This is my first attempt at one of these... but hey, I couldn't resist.
***************************************************************
Three young men sat in a darkend movie theater, waiting. One of the three
turned to his companion and said, "Mousse, you are wearing you glasses
today aren't you?"
Mousse replied, "Of course I am Saotome, what kind of idiot do you take me
for."
Ranma smirked, "If I only had time to make a list..."
He was cut off from a voice over the loudspeaker, "Now now you two. No
fighting in here. Ranma, you Mousse and Ryoga have been brought here to
see this movie and tell us what you think afterwards."
"What are we seeing again?" Ryoga asked.
The voice replied, "It's based on Neon Genesis Evangelion, you should like
it."
"I wonder if Rei's gonna be in it, for some reason I've always liked her
voice," Ranma said.
************************************************
Far, far above, doom approached, and it was the 14th Angel.
Ranma: What, Loki?
Ryouga: [to Mousse]I knew we shouldn't have let him watch Dogma.
It was big. It was menacing. It was powerful. It was the Angel of Might,
Zeruel. It was....
Mousse: Pissed off because it didn't have any hands.
Ryoga: No, it was looking for some lunch.
Ranma: Maybe it was comptemplating the theory of relitivity and how it
applies to fourth dimensional space.
<Ryoga and Mousse stared at him>
Ranma: Or not.
"Why are you watching TV on the monitors? You know the commander's going
to kill you if he catches you."
"Hey, gimme a break. You know how much I love watching these parades.
Floats, bands, those big balloons...."
Mousse <adjusts his glasses>: and that's just the hostess.
Ranma: hmph, and Akane calls me a pervert.
It was supposed to be watched for by the many eyes turned heavenward
around the world, as per NERV's budget. Take, for instance, one
observation station somewhere in North America....
Ryoga: I wonder if it's in Florida... They have this great irish restraunt
in Florida.
Ranma: When did you go to Florida?
Ryoga: Um, nevermind.
"I don't care. I'm not having my butt tanned because you get bored on
the job." *click*
Ryoga: Then he shouldn't go in the sun.
Ranma: No he meant... didn't your father ever? Do you even have a father?
Ryoga: Of course I do... I met him once about 10 years ago. Then he got
lost again.
Mousse: Ask me if I'm surprised.
Ryoga: Are you surprised?
Mousse: Rehteroical... duly missed.
"Hey!" *click*
"Read a book or something!" *click*
"Who the frag reads anything anymore?" *click*
Ranma: Hey, I read.
Ryoga: You know how to read?
Ranma [glareing]: Oh shut up.
"I do!" *click*
"What, those damn porno books?" *click*
"Wha--I--that's not pornography, that's...'erotic literature'!" *click*
Mousse: Yeah, there's a big difference.
[Ranma and Ryoga stared at him]
Mousse [suddenly nervous]: Of course how would I know heh heh.
"Right, porn." *click*
*click* *click* *click* *clickclickclickclickclickclick* "OW! Leggo my
arm! Argh!"
"Heh! Right! Now, I'm gonna watch this parade, right? And...what is
_that_ thing?"
Ranma: That's what I said last time Akane made me dinner.
Ryouga: Ranma how dare you insult Akane's cooking that way. If it wern't
for this post-hypnotic suggestion not to do any violence then I'd
get revenge for her.
Mousse: That suggestion only lasts until the movie's over, just wait.
Ryoga: Then after the movie you're mine Ranma.
Ranma: In your dreams Pig-boy.
Mousse: Would you two shut up and watch the movie?
"...looks like the most hideous balloon ever buil...made...sewn
together. What's with that little face? And the arms...they look like
folded up toilet paper."
"..." *click* And the monitor switched off. "Never mind."
The thing is, the 14th Angel also did, indeed, look like a really
bizarre parade balloon. The timing could not have been worse.
Ranma: Sure it could have been... Happosai could have been in Tokyo-3
when that thing came by. That would have been worse.
"Now, would you let go of my arm?"
"Right, right, sorry."
"Ow. Damn, you bastard, that hurt."
"...say, you got any...can I maybe borrow one of your porno novels?"
"I said, it's erotic literature, not porn!"
"Whatever."
It definitely could not have been worse.
Ryoga: Hey Ranma, imagine if that thing looked like a cat.
Ranma [shaking his head]: no no no, that would be much worse.
***
Neon Genesis Evanjellydonut, part 4:
The Good, the Bad, and the Really Ugly Angel
by Andrew Huang
written for The Sound and the Furry Productions
***
Ryoga: Evanjellydonut?
Ranma: I have a bad feeling about this.
Asuka was home.
Ryoga: But is home where she left it?
Ranma: Huh?
Ryoga: Mine moves around all the time, it's never in the same place twice.
[Ranma just shook his head]
"Hey, look at what my aunt sent me!"
Joining her were the usual suspects.
Ranma: Kevin Spacey?
Mousse: that's it, no more American movies for you.
"It's not another brick masquerading as cake, is it?"
Ranma: Wow, I didn't know that Akane was Asuka's aunt.
There was a *whap* as Asuka gently shut Kensuke up. "No, this is from my
aunt in Germany. Marzipan!"
Ryoga: Oh, I love Marzipan.
Ranma: When did you have marzipan?
Ryoga: Last time I was in Germany.
Mousse: What were you doing in Germany.
Ryoga: Um, looking for the bathroom.
Ranma: Why am I not surprised.
"Hey, they look like little fruits! Neat!" Hikari scooted closer to look
at Asuka's giftbox. "They're candy?"
"Yeah. Have one." Asuka plucked a banana-shaped piece out of the box and
tossed it to her friend. She looked up, then took out a few more and
handed them around.
Touji peered at his piece of candy--it was in the shape of an apple--
with a suspicious air, and was elbowed in the gut.
Hikari turned back to her friend, examining her piece of marzipan, and
said, "They're so well made. It's almost a crime to eat it." She then
promptly popped it into her mouth. "Hmm...it's pretty good!"
"Ah, there's plenty here, don't worry about it. Here, Misato, have one
too."
"Thanks." She caught the expertly aimed sweet as she walked in from the
kitchen.
Shinji, after sniffing at his mini-orange a bit, shrugged, and ate his
share. "Yeah. Pretty good." He swallowed.
"What is it made of?" asked Rei.
"It's almond paste, processed and stuff. Great for molding, so that's
why...Shinji? You okay?"
"Almond paste?" asked Misato. She glanced over at her ward, who had
frozen up at the word "almond".
Asuka nodded, slowly. "Yeah...why?"
"Shinji has this allergic reaction to almonds," said Kensuke, quite
cheerfully. "It happened once, 'bout a month before you got here. Say, can
I have another one?"
"Allergy?"
Misato nodded. "In about an hour, he's going to throw up everything he's
eaten in the past day or so."
Ranma: Wow, Akane's cooking has he same effect on me.
Ryoga: Would you give up on Akane's cooking already!
Mousse: is it really that bad?
Ranma [grinning evily]: Why don't I have you come over next time she's
cooking?
Mousse [really nervous]: No, no that's all right.. I have to... um, de-claw
Shampoo.
[a pause]
Mousse: I really hope she doesn't hear that.
[Little did the three know, but Nabiki was in the projection booth
recording everything]
Shinji started turning green.
"Well, when I say 'in about an hour', I mean, he _starts_ in about an
hour, you see. The whole thing takes him up to another hour and a half to
finish, if he's eaten a lot. And you saw how he stuffed himself at
dinner."
Shinji turned purplish.
Ryoga: Wow, he looks like Barney.
Ranma <Shudders>: Now that's scary.
"After he's done with that, then, for at least the next twelve hours, he
gets these dry heaves of which the likes have never been seen. Outside of
his case, that is."
Mousse: that's not that bad... you should see what happens when I have milk.
Ranma: Um, ok.
The colors in Shinji's face compromised on a pasty, grayish tone, and he
slumped down in his seat. Rei was over to his side in an instant.
"And that was from one almond that he accidentally picked out of a can
of what was supposed to be only cashews. Now, when you say almond paste,
do you mean it's kind of concentrated?"
Asuka nodded. "I think it would be."
"Oh, damn. I'm calling Commander Ikari."
Ranma: What are you going to call him?
Mousse: Shut up.
Asuka considered this for a long while, blinking. She finally managed,
lamely, "Oh. Sorry about that, Shinji. I didn't know."
With every ounce of misery that could possibly be stuffed into his
voice, Shinji answered, "You will, now."
------------------------------------------------
Gendou's glasses slid down his nose. He pushed them back up.
His cellular phone rang. As he reached to pick it up, his glasses slid
down again.
"Ikari here." He shoved his glasses up. "Almonds? Again?" He sighed.
"This will be inconvenient."
Mousse: Why, was he expecting an attack or something?
Ryoga: Maybe he was planning to take his son to the park.
Ranma: Are you kidding, this guy almost makes my pop look good.
<Ryoga meows>
Ranma <shuddering>: I said almost.
His glasses drooped.
"Very well. Keep me informed of his condition. And--I do not mean for
you to call me every time he vomits. Right? Good." He hung up.
Fuyutsuki coughed. "That allergy again?"
"Yes. What's worse, it seems like he ate more than last time. A piece of
marzipan."
"Marzipan?"
"Yes, it's this really delicious candy made from almond paste. They make
it in Europe. Around Germany, Switzerland, that area. Love it myself, and
Yui did too," said Gendou, rather happily. Fuyutsuki blinked. "But, as it
would happen, this son of mine has the misfortune of having an allergy to
almonds." He nudged his glasses up, but they simply followed his fingers
back down. "Damn."
Fuyutsuki shook himself off. "You seem to be doing that a lot more than
usual, sir. The glasses thing."
"Well, if you must know," said Gendou, removing his specs and tapping on
the frame, "the last time Rei and I, ah, argued, I landed on my face. This
hinge, here, is all bent."
The Subcommander barely suppresed a snort.
[Ranma, Ryoga and Mousse didn't bother supressing it.]
Mousse: That's why I get these flexible glasses.
"Anyway, you see how it is. Plus, when I'm looking down, they can fall
right off my face. I have to hold them up whenever I read."
"Ah."
"And I get downright nervous whenever I'm standing at a urinal."
"...right, sir." I really didn't need to know that.
All Three: Neither did we.
------------------------------------------------
Misato was presently putting down some plastic sheeting on the bathroom
floor around the toilet. Meanwhile, Touji had gone home to fetch a pair of
his rollerblading kneepads for Shinji's use, accompanied by Hikari.
Ranma: Hey, kneepads, that's not a bad idea.
Mousse: How often do you have to puke like... whenever Akane cooks?
Ranma: Hey, you're learning.
Shinji was being cuddled up to by Rei on the couch, who was stroking his
hair and murmuring to him reassuringly. It must be noted, however, that
she seemed poised to leap away at a moment's notice, and was keeping her
boyfriend facing the hallway to the loo.
Ranma: Loo?
Ryoga: Wierd term for toilet.
Ranma: Oh, must be British.
Ryoga <suprised>: How'd you know that?
Ranma: Cause alla the really wierd terms seem to be Brittish... that or Navy.
Asuka looked on in bemusement. "Why didn't you try to throw it up
earlier, anyway? Maybe if you got it out of you quickly enough...."
"Wouldn't work," mumbled Shinji. "I think I absorb whatever it is
straight through my stomach walls. By the time you were saying that the
stuff was made out of almonds, my mouth and throat were already itching."
"Oh. Well, I'm really sorry. Really."
Ryoga: That's a first.
Ranma: What?
Ryoga: Asuka apologized.
"Urk," replied Shinji. His eyes bulged.
"The bathroom's over there, Shinji-kun." Rei popped her head up from
behind the couch. She walked over to his side, a slight distance away.
"Need some help?"
Shinji merely fell to the ground and scrabbled his way towards the
bathroom, followed closely (though maybe not too closely) by Rei.
"Ack! Shinji, let me out of the bathroom fi--oh, my slippers!"
<All three snickered>
"At least you did have the foresight to put down the plastic sheets,
Katsuragi-san. Shinji-kun, try not to miss the bowl this time...."
The music of a discontented stomach filled the air.
All three <singing in unison>: The rooms are alive, with the sound of Shinji.
Asuka grimaced. "Oh, yuk." She tried to shut out the sounds from the
bathroom. Seeking a distraction, she looked around. "Hey, Kensuke. You're
still here?"
Kensuke gave a slight start. "Oh! Yeah. I am. Here. Er." He scratched
his head nervously. "Er. I, uh, found these. On the way here." He pulled
some daisies out of his backpack and held them out. "For you. Um."
Asuka blinked. This was not natural, not at all. "Ah. Thanks." She took
the slightly wilted flowers, and looked back at him. Their eyes met....
Ranma: And suddenly they knew, with all certity that they had no chance
with each other.
"Are you okay, Kensuke? You look a little sick."
"I'm fine! I am! Really. Er."
Asuka smiled, a worried smile.
Down the hall, Rei frowned, and sighed slightly.
The front door opened. "Hey, guys, I found my kneepads." Touji stopped,
listening. "Sorry, I seem to be a little late."
------------------------------------------------
Some time later....
Rei walked back to her apartment, accompanied by Touji and Hikari.
"Hey, Rei, are you feeling okay?"
"Oh, I'm fine, I am. Just a little worried about Shinji...." She walked
on in silence for a few moments. "He'll be fine, though. He's gone through
this already, and I know he's strong, healthy guy."
Ranma: Hey's she's even more blind than Kuno.
Rei missed the coughing fit that suddenly attacked Touji, as well as the
whap upside the head that he received from his girlfriend. "But I'm also
worried about Kensuke and Asuka. I don't think it's working."
Touji stopped coughing and looked up. "You don't? He brought her some
flowers and all today, right? And I saw her smiling."
Hikari shook her head. "Wrong kind of smile. I think she was a
little...um, put off by it. I know Asuka, and she really wasn't
comfortable, there."
"Huh." Touji sighed, and groaned. "Kensuke must be screwing the whole
thing up, then. He's never really been one to charm to girls. Heh, not
like me."
*thwap*
"Maybe. I guess I'll have to, um, check in on him, then." Rei ignored
the little squabble that had erupted behind her, and turned a corner to go
off toward her apartment complex. "I hope it works.... Well, I'll see you
later, then."
------------------------------------------------
"Is it over?" asked Asuka. She was answered first by a toilet flush.
"Gah, who could believe he had that much in him?"
A woozy Shinji staggered out of the bathroom, and tried to look at Asuka
in the eye, as much as a guy whose head and neck were imitating a freshly
sprung Jack-in-the-box could do so. "I...think so. Uh. Hngk."
Mousse: I'm getting dizzy just looking at that.
Asuka felt herself starting to get a bit ill herself from the bobbing
and weaving, so she blinked and looked away. "Are you sure? And what about
the, um...."
"Don't worry about it, Asuka," grumbled Misato as she emerged from the
bathroom behind Shinji. She was looking a bit tired, and slightly pale.
"He feels a few kilos lighter now. That should be all. As for the dry
heaves...that's _his_ problem now."
"Gfhln." Shinji slumped against the wall. His body was still making odd
noises, from around the middle regions.
Asuka still felt a little guilty about this all, and she asked, "Well,
um, do you need any help? Some water? No, not even water, I guess. Can you
get back to your room all right?" She looked down the hall...about two
meters to Shinji's room.
Ranma <shivers>: That's scary... Asuka's tring to be nice.
"Ngh. No thanks." Despite his obvious discomfort, Shinji managed to
stand up straight, and with a determined (if swirly-eyed) glare, he
marched to his room, turned to enter, and then fell down through the open
doorway.
"Oh, boy."
Ryoga: Woah, Quantum Leap flashback.
Ranma: Well at least she didn't say 'Oh, my.'
"Haaaarglk!"
------------------------------------------------
The Subcommander entered the men's room. He happened upon Gendou, who
was vigorously scrubbing his eyeglasses in the sink while letting out a
muttered string of curses. There were some wet patches on the floor.
Fuyutsuki looked at Gendou, who had stopped and now squinted back.
"Not a word, Fuyutsuki. Not a word."
[Ranma looked at Ryoga. Ryoga looked at Ranma. Then both looked at Moouse.]
Mousse: No, that's never happened to me!
------------------------------------------------
"All present and accounted for, Chair. Except for Lazy, but she never
comes anyway."
Ryoga: She's really off saving the galaxy as another magical girl.
Ranma: Salior Rei.... this frightens me.
One may wonder why an imaginary council within the mind of one person
would need to call roll during one of its not-really-existent meetings,
which happened every un-evening.
Ranma: Well that almost, never mind, that made no sense to me whatsoever.
"Thank you, Bailiff," said Original, addressing Professional, who had
been assigned that position for the time being. She laid down her gavel
and arranged the notes on her unreal desk.
Then again, one may first wonder why such a dream-council would exist
anyway. However, Ayanami Rei is certainly a special sort of person, and
allowances should be made. Not to mention, the thought of a roomful of
Ayanamis makes the fanboys drool.
Mousse: Ayanami, different? Nah, couldn't be.
Ranma: I do like her voice though... sounds a little familiar.
Original surveyed the council room, noting the changes that had taken
place since the first meeting. For one thing, almost everyAyanami was
starting to dress differently. She herself and Book (and a few others)
still kept the school dress, and Professional was still in the plug suit,
but Kickboxer now donned a gi, Irate had a t-shirt sprinkled with
expletives, Lazy was constantly wearing pajamas (when she could be found),
Affectionate put on things which would concentrate the attention of the
fanboys quite well, provided they remained conscious....
Ranma: Hey Ryoga, why's your nose bleeding?
And that was just the Councillors. The chambers had been redecorated,
mostly by Affectionate. You couldn't look anywhere without setting your
eye on a poster of Shinji. Fortunately, Common Sense managed to persuade
Affectionate to use some good taste in the effort. Otherwise, Nervous
would have fainted upon entering. Or maybe spontaneously combusted.
"Very good. The Council is called to order.... First on the agenda is
our attempt to set up Aida Kensuke and Souryuu Asuka Langley. Memos from
Book on the events at Souryuu's coming-home party have already been
circulated, so we will not go over them here."
She paused a moment. "Ah, I do trust that everyone read the memo?"
Original's gaze swept over the room, noting with something akin to
satisfaction that only a few tried to avoid it. Book did likewise, then
nodded and smiled slightly. "All right. Hacker, please give your report of
this evening's communications with Aida."
An Ayanami in torn jeans *ahem* and a loose flannel shirt with wildly
colored hair (as opposed to the normal, unremarkable ice-blue) walked up
Mousse: yeah, now it's just brown.
Ryoga: for most shows that WOULD be a wild color.
to the front of the room. Well, not really walked, so much as slouched in
an ambulatory manner. She paused to toss an empty bag of potato chips in a
trash can before making it to the podium.
Ryoga: Slouched in an ambulatory manner, that's poetic.
"Well, yeah.... So I got through to him again, y'know, talked to him.
Asked him why it wasn't working. He said it's not his fault, he's trying
his best, all that. Told him that he's got to do better, he says it's our
fault that the plans suck, yadda yadda--"
Mousse: Not his fault that Asuka doesn't like him?
Ryoga: No, not his fault that he's even more hopeless with women than you are.
Mousse: Oh shut up.
"Could you please be a little more specific, Hacker?"
"Yeah, I guess."
Ranma: But first you'll have to pay me.
Ryoga: You've been living with Nabiki too long.
They waited.
"_Would_ you please be a little more specific, Hacker?"
"All right. He said he was following the plans just like we said, so it
wasn't his fault that things weren't working. Answered that he's acting
all nervous when they talk, which is why it isn't working, so it _is_ his
fault. He started to argue back, I think, but that was when I noticed that
he was tracing the connection."
Nervous blinked, and jumped up. "Did, did he find us? Or come close?"
Ranma: The real reason she jumped was because of the mouse someone
sliped into her shirt.
Mousse: Hmmm, I do think there was a Pratical-Joker Rei mentioned once.
"...the Chair recognizes Nervous." She never does remember to wait to be
called on.
Ryoga: Or maybe she just doesn't believe in slavish adhearence to discipline.
Ranma: I've heard that before.
Ryoga: Yeah, I stole it from somewhere... can't remember where.
Ranma: Ryoga not remembering where something's from? Ask me if I'm suprised.
Ryoga <shrugs>: Are you...
Ranma and Mousse: Don't even think about it!
Hacker looked back at Nervous with a slight smirk. "No. I'm too good for
him. But I did kill the connection right away, just to be safe, y'know?
And I did, heh heh, warn him for doing it."
Original decided not to ask for details on that. "Anything else to
report?"
"Hmm...nah. That's it."
Hacker stepped down and slouched her way back to her seat. Original
stood again, after reading a few more lines on her agenda notes. "Now, for
the next order of business...a motion by Nervous on a wardrobe change."
There was murmuring in the seats--wardrobe change? From Nervous? Sure, she
had been trying to loosen up lately....
Original cleared her throat, and resumed after everyone quieted down.
"In her own words, 'Um, kinda, well, I guess, maybe we can wear our socks
a little lower down...maybe a centimeter or two? Yeah.'"
Ryoga: Wow, just think of what that would do for her appearence, a whole extra
piece of ankle.
Everbody except for Nervous, Book, and Original sighed. Affectionate
stood up.
"The Chair recognizes Affectionate."
"I would like to propose an addendum to this...."
"...go ahead."
"I move that we add the measure that we wear nothing else for Shinji-
kun."
Ranma <looking at Ryoga>: And just think of what THAT... oh get a tissue.
"NO!!"
------------------------------------------------
[What on Earth is that?] asked Melchior.
[Well,] said Balthasar, slowly, [Caspar has been watching that odd
American parade wossname that's being televised. Perhaps this is one of
the rejects?]
[Do you suppose they decided to cut it loose because it looks so bad?]
Ryoga: No, they use the rejects for target pratice... I watched them last
time
I was in Hawaii.
Ranma: That parade supposed to be in New York... but that probaly doesn't
make the least difference to you, does it.
[Sounds about right.]
[How'd it get all the way over here, though?]
[Bad luck? I'm getting a headache looking at it.]
Ryoga: I'm getting a headache watching this.
[We don't have heads that can ache, Balthasar.]
[Oh...parse me, you little binary operator!]
Ranma: Huh?
Mousse: It's computer speak.
Ranma: Since when do you know anything about computers?
Mousse: Hey, I have a laptop in here somewhere. <Starts looking
through his robes and pulls out a cheese sandwich>
Ranma: You gonna eat that?
Mousse <tosses it to Ranma>: Um, no... it's been in here for a while.
------------------------------------------------
Night passed, such as it was.
Ryoga: But it did it in a no passing zone and was pulled over.
Asuka spared a moment to check in on Shinji, in his bedroom. She knocked
on the doorframe before sliding the door aside and stepping in. "Shin--"
she began, before stopping when she saw that the bed was empty. Then, she
realized, the floor was not. There was a twisted mass of bedsheets and
limbs writhing about, right next to the bed.
Ranma: Oh, when did Rei come over?
"Wsfgl," answered the lump. A head poked out; it had to be Shinji,
because the face on that head mostly closely resembled his, out of all the
people that Asuka knew. It probably better resembled some number of
particularly wince-worthy perpetrations of modern art, but at least they
Ranma: Oh, like Monet?
Ryoga: No, like a Rothkoe.(sp?)
Mousse: You idiots, he means Warhol.
didn't moan in pain. Well, she had heard stories, but never encountered
such things firsthand. "What...ugh...time is it? Gurk."
Ryoga: Did you know that gurk means 'go stick your head in a pig' in an
obscure
welsh dialect?
Ranma: Well, if I didn't before....
Asuka stared at Shinji for a good long moment, before shaking herself
off and answering. "...almost time to leave for school, but I'm guessing
that you're going to take the day off." He nodded weakly, convulsing
slightly. "I'll tell Sensei." She stared at him a while longer, before
finally turning and departing to get ready for the day. This had been
quite amazing.
Ranma: Yes truly amazing, his moans sounded just like Andrew Lloyd Weber.
Mousse: At least it wasn't Gilbert and Sullivan.
Shinji twitched some more.
Above them, doom continued its approach. And it _still_ wasn't being
noticed by anyone. Well, not for a few lines more of this fic, anyway.
Ranma: And then it was followed by Doom II, and Quake, causing everyone
to almost forget that Wolfenstine ever existed.
Mousse: Yeah, how did anyone play that without being able to strafe.
------------------------------------------------
"Oi, Kensuke!"
"AARGH!"
"AARGH!"
Ranma: AARGH!
Ryoga: What?
Ranma: I didn't want to feel left out.
"Touji-kun! Aida-kun! Stop yelling! You're in the classroom!"
"Argh! ...sorry." "Sorry, Inchou."
"Aida-kun...what's wrong? You've been glancing around nervously all
morning...and you look really tired."
"...dun' wanna talk about it."
Ranma: They're out there, the Jar-Jar clones... they're stalking me.
From across the room, Rei sniggered softly.
Mousse: Rei sniggerning? Isn't that one of the signs of the Apocolypse?
Ranma <pulling out a book>: Yup, it's right there under the Barney
excersize video.
And then her cellular phone rang. So did Asuka's and Touji's.
Ranma: And Pen-Pen's.
Mousse: Pen-Pen has a cell phone?
Ranma: Yup, he keeps it in that backpack thing next to the particle
accelerator.
------------------------------------------------
A little after Asuka left, Shinji had finally made it to his feet
through sheer force of will paired with the realization that if he didn't
go to the bathroom _right_now_, he was going to explode.
Ryoga: I knew I shouldn't have swallowed those cherry bombs.
After taking care of that, he staggered to the sink to brush his teeth.
He had been left far too tired even to think about doing so last night,
which meant that this morning, his breath felt solid. In fact, it seemed
downright chewy.
Ranma: hmm, mind is too.
Mousse: Told you that cheese sandwhich was a little old.
He gave up on this, after a while, as sticking a toothbrush in his mouth
did absolutely nothing to calm his gag reflex. He'd then decided to gargle
with some mouthwash; this actually worked for getting rid of the foul
taste, but when he tried to spit it out, his stomach happened to lurch
violently again, and he was treated to the experience of having used minty
Listerine jet out of his nostrils. This left him rolling around on the
Ranma: Oh gawd, that's unpleasent.
tiled floor for a few minutes, before he could finally get over the pain
of losing several layers of cells lining his sinuses.
With that over, Shinji tried to get back up to his feet, failed
terribly, and instead crawled back to his room. Now, he was trying to lie
very, very still on his bed, thinking happy thoughts, as he stared up at
Ranma: I wonder if those happy thoughts would have anything to do
with not having a stomach... Of course I wish that too whenever...
Mousse and Ryoga: whenever Akane cooks.
the ceiling. The ceiling was good. Nothing exciting or sudden or, heh,
unfamiliar about the ceiling...at least not this one. Quiet. Serene. Ahh.
Yes, it was such a pity that the celphone also started to ring quite
Ryoga: Celphone? is that related to celophane?
suddenly then, and that it was too close to Shinji's head for his liking.
He eventually managed to get a hold of the phone, get up off the floor,
breathe deeply, and open it up. "Hel...lo?" He listened to the NERV
technician, who sounded quite frazzled. "An...an angel attack?
But...ergh...I...wait, don't hang--" He looked at the phone and tried to
sigh, except that it ended up as a spirited attempt not to swallow his
tongue.
Ranma: Good advice to children everywhere.
Ryoga: What, don't swallow your toung?
Ranma: No, don't answer the phone.
That passed quickly, however, and he slowly turned to look at his door.
He knew that, already, Rei was on her way to HQ, as well as Asuka and
Touji. It was time to fight again. He certainly couldn't leave them to do
it alone; he was a pilot. Yes, that's right. It was his duty to protect
Tokyo-3.
Ryoga: And he misses his mother.
Mousse: Quiet, we're not supposed to know that yet.
Ryoga: Oh like everyone hasn't figured it out yet.
Ranma: Hey, I thought Shinji's Mom was dead, don't tell me she really works
at NERV.
And so, with determination, noble purpose, and an unforunate tendency to
stagger into the walls, an increasingly bruised and still-queasy Shinji
made his way out of the apartment, starting on the long walk to NERV.
------------------------------------------------
We shall pass over the panicked shouts of the NERV deck bunnies, the
half-hearted snide comments tossed between Touji and Asuka after suiting
up and heading to the EVA cages, the technobabble about getting the Units
running and up to combat readiness, the bewildered questions about why the
other male pilot wasn't here, and the fact that Gendou now had his glasses
actually taped down on the bridge of his nose, which really looked quite
ridiculous.
Mousse: Another use for duck tape.
Ranma: Isn't it DUCT tape?
Mousse: And how do you make tape from a duct?
Ryoga <as an aside>: We shall pass over that one for now.
In a room of a hospital which had been retracted beneath the surface in
preparation for the attack, a young girl sat up in bed, silent. The large
book in her lap was momentarily forgotten, as she looked off sightlessly,
contemplating something.
Ranma: That the hospital food tastes like...
Mousse: Ranma, I swear to God, Bill Bridges, and all that's holy that if you
make one more comment about Akane's cooking I'll find something
very horrible and nasty to do to you.
Ranma: Like what?
Mousse: I'll tell Kodachi about your birthmark.
Ranma <pales visibly>: No, anything but that. I'll be good, I promise.
"The Fourteenth has arrived," Suzuhara Mari spoke in a hollow, almost
monotonic voice. "The Fourteenth, the...the...um...." She glanced down at
the Big Illustrated Book of Angels. "The Angel of Might, Zeruel."
She paused.
"Waah! Scary!"
Now, back at NERV--
"Unit 03 isn't doing anything! It's...it's...."
"Whimpering in fear?"
Ranma: Hmmm, a connection between Unit 3 and Toji's sister?
Ryoga: Humph, who woulda thunk it.
The techs and Touji carefully listened to the black production model.
"Dammit, get me out of this thing! It's freaking me out!"
------------------------------------------------
"Sir...did you really have to do that? The duct tape, I mean. I'm having
trouble taking you seriously."
Ranma: See, it IS duct tape.
Mousse: Ok, but I still don't see how you can make tape out of a duct.
"It's either this or I'm blind half of the time," answered Gendou,
testily. "So what is it, Fuyutsuki?"
"EVA-03 will not activate, and your son is nowhere to be found. So--"
The Subcommander paused to grab hold of the desk as the entire city
shook with a blast from the marauding Angel. Gendou merely sat still,
noting with satisfaction that his glasses didn't budge on his face. "So?"
he prompted.
"So, we've tried to get the Fourth Child to interface with 01. With no
luck. Same situation with the dummy plug system."
"...she's rejecting me again, isn't she?"
Ranma: A not wholely unfamiliar experiance.
"Again? Oh, you mean like after that one lecture I gave, when Yui was a
sophomore in my class? I can remember it quite well; she gave you that
huge slap that they could hear all...the...way...." Fuyutsuki trailed off,
feeling the laser glare of the Commander melting a hole in his forehead.
"Um. Sorry. I won't mention it again."
Ranma: I don't get it, what does Unit 1 have to do with Shinji's Mom?
Mousse <sweatdrops>: Um, don't worry about it Ranma.
Gendou muttered unintelligibly for a few seconds, then snapped, "Well,
get the other two out and at it, then. Have Touji on standby for now."
"Yes, sir."
"And find that delinquent son of mine!"
------------------------------------------------
Ranma: That's it?
Mousse: Yeah, it needs words like 'to be continued' or something.
Ranma: You know how much I hate those words?
Ryoga: Um, no... how much.
[Ranma glared and smacked Ryoga upside the head then looks at his hand in
shock]
Mousse: I guess this means he movie's over... and you know what that means.
[Fade to black over the sound of carnage.]
ENS Kevin McHorney, USNR
"Duck tape'll fix anything 'cept my last relationship"
AOL Instant Messenger: Garou628