Grayson Towler wrote:
The following people have been kind enough to create a page
to host my fanfics, so please take a look:
Vincent Seifert:
http://www.csus.edu/indiv/s/seifertv/kagami/
Yoshiro_san: http://members.xoom.com/Yoshiro_san/mother/
David Pascal: http://www.davidpascal.com/smj/
Ah! Now I can read the stuff I've missed. Most excellent.
I hadn't seen Part 5 until you reposted it.
Thank the kind people involved. :)
Ukyo staggered beneath the weight of her burden. Climbing
Fuji-san wasn't a particularly easy task under the best of
circumstances; doing so whilst struggling with an oversized
package on her back was a horrendous trial of endurance.
Still, she persevered in her effort. Ranchan was waiting
for her.
"I could carry that for you if you wished, Ukyo-sama,"
Konatsu cheerfully offered. Ukyo glanced to her left with
An amusing parallel between the poor doomed lovers climbing
Fuji in your last chapter. Ukyou might not appreciate that, of
course.
No, no, it's Konatsu who won't appreciate the parallel. Ukyo would be
more than happy to doom any initiatives on Konatsu's part (not likely) to
failure. :)
"Say, Konatsu?" she asked.
"Yes, Ukyo-sama?"
"Not that I don't appreciate it, but did you really have
to stop off for those Hakata fishcakes?"
Heh. You do a great job of mixing moments of levity
into your action. I think it works because you do it
with a very light touch.
Thanks. I try my hardest to write such scenes because they highlight the
action and inject a bit of comic relief to alleviate the gloom.
between herself and the masses of drooling pervert demons
that seemed bent on another meaning of devour. Aunty Nodoka
Maybe "devour" should be in quotes here.
Noted. Will correct.
fortunate oni closing in on him from the rear. He had drawn
the attention of Raiha away from Akane and centered it on
himself. The gods just had to be smiling on him.
Maybe, maybe not. The gods are probably pretty ambivalent
about this whole thing.
Well, there is one god watching over the whole amusing (to him) mess. :)
>from the brief contact. Ranma snarled in frustration. How
could he hurt a being that injured him with just a touch?
The Thunderbeast was more like living energy, rather than a
solid being.
Some variant of the Hiryuu Shoten-ha might do the trick - after
all, anything giving off that much power has to be pretty hot,
too.
The Hiryu Shoten Ha would probably have done the trick, but it would also
have caused the collapse of a major part of the mountainside. Now that I
think about it, this would be perfect reasoning for me to add to Ranma's
thoughts in battle. Thanks, Grayson. :)
out in agony. She kicked backward desperately. Out of the
corner of her eye, she saw a large, bluish-white spider
demon scuttle away.
Bad news. Demon poison is no joke. If only Myouga the
Flea Demon were here! (How often do you get to say that?)
Suck! Suck! "Hello, Master Ranma! Long time no suck!" :)
Of course, Ranma gets to play the part of an oversized flea demon later
on. :)
ground. She gasped in pain, her breath forced from her
lungs by the impact. Her mother's katana fell from
Seem to have picked up an extra carraige return there.
Nod. The mailer seems to done a couple of funky things to the post.
quantities already soaking the path. Akane traced the
flight of the boomerang with numbed astonishment before her
eyes settled on the two figures who stood on the
mountainside framed by the setting sun.
"Ukyo!" The name burst from her lips in shock.
These artifacts show up in the darndest places, don't they?
But that's karma for you.
You might have noted that the Higurashi Shrine exists in an earlier
chapter (Chapter 4), so Inu-Yasha and the gang seem to exist in the
Ranmaverse history. Sango, as such, seems plausible as Ukyo's distant
ancestor. :)
"Akane!" Ranma shouted, throwing a helpless glance at her
dire situation. Dammit! What else could go wrong?! Cold
Now THAT's a silly question.
I couldn't resist. :)
Raiha loomed menacingly. The swarm of servitor oni that he
had bypassed earlier also poured towards him. "Damn you,
Shukumaru! I don't have time for this!"
Shukumaru looked aghast. "Oh! Sorry. Very sorry. Look,
I can schedule this another day. Do you have your daytimer
with you? I didn't realize this was a bad time."
Bwahahaha. :)
I can just see that happening to Ranma at some stage. Not from Shukumaru
though.
expose luminous blue fur. It was time to go. He picked up
Akane's katana and clasped her arms around it. That was all
Is it in its sheath here? I mean, if you hug a katana, you're likely
to end up the worse for it. Just a nit.
As I mentioned to Vince: Would you believe it resheathed itself when
Akane dropped it? Guess not.... :)
I'll make changes.
"Yes, Ranma-sama is a prize worthy of the greatest
battle," Kodachi mused out loud. "Should a lowly cook, such
as yourself, choose retreat, then the Black Rose will
happily see you on your way. But for Kodachi Kuno... I
shall pursue Ranma-sama for however long it takes for him
to realize my finer qualities."
I like the fact that, even in the heart of deadly battle, these
girls can't stop bickering with one another.
And they never will. :)
"Crazy Rose Girl not know meaning of defeat?" Shampoo
asked curiously.
"Why, certainly I do! Defeat is merely another term for
try again," Kodachi replied with a hair-raising laugh. She
bent to check on the semi-conscious boy lying on the
ground. "Ryoga-sama, are you all right?"
Very cute. I would think Shampoo would show her vocal
approval of a Ryouga-Kodachi match, though, in the hopes
it would get Kodachi off her back. She has to be more
worried about Kodachi, now that she knows she's a Devil
Hunter. It's an important credential.
Shampoo would show her approval of a Kodachi-anything match. :)
But yeah, she's slightly worried, though she knows Ranma likes her best,
of course. :)
"Trust... I... don't..." Akane tapered off weakly, but
then the fire rose in her eyes again. It was beautiful to
watch, to hear the strength return to her voice, buoyed
>from her anger. "You don't... trust me, Ranma. Why...
should I trust... you?"
Because you're dying, dammit! His mind screamed in
anguish. Let me save you! But that wouldn't help the
situation. Logic never did. Akane only responded to
emotion. He touched her cheek gently once more and steeled
himself to do the hardest thing in his life.
"I'm sorry, Akane. I never trusted you before 'cause I
couldn't." Ranma took a deep breath. "See, it's 'cause I
only ever trusted one person in my life and he-- well, he
betrayed me. So I couldn't, ya see?"
He looked up nervously to see that her eyes had closed yet
again. "Dammit, 'Kane. Listen to me, will ya? Geez, I'm
pouring out my heart here." He froze as her hand touched
his.
"I... understand." A tear trickled from beneath her eyelid
and rolled down her right cheek. "We'll trust... each
other, okay, Ranma?"
This is a wonderful Ranma and Akane scene. I am deeply
impressed by the grasp you have on the imperfect, awkward
means of communication these characters employ. I'm
always dismayed by stories where the Ranma cast all begin
to talk like they have Ph.Ds, and it's really nice to see
scenes like this one.
Thanks ^_^. I try to keep the speech patterns as loose as possible, but
it's quite difficult at times. Sometimes I slip over just because it
isn't natural to me. :)
Akane shuddered weakly. Her heart fluttered like a dove
locked within a cage. Once. Twice.
Then it was still.
Cliffhanger central, man.
My speciality: Cliffhanger Okonomiyaki. :)
- - -
Excellent work, once again. I'm really enjoying this story,
which means I don't have a whole lot in the way of constructive
criticism. I am eagerly looking forward to more.
Thanks! And thanks for the great comments. Glad you're enjoying the ride.
Phil.
Grayson Towler
grayson@rigroup.net
http://www.rigroup.com/~grayson/relentless