First, No problem with the language. I tend to use the Japanese terms when
I want to realy pull the charecters into the moment. It's they're
reactions I'm concerned about and the flow of the language. (it's great
for euphamisms as well) :)
Shawn Hagen does the same thing (and better than me by 100 times) in
some his BGC fiction. it forces the reader sometimes to REALLY realzie
that this is Japan and not middle America. Doing it in a Gunsmith Cat's
fic however be like a slap with a haddock simply because the characters
ARE in middle America.
content-wise,
To many things happen here...
It is far too much like fast forewarding an episode.
Stop, breath enjoy the moment. If you write about "the same old thing"
but do it in a different way than anyone else that's still a heck of an
acomplishment.
Put yourself in Akane's (or Ranma's ) place. How do you feel?
Everyday, it seems since Ranma has been here things seem the same.
you (as akane) thought things would get better when you tricked Kuno into
thinking Ranma was really a girl.. but now.. he's after both.
Maybe you find yourself liking Ranma.. maybe you don't (remember she did
say "I'm engaged to my worst nightmare!" Does Akane really believe this?
if so, what's she going to do about it?
If she DOES like Ranbma but has had problems with boys inthe past what
will she do about it.
Just think about how you would (or even wouldn't) respond to these
things.. Now, what would you do if you had the temper and Martial arts to
back up your thoughts?
N.
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Seraphim, the Restless Angel with a (borrowed) sword.
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Nene, Ami,
Girls with glasses. girls with computers. Pink hair. blue hair
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Robyn, Duke of Amber. Agent of Chaos.
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