Redhead MST...
Scene: We're on board the newly redesigned "Satellite of Love." Andrew is
walking around with Washu.
Washu: So, after MST went off the air, I bought the spacecraft and repaired
it.
Andrew: You got all of us on board and now we're stuck in between the Earth
and a black hole. (A quick check outside of the Satellite shows that indeed
there's a black hole looming closer and closer to the earth.)
Washu: Well...yeah. It's just a minor point.
Andrew: Even through we're gonna get squashed like Ranma's head being hit by
Akane's mallet?
Washu: Um, yeah. But we've got a cool theme song... (Andrew looks
incredulously at Washu.)
Andrew: A themesong?
Washu: Yeah, hit it!
(Insert MST3K theme song here...)
In the not too distant future...
Say, wasn't it last week?
There was a boy with red-hair
who looked like a geek...
He'd been spending time writing a fic,
his parents thought he should get hitched
so they locked him out in outer space
(Andrew screams, "What, no room service?!")
Some girls will send him fics
the most mediocre they can find
he'll sit and watch them
until he bored out of his mind
Now keep in mind he can't control the things he can see
he hopes he doesn't kill from his redhead friends
for writing that "Oh, Brother!" fic
(Anime roll-call!)
Andrew! ("Yes, this is real!")
Washu! ("I'm the Greatest!")
Ranma! (Crash! "Oops, sorry 'bout that!"
Linnnna ("What do ya mean I can't get a breast enlargement?!")
If you're wondering how he eats & breaths
and how he gonna get out of this mess (la, la, la!)
remember it's on a lease
he's gotta send it back...
On Red-head MST Theatre..three thousand! (Twang!)
Washu: So...what do ya think?
Andrew (big-sweating): Are you crazy?! Megane-san will get really ticked off
at me for ripping his stuff... by the way, where is Lina & Ranma, anyway?
(We switchs over to the Cabana, where Ranma, Lina, Ryouga, and Ryo-oh-ki are
sitting in a huge jucuzzi.)
Ranma: So, P-chan, how's married life?
Ryouga: Well, it's been surprisenly well.
Lina: Do you have kids?
Ryo-oh-ki: MIyaa!
Ryouga: Yeah, we've got one boy, one girl, two piglets, two cats, two
rabbits, three cabbits, a blender, a porsche, a zamboni, and a spy
satellite.
Ryo-oh-ki: Meeyaa.
Ryouga: Yeah, I was worried you wouldn't make after you delivered the
zamboini first too.
(Lina and Ranma idly looks around, not quite knowing what to say. Suddenly,
a red light buzzes throughout the place.)
Ranma (shouting): Oh, no! We've got fanfic sign! (The red light is turned
off. Lina cleans out her ears.)
Lina: Do you have to shout?!
Ranma: It's the only way to turn off the light. (Ryouga & Lina face-fault
while Ryo-oh-ki drinks another bottle of carrot juice.)
******************************************************************************
On Wed, 29 Dec 1999 RaeMowse@aol.com wrote:
All the characters depicted in this story are from Ranma 1/2, who was created
by Rumiko Takahashi. This story is something that came straight from my own
mind, so anyone wants to get all huffy and try to sue me for any infringement,
chill; it was a strange coincidence that just happened (besides, any attempts
of gaining monetary compensation via suing will be met with a furious
scribbling of IOUs). Enjoy.
A-ko: In other words, it's all Ranma's fault.
Lina: If you say so, A-ko.
Washu: Hey, who took out the 10-9-8 doors to the theatre?!
Andrew: I did, they weren't ADA compliant.
Prologue
Morning came once again to Nerima. Kasumi Tendo, who was usually up at
this time and preparing to make breakfast for her family and the Saotomes
living under their roof, was just beginning to stir out of her bed, groaning
softly. For some reason, waves of nausea rippled through her with a vengeance
for the last two days. Today was no different as she had to fight down the
bile rising from her stomach before she managed to slide out of bed. She
stood
on bare feet, the hem of a V-neck lavander nightgown reaching down just past
her knees. Suddenly, her knees started to buckle. Kasumi barely caught
herself upon the nearest wall, and leaned against it for a few minutes.
Slowly, she pushed off the wall and stood straight, if not shakily, due to the
fact that she felt drained so early.
Ranma: Akane must have cooked dinner this morning.
Ryouga: Ranma! Akane's not that bad of a cook!
Ranma: And do you eat her food? (Ryouga shakes his head.) I thought so.
'I guess I'll see Doctor Tofu later on today. I could be coming down
with
a cold, or influenza,' Kasumi thought. 'Perhaps it's-'
Her thoughts were cut short by a new wave of nausea, this one prompting
her to reach the bathroom as quickly as possible.
Lina (imitating Kasumi): Oh, my...maybe I shouldn't eat those pink pills so
much...
* * *
"Doctor Tofu?"
Several frantic sounds were made behind the office door a few seconds
after she spoke his name: several metal items clanging to the floor, an
elderly-sounding man crying out something that sounded like, "Why did you have
to come today, Kas-" before the voice turned into a full outcry of pain, and a
lot of shuffling about among others before Tofu said through the door,
"K-K-Kasumi....I wasn't...expecting you...to show up..." His nervous laugh
penetrated through the door, along with a few strained groans underlined with
choice curse words.
Andrew: And just what is Ono Tofu hiding?
Ranma: Would you believe he's been stocking up for Y2K?
Washu: Sheeze, if everyone is that much afraid of a three zeros, they should
have converted to the Jewish calender...
Ryo-oh-ki: Miyaa?
Ryouga: No, Ryo-oh-ki-chan, he's not a vetertarian.
Kasumi blushed a little after making out a couple of the words, then
returned to the task at hand. "I think I may be coming down with something
serious. Could you examine me when you're finished?"
A-ko: Wink, wink.
Lina (imitating Kasumi): And bring Mr. Poloroid while you're at it.
From behind the office door, Tofu paused in his excitement.
"Something's...wrong? With Kasumi?" he said to himself aloud. The thoughts
that ran through his head instantly sobered him up. Then he looked down on
the
table before and blinked at an elderly man bented at many an angle that looked
especially painful. "Mr. Yoshimura! you're nearly 90! You really shouldn't be
trying to live out your younger days now!"
Andrew: You know, I remember watching an episode of the original Batman
series where Catwoman put Batman, Robin, & Batgirl in a human knot.
Ranma: Really, you can actually put humans into knots?
Washu: Reminds me of the time Tenchi, Misosh, Ryoko, and Ayeka were really
drunk and played twister naked. Took them six weeks to get them untangled.
If Mr. Yoshimura could have facefaulted then, he would have.
* * *
Somehow, Dr. Tofu managed to keep himself under control for the duration
of Kasumi's visit, even after she took off her blouse and brassiere for the
examination (though he was hastily repeating a mantra "Kasumi could be ill"
under his breath).
Nene: Now that would have been interesting. He could have blown his head
apart.
Andrew: Nene, you really need to stop playing Quake...
Nene: Aw, come on! The Unreal Tournament is the coolest bad-ass thing ever
invented by mankind!
Andrew: Then why do you use Mackie for target practice?
Nene: He's my brother. If you had a chance to use your brother for target
practice, would you? (Andrew shakes his head.)
Once the examination was over (and Kasumi redressed,
much to his relief and chagrin in equal parts), he carefully labeled and stored
away the samples he obtained. Then he tried to escort her out of his office
without going all to pieces everytime he looked at her soft, warm smile.
"So tell me, Tofu-sensei, what is wrong with me?"
Ranma (imitating Tofu): Well, you've got the IQ of a teletubby.
Lina (imitating Tofu): You're so spaced out, you make Timothy Leary look
sober.
He bounced a little on the balls of his feet before he pushed his glasses
up the bridge of his nose.
Washu: Um, I think the little doctor's room is to your left.
"Oh, so far, nothing really life-threatening.
As you said earlier, perhaps you attracted a flu or something of the like. But I
won't know exactly what kind of disease it is until after I run some tests."
"Oh, that's good. When will I get the results?"
Andrew (imitating Tofu): Oh, whenever the HMO thinks they can pay for the
results.
"As soon as possible, Kasumi, perhaps by tomorrow afternoon."
"Oh good. Then I shall be expecting your call." She smiled at Tofu.
His legs started to turned into rubber and threatened to go on strike on
the spot. Instead, he managed to scrape up what will he had left. "Go
home."
He smiled back rather nervously again., this time a darkness passed over his
features very briefly as she walked away from the clinic.
Nene: And the Shadow Puppet Girls got a hold of Tofu, and turned him into a
secret spy agent!
Luna Inverse: Okay, that's it, no more Utena for you...
* * *
The next day, the Tendo residence was almost completely deserted, save
for
a busy Kasumi. Genma and Soun had taken off for a training trip two days ago
and wouldn't be back for another three days. Ryouga had disappeared again
last
night; he won't be back for a couple of weeks with his sense of direction.
Ryouga: Hey! My sense of direction isn't that bad!
Ryo-oh-ki: Miyaa? (She reaches up and starts to untie his bandanas.)
Ryouga: Ryo-oh-ki, honey, my head isn't wrapped on too tight! (She unties
the bandanas and his head really starts to swell up. Everyone ducks
underneath their seats.)
Andrew: Look out! It's gonna blow!
Akane and Ranma were suppose to be heading over to Ucchan's after school
today.
Nabiki had decided to tag along with the two, in case a money-making
opportunity should appear before her. "Wherever Ranma goes, there's always
the
chance that something extraordinary with happen, or Akane will wallop Ranma
back to the house when he plants his foot in his mouth. Either way, it won't
be a boring trip."
Ranma: You know, I've gotten kinda used to taste of my feet... (Ryouga's
head explode.)
Kasumi had started sweeping once again as she broke out if the short
reverie. Just once, she would like to have a day go by without Akane sending
Ramna into low orbit or whapping him over the head with a mallet or table.
Just once, a day to go off without her arguing with Ranma about something or
another. Just once, for her to admit that she-Kasumi cut herself off then.
There were some things she could not bring herself to talk about, not even
with herself.
Nene: Like masterbation.
Ranma: Eww! P-chan's brain droppings are all over the place! Who's gonna
clean it up! (Ryo-oh-ki transforms into a vacuum cleaner and starts to clean
up the mess.)
The phone rang then, and she went to answer it. "Yes? Oh, Tofu-sensei!
I take it you have the results of the test.... Is something wrong?" Kasumi
listened to Tofu on the other end for five minutes. The smile she had earlier
had drained away along with the color from her face. Her mouth fell open, her
eyes widened, and her legs folded under her as she slumped to the floor, her
upper half as rigid as a corpse, which she was beginning to resemble. At the
end of the conversation, Kasumi could only say, "Oh my....I'm pregnant...?"
Lina: And lo, it came to pass that Taro knew Kasumi, and she gave birth to a
yak.
End Prologue
Chapter 1
RANMA NO BAKA!!
Ranma: Hey, it ain't my fault!
Nene (sighs): That phrase is so overused...
"RANMA NO BAKA!!"
Predictably, Ranma Saotome had managed to infuriate his iinazuke Akane
when he compared Ukyou's cooking to hers (his exact words were, "This is
really great, Ucchan; too bad, Akane can't even boil water without
demolishing half the kitchen"). Upon hearing that, Akane promptly whacked
him out of Ucchan's, swinging her mallet as if she is a professional golfer
and Ranma, the golf ball.
Ranma: The last time she made dinner, it ended up eat us out of house and
home.
Andrew: Yeah, but at least you've got a really good insurance policy.
He plummet from the sky, index and pinky fingers extended from his hands
and his heels touching as he spiraled down into a very familiar yard with an
even more familiar koi pond.
'Kuso...' he managed to think, seconds before splashing face down into
the water, sending up a cold geyser that soaked everything in the immediate
vincity.
A few moments later, the now redhead Ranma-chan broke from the water's
surface and dragged herself out, her Chinese styled clothes soaking wet.
"Kawaiikune Tomboy," she muttered under her breath. She retrieved her black
shoes, which were now too big for her feet, then headed to the kitchen.
Andrew: You'd think you'd would have taken out that koi pond by now...
A-ko: Yeah, but if they would have taken out the pond, Nabiki probably would
have bought a swimming pool in its place.
* * *
Ranma-chan sloshed more water onto the kitchen, when she noticed
something was wrong. Dinner wasn't cooking. Not even a pot of water was
boiling. This disturbed her. Kasumi would always have something cooking at
this time. Life with the Saotomes usually brought unexpected visitors to the
Tendo residence, and she was much too nice a hostess to let visitors starve,
even if they were out to kill (or marry) Ranma.
Lina: You don't have a friend in the world, do ya?
Ranma: I'm just a trophy boy, that's all there is to it.
Washu: Well, looks like Ryo-oh-ki is done cleaning up. Should we zipper up
Ryouga head or just leave him here?
"Kasumi?"
No answer.
She advanced to where Kasumi's room is located and knocked on the door.
"Kasumi, are you in there?"
A-ko: If she's not in the kitchen, what makes you think she's in her room?!
Still no answer.
Ranma-chan started to leave when the room door opened. "Please, come
in, Ranma." Kasumi said softly.
She glanced at the open door, a question in her eyes, but she shrugged
it it off for the time being. She then stepped into her room. Kasumi, who
was behind the door, closed it after Ranma-chan was inside. "Ranma, I need
to talk to you."
Lina (rolling her eyes): Like, Duh! Where else would she be if she wasn't
behind the door?
A-ko (imitating Kasumi & Monty Hall): So, Ranma, would you like door number
1, door number 2 or what's in the secret box?
"About what, Kasumi?" The redhead turned around, and caught a glimpse
of Kasumi. She was wearing a cyan gown with modest ruffles. However, her
eyes were puffy and red, and her cheeks held streaky stains.
Ranma: Kasumi! You've been sneaking into that Crown Royal again, haven't
you?
Andrew (imitating Kasumi): Would you be interested in Mary Kay products? See
what I look like when I don't wear Mary Kay? I look very messy, and you
don't want to look messy, don't you?
She said nothing, instead crossing over to the bedroom window. She
peeled the curtains back, then looked out into the grow night sky.
Ranma-chan still stood where she was, the silence deafening. After a long
minute of silence, Kasumi spoke. "I haven't been feeling well lately, so I
went to see Tofu-Sensei."
"Oh?" Ranma-chan finally moved from her position and stood next to
Kasumi. "What did he tell you you?"
Nene (imitating Kasumi): I'm giving birth to a baby panda...
"Well, at first, I assumed it was influenza or something similar, but
after a few tests, he ruled that out." She swallowed. "He took some
samples, and ran tests on them. This afternoon, he called me with the
results." She stood there in silence for a minute longer.
Andrew (imitating Ranma): Well...did the samples pass their tests? (Ranma
glares at Andrew, who snickers at his own remarks.) Hey, I thought that was
pretty good.
Ranma-chan tensed up with the quietude of the room. She wasn't very
good with talking things out, as she was much more comfortable with settling
all problems with her fists. But this was Kasumi, and there were some
problems that not even he could simply lay out with one punch. So she waited.
Ranma: Well, first of all, you should really call me Onna-Ranma instead of
Ranma-chan...second, I'm very comfortable solving problems without using my
fists, thank you.
Washu: Yeah, but it's when you can't use your legs that gets you in trouble,
huh? (She smirks as Ranma fumes.)
A few more minutes elapsed. The redhead fumed some more, an alien
feeling of helplessness hanging over him. She couldn't take any more.
"Kasumi, just tell me what's wrong with you. Are you dying or something?"
She stood silent for another moment. Slowly she turned around to face
her, her hands folded in front ofer, a tear running down her cheek. The
redhead's nimble fingers deftly wiped it away, but Kasumi took hold of her
hand and held it to her cheek before it could retreat. Her stony green eyes
stared into the ocean of Ranma-chan's deep blue eyes. A small smile broke
across Kasumi's face, then.
"Ramna, I'm pregnant."
Ranma-chan's eyes widened. Her jaw started to fall.
Andrew: I hope you can catch it, it's kinda hard to talk without a jaw.
Kasumi nodded in confirmation t the unspoken question. "Yes, pregnant."
She tossed her pigtail back and forth, trying to put her now rampant
thoughts into a coherent sentence. "Um, Kasumi...why are you telling me
this? Surely Akane or Nabiki would-"
Her eyes grew sadder, knowing that the news was already proving to be
too much for Ranma-chan to accept. She took hold of the slender hands and,
with a gentle tug, she shifted the guy-turned-girl's back to her bed in
preperation. "Neither Akane nor Nabiki is the father of my child."
A-ko: You mean they're really guys who fell into the spring of drowned girl?
Andrew: I was going to say, I hoped Kasumi isn't a lesbian.
It took half a minute for the implication of Kasumi's words to register
within Ranma-chan's head. Once they did, her knees started to lock up, her
body stiffening as if with rigormortis. The urge to become like Soun and
pass out was great indeed.
"I'm the..." she swallowed hard. "...father...?" The last word came
out two octaves higher than normal.
Lina: Gee, I didn't know you could sing falsetto, Ranma!
Kasumi being pregnant was one thing, though it was incredibly hard to
believe; finding out that she is the father is quite another thing indeed.
She found the strength to speak again, though her words fell heavily from her
mouth. "...Please, tell me...you're...joking....."
Ranma: You know, I really should have requested for a DNA paternity test.
But then that would mean I'd have to make my unborn child take the test. And
I don't wanna force him to take a test he's not prepared for...
Kasumi smiled that sad smile. "I wish I were, Ranma, but you are the
only one I've ever slept with."
Andrew (imitating Kasumi): Well, there were the three one-timers with the
paperboy, and time I had sex with those Chinese Vikings, and I was 394th
girl in the world's biggest orgy last new year's eve...oh, my!
The entire room was slowly darkening and beginning to spin around
Ranma-chan. How could he explain this one? How could he stand before any of
the Tendo family, especially Akane (who would then become enraged and behead
him-twice!-then kill him), and explain? How would he be able to deal with
his remaining iinazukes after they find out? Friend or no friend, Ukyou
would be furious; Shampoo, more so, and there was no telling what the Amazon
may do; and Kodachi was more than obsessive-compulsive, having made many
attempts to paralyze or gas his other iinazukes so she could be alone with
her "Ranma-sama" (she shuddered at trying to imagine what Kodachi could very
well do to Kasumi). What about Ryouga and Kuno? Mousse would almost be
certain to get mixed up in this as well. More importantly, what about the
unborn child? What would Kasumi do? What would he do? What would they do?
Washu: Sheeze, just faint!
A-ko: As if Ranma actually thought everything through...
Ranma: Well...I'll admit that I don't think things out. I usually shoot
first, and then ask questions later.
'Kuso... Why, Kami-sama, why....?'
Andrew (imitating Kami-sama): Because you didn't wear a condom, Kasumi
wasn't on the pill, and you two were blissfully drunk at the time!
Ranma: Bah, I couldn't wear a condom, they're all too small... (Andrew
starts to big-sweat.)
Andrew (whimping): Could someone just change me into a girl, please?
"Ranma?"
The redhead realized that she was still standing and conscious. She
blinked away the blank expression on her face, then looked at Kasumi
carefully. More tears welled up and threatened to break from the young,
soon-to-be-mother's eyes, the worry and dread in her face obvious.
Kasumi was preparing herself for whatever hurtful, accusatory words she
may throw in her direction. After all, she was too shocked beyond words when
a troubled Dr. Tofu called her earlier that afternoon and told her about her
pregnancy. She was already six weeks along, he said, his voice taking on the
tone of that of a cadavar. She asked his if he was sure, if there wasn't a
mistake made, but vigorously he reassured her that he ran tests on the
samples at least thirty times himself to make sure he wasn't seeing things
himself. When she regained her wits, Kasumi even went so far as to rush out
and purchase five different home pregnancy tests and conducted them all.
They all proved positive, even as she pitched them into the closest trash
container. For the first time since her mother died, she had screamed out in
frustration, anger, and fear. She wanted to say they were lying, that they
were all defective, but deep down inside, she knew they were all right. She
broke down in the bathroom and spent half an hour crying....
Washu (looking a bit surprised): Gee, Kasumi actually isn't a dim-wit...
Lina: If she isn't a dim-wit, then why is she carrying Mr. Aquatranssexual's
child?
Long moments passed, no one speaking or doing anything. Kasumi was
becoming aggitated with the silence. If Ranma hated her for ruining his
life, she'd rather him say so now. Not know how he was taking the news, nor
knowing how he felt, it was almost unbearable. She couldn't even bring
herself to look him directly in his cursed form's face.
Just when she thought that maybe Ranma had already stole away without
her knowledge, she felt something warm press against her lips. She blinked
in surprise and saw Ranma-chan's face receding from hers. She smiled at the
now-confused Kasumi.
Absently, her hand lifted to her lips, which were tingling from the
gentle kiss. "R-R-Ranma...?" Her hand reluctantly moved to her side.
Ranma (imitating Ranma): We're gonna get the car, and we're gonna elope to
Las Vegas and stay there a until the child's born.
Washu: One problem with your plan there, how are ya gonna drive the car
across the ocean?
'Why doesn't he hate me? I've just ruined his life even more...' She
was surprised that she had thought of the question, but in a way, it would be
a logical one. Not very many guys Ranma's age would have taken such news as
he apparently was taking it, especially none with four fiancees, one being
her youngest sibling Akane.
Lina (turning to Ranma): Yeah, how come you don't like the fact you're being
lusted after by four very beautiful women?
Ranma: 'Cause none of 'em is Jennifer Lopez. Man, could she make my engine
purr! (Everyone else face-faults.)
A slim finger pressed against her lips. "Quiet Kasumi," she said in her
softest voice. She made her damp, cold body move to her, arms slowly
encircling the nightgown clad woman.
Kasumi's eyes widened at this action. Usually she was the one who
comforted others troubled by a problem; now she was the one needing comfort.
An old memory that was thought to have been buried in another lifetime
rapidly tore to the surface of her consciousness, reminding her. A great
floodgate of tears were on the verge of flowing down her face. "R-ranma...."
She hugged her to her still-damp feminine form. "I'm
here...Kasumi-chan..."
The tears burst from their dams, flowing fast and freely down her cheeks
as she sobbed uncomtrollably, burying her face into her Ranma-chan's
shoulder, blubbering incoherently. She clutched tightly to the redhead, her
sobs and hacking coughs wracking her body to the point her legs gave way
beneath her and she became dead weight in her arms. Ranma-chan held her up
gently, but firmly, a few tears silently sliding from one corner of her own
eyes.
(Andrew rubs his chin.)
Andrew: Hmm...very un-Kasumi like.
A-ko (shrugging): Maybe she's possessed?
Andrew: Nay, the last time Kasumi was possessed, the demon ended up
unpossessing him after three days. Kasumi's too nice.
'When was the last time she cried like this?' she thought, rubbing
Kasumi's back. 'When was the last time she cried at all?' Ramna-chan had
seen Kasumi calm down others many times, so she did what she remembered, and
hoped to Kami it worked.
(Ryouga wakes up.)
Ryouga: Uhh...wh-whwwhere am I? (He feels his head.) Gee, is it just me, or
is there a breeze in here? And why i s my head all sticky and gooey?
(Everyone else starts to big-sweat.)
Ranma: Um, Ryouga, ol' pal...your head exploded.
Ryouga: Oh, yeah...my wife undid the bandana strap that held my head in
place. Say, where is that little cabbit of mine? (Everyone looks around
their seats. She's no where to bee seen.)
Slowly but surely, Kasumi began to calm down, the tears slowing their
race down her cheeks, her sobs and hiccups quieting down. Soon, the room was
quiet, save for an occasional sniffle and a softly spoken "gomen nasai."
Ranma-chan tilted Kasumi's head back, absently wiping away a few tears.
"Let's get you cleaned up, all right?"
Lina (looking worried): Um, aren't you afraid that your head is gonna suffer
from infection?
Ryouga: Nah, there's nothing left in there now.
Ranma: You know, I can almost believe that.
She nodded mutely and, though she had no strength left to walk,
Ranma-chan proved to be more than strong enough to carry her to the bath,
cradling her into his arms as if she were a newborn. She wanted to say
something about the newest reminder, but she was too exhausted to even try
then. Instead, she tried to rest her head against his chest, to let her
tired mind rest for a second. Belatedly, she realized that Ranma was in his
cursed form and thus lost several centimeters in height and gained several in
bust. She tried picturing herself a grown woman being carried by a little
girl, and it made her smile. The redhead saw her smile and returned it, not
know why or what she was smiling for to begin with, so long as Kasumi wasn't
falling apart the way she had earlier.
A-ko: You know, I'm expecting a gratitous lemon scene any moment now.
Andrew: Either that or Kasumi coming down the bansiter with a gown she made
from the curtains, but with the strings still attached.
Their eyes met. A swirling sea of blues locked with the pinkish tint of
storm worn green eyes. Those two pairs of eyes always held promises of peace
and calm and love before, but now, there was a shadow behind them, a
transgression commited on a very personal level. The eyes being the window
to the soul, no one should be surprised when they find one of the panes dakly
stained.
Washu: Um, can someone translate that?
(Ranma pulls out his "Romance Translation Guide." He then starts to blush.)
Washu: Well?
Ranma: I think it means we've just wet our pants, and we know it. (Everyone
else face-faults.)
They broke eye contact. Ranma-chan painstakingly let Kasumi's feet
touch the floor, though the oldest Tendo leaned upon her like a cane. She
was still too drained to be doing anything on her own...
Ranma: Hey, do you see a handicap permit sticker on my head, huh?!
Lina: Can't be Ranma without ruining a romantic moment.
Andrew: I wonder if you could really be a good writer if your only sources
of writing comes from the romance novels.
Luna Inverse: Beats geting your filming techniques from porn flicks alone.
Lina: Could be worse, sis. I pity the girl who's drawing techniques came
from Eros manga, the hentai ones.
Andrew: At least she wouldn't have to learn how to draw a penis.
A thought came to their minds at the same time. She looked to
Ranma-chan; she looked to Kasumi.
"What are we going to do now?" they said in unison.
Ryouga: Well, if this was the real world, you'd elope and then find
yourselves on the Jerry Springer show.
Lina: But, since this isn't the real world, hiding all evidence that
Kasumi's pregnant will work until chapter 7 or so.
Ranma: Hmm...I wonder if Tahiti accepts immigrants...
End Chapter 1
Andrew: And now for the C&C. I think for a waffy story, you've got a good
beginning. But, I think it would be best if you simplified the story a bit.
It's pretty complex as it is.
Washu: Well, I have to admit I found it very hard to follow. And I do wish
people didn't write stories where they tell us everything.
Ranma: Grammar was pretty good. I can't say the same for Grandpa. (Lina
whaps Ranma.)
Lina: I didn't see many spelling errors.
Andrew: That's it? Good. Oh, and Washu? No more intros like that, please? I
don't wanna get on Megane-sama's turf. (Washu nods.)
My prereader, I haven't heard from him in a while (said he was having trouble
with his account), so I'm turning it over to the list. These are the first
two parts of the story for reviewing of the story so far.
Andrew: You mean there's more?
Ranma: At least four parts, at last check. (Everyone leaves the theatre.)
******************************************
(Everyone is looking around the main controls lokoing for Ryo-oh-ki.)
A-ko: Aha! I've found her! (Ryo-oh-ki looks really sick and starts to cry
again. Ryouga picks her up.)
Ryouga: Aww, honey, what's the matter? (Ryo-oh-ki starts to cry and everyone
looks out the window. Pieces of Ryouga's brain is stuck on various
satellites.)
Andrew: Well, congradulations, Ryouga. Your brain will make it impossible
for anyone to figure out where in the world they are now. Those are GPS
positioning satellites. And for Christ sakes, can't you zip you head or
something. You look like you're suppose to get stuffed or something!
Ryouga: I'll have to get an operation done, I suppose.
Washu: I'll help. (Washu, Ryo-oh-ki & Ryouga leave. Suddenly the screen
appears and two girls come into view: Shampoo and B-ko.)
A-ko (looking surprised): You!
B-ko (smirking): Why, A-ko, how does it feel to be the first sacrifice in
front of a impending black hole.
Andrew: Actually, I feel like I'm in that cheezy Disney movie with the same
name. All I need are some cheezy robots to complete the picture.
B-ko: Well...we have some demands on you.
Ranma: Let me guess, you will continue to send us fics unless I agree to
marry you, Shampoo, and B-ko gets to keep C-ko forever. And I suppose Andrew
suppose to marry someone, right?
B-ko: Well, you're partly right, except C-ko got married to a tenticled
demon. She should have never gotten that cameo role in that Twin Bee
movie. Anyway, instead of desiring the lovely C-ko, I will want A-ko to
marry me!
A-ko: Wwwhat?! SURELY, you can't be serious.
B-ko: How dare did you know my real name is Shirley! (A-ko face-faults.)
Shampoo: Andrew's marriage rights will be sold on eBay as soon as possible!
(Andrew snorts.)
Andrew: Yeah, right. I'd be worth more as a human cadaver than as a suitable
husband. (Suddenly, Shampoo and B-ko gets knocked over by a very pregnant
Skuld. Andrew starts to big-sweat.)
Skuld: Andrew! I need your help! I'm pregnant!
Andrew (waving his hands): Oh, no, don't tell me that I'm the father!
A-a-all we did was dive into an Olympic sized swimming pool filled with
Chocolate Ice Cream naked! (Lina and A-ko raise their eyebrows.)
A-ko: So...when was this?
Andrew: Um, after the Ryouga-Ryo-oh-ki wedding, Skuld gave me her number and
we've met several times since. The last time she had just put hin her new
swimming pool in heaven...and I guess we both got carried away. But, still,
we didn't have sex!
Ranma: Are you sure this is one of those virgin births that Kami-sama is
famous for? (Skuld makes a wretch-looking face as if she ate a sour lemon.)
Skuld: Are you crazy? Kami-sama's my dad, and why would he want he impregant
his own daughter?
Andrew: W-w-well c-c-can't you get a paternity test done on the child?
Skuld: Well, I could, it doesn't matter. Kami-sama has decreed that you're
the father, and I'm suppose to make sure you get up here in heaven asap.
Andrew: Why so soon?
Skuld (screaming): He wants us to get married! Now! (Andrew falls over and
twitches on the floor. A-ko looks at the boy and hmms to herself.)
A-ko: So...would a June wedding be satisfactory, B-ko-chan?
---finis----