----- Original Message -----
From: "D.F. Roeder" <dfroeder@flash.net>
To: "FFML" <ffml@fanfic.com>; "KaraOhki" <karaohki@snet.net>
Sent: Tuesday, December 28, 1999 7:09 PM
Subject: Re: [FFML] [Fanfic][Ranma][A Change of Scene, chapters 82-84]
A Change of Scene, Chapters 82-84
Quick turnaround from the last set. :)
Thank you!
Professor Negita looked up from his notes and surveyed his
students.
They had spent the day digging up medicinal herbs and peeling bark
from trees, but their enthusiasm had carried them through. All of
them were tired, dirty, and hungry.
"I'm very proud of you all. You did a wonderful job. From this
point
on you're no longer students, but tourists."
Everyone broke into smiles, except Shampoo. Since she wasn't one
of
the students, she had simply observed while everyone else worked.
Professor Negita had looked her way now and then as she kept her
husband company, noting that Hayasuka had a very pretty wife.
Those professors are such dirty old men. :P
Yup!
[...]
Shampoo shrugged. "Sometimes my people are more interested in a
man's
strength than whether or not he is intelligent. Perhaps they made
a
mistake when they let you leave."
"Perhaps. My wife would have been upset if I hadn't returned
home. I
am still very grateful to the woman who taught me. Perhaps you
know
of her, although I doubt if she is still living.
Suggest: ...of her, although I doubt she is still living.
*nod* I've had two comments like that one. Thank you.
Her name was
Cologne."
"Cologne is my great-grandmother, and she still lives. She is
waiting
for me at home."
Shampoo glanced at her husband, who looked back somewhat
nervously.
"I must introduce my new husband to my family."
Professor Negita understood Shiro's nervousness. A village full
of
Amazon women could be very intimidating.
"Please give her my regards when you get home."
My, that Cologne gets around. :)
Amazing woman, isn't she?
*****
"Saotome, wait a moment!"
Ranma stopped with his jacket half-buttoned. One of the
pharmacists
was running down the hallway toward him.
"Yes?"
"Can you give me a hand with these boxes? It'll just take a
minute."
"Sure."
The "minute" turned into fifteen, and then twenty.
Funny how that happens.
I've had it happen enough times to me. Why not Ranma?
[...]
"I'll call Mishi and tell her we'll be late."
Akane disconnected Ranma and phoned the library. The line rang
and
rang, but no one picked up.
Mmmm, ominous.
Yes
[...]
The two had no idea what they had done. Akane's expression went
from
nervous to furious in an instant. No one was going to mock her
skills. She concentrated, and drew her hands into fists. A
glowing
ball began to form between them. The laughter suddenly stopped as
Akane screamed, and threw the biggest chi ball she'd produced
since
Ranma had taught her the technique. As it reached the rapists,
the
one with the knife dodged behind his companion. Then they both
collapsed.
All right! Akane kicks serious butt!!
*grin*
[...]
The chief nodded grimly. "No, you didn't." He stood up. "I've
got
to get going. As I said before, I hope to put those two away for
a
long time."
Ranma looked skeptical. "On rape charges? I don't know much about
this stuff but Akane says rapists get off easy most of the time.
Suggest: I don't know much about this stuff, but Akane...
ok
She
showed me an article about one guy who got sentenced to clean
streets
once a month."
"The system is too easy on sexual offenders, Saotome. But
attempted
murder? That's another story." He looked at his watch. "I'm
late.
We'll contact you if we need anything."
He walked away, leaving Ranma staring. Attempted murder. If the
Nerima police had arrested everyone who had gone after him or
Akane
the jail would have been stuffed, and he would have been there too
for
his part in the mayhem. The authorities, however, had always
seemed
blind and deaf to their activities. Ranma chuckled when he
thought
about the way some of them turned pale when they saw him coming.
I mean, think about it. What kind of jail could hold him? I doubt it
would take Ranma long to figure out Ryouga's Bakusai Tenketsu, then
it's
so long to striped shirts. China's always good this time of year, I
hear. :P
LOL...very funny thought
[...]
"Damn it, couldn't you even sense that the guy was there?"
Akane shook her head. Ranma threw his hands up in the air and
started
pacing again. His father-in-law had really neglected Akane's
training. He forced himself to calm down and think before he said
anything more.
Interesting. If Ranma ever fails to protect Akane, a significant
part of
the blame rests on otousan. There could be an interesting future
confrontation over that when Soun finds out about Akane's cut arm.
They don't intend to tell him
[...]
It wasn't long after she began to cry that the absurdity of the
situation struck her. Why was she crying now, especially when she
was
in the safest place in her universe--Ranma's arms? Akane relaxed
her
grip and her crying slowed down.
By that time Ranma had regained control, and his hold on Akane
went
from a death grip to a gentle embrace. He picked Akane up and
settled
her in his lap, wrapping his arms around her. Akane leaned
against
him and closed her eyes. They remained that way for a long time
before Ranma stood up, Akane in his arms, and carried her off to
bed.
That was great passage, June. Very compelling. Kudos!
Wow! Thank you!
[...]
[I only hope that Shiro will make a good impression here. He is a
nice young man, but they were expecting Ranma. What will they
think
of Shiro? He's not the warrior they were looking for.]
"You look worried, Grandmother."
Cologne jumped. She'd been so busy thinking that her Shampoo's
father
that Shampoo's father
had been able to enter the kitchen without her noticing.
"I am, Li. I want Shiro to be accepted, but I'm
extra space
Funny how those keep cropping up - and I don't always see them, so
thanks.
afraid he isn't the
kind of husband the village expected Shampoo to bring home."
Li nodded. "Don't worry about it. Shiro and I had a talk last
night,
and I gave him some advice. I like him better than Ranma,
although I
never did get to know Ranma very well before I came home." Li
paused,
and smiled. "Shiro and I have something in mind that should make
him
very welcome here."
Cologne looked curious. "What would that be?"
"Oh no.
"Oh, no.
*laughter* you used to tell me to remove commas. Now I've gone to the
opposite end of the spectrum.
Telling would spoil it. Just sit and watch."
[...]
The Elders were waiting for him. They were seated behind a long
table, which held a teapot and several cups. There were other
women
present, including Cologn,
Cologne,
found that one this morning. Fixed
who were seated around the edges of the
room. One of the women poured Shiro and Shampoo tea, and welcomed
them.
"Welcome home, Shampoo. Please introduce us to your husband."
"Elders, this is my husband, Shiro Hayasuka."
Shiro inclined his head. "Pleased to meet you."
The oldest-looking woman gave a brief nod. "That remains to be
seen.
I am Lili, this is Hyacinth, and this is Mai."
Shiro smiled. "I have a sister named Mai."
ARGH! *Slaps forehead* A little too obvious there, Shiro, Old Bean.
:)
The guy IS nervous, you know!
"That is unimportant right now. We want to know about you, not
your
sister. What is it that you do in Japan?"
[...]
"Then you must return home. I do ask, however, that you visit as
often as you can. I would like you to share what you are learning
with Lilac and her assistants."
"With pleasure, Ma'am."
Lilac nodded enthusiastically and grabbed Shiro by the arm. "I
want
to take you around the entire farm, and show you the greenhouses."
Haha! Now that the formalities are over, the resident horticulturist
needs to impress the foreign expert. Heh!
:) I can see them becoming very good friends.
Suggest: ... the entire farm and show... (the comma's not really
needed
for pacing there)
[...]
Seconds later Henna looked up from her play and tried to stop
Shampoo
as she ran by. Shampoo nearly ran her down and then turned
around.
"I'm sorry! Are you all right?"
Henna looked a little shaken but she still smiled at her big
cousin.
I'm okay. Will you play with me?"
"I'm
Noted. Will fix.
"I can't right now. I have to go away for a while."
"But you've been away for ages! Play now!"
"I can't. I promise I'll play with you later."
Shampoo sped off leaving Henna with a very frustrated look on her
face, one which quickly turned to rebellion as she ran off after
her
cousin.
Oops! Very tragic story of little girl who tromp where angel fear to
tread.
Would this little cabbit harm a nice little girl? *Gives you that
big-eyed innocent stare.*
[...]
herself what was so special about this place. She was getting
close
to one of the springs when there was a scream from behind her.
"HENNA! NO!!!"
Henna stopped short. Obedience to one's elders was something
drilled
into the children of her village, and this time it averted
disaster.
A half-clothed Shampoo dashed over to Henna, picked her up, and
carried her well away from the springs.
Whew!
BTW, Henna? You're just an old hippie, ain't ja? ;)
Who, me? LOL!
[...]
Little Henna just grinned. Shampoo patted her head, and finished
dressing. Then she got three jugs, filled them with water from
the
Spring of Drowned Man, and started the walk back to Joketsuzoku.
Henna walked with her, carrying one of the jugs.
Aiyah! No slosh, Henna-chan!... Oops. Too late.
*hits you with her super-large carrot*
[...]
"Oh Ranma, you're SO funny! I know it's still you!" She laughed
a
while longer, and then wiped her eyes. "But that was so nice of
you!"
"Hey, you're my friend. I don't like becoming a girl, but if
it'll
make you feel better I will."
Mishi's response was to go into the kitchen and put on the
teakettle.
"You did. Thank you."
Now here's where the upcoming cure starts having problems, IMHO.
Ranma's
curse was patently useful in this situation. I guess that I may be
criticizing this handling of the cure because of my own viewpoint on
the
curses. They all seem to get the curse most suited to them. Are you
saying by this that Ranma is ready to be cured? Perhaps he is, at
that,
but it still feels too easy. There's always another shoe ready to
drop
for Ranma.
The other shoe is still in my hand. I'll drop it when I'm ready.
[...]
*****
"I wish you could stay longer. Are you sure you can't?"
Cologne looked rather sad as she asked the question.
Paragraph break unnecessary between the previous two lines.
Will fix
[...]
Akane was having an early morning cup of tea in the cafeteria when
Mishi walked in. It was the first time she'd ventured onto campus
since the attack. She looked around nervously, spotted Akane, and
ran
over to sit with her. Mishi sat down, opened her mouth to speak,
and
turned pale. Akane had a purple bruise on her cheekbone.
"What happened? I don't remember you
extra space
Again...will fix - thank you
getting hit the other night?"
Her friend grinned sheepishly. "Actually, that's Ranma's fault.
Does
it look that bad?"
She hadn't counted on the violence of Mishi's reaction. "What do
you
mean it's Ranma's fault! He HIT you?"
mean it's Ranma's fault?! He HIT you?!"
I don't really like combining marks like that.
[...]
"I hope Mishi's appointment with the counselor went well this
afternoon. When I walked her to her first class she jumped ten
feet
any time a guy came hear us." Akane got up from the table and
started
to put the leftovers away. "She's so nervous. Do you think a
little
martial arts training would make her more confident?"
"That's not a bad idea," responded Ranma. Why
"Why
Thanks
don't you suggest it to
her--but be sure to say you'll teach her. Right now I don't think
she'll want a guy to do it."
[...]
"I kinda get the idea Shiro won't have Shampoo with him when he
comes
tomorrow."
"Oh really?
"Oh, really?
See above remark about commas...
[...]
"How about ikari kobushi?"
"Yes! 'Rage fist' describes it perfectly."
A signature Akane attack if there ever was one. :)
Yay! I was wondering what people would think about that name.
[...]
"I just thought of something. I've always wanted to walk in the
rain
with you. Now we can."
Ranma looked out the window. There was no sign of rain.
"Later."
Laughingly suggest "Rats!" instead of "Later." :)
*giggle*
Overall, very nice. I still feel like Ranma's cure was
anti-climatic.
Oh, well. See if anyone else comments on it. If not, then I'm just
being
a stick-in-the-mud.
As I said, I'm holding onto a shoe
As always, Dave, thank you. Will get to polishing this within a day
or two and the repost will come out then.
Right now, I'm working on Chapter 4 of TTT (no rest for the wicked).
June