A Brief Bit Of Insanity
Miko / M A Davis
Sort of original, sort of AMG, sort of other stuff
A strange anime romp, in a growing number of short acts.
Act VIII: Use Your Brain
"Dude, do the transformation sequence," Kit said.
"No!" Jordan exclaimed. "No way! I'm not doing that!"
Deep in the heart of the bugrom complex, four Americans
and three goddesses were still working out how to escape from
a simple jail cell. The goddesses -- Belldandy, Urd, and
Keiichi -- stood on one side of the iron bars. On the other side
stood Kit, the rail-thin Korn fan, Shawn, the extra-large anime
freak and self-professed genius, and Marika, the die-hard
anime fan with the fetish for Celtic music and ornamentation.
In the middle of this group stood Jordan. Until ten
minutes ago he'd been the better-dressed and more rational
member of the group, but his tendency to argue minor points
and to not be entirely careful about what he said had now
resulted not only in Keiichi's accidental ascension to goddess-
hood, but to Jordan's own startling transformation into just
about the cutest grade school girl you could imagine.
But then, when your name was Sasami Kawaii, how could
you be anything other than uber-cute?
"Dude, you've got to!" Kit pleaded. "How else are we
going to get out of this place?"
"There is no way you're going to get me to transform into
a magical girl," Jordan said through gritted teeth.
For the second time in ten minutes, Marika squealed and
lifted Jordan from the ground in a fierce hug. "Oh Sammy,
you're the most adorable little girl I've ever seen!" she
exclaimed.
"The name's Jordan!" the girl said in a most un-Sammy-
like tone of voice. "Now put me down!"
"Okay," Marika said, setting her down. "But it hardly
seems fair that you get to be a magical girl, and not me."
"I don't want to be a magical girl," Jordan growled.
"Maybe I should wish to be Card Captor Sakura," Marika
said, snatching up the cell phone. "That could be fun!"
"Pretty Sammy's more powerful," Kit said. "How about
Pixy Misa?"
"No thanks," Marika replied. "I'd rather be cute and fight
for good than an evil, sexy slut."
"Misa's not a slut," Kit said, somewhat defensively.
"Anyway, with her Clow cards, Sakura can improvise a
lot," Marika said.
"But Sammy's got the cuter sidekick."
"I wouldn't be so sure of that."
"Come on! Ryo-Okhi can kick Kero-chan's butt any day!"
"Perhaps," Marika said, "but Sakura is more stylish, you
have to admit."
Kit nodded. "Yeah, okay, point taken."
"Are we going to get out of here any time soon?" Shawn
asked.
Kit shrugged his shoulders. "Sammy won't transform," he
said.
"It's Jordan, you numbskull!"
"Yeah, whatever," Kit replied. "I guess we got no choice
but to summon Clotho again...."
Jordan twitched.
"All right!" Marika said. "Lemme do it! I wanna be
Sakura!"
"W-wait!" Jordan called out.
Everyone turned to look at her. "I... uh... I guess I'll
transform," she said. "That is, I'd rather do that than summon
that demented goddess again...."
She paused, looking around, and added, "Uh... how does it
go?"
"Hold your baton up in the air," Marika said, "and yell out
'Pretty Mutation, Magical Recall!'"
Jordan nodded her head. "Got it," she said. She paused
again, looked around, and said, "Has anyone seen my baton,
then?"
Urd stepped forward. "Allow me," she said. With a wave
of her hands, her outfit transformed, and she was wearing
fishnet stockings and a black body suit with a white tux-like
front, white collar, and white cuffs. A large black stovepipe
hat sat on her head, and a long black wand rested in one hand.
She looked very much like a stage magician's sexy assistant,
except that there was no magician around save Urd herself.
With elaborate gestures, Urd demonstrated that nothing
was up her sleeves -- not that anyone suspected such of the
form-fitting bodysuit. She then removed her hat, showing that
it, too, was empty. Then, with elaborate care, she set it on the
small table near the dungeon exit, stuck her hand inside, and
pulled out a cabbit.
It was Ryo-Ohki, Pretty Sammy's sidekick and mentor. In
its small paws, the cabbit clutched Sammy's pink and white
baton.
The cabbit immediately struggled from Urd's grasp,
hopped across the concrete, and held the baton up to Jordan.
"Hurry, Sasami!" the cabbit urged. "There's no time to lose!
You've got to transform into Pretty Sammy!"
"My name's Jordan," the girl repeated, somewhat less
certainly than before. She took the baton, held it above her
head, and said, "Well, okay, here goes nothing.
"Pretty Mutation -- Magical Recall!"
As she spoke the words, Jordan began to spin about. The
air was filled with pastel-colored globes that revolved around
her, and her entire body (which now appeared to be naked)
took on an odd translucent glow. Then the familiar Pretty
Sammy outfit formed around her,
Luckily for Jordan, she was too busy transforming to
notice quite how intensely Kit and Shawn were watching her.
"The Magical Girl, Pretty Sammy!" she yelled out. She
finished the sequence with an especially cute pose, pinky finger
against her cheek, which she held for a moment before
assuming a normal stance. "Er... that is..." she stammered.
"Oh!" Belldandy exclaimed, clapping her hands together.
"How kawaii! That's an adorable outfit, Sammy!"
"It's Jordan," the girl said, tugging at her short, pleated
skirt. "God, this is embarrassing...."
She turned to face the lock. "Um... how do I do this,
exactly?"
"Raise your wand above your head, swing it down, and
yell 'Pretty Coquettish Bomber!'" Marika said. "That should do
it."
"Yes, that's it exactly," the cabbit added, nodding its head
vigorously.
"Okay," Jordan said. She glanced around. "You, uh,
might all want to stand back for this...."
The wand swung up, sprouting a pair of small wings.
Then it came down in a rush. "Pretty Coquettish Bomber!"
Jordan yelled. A visible pink heart flew from the wand and
struck the cell lock.
Shawn rattled the door, but it remained locked. "Try it
again," he suggested, stepping back.
"Pretty Coquettish Bomber!" Jordan called out. A second
pink heart slammed into the lock.
"Pretty Coquettish Bomber!"
"Pretty Coquettish Bomber!"
"Pretty Coquettish Bomber!"
"It's not working, dude," Kit added helpfully.
Jordan sighed, placing her hands on her hips. "Got any
other bright ideas?" she asked.
"Maybe Card Captor Sakura..." Marika began.
"No," Jordan said. "We're not calling that wacko goddess
again!"
She frowned, glaring at the lock. "This is ridiculous," she
said. "I wish that stupid lock would break already...."
The lock split in two and fell onto the floor. For a
moment everyone stared at it in stunned silence.
"How did you do that?" Shawn asked.
"I don't know," Jordan said. "I just pictured the lock
breaking in my mind...."
"Dude! It's your special power!" Kit said excitedly. "You
can cut locks in two with your mind!"
"I can?" Jordan asked, surprised. Shoving the cell door
open, she walked over the large wooden door that led from the
dungeon itself. She glared at the lock, which promptly split
down the middle and clattered to the stone.
"What do you know? I really can cut locks in two with
my mind! That's pretty neat!"
"Dude! Why didn't you try that earlier?"
"Why didn't you suggest it?" Jordan retorted.
"Okay!" Keiichi yelled. "No more talking! We're leaving
here now! Belldandy, you and I will lead. Urd and Pretty
Sammy will bring up the rear...."
"That's Pretty Jordan," Jordan said. "I mean... that is, just
Jordan, thanks."
"Okay," Shawn said. "Ready when you are."
"Just a second," Marika said. The others glanced back, to
see her holding an open cell phone. White mist began to pour
from the mirror. The others groaned.
"Marika, you didn't," Jordan said.
"Well, I've been thinking about it," Marika replied.
"Maybe it'll be for just a little while, or maybe we'll never get
everything straightened back out... but I could do a lot worse
than become a cute magical girl. Anyway, why should you get
to have all the fun?"
"You think this is fun?"
The goddess Clotho formed from the mist. She still had
two long braids of bright green, and she still wore an elaborate
off-the-shoulder multi-layered white dress, with silver symbols
on the hem and edge, and with silver crescent-moon earrings, a
crescent-moon necklace, and blue-silver crescent tattoos on her
cheeks and forehead.
This time, she didn't even begin her introduction. "You
people are really starting to annoy me!" she growled. "How
can you expect me to catch up on my work load if I'm popping
down to grant your group wishes every two hours? I've a good
mind to...."
"I wish I were Card Captor Sakura!" Marika exclaimed,
"and Kero-chan was here with me!"
Clotho blinked, then turned her face to the sky. Once
again, the beam shot from her forehead and up through the
ceiling. Moments later, Marika had been transformed into a
ten-year-old girl who was at least as cute as Sasami herself.
Kero-chan, whose true identity was Cerberus, guardian beast of
the Clow Card book, floated in the air over her shoulder.
"This had better be last time, for your sake," Clotho said
darkly, before disappearing back into the mirror.
"Neat!" Marika said, checking herself out. She pulled a
collecting of Clow cards from a pocket and looked them over.
"This is going to be fun!"
Kero-chan and Ryo-Ohki exchanged glances. "How's it
going, Kero-chan?" Ryo-Ohki asked.
"Not too bad," Kero-chan replied. "And you?"
"About the same," Ryo-Ohki said.
"Okay, are we ready now?" Keiichi asked. "Shawn, you
have any desire to become Cutey Honey? Kit, how about
Wedding Peach? No? Then can we get out of here already?"
Moments later, the strange band of adventurers were
sneaking through the halls of the bugrom complex, heading for
the airship hangar.
*To be continued*
Miko!
Ranma sighed. Her whole life she'd planned on becoming a martial arts
Sensei. It had seemed like such a noble calling. She just hadn't
realized how much it resembled babysitting.
"It's a joke," Ranma said, sitting up. "All I meant was, what hit me?"
"Um... I did, Sensei."
Ah, thought Ranma. It begins to make some sense...
"Hmm? Nice try, Tamakaji, but we both know you can't lay a finger on me.
I may not remember what happened, but for you to get through my
defenses...."
"But I did, Sensei. You were distracted."
"A martial artist is never distracted, Tamakaji. Remember that."
"As you say, Sensei."
"Good. Next question. Why am I a girl?"
"Your niece threw water on you," the student said.
"Ah. This would be just before you didn't hit me when I wasn't
distracted?"
"Hai!"
Ranma put her hand to her head. "It's all coming back to me now. We were
all celebrating the opening of the new dojo, and the dormitory on the
third floor. All my family was here -- mom, pop, Kasumi and Tofu-Sensei,
even Nabiki. We were giving a short demonstration in the dojo, after
showing off your award for first-place in the all-Tokyo competition..."
Ranma stopped, glancing up at her student. "I didn't just dream that
part, did I? You really won, didn't you?"
"Hai, Sensei! Just last Saturday!" Kazayuki produced the blue ribbon and
beamed with pride. "You said I was the luckiest S.O.B. you ever saw!"
(Seven Fianc�es)
Nausicaa@sprynet.com Belldandy@angelic.com
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