled. "Well, for what it's worth," she said, "I want to make
some changes. I did a lot of thinking today, and I realized that...
that I've been meaner to you than I should. I never meant to hurt you,
but I also never had the presence of mind to just stop saying those
hurtful things. I want to try and stop, but I've been in the habit of
acting that way a long time. So I also want to do more to make sure
you know... that when I say those things, I don't really mean them. I
don't know how good of a job I'll do... I mean, I've never had a
brother." She looked at Shinji with an expression of hope and a little
worry.
Shinji looked back up at her. "I've never had a sister, either," he
whispered, just loudly enough that Asuka could hear him. "But... I
want to try it."
Asuka was beaming. She leaned down, wrapped her arms around Shinji,
and pulled him into a sitting position where he leaned against her.
Shocked by the motion, Shinji took a moment to collect himself and hug
her back. The thing was... this felt right. He wasn't nervous, or
scared, or aroused--he was just comfortable. Shinji said so to Asuka.
"Yeah," she agreed, "I guess we are cut out to be siblings after all."
They held the embrace for several more minutes, just relaxing in the
contact. Then Asuka said, "My first act as your 'sister' is to remind
you that you'll never grow up big and strong if you don't eat
regularly."
Shinji suddenly realized that his stomach was softly growling. "Yeah,"
he said, "I suppose I should eat something." He stood up slowly, still
a little tired from the emotional exertion of the afternoon.
Asuka stood up as well, still smiling. "I hope you feel up to cooking.
Misato left some noodles out, but you know those are going to taste
like cardboard," she said.
Shinji laughed too. "No problem," he said, leading Asuka out of his
room.
"Thanks, Shinji," she said as they entered the kitchen, "For making
dinner... and for listening. I'm sorry I hurt your feelings."
Shinji smiled, "Don't worry about it. I feel much better now that I
know I have a... a family."
"So do I."
THE END FOR NOW
But if anyone has any suggestions, I'd love to hear them. That means:
C&C sent to sparkster@writeme.com is welcomed, showered with
adoration, and occasionally even listened to.
*********
"Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent."--Isaac Asimov
Access Sparky's fanfiction, links galore, and all kinds of heresy
at Heaven's Gate!
http://sage_ohlmin.tripod.com/evafic.htm
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