A Brief Bit Of Insanity
Miko / M A Davis
Sort of original, sort of AMG, sort of other stuff
A strange anime romp, in seven short acts.
Act IV: Keep That Number Handy
"It must be fun to shrink down like that," Marika said
conversationally.
Jordan carefully guided the Tercell up a narrow mountain
road that wound back and forth, occasionally nearly doubling
back on itself. It was not only dark but also foggy, and the
road narrowed to one lane in a couple of places -- once where a
rockslide had destroyed part of the road, another where a
bridge had been built wide enough for only one car at a time.
Always the road featured a steep rock cliff on one side and a
sharp drop-off on the other, with only the dark tops of pine
trees visible as they rose up through the mist that covered the
hillside.
The small car had been crowded enough with four people
in it, and Jordan had made it clear that there wasn't any room
for two more -- even if they did happen to be goddesses. Kit
and Shawn had immediately volunteered their laps, but as it
turned out, Belldandy had solved the problem by shrinking
Keiichi and herself to the size of dolls. The two sat in the back
seat between Kit and Marika, while the much large Shawn had
been given the front seat. But at least Belldandy had taught
Keiichi how to summon up clean clothes.
"No, it's not fun," Keiichi complained. "You drag me
across the Pacific Ocean to America, transform me into a girl,
give me a goddess license which does me no good since I have
no training, turn me into a cabbage patch kid, and I'm supposed
to think this is fun? I don't want to be a girl. I just want to be
myself. I've got a midterm to study for, and a race coming up
in three weeks. I don't have time for any of this!"
"Cheer up, Keiichi," Belldandy said. "I'm sure things will
turn out for the best. In the mean time, it is kind of exciting to
be travelling in America, and I'm sure the Oregon Caves will
be lots of fun!"
"Well, I'm glad you're having fun, Belldandy," Keiichi
said. She shifted uncomfortably. "At least Megumi isn't here,
or Urd and Skuld. They'd be laughing hysterically at me. But
mostly, I'm just worried that I'll be stuck this way."
"Dude, look on the bright side," Kit said. "You're
immortal now. You and your babe have got it made now!
Together forever!"
The two diminutive goddesses looked at him.
"Oh, wow, I like completely spaced on that part. I guess
girl on girl doesn�t work for you, does it?"
"No," Keiichi said sourly.
Belldandy looked confused. "Girl on girl?" she asked.
"I'll explain later," Keiichi said.
"In any case," Belldandy said, "things really are messed
up at the moment, but I'm sure we can figure out a solution to
all this soon."
"I don't really care," Shawn said. "I just hope to heck they
have a Dr. Pepper waiting for me when we get there."
Lights appeared in the fog, and soon a large wooden lodge
rose out of the night. It was built right on the lip of the wooded
canyon, so that all the rooms on one side looked out over a
drop-off of over a hundred feet. Jordan parked the car in the
lot just beyond the lodge, and everyone piled out into the foggy
night.
Jordan glanced at the two doll-sized goddesses. "Um," he
said, "I only reserved space for four people. I don't know if
they'll charge more for six, or if they'll allow us to put six
people in two rooms...."
Belldandy smiled. "I understand," she said. She chanted
something in a soft voice, and she and Keiichi shrunk even
further, until they were each just a couple of inches high.
"There!" the tiny goddess said. "Marika, if you don't
mind, could we ride in your purse?"
Marika looked startled for a second, then nodded. As she
bent down to let the two goddesses climb in, Keiichi muttered,
"Now I'm really glad Urd isn't here."
Inside the lodge was a large main room, dominated on one
end by an old stone fireplace, and on the other by a piano and
huge windows that looked out over the canyon. The lodge had
been built many decades ago, and had not been changed much
since then. In one corner stood the old radio that had once
been the only communication with the outside world.
Jordan quickly checked in and then led the group up two
flights of stairs. The hallways were narrow and dark, with
somewhat uneven flooring. At the end of each hallway was an
ancient telephone, the sort with a hand-crank and with black
iron bells on top. These didn't work, of course, nor were there
telephones or phone lines in the rooms.
The two rooms might have looked the same in 1940 as
they did now. The ceiling was painted a brownish yellow, as
were the exposed pipes ran along it. One room held a closet
and a mirror/wash basin combination, while the other room had
a bathroom attached. It was quite a large bathroom, at that.
The group dropped their bags and flopped down the
nearest bed or chair. Belldandy and Keiichi hopped out of
Marika's purse and grew to full size again.
Jordan said, "Well, I guess we can put all the girls in one
room and the boys in another."
Marika and Belldandy nodded. Keiichi looked
momentarily shocked.
"You mean," she said, "that I'd be sleeping in the same
room as Belldandy? In the same bed?"
Jordan nodded. Keiichi got a very strange, silly look on
her face. Her eyes glazed over. Her face went pale. Then her
eyes rolled back into her head, and she collapsed onto the floor.
"Keiichi!" Belldandy said, leaping up.
"Wow," Marika said. "His nose is bleeding! Is that for
real?"
"Really?" Kit said, stepping around the bed to look. "Oh
man! I never, like, actually saw someone do that before! I
thought that was just, you know, anime stuff."
"If goddesses granting wishes isn't anime stuff," Marika
said, "then I'd like to know what is."
***
Although it was late and the restaurant was closed, it was
still early enough that nobody really felt like going to bed just
yet. The small group decided to explore the park a little.
Fog shrouded everything. It turned the buildings and trees
into strange-looking half-formed shapes, and shrouded the hills
in mist, hiding much of the forest and the dense undergrowth.
It seemed to shrink the entire world to just the few hundred feet
around them. Sounds were muffled, so that you heard voices
but could not tell from what direction they came or what was
being said. In many ways it made everything seem far more
magical and mysterious than the Carl's Jr. parking lot had been.
The cave was somewhere further up the mountainside, but
the stream that helped form it flowed down to form a pool on
one side of the road. The splashing and burbling of water
seemed to echo all around them. On the other side, there was a
drop-off and then a larger pool, set just outside the main floor
of the lodge, with a wooden swing before it large enough for
three or four people. Belldandy and Keiichi sat and rocked
back and forth while Jordan and Kit tossed rocks into the pool.
There were no fish in it, but water bugs skipped along the
edges and pennies lined the bottom. For a while everyone
remained silent, listening to the soft woodland sounds and the
distant, indistinct voices.
"This place is really beautiful," Belldandy said. Keiichi
nodded in agreement.
Kit seemed to be turning a particularly difficult problem
over in his head, a practice that usually only made him dizzy.
"Belldandy," he finally said, "doesn't, like, having Keiichi
turned into a girl violate your contract with him?"
"Well, technically, no," Belldandy said. "Even if Keiichi
remains a goddess and stays with Jordan, that doesn't prevent
me from staying with him. All he really wished for was for 'a
goddess like me' to stay with him forever, and he's got that."
"Well yeah, but," Kit said. "I mean... didn't he, like, add
any clauses like, 'don't turn me into a babe,' or something?"
"Not really, no," Belldandy said.
"But I'll try to remember that in the future," Keiichi
muttered under her breath.
"Anyway," Belldandy said, "who would have thought that
someone might make such an odd wish?"
"I didn't make 'such an odd wish'," Jordan growled.
"Clotho twisted my words around!"
"Dude, you were totally misquoted," Kit said in
agreement.
"Uh, yeah," Jordan said. "Anyway, it was just an offhand
comment, not a real wish. Aren't you guys supposed to only
grant someone's heart's desire?"
"Don't look at me," Keiichi said. "I've never been a
goddess before."
"That's how it's supposed to work," Belldandy said, "but
some agencies are better at it than others."
"So this was a rival agency?"
"Yes, of course. I've only met Clotho a few times. But
I'm sure this was an isolated mistake. If she went around
making mistakes like this all of the time, then the agency's
contract would soon be annulled, I'm sure."
Shawn and Marika joined the others. "What's up?" Jordan
asked.
"They've got a fridge at the front desk," Marika said.
"Shawn bought several bottles of Dr. Pepper, so he's
momentarily in heaven.
Shawn belched loudly in agreement.
Kit pulled Jordan's cell phone from his belt. Jordan raised
an eyebrow.
"Need to make a call?" he asked.
Kit shook his head. "No, dude, I was just thinking. Does
this thing have, like, automatic redial?" he asked.
"Yes, of course," Jordan said, not glancing up. "Just hit
star 69."
Kit punched the buttons eagerly. Marika blinked in
confusion.
"Didn't Jordan call that auto parts store last?" she asked.
"Nope," Kit said. "He was going to, but then some dude
offered to give us a lift in his pickup."
"Oh?" Marika replied. "But that means...."
Kit nodded his head vigorously. "Okay, okay, keep your
voice down a sec.," he said. "I'm on the phone, dudes! Yes,
hello? Yes? Really? Okay, fine. Right on! Aces, dude! I'll
be waiting!"
Kit folded the cell phone up and, with a huge grin, handed
it back to Jordan. Shawn blinked his eyes, then said, "Kit, did
you just do what I think you did?"
As if in answer, light flashed from Marika's purse. She
yelped and dropped it on the ground. A small compact mirror
rolled out and lay face-up on the ground, and a milky white
mist began to pour out of it.
Moments later, the goddess Clotho stood before them.
"Good evening," she said. "I'm Clotho, from the Goddess
Emergency Relief Agency, and I'm here to grant you your
wish." She looked about and her eyes went wide. "Oh my!"
she exclaimed. "You get a wish too? What a coincidence!
Oh, and Belldandy! You're here too?"
Belldandy smiled at the rival goddess sweetly, while
Shawn slapped his hand over his face.
"Kit," Shawn said, "you figured that out all by yourself?
Damn. That's impressive. You really do have a brain, don't
you?"
"You bet," Kit said, "and I know what to wish for, too!"
He took a deep breath and said:
"I wish we would travel to El Hazzard!"
For a moment, the rest of the group stared at him. Then
Clotho began the floating-up, face-towards-the-heavens,
stormy-night, beam-of-light-from-the-forehead routine.
"You wish we would WHAT?" Marika growled.
"Your wish has been granted," Clotho said. "Have a nice
trip!"
For a moment, there was darkness, and the sensation of
falling, and then the entire group found itself in an unfamiliar
field of grass, with a grove of trees in the distance. For some
reason, Jordan's Tercell had made the trip with them, and was
parked just a few feet away.
They were not alone.
They were, in fact, surrounded by a large group of multi-
colored giant bugs.
"Move aside!" a voice yelled out. "Step aside! Let your
illustrious leader through!"
A young Japanese boy, tall and thin, with very pale skin,
shoved his way through the crowd and stood looking over
them. He wore slacks and a jacket of dark blue, with a white
shirt, black tie, and black shoes.
He looked them over, then broke out into hysterical
laughter.
"What's this?" Katsuhito Jinnai exclaimed. "Prisoners,
and a motor vehicle to aid me in my conquest?
Hahahahaahaha!"
"I take it back, Kit," Shawn said. "I was right the first
time. You have no brain."
*to be continued*