D.F. Roeder wrote:
C&C is most welcome.
Ask and ye shall receive...
Hmm. A million dollars would be welcome as well. :)
Ukyo staggered beneath the weight of her burden. Climbing
Fuji-san wasn't a particularly easy task under the best of
circumstances; doing so whilst struggling with an oversized
package on her back was a horrendous trial of endurance.
Still, she persevered in her effort. Ranchan was waiting
for her.
"I could carry that for you if you wished, Ukyo-sama,"
Konatsu cheerfully offered.
A little TOO cheerfully, methinks.
Ukyo glanced to her left with
some annoyance.
Yup.
Konatsu is always cheerful. :)
"Not that I don't appreciate it, but did you really have
to stop off for those Hakata fishcakes?"
*FACE-FAULT!*
Heh, nice to see that AAoD hasn't completely abandoned original
flavor. :)
Nope, and it never will, hopefully (even if it's relegated to opening
sequences, like here).
Chapter 6: Falling
Ominous...
This is actually less ominous than the original title which was 'Lost
Souls and Hunger'. I am saving that for a later chapter, of course. :)
Akane Tendo had two invariable qualities which tended to
make her life interesting. Firstly, she attracted the
"Firstly" always seems like a child speaking. Suggest "First".
Nods.
attention of virtually any male in her vicinity. This often
resulted in an unhealthy interest in her by the said male
Suggest: by said male
Will do.
that often verged or dived into the realm of obsession -
witness Tatewaki Kuno and Ryoga Hibiki to name two in
particular. Sometimes, the attention resulted in her
kidnapping. To date, Akane had been abducted by Mousse,
Pantyhose Taro, and Prince Saffron of Phoenix Mountain in
distant China.
She's keeping notches on her shinai.
It's even worse if you factor in non-manga sources. :)
Fortunately for her sake, Akane's second quality had a
tendency to offset the first: namely, she was lucky. This
fortunate aspect of her nature manifested itself in various
ways, the most obvious being her penchant for winning
prizes in any lucky draw she entered.
Aww, no spelled-out manga references? :)
Winning the plush pig cushion and the ticket to the Hot Springs Race are
two instances that I can remember offhand.
Less obvious to Akane
was the fact that she also had the good fortune to draw the
attention of a male who seemed willing to defend her from
all other unwanted regard. Whether this one in turn would
become as possessive of her as the others was open to
question.
Males truly define her existence in unusual ways.
Now this is so true.
At the moment, her thoughts of Ranma were fleetingly brief
and hardly complimentary. That was because Akane Tendo was
fighting for her life. Her first quality had brought her
the notice of a very large, male wolf seemingly composed
more of energy than matter, as well as several incidental
oni who were also obviously of masculine persuasion. Her
second quality had enabled her to roll out of the way of a
crackling blue paw that had smashed into the ground where
she'd been lying with the explosive impact of a
thunderstroke.
Is that a word? Even made up, it seems awkward. Suggest:
thunderstrike, perhaps. I don't know for certain. Your call.
I was thinking of using thunderclap originally. I'll change it.
Ranma, this is all your fault, she thought
furiously as she hurled herself out of the range of Raiha
the Thunderbeast.
And for once, she's right... sorta. :)
Well, it's always Ranma's fault just 'cause he exists. :)
She also had a killer headache. The concussive blow by a
falling rock in the earlier earthquake made her less than
charitable. Why was it that when Ranma's enemies showed up,
she inevitably ended up as the target? Akane slashed cross-
diagonally with her mother's blade, severing a leering
oni's prehensile proboscis. The resultant agony sent the
demon stumbling away, clutching at a mouth full of spewing
ichor and screeching incoherently.
"The face?!" the oni screeched. "Why is it always the FACE?!?!"
"No! My wonderfully ugly face that won the Demon Face of the Century
Contest! You've ruined it!"
Out of the corner of her eye, she caught Ranma running
towards her, obviously intent on distracting Raiha from
devouring her. She whirled around, creating a wall of steel
between herself and the masses of drooling pervert demons
that seemed bent on another meaning of devour.
Akane's third quality is that perversion (as she sees it) always
accompanies qualities one and two. :)
Attraction, obsession, perversion? :)
Aunty Nodoka
no longer seemed to be in sight. Briefly, she wondered what
had happened between Ranma and his demonic sister.
Shukumaru was still watching the battle from her original
position, arms folded casually and with a repellent sneer
pasted on that irritatingly white face.
Another minute or so. That was how long she needed to
last, to protect herself and Ryoga's unconscious form
behind her.
Then Ranma would save her... as he always did.
Since I've already read through this, this comes as a nice
foreshadowing of how this chapter ends because apparently he is
going to save her but not in any way she (or he) has imagined. Nice
setup for the end, Phil.
Thanks. Funnily enough, I wrote the opening scene, then the end scene,
and then everything else in between.
himself into another leap that brought
him ever closer to his target as the oni collapsed. Ranma
smoothly extended the jump to snapkick a seventh oni in the
head, and followed on with an elbow jab at the eighth. They
fell to either side of him as he landed and lunged forward.
Grace and elegance amid dread and despair. Nice juxtaposition.
Thanks. :)
tableau and turning it into a scene out of the gaijin Hell.
Interesting... gaijin.
I was going to use Jigoku (Japanese Hell), but that's mostly cold as I
understand it, and Dante's Inferno doesn't quite sound right. :)
Three oni advanced, arms raised to grab and rend, and
Akane lurched back to gain some room to maneuver. Twin
blossoms of pain stabbed into her right thigh, and yelled
out in agony.
What yelled out in agony? It's unclear whether she did or the twin
blossoms.
Nod. I missed a 'she' there.
Akane watched the claw bore
bear
Sigh. No matter how many times, you go over it...
"Ukyo!" The name burst from her lips in shock.
Ha-Haaaa! Nice entrance, Phil. Ukyou lends herself well to that. :)
Glad you liked it. I've had this scene in mind since Chapter 4.
flung bonbori smashed into the oni, striking it in the face
and flinging it back.
Ack! The FACE again?! :P
"No! Now I'll never win the DFotCC for 2000! Waaah!" :)
A hand seized his shoulder and flung him back. "What the--
Ryoga?!"
Ah, the Lost Boy, always just in the nick of time.
Yup.
Ryoga, Shukumaru, Raiha, and the foremost of the oni pack
were buried beneath the avalanche of tumbling rock
instantly. "Ryoga-sama!" Kodachi screamed in shock and
dismay. She lunged forward to slam her Spear of Fuma into
the pile of fallen debris, using it to lever aside the
loose boulders.
So is Azusa from DHY Kodachi's ancestor or descendant? :)
Descendant, one would hope, but with Kodachi the way she is there's no
telling. :)
world. Even Great-Grandmother say would like be hundred
years younger.
Hmmm, THAT's interesting. Old bat. Never knew she had it in her. But
then again... :)
In the 'Love Pill' story, Cologne chuckles about the fact that she would
be sending out wedding invitations if Ranma had swallowed the lifetime
pill, but she doesn't seem to mind either. :)
Shampoo no give up on Ranma ever." She
rubbed her cheek thoughtfully and her eyes narrowed. "But
is true Airen save Pervert Girl. Shampoo give him six
Amazon glomps in return and try kill Pervert Girl again,"
she finished cheerfully.
*laughter* Very Shampoo.
Thanks.
"Why, certainly I do! Defeat is merely another term for
try again," Kodachi replied with a hair-raising laugh. She
bent to check on the semi-conscious boy lying on the
ground. "Ryoga-sama, are you all right?"
Or for changing the focus! Ryouga-sama? :)
Under all that obsession, Kodachi is very practical. After all, dirty
tactics are the ultimate form of practicality if you don't have much of
a conscience (even the Saotome School has their own dirty tricks scroll
:).
despite her threat. She marked him as yet one more enemy to
destroy.
She's making lots of enemies, but few friends, it seems. It could
very well be her undoing.
Shukumaru makes enemies like a schoolroom of bored students makes paper
planes. :)
It's part of her character and I'll explain it soon enough.
There was but one silver lining in the dark cloud of
defeat. The girl cherished by her half-brother undoubtedly
lay dying even now, poisoned by Mizukumo's unrelenting
toxin. The spider demon's bite pierced deep into the
spirit, no mere human could ever hope to survive it.
Suggest: The spider demon's bite pierced deep into the spirit; no
mere...
Nods.
She would have to gain another ally to counter Umibouzu.
That would be the first step in her new strategy to attain
the coveted position of Demon Lord of the East. Then, and
only then, would she know peace.
Ah, so she does see. Easier said than done. I get the impression
Shukumaru is not well loved by her contemporaries.
No, she isn't. Again, more will be revealed soon.
"Wake up, Akane.... Please," he whispered, hoping she
would hear him; that her soul would respond to the sound of
his voice.
Suggest: ...she would hear him, that her soul...
Nods.
It was a vain hope, arrogant and prideful, but then Ranma
was nothing if not confident. He closed his eyes and tried
a prayer to any listening gods. No gods replied directly,
but he heard her voice softly breath,
breathe, (I think)
Heh. Bad English on my part.
"I'm sorry, Akane. I never trusted you before 'cause I
couldn't." Ranma took a deep breath. "See, it's 'cause I
only ever trusted one person in my life and he-- well, he
betrayed me. So I couldn't, ya see?"
He looked up nervously to see that her eyes had closed yet
again. "Dammit, 'Kane. Listen to me, will ya? Geez, I'm
pouring out my heart here." He froze as her hand touched
his.
Is that a paragraph break in the middle or not?
Not meant to be; the mailer did something funky here.
Then it was still.
Mmmm, hell of a great ending. The epitomal cliff-hanger. :)
Grin. I sidelined at the Cliffhangers-R-Us Summer School of Writing. :)
Why do I get the feeling that it's Ranma's demon dad talking to him?
Because... well, just because. :)
Oh, well. Will find out sooner or later.
Yup. All will be revealed... eventually.
Excellent, Phil! Another fine chapter. I look forward to the next.
Appreciated the corrections and fun comments. Much thanks!
Phil.
Ja!
Dave
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D.F. Roeder
Fanfiction - http://www.flash.net/~dfroeder/index.html