Psychological Evaluation of Patient Ranma Saotome.
Authored by Troy Alan Williams (AKA XStylus)
"Lay down on the couch, Ranma. Make yourself
comfortable."
Uh oh. That right there should set off some alarms... :)
<snip>
"Normally these sessions are confidential. However, due
to special circumstances and also since you are the first
documented case of your... condition, much of what transpires in
this session will be used for scientific study. Your name will be
kept anonymous when possible. Is this agreeable?"
"No, but it's not like I have much of a choice, so... yeah."
Ranma answered.
Huh? Why doesn't he have a choice?
"Then let us begin." Mr. Kuriaguwa shuffled a few
papers, coming to the first page. "Do you remember the day that
you fell into the Jusenkyo spring?"
"How can I forget it?" Ranma grunted.
"You had no knowledge of the springs, or their effects on
those who fell in, correct?"
"That's right."
"So when you fell into Nyanniichuan and emerged as a
woman, that must have been quite a shock."
"That's like calling a nuclear explosion a small
firecracker." Ranma quipped. "I was horrified."
Heh! I like.
Mr. Kuriaguwa paused his questioning to write more
notes, then continued.
At this rate, he'll have a novel before the session's over.
"Please tell me your thoughts from the moment that
happened."
RANMA: (breasts-girl!? how? POP! Bastard...KILLLLLL!!!!!)
Ranma took a deep sigh. "Surprise wouldn't be an
adequate word. Three words came to mind: 'What', 'how', and
'why', and you can add a couple exclamation points to each
one."
Well, it could've been this too... :)
<snip>
The Psychiatrist smiled in a canned, professional manner.
Should psychiatrist be capitalized?
<snip>
"Be careful not to spill it on yourself." he warned as he
Replace the period after 'yourself' with a comma - it's still one
sentence.
<snip>
"So... uhh... shall I call you Mr. Saotome or Ms.
Saotome?" Mr. Kuriaguwa asked with professional humor.
... professional (lack of)humor... :)
<snip>
Well if I could control it then this wouldn't be a curse
anymore, now would it? It'd be a costume, one I could keep
tucked away until needed. Something in my little bag of tricks."
Hah! Anything-Goes, indeed. :)
"So you really and truly do not like your girl form at all, is
that what you're saying?"
Ranma chuckled. "I'll put it to ya' this way... Love to
meet her, but wouldn't wanna be her."
<snarf!> Dammit, XStylus, you just made me spray Pepsi all over the
monitor!
<snip>
"As you put it so bluntly..." Ranma grumbled. "And
another thing... I... uhm... hate having to wait in lines at the girls
bathrooms, and I mean ya' gotta sit down just to PEE, and the
mechanics for that -alone- is completely different... But ya'
wanna know something...? I have NO IDEA how in the hell
women can have such bad aim so close to the pot. Some of those
bathrooms are SICK!"
I... don't think I want to know how you know this.... :)
"Mr. Kuriaguwa was trying -very- hard not to laugh,
trying to maintain his focus on his notes.
Misplaced quotation mark in front of 'Mr.'
"It ain't funny, doc." Ranma muttered.
"(Cough) Of course not. Now, with all that in mind, do
you feel you have a better understanding of females, both
mentally and physically?"
"I'm not gonna ALLOW myself to understand them
mentally. But physically... well, there's much to be said for 'more
information than I needed to know'."
Oh hell yes. I do NOT want to think about how some things are
accomplished, myself.
"Then let's talk about the physical perspective for a
moment." Mr. Kuriaguwa prepared a fresh sheet of paper, then
took a deep breath as if he were preparing for something.
"Do you have a period?" Mr. Kuriaguwa asked.
"EXCUSE ME?!"
Ditto!
<snip>
"Ranma, put my table down." Mr. Kuriaguwa demanded
Replace period after 'down' with a comma.
in a calm, controlled tone. At that, Ranma quickly realized what
she was doing and complied.
"Ranma, how close are you to... uhm, that day you try to
avoid?"
Ranma again bit her lip and withheld her response for a
moment.
"Sometimes it's early..." Ranma meekly responded.
Oh, man... this is frightening. Especially since you mentioned wanting
to do a side-story for Girl Days. Heaven help us... :)
"Well... then this is as good a time as any to move on to
the mental perspective." Mr. Kuriaguwa grabbed another sheet
of clean paper, having already filled the previous one.
See? Told ya. He'll have written War and Peace before he's done.
<snip>
"Crap." Ranma cursed. "An aspirin then?"
Period->comma, again. I'll stop commenting on these - I'm sure you get
the point by now. :)
<snip>
"I never paid much attention while I was a..." Ranma
scowled and smelled a trap. "Now, let me cut you off right there.
I do NOT like guys." Ranma punctuated her words with a glare.
"I already knew that. That's not in dispute." Mr.
Kuriaguwa reassured.
Oh? Sounded like it to me... damn psych doubletalk. :)
"GOOD. But yeah, I never thought to notice..." Ranma
muttered.
"I can try to explain." Mr. Kuriaguwa reached off his
shelf to pull down yet another file. "I counsel various homosexual
individuals and..."
"I AM NOT HOMOSEXUAL!" Ranma shouted.
"That was unnecessarily loud." Mr. Kuriaguwa rubbed
his ear. "And for your information, while you are in your female
form you can technically be considered a lesbian."
He's a male lesbian and proud of it! :) (sorry, old joke)
<snip>
"Shhh... just hear me out for a moment." Mr. Kuriaguwa
set down his notes so that he could give full attention to his client.
"What I say is intended to give you piece of mind later on should
this matter arise."
"You're making me nervous doc..." Ranma muttered,
tapping her foot nervously.
YOU'RE making ME nervous, XStylus...
<snip>
"To summarize, you're attracted to girls and nothing will
change that. However, while you're a girl there may be times
when you find yourself aroused in the presence of a male or even
while thinking of one. This is your body at work, not your mind.
Oh, boy. Heh. I can just see the mental issues Ranma would go through
during a fight with, say, Ryoga or Taro... <wince>. On second thought, I'm
not sure I wanna go there....
And, of course, there's much to be said for mind over body."
Of which EVERYONE in the Ranmverse is an expert, it seems. At least
with regards to bone-shattering blows....
"You know, I might sleep better at night if I DIDN'T
know that..."
Took the words right outa my mouth, Ranma.
"You'd sleep less at night had you been in such a
situation and didn't understand why your body was acting the
way it was."
Ranma sighed. "I've already had a few of those sleepless
nights."
Ergh. First thought: "Sleepless in Nerima". Second thought: BAKA!
<smack!>
<snip>
"I realize that you're going through a lot of stress with
this. I just want to let you know that I want to help. I'm offering
you my services free of charge, any time you need them. No
notes, no tape recorders, but on one condition."
Whoa! A psychiatrist, free of charge? What is he SMOKIN'? They're
gonna kick him out of his guild!
<snip>
Ranma sighed. "When I'm a guy, I look forward to the
day when I can... you know, -be- with her."
Mr. Kuriaguwa chuckled. "One guy, one girl, semi-
private room... is that what you mean?"
Semi-private? I'd go for fully private, myself, but maybe ol' Ranma's
an exhibitionist...
"Yeah." Ranma blushed. "Only natural, right?"
Mr. Kuriaguwa nodded.
Ranma took another deep sigh. "When I'm a girl, I think
of the same thing... only this time it's... uhm... one girl, one
tomboy, sound-proof room..."
<wince> I did NOT need that image! Dammit... I'm working on a serious
fic here, and I didn't need to be kicked into hentai mode!
XSTTYYYLLLLUUUSSS!!!
<snip>
Ranma gave a warm smile. "I don't take money from
friends."
Mr. Kuriaguwa smiled back and pondered a thought. His
cousin, Dr. Tofu Ono, had taught him well.
Now that last bit seems a bit confusing... does it really matter that
he's Tofu's cousin?
-End.
Well, ladies and gentlemen, this definitely is not my first fanfic, but
it is the very FIRST one that I have completed from start to finish,
and in remarkable time as well. Maybe it's because it's smaller
than my usual novel sized ones... oh well. In either case, send me
feedback. I'd be nice to know if people actually -read- my
work... :)
Oh, I read it. See? :) Like it, too. What more do ya want? Geez.
Mr. Greedy over here... :)
I wrote this fic to tie in with another fic which I plan on doing
later. In that fic, a few scientists catch wind of Ranma's curse
and... well, you can pretty much guess the rest. In either case,
through their bumbling they accidentally make Ranma's curse
incurable (he can change forms with hot/cold water like always,
but the curse can't ever be lifted), among many other things. This
fic theoretically takes place -after- that one. I'll get started on it
later.
OH, ok. That explains a bit.
I've yet to see any fics that try to psychoanalyze Ranma as to
how his curse in general has affected him, and that surprises me.
I seem to remember one from a ways back, but for the life of me can't
remember the title or specifics.
Good work on this. I'd like to see the lead-up - it sounds interesting.
Brian Payne
sofaspud@sofaspud.org
http://www.sofaspud.org