I liked this story, Vince. I'd have even called it funny,
sort of, rather than Gary's WAFFy.
this is different. I'm not sure it's dark, exactly, but it's
definitely
darker than Taming or Centaur.
Or at least it starts out that way...
I wasn't sure I wanted to post it, but here it is.
You did. You did.
Thanks to Dave Roeder for the sanity check.
Thanks, Dave, for not letting Vince keep this from us.
A few moments later the door was opened by a petite, middle-
aged woman with dark hair and bright eyes.
Akane is petite now?
comfortably there, and knelt beside her. A fat koi jumped,
seeming to hang for a moment at the peak of its leap, then fell
back with a splash.
What, no tinkle of wind-chimes? Sparkle of sun through the drops?
;)
Akane's happy expression altered, becoming rueful. "Same
old Michi. No, not the way you think." She paused and eyed
Michi with concern. "Michi... there's no easy way to tell you
this. Ranma... Ranma died nearly ten years ago."
Ok, so we're supposed to _think_ this is a darkfic (not that
'ten years ago' is all that dark).
sure," Akane said dryly. "There never was a time when other
girls weren't chasing him."
I suppose this could be considered a darkfic thought, at least
to some.
"Do you suppose you could tell me where his grave is? I'd
like to, you know, pay my respects...."
Akane sighed and looked away. "I'm afraid I wasn't able to
recover his body. We had a memorial service here, but no
funeral."
Does this mean there's no headstone? What do Japanese do for
sailors lost at sea or other cases without bodies?
"Um... how did he die?"
Akane glanced back at Michi with a grim smile. "Well. Very
well indeed. And his enemies didn't outlive him by long."
Unconsciously, she fingered the scar on her cheek.
A bit different from the way I normally think of Akane: fiercer.
I think of Takahashi's Akane as someone who, given the sight of
Ranma being killed, would fall to her knees in horror and grief,
not explode in rage.
really, I can't see myself marrying a lesser man than Ranma.
Even if he says it's okay." Blushing, Akane made an odd gesture
with her fist, as though hitting something next to her.
At this point I wondered about Umisen-ken and faked deaths. The
discerning reader certainly starts wondering what's really going
on here.
"Well, of course," Akane said, looking surprised. "He'd get
hungry if I only fed him once a year. You remember his
appetite." She glanced sideways again with an exasperated look.
"Well, fine! YOU cook, then!" she told the air.
Heh. Same Akane and Ranma. That's one of the really nice things about
this piece, the way the much-older couple still behave the same
to each other, but the insults and hits are more in the nature of
endearments, or reassurances of caring, to each of them now.
"Then how can you be talking to him?! Worse, how can he be
talking back?!"
Akane smiled patiently. "I said he was dead. I didn't say
he was gone."
Ah, of course. At this point, things become clear, given the
number of ghosts and spirits R & A actually meet in canon.
"Guh." Michi blinked, then collected enough of her
scattered wits to look at her wristwatch. "Oh, jeez, look at the
time, I gotta go, I left the water running in the oven, it's been
Heh. You know, I think I agree with Gary: telling the first
part of this in first-person, from Michi's POV, might have worked
better. You could show her mentally cursing herself for the above
speech.
"I suppose I could've handled that better, but I keep
forgetting there are people for whom this sort of thing isn't
perfectly normal," Akane said with a rueful headshake.
Now THERE'S a telling comment on the Saotome lifestyle...
"We've been through this, Father," Akane said in a matter-of-
fact tone, continuing to serve. "It's an offering to the dead,
so that's the proper way."
"Yes, but at table... oh, never mind." He watched Ranma
pick up the bowl of rice, wincing a little when it seemed to
duplicate, one bowl staying on the table and the other rising in
Ranma's hands.
I liked this conceit. I somehow didn't expect it, though it
seems inevitable in hindsight. One pictures Akane and ghost-Ranma
consulting a Shinto priest to get proper instructions for feeding
Ranma.
"Poor choice of words," Akane said quietly. "Just
thinking."
"And I know what you're thinking about, too."
"Yes." Akane looked up. "Don't you want me to join you,
Ranma?"
Okay, I guess _this_ qualifies it as a darkfic, a little...
Though I'm not quite sure why Akane isn't satisfied with what
she has. It's ususally widows who want to be there for the
kids and grandkids, and widowers taking Akane's line.
In some ways, this debate works better turned around: Ranma
arguing to join Akane, or be joined, and Akane resisting. Maybe
if you reversed the two roles? Live-Ranma haunted by Ghost-Akane:
the potential for real surprise at the revelation is probably
higher, though you'd definitely have the complications of the
female suitors (where is Kunou in this, btw?)
(Someone should rewrite 'Blithe Spirit' as a Ranma fanfic, with a
ghost-Akane haunting newlyweds Ranma and Ukyou.)
catch you. If you want to live, then I'll keep right on haunting
you. I...."
'Haunting' seems an odd choice of words, though it's difficult to
think of a better.
"I love you too, Ranma."
"...still have trouble saying it. Gaah."
Heh.
"Let's go watch the cherry blossoms, Ranma. While they
last."
This seems an odd, possibly conflicting, symbolism to evoke.
The transitory nature of cherry blossoms works well as a symbol
for a life that _is_ temporary and fleeting, but you've just
given us a life (sort of) which is neither.
Again, nice job.