The full subject of this 'fic should include the tags:
[XMAS][TENCHI][EL-HAZARD][PRETTY SAMMY][RANMA 1/2][SONGFIC][FILK], but then
there wouldn't be much room for anything else...
This is something I've always wanted to do: have some of my favorite anime
characters in a Christmas special like some of the ones I remember as a kid.
With me on vacation and having gotten my shopping done early, most of it
anyway, I was able to write this in a few days.
If the following seems a bit corny and sentimental in spots, well, it's
supposed to be.
Merry Christmas! I hope you enjoy it!
1999 Anime Christmas Special by Ryan Mathews
[Open: Exterior of Masaki house. Snow falls gently while Christmas music
plays in the background. The opening credits roll:]
FanFic Productions Presents
ANIME CHRISTMAS PARTY 1999!
featuring
TENCHI MUYO!
EL-HAZARD
MAGICAL GIRL PRETTY SAMMY
and RANMA 1/2
[We enter the house. The music continues while the boring credits roll,
such as director and producer and so forth. The Tenchi gang is busy
decorating the house, except for Ryoko and Washu who are absent. There is
also no tree.]
TENCHI
Okay, everyone! Let's hurry up and finish! The show's about to start!
Washu, are we ready to go?
[The picture shakes up and down once.]
WASHU (voice-over)
Yup! All dimensions, all frequencies!
[She runs out from behind the camera to give thumbs-up.]
The camera is fully automated. Ready whenever you are.
[Mihoshi looks with delight over a table of goodies. She reaches for one
and gets her hand slapped by Sasami.]
SASAMI
Those are for the party!
[Mihoshi pouts.]
[Tenchi nervously checks his watch.]
TENCHI
Where is Ryoko? She should be here with the tree by now!
AEKA
You should have known better than to depend on her. She's probably asleep
some--
[CRASH! The bay window smashes open and an enormous evergreen is pushed into
the house, filling most of the room.]
RYOKO
Whew! Finally made it! You wouldn't believe how tough it was flying with
that thing on my back!
TENCHI
This... This is...
RYOKO
Awesome, huh? Sorry about the window, but it wouldn't fit through the door.
I figure Washu can fix it like she did last time.
TENCHI
This won't fit in the room!
RYOKO (disappointed)
Tenchi. Have a little faith, will you?
[Ryoko grabs the base of the tree, strains, and lifts. The tree levers up,
up, up, past the second floor balcony, while all the others watch in
amazement. Up, up, it goes, until it's upright, the top needle just touching
the highest point of the ceiling.]
TENCHI
Wow.
SASAMI
That's some tree.
MIHOSHI
It sure is.
RYOKO
Do you like it, Tenchi? Did I do well?
TENCHI
You did great, Ryoko! Thank you.
RYOKO
Oh, Tenchi!
[She climbs on him.]
TENCHI
Uh, Ryoko?
RYOKO
Yes, Tenchi?
TENCHI
You've got needles all over you.
[Fade to later. The Tenchi cast is arranged in front of the still
undecorated tree. Each character holds a slip of paper.]
TENCHI
Alright! Are we all ready for the first musical number?
[Everyone says "Yes", except Mihoshi, who stares longingly at the goodie
table.]
TENCHI
Then let's begin!
[Washu hits a button on the karaoke machine.]
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
[MUSIC #1: "The Twelve Days of Christmas" (filk).
During musical numbers, spoken parts are in parenthesis.]
TENCHI
On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, --
RYOKO [interrupting]
A evening alone with Ten-chiiii!
AEKA
(What?!)
MIHOSHI
On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me,
Two Christmas cookies!
[Mihoshi snarfs them.]
RYOKO
And an evening alone with Ten-chiiii!
AEKA
(THAT'S NOT HOW IT GOES!)
[Tenchi sighs.]
RYO-OH-KI
[In "little girl" form:]
Mya mya MYA, mya mya Christmas, mya MYA mya, mya mya MYAAAA,
Carrot, carrot, carrot!
MIHOSHI
Two slices of fruitcake!
[Gobble, gulp!]
RYOKO
And an evening alone with Ten-chiiii!
AEKA
(OOOOOOHHHHH!)
[She tears up her slip of paper.]
SASAMI
On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me,
Four shojo manga!
RYO-OH-KI
Carrot, carrot, carrot!
MIHOSHI
Two cranberry muffins!
[Chomp, chew!]
[Aeka pushes Ryoko away.]
AEKA
And an evening alone with Ten-chiiii!
RYOKO
(Why, you little--!)
WASHU
On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me,
Fiiiiive neutronium-lined pulse-wave converters with multi-phasic
chronometric phase compensators!
[The music stops while everyone stares at Washu in disbelief.]
(What? They're cool! You should get one!)
SASAMI
(Ahem.) Four shojo manga!
RYO-OH-KI
Carrot, carrot, carrot!
MIHOSHI
Two (BURP! Excuse me!)
AEKA
And an evening alone with--
[Ryoko pushes her away.]
RYOKO
Ten-chiiii!
FATHER
On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me,
Six lovely ladies!
WASHU
Fiiiiive quantum singularities!
SASAMI
Four shojo manga!
RYO-OH-KI
Carrot, carrot, carrot!
MIHOSHI
(Oh, I can't eat another bite...)
[Ryoko and Aeka are wrestling.]
RYOKO
And an evening (OOF! OW!)
AEKA
Alone with (OUCH! You!)
[Tenchi walks off, head in hands.]
GRANDFATHER
On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me,
Seven gentle verses!
FATHER
Six lovely ladies!
WASHU
Fiiiiive dimensional flux capacitors!
SASAMI
Four shojo manga!
RYO-OH-KI
Carrot, carrot, carrot!
MIHOSHI (asleep)
(Zzzzzzz...)
RYOKO
(Out of my way, Princess!)
AEKA
(It's *my* line, monster-woman!)
[Both girls snarl and begin charging up.]
SASAMI
Run!
[Cut to exterior view of the house. Light flashes and smoke comes out of
the windows.]
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Fade to interior as the gang cleans up the mess.]
TENCHI
We didn't even get through all twelve days. What a great start to the
show...
RYOKO (brightly)
Hey, it could have been worse! At least the tree wasn't decorated yet. In
fact, it seems to have taken the punishment well. I sure can pick 'em,
can't I, Tenchi?
[Tenchi sighs. Washu walks up to him.]
WASHU
I finished fixing the window. Say, Tenchi, can I ask you a question?
TENCHI
Sure, go ahead.
WASHU
What is it with this "Y2K" business? I can't figure it out. I've been
meaning to do some research, but I figured I'd save time and ask an Earth
native.
TENCHI
It has to do with Earth's computers. You see, when they designed them
thirty years ago, they only used two digits to represent the year. So 1999
is just "99". Next year, all those two-digit years will roll over to "00",
which may cause some computers to act funny, or even crash.
[Washu stares at Tenchi for a moment, then spits out a long laugh. Her face
turns red and she collapses on the floor in hysterics.]
WASHU
BWAH-HAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!! They only used two digits?! HAHAHAHAHAAA!
SASAMI
[sweeping up debris]
Say, Tenchi, is Christmas celebrated all over Earth?
TENCHI
[shaking himself away from staring at Washu, who is still convulsing:]
Uh... yes, but in some places more than others. Christmas is much bigger in
the west than here in Japan, for example.
SASAMI
Christmas seems very important to those who celebrate it. What would they
do if they couldn't?
TENCHI
Oh, they'd find a way. For example, even as we speak, travelers from Japan
are stranded in another world that's never even heard of Christmas.
RYOKO (to Aeka)
What's he talking about?
AEKA
I think it's called a "link".
WASHU
Two digits! Two digits! HAHAHAHAHAAA!
[Fade to the world of El-Hazard. The sun is setting. Makoto stands on a
high balcony on the Roshtarian palace, where he has set up a small device
resembling a radio dish. Standing next to him are Londs and Dr.
Schtalubaugh.]
MAKOTO
I really want to thank you all for your permission to do this. It really
means a lot to me.
LONDS
Are we absolutely sure this is safe?
SCHTALUBAUGH
Oh, yes! Makoto and an assistant of mine took a journey last week out to a
deserted region of Roshtaria and tested it. It worked perfectly. I must
admit, I'm a bit excited to see it for myself.
[to Makoto:]
You may begin when ready.
[Makoto hits a switch. A beam fires from the dish into the sky. Clouds
gather around the beam, and the sky begins to darken.]
[Fade to Nanami's place. She hums "Deck the Halls" while wrapping a
present. The door opens behind her and Makoto walks in.]
NANAMI
(gasp) Makoto!
[She hides what she's doing.]
You shouldn't be in here! I'm wrapping your present!
MAKOTO
Oh! I'm sorry!
[He looks away.]
I, uh, didn't see anything. Just a box.
NANAMI
Good.
[She finishes up.]
Done! So, what brings you here?
MAKOTO
Well, I hadn't seen you around today. I wanted to know how you liked my
present.
NANAMI
Um, what present?
MAKOTO
Haven't you been outside?
NANAMI
Not since noon. I've been too busy cleaning the restaurant. Why?
[Nanami opens the door. Her eyes go wide with wonder.]
It's... beautiful...
[The camera pans along the landscape. The ground is blanketed in snow.
Nanami steps outside, still in wonder, then laughs with delight. Around
her, adults stare in amazement at their first glimpse of snow, but the
children have wasted no time playing in it.]
MAKOTO
Come on! This way! Everyone's having a party!
[He runs off, and Nanami follows. The music begins.]
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
[MUSIC #2: "Winter Wonderland" (straight)]
MAKOTO (voice over)
Over the ground lays a mantle of [Makoto and Nanami walk through
white, the snow-covered land of
A heaven of diamonds El-Hazard. We see their breath
shine down through the night as they briefly gaze at the stars.
Two hearts are thrillin', Nanami takes Makoto by the arm.]
In spite of the chill in the weather.
NANAMI (VO)
Love knows no season, love knows [As they approach the party,
no clime, Nanami lets go of Makoto's arm,
Romance can blossom any old time. takes him by the hand and pulls
Here in the open, we're walkin' him toward the festivities. Both
and hopin' together. laugh.]
MAKOTO & NANAMI (VO)
Sleigh bells ring, are you [A sleigh approaches, ridden by
listenin'? Fujisawa and Miz, dressed as
In the lane, snow is glistenin'! Santa and Mrs. Claus. Fujisawa
A beautiful sight, looks embarrassed. Nanami
We're happy tonight, laughs. Kids surround the sleigh
Walkin' in a winter wonderland. as it arrives.]
Gone away, is the bluebird, [Birds flutter around in the snow,
Here to stay, is the new bird! curious and confused.]
He sings a love song, [Alielle and Fatora make snow
as we go along! angels.]
Walkin' in a winter wonderland. [Shayla sees Makoto and waves,
then runs over to join them.]
MAKOTO (VO)
In the meadow, we can build a [The three of them build a
snowman. snowman.]
We'll pretend that he is Parson [When Shayla realizes who the
Brown! snowman is supposed to be, she
He'll say "Are you married?" melts it with a flameburst.
We'll say "No, man! Nanami tosses a snowball at her
But you can do the job when as she runs away, laughing.
you're in town!" Makoto laughs too.]
MAKOTO & NANAMI (VO)
Later on, we'll conspire, [The two girls quickly make up,
As we dream, by the fire, and Shayla starts a fire and
To face unafraid, the plans that helps Nanami make some hot
we've made, drinks.]
Walkin' in a winter wonderland.
[Instrumental. Music fades slightly. Fujisawa, as Santa Claus, sits on a
chair explaining himself to the kids.]
KID #1
(So who are you supposed to be, mister?)
FUJISAWA
(Well, um, I'm Santa Claus.)
KID #2
(Who's Santa Claus?)
FUJISAWA
(On Christmas, Santa Claus visits the home of every good girl and boy and
gives them toys!)
KIDS
(No way!) (Really!) (Cool!)
FUJISAWA
(So, uh, you're supposed to get on my lap and tell me what you want for
Christmas.)
MIZ
(I'll demonstrate!)
[She sits on his lap.]
FUJISAWA (blushing)
(Uh... Miz?)
MIZ
(Now let's see. What do *I* want for Christmas...? Oh! I know!)
[She kisses him. The chair falls backwards into the snow. The kids
laugh. Music up.]
NANAMI (VO)
In the meadow we can build a [Shayla, using flame, sculpts a
snowman. snowman, looking for Nanami's
We'll pretend that he's a circus approval. Finally, Nanami smiles
clown! and nods. We see the face of the
We'll have lots of fun with snowman: it's a snow-Jinnai.
Mr. Snowman, Kids begin pelting "Jinnai" with
Until the other kiddies knock him snowballs while Nanami, Shayla,
down! and Afura Mann laugh.]
MAKOTO & NANAMI (VO)
When it snows, ain't it thrillin', [Miscellaneous scenes of everyone
Though your nose gets a chillin'? having fun, even Princess Rune,
We'll frolic and play, who sips one of Nanami's hot
The Eskimo way, drinks. Finally the party dies
walkin' in a winter wonderland. down and only Makoto and Nanami
Walkin' in a winter wonderland. remain, lying on a snowbank
Walkin' in a winter wonderland. looking at the stars.]
NANAMI
(Thank you, Makoto. This was the best Christmas present ever.)
[She puts her head on his shoulder. Fade.]
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Fade back to the Masaki house. Little girl Ryo-oh-ki paces back and
forth, while Sasami sits on a couch, reading some shojo manga.]
SASAMI
What's the matter, Ryo-oh-ki? All excited about Christmas?
[Ryo-oh-ki nods.]
Well, tell ya what. Sit next to me, and I'll tell you a special Christmas
story!
RYO-OH-KI
Miya!
[She sits next to Sasami.]
SASAMI
Far away from here, in the big city of Tokyo, there lived a girl named
Sasami.
RYO-OH-KI
Miya?
SASAMI
Yes, the same name as me. But this girl wasn't from Jurai like me. She was
just a normal Earth girl.
[Fade to the world of Pretty Sammy. Sasami is woken up by her alarm. She
brushes her teeth, gets dressed and has her breakfast.]
SASAMI (VO)
Or, rather, she was almost normal. You see, Sasami had been chosen by the
Queen of Juraihelm to fight for love and justice. She was the magical girl,
Pretty Sammy!
[Sasami gets a kiss from her parents and heads out the door to go to
school. Pan back skyward as she runs along the sidewalk, then fade to
class, taught by the able Miss Mihoshi.]
MIHOSHI
That's all for today, class! Now, remember, the big Christmas dance is
Saturday, so I want to see you all there!
[Konoha snuggles up to Hiroto in her usual harassing way.]
KONOHA
I'm going to the dance with Hiroto! Isn't that right?
HIROTO (annoyed)
It's not that kind of dance!
[Misao approaches Sasami as she packs to leave.]
MISAO
Sasami? My mother is taking me to the mall this evening to go Christmas
shopping. Do you want to come?
SASAMI
[nods]
Sure! That's sounds like fun!
[Cut to the world of Juraihelm, to the abode of Ramia, who is munching on
some noodles while considering her latest nasty plan to upset the balance of
happiness on Earth. Rumia is watching the various Christmas festivities
taking place in the big city Sasami calls home.]
RAMIA
[without looking up from her snack:]
So what's this deal with Christmas?
RUMIA
Oh, it's wonderful! You get together with all those you love, exchange
gifts, eat good food, and sing songs!
RAMIA
Hmm. Sounds nice.
RUMIA
It sure is!
RAMIA
[still not looking up:]
Destroy it.
RUMIA
(sigh) Yes, sis.
[Cut to the mall. Misao's mother drops off the two girls at the entrance.]
MISAO'S MOTHER
I'll meet you back here in two hours. Have fun!
SASAMI
Bye! Thank you!
[They enter the mall and wonder at the lavish decorations.]
SASAMI
Wow... It gets more impressive every year.
[Misao nods in agreement. A short musical sequence follows, in which Sasami
and Misao window shop, look at toys, and sit on Santa's lap.]
SASAMI
Well, I've got gifts for my mom and dad. I guess I'm done.
MISAO
Me too!
SASAMI
[snaps her fingers]
Oh! There's one more very important gift to buy! We'd better split up!
MISAO
Huh? Why?
[Then it sinks in, and she smiles.]
Oh! Okay!
[Fade to Misao shopping alone.]
MISAO
Let's see... I wonder what Sasami would like?
[She passes a pet shop. In the window is a very familiar bird.]
Maybe she'd like a pet? Say, don't I know you?
[Energy comes out of bird-Rumia's eyes.]
Oh!
[Cut to Sasami, who is in a music shop looking at sheet music.]
SASAMI
I forget. Who does Misao like better, Mozart or Beethoven?
[Somewhere outside the store, there's a crash.]
VOICE
Bonjour, mes amis!!
SASAMI
Oh, no. Not now!
[Outside, Pixy Misa is posing by the huge Christmas tree that's part of the
main display in the mall.]
PIXY MISA
Is everyone having a merry, merry Noel?
SHOPPER
I know you! You're that evil magical girl who goes around causing trouble!
PIXY MISA
[feigning hurt feelings:]
How can you say such awful things? All I want is to bring everyone
Christmas cheer! For today I am...
[She spins and transforms in a flash of light, into a new costume
resembling a red-and-white Christmas elf costume with her trademark
feather in her cap.]
...CHRISTMAS MISA!!
[She poses. The worried-looking crowd is unconvinced.]
Hmph. Well, if *that's* the way you're going to be...
[She wields her baton.]
CALLING MYSTICS!!
[The baton's energy hits the enormous Christmas tree, which quickly grows
arms, legs, and a face. It roars like a Toho movie monster.]
PIXY MISA
Go, Christmas-Tree-Girl! Show them the true spirit of the season!
[There is utter panic in the crowd at the monstrous Christmas tree begins
lumbering about the mall (get it? Tree? Lumber?), smashing windows and
hurling displays.]
SASAMI
This... This is horrible!
[The little cabbit Ryo-oh-ki runs up.]
RYO-OH-KI
You said it, Sasami! (pant pant)
SASAMI
Ryo-oh-ki!
RYO-OH-KI
I came as fast as I could.
[With a flash, the magical baton materializes.]
Quick! You know what you have to do!
SASAMI
[Nods]
Yes!
[Transformation sequence:]
PRETTY MUTATION... MAGICAL RECALL!!
[She whirls and becomes...]
Magical Girl... PRETTY SAMMY!
[Pose!]
ANOTHER SHOPPER
Look! It's Pretty Sammy! Thank God!
SAMMY
Pretty Sammy is here! I'll always come... when Christmas is in danger!
PIXY MISA
Ooh, Sammy! I was wondering when you'd arrive!
SAMMY
I'm going to put a stop to your Christmas tree monster!
PIXY MISA
Not yet, you won't! I have a special surprise for you.
[From behind Misa step three creatures dressed as the ghosts from
"A Christmas Carol".]
GHOST #1
I am the Ghost of Christmas Past!
GHOST #2
I am the Ghost of Christmas Present!
GHOST #3
I am the Ghost of Christmas Future!
[All three ghosts point at Sammy.]
GHOSTS
Prepare to become a ghost yourself!
SAMMY
Uh, what do I do now, Ryo-oh-ki?
[Ryo-oh-ki hides behind Sammy's leg.]
RYO-OH-KI
Don't ask me! I'm scared of ghosts!
SAMMY
A lot of help *you* are!
GHOST #1
FRUITCAKE ROCKET!
[A fruitcake shoots from the ghost's sleeve, knocking Sammy down.]
SAMMY
OOF! Those things are hard!
GHOST #2
TINSEL WHIP!
[Tinsel shoots from the ghost's sleeve, wrapping itself around
Sammy's leg and whipping her around, finally flinging her against a
wall.]
SAMMY
Owwww!
GHOST #3
EGGNOG BLAST!
[A firehose blast of eggnog shoots from the ghost's sleeve, covering
Sammy and knocking her back.]
SAMMY
Yuck! I'm all sticky! (smack smack) Good eggnog, though. I'd better think
of something fast!
PIXY MISA
[nodding with delight:]
Mm! Mm! Tres bon! Deck Sammy's halls!
[Sammy looks up and sees a large Christmas wreath.]
SAMMY
I've got it!
[She aims her baton at the wreath.]
PRETTY TELEPORT!
[The wreath vanishes. She aims the baton at the ghosts, and the
wreath appears around them, binding them and holding their arms
down.]
SAMMY BEAM!
[A beam fires from the baton and makes the ghosts vanish.]
Now for the Christmas tree!
PIXY MISA
Au contraire, mon ami!
RYO-OH-KI
(gasp) Sammy, look!
[Shoppers have been hung on the tree. They wriggle and kick, but can't get
loose.]
PIXY MISA
What do you think of my special Christmas ornaments?
RYO-OH-KI
Sammy! You can't do Coquettish Bomber until the hostages are safe!
SAMMY
I know that! But how can I get them down?!
[She thinks.]
I might have an idea!
[She runs off.]
PIXY MISA
Christmas-Tree-Girl! Don't let Pretty Sammy escape!
[The tree roars and lumbers after her, shaking the screaming hostages which
are still attached. Sammy runs until she finds a store selling garden
supplies. She runs in and talks to the clerk.]
SAMMY
I need your strongest weed-killer, now! And lots of it!
[The tree arrives, stomping and roaring. Sammy comes out, armed
with a dusting gun (or "flit").]
Take this!
[She sprays the tree where one of the hostages hangs. The limb dies
and sags, and the hostage drops off, running to safety.]
PIXY MISA
Uh-oh...
[Sasami continues spraying until all the "ornaments" are free.]
RYO-OH-KI
That's the last one! Do it, Sammy!
SAMMY
Right!
[She poses for her ultimate attack.]
CONVERGE, MAGICAL POWERS OF JUSTICE!
PIXY MISA
[running away:]
Bah, humbug!!!
SAMMY
Pretty... Coquettish... BOMBER!!!
[The force of the attack throws the Christmas tree monster through the roof
of the mall and safely away to wherever Love-Love Monsters go. (See Episode
9 for the answer!)]
SAMMY
Whew. It's over.
RYO-OH-KI (sadly)
Sammy. Look.
[The mall is in ruins. Displays are torn and smashed. Children cry
inconsolably. Where the Christmas tree was, there is nothing but a hole in
the ground.]
SAMMY
It's all smashed. It's all ruined. Isn't there anything I can do?
[Ryo-oh-ki sadly shakes his head, then blinks as he notices something.]
RYO-OH-KI
Sammy! Your baton!
[The baton is glowing, faintly. In the distance, "We Wish You a
Merry Christmas" can be heard.]
It's the music, Sammy! The music!
SAMMY
I understand!
[she shouts to the shoppers:]
Listen, everybody! I can fix everything, but I need your help! Sing!
[The shoppers look at each other, confused. Suddenly, Hiroto and the gang
from Sasami's school appear.]
HIROTO
You heard Sammy! Sing!
"We wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas..."
SAMMY
Hiroto!
[Hiroto, Konoha, Aimi, and the others begin singing. The baton begins
glowing brighter and brighter.]
SHOPPER
Look! It's working! Come on, everybody! Sing!
[The shoppers join in, tentatively at first, then louder. The baton glows
even brighter, until it resembles a small star.]
RYO-OH-KI
We're almost there!
[He speaks to the camera.]
Everyone at home! Sing with us!
[The glow begins to envelop Sammy. Tears well up in her eyes.]
SAMMY
I can feel it. The true spirit of Christmas...
[The glow explodes, filling the mall and causing everyone to gasp. When it
clears, all is back to normal, better than before, with beautiful
decorations and an even more spectacular Christmas tree.]
RYO-OH-KI
You did it, Sammy! You did it!!
[Sammy hugs Ryo-oh-ki as everyone cheers.]
[Fade back to the Masaki house, where Sasami is finishing her story.]
SASAMI
...and so Pretty Sammy saved Christmas. Sasami found Misao and the two of
them had the best Christmas ever. The end.
[Little girl Ryo-oh-ki is asleep.]
Good night, Ryo-oh-ki.
[Washu walks by. Sasami puts a finger to her lips. Washu nods, takes three
steps, then...]
WASHU
Two... digits...
[She falls to the floor, hands on her mouth, laughing silently.]
[Cut to the living room, where Aeka and Ryoko are sitting, enjoying some hot
chocolate. Ryoko teleports in, wearing a skimpy Santa suit.]
RYOKO
Tenchi! What do you think of my Santa costume?!
AEKA
Oh, please. You as Santa? Give me a break.
RYOKO
I think it's a *great* idea! What young man wouldn't like to have a sexy
girl like me come down the chimney with a big sack of presents?
AEKA
Quite frankly, Ryoko, if you came into my house with a sack, I'd suspect you
were about to take something.
[Tenchi laughs.]
RYOKO (angry)
What's so funny?!
TENCHI
It's just that, right now, in the prefecture of Furinkan, several young
women are discussing that very same problem!
[Ryoko and Aeka stare at each other.]
RYOKO
Is this another one of those "links"?
TENCHI (embarassed)
Uh, yeah.
AEKA
You're not very good at them, you know.
[Fade to an exterior shot of "Ukyou's Okonamiyaki", then cut to the
interior, where Akane is addressing most of the Ranma 1/2 girls.]
AKANE
Quiet, please, everybody. I'd like to thank Ukyou for the use of her shop
to hold this meeting.
UKYOU
No problem. Now, do you mind explaining what this is about?
AKANE
Certainly. As you may know, for the past few Christmases, our houses have
been visited by a little man carrying a sack.
SHAMPOO
Of course! Santa Claus! He bring presents!
[Akane shakes her head.]
AKANE
I'm talking about the *other* little man with a sack.
[All the others go "Ohhh", as the music starts.]
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
[MUSIC #3 - "Happosai Is Coming to Town" (filk)]
AKANE
You'd better watch out, [Akane, singing, unveils a display
you'd better take care! with a picture of a laughing
You'd better hide all of your Happosai, carrying his sack of
underwear! girls' undies. She removes the
Happosai is comin' to town! picture, revealing others, like a
slide show.]
He's makin' a list, [Happosai with a list reading "Akane,
He's checkin' it twice! Shampoo, Ukyou, ..."]
He's gonna take things that are [Happosai in a state of ecstasy, with
frilly and nice! panties in one hand and a bra in the
Happosai is comin' to town! other.]
He sees you when you're sleeping! [Tip-toeing past a sleeping girl...]
He knows when you're awake! [Being chased by the same girl]
But if he finds your panty drawer, [Dumping a drawer-full of panties
all the contents he will take! into his sack]
So you'd better take note, [Back to Akane lecturing the girls.]
I'll give you just cause!
You'd better pro-tect
all your panties and bras,
Happosai is comin' to town!
[Instrumental. Music fades.]
AKANE
(Of course, Christmas *is* the season for giving. So when we see Happosai,
let's give him a thumping he'll remember!)
KODACHI
(I'll give him a special ribbon whip! OH-HOHOHOHOHO!)
UKYOU
(And I'll give him the business end of my spatula!)
AKANE
(Now *that's* the Christmas spirit!)
[Music up.]
AKANE
He hops across the rooftops, [Happosai jumping from roof to roof
on this jolly holiday, with his sack.]
But if he comes into your house, [Escaping through a window while a
better hide your lingerie! girl throws things at him.]
Oh, you'd better stay sharp, [Various scenes of Happosai grabbing
you'd better not blink! underwear, including stealing the
He'll grab all your undies Christmas stockings from inside the
as quick as a wink! chimney.]
Happosai is comin', [Back to Akane for the big finish!]
Yes, Happosai is comin',
Happosai is comin'
tooo tooooowwwwwn!
[Happosai bursts through the door, dressed as Santa.]
HAPPOSAI
(Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas!)
[The girls pounce on him.]
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Fade to Sasami with Tenchi.]
SASAMI
That last one was stupid.
TENCHI
I'm sorry, Sasami. I don't write them.
SASAMI
I wanna do a Christmas pageant! Christmas is about the birth of Jesus,
after all. We should do something traditional and respectful.
TENCHI
Hmm. That's an idea.
[Sasami hands him some pages.]
SASAMI
I've got it all written up, right here.
[Tenchi's grandfather puts a hand on his shoulder.]
GRANDFATHER
Tenchi, before you do this, I want you to consider something. Who would
play the Virgin Mary?
TENCHI
Well, uh, I guess...
[Picture ripples and fades. The following scene has fuzzy edges to imply
that it is an imaginary scenario. Aeka as Mary, Tenchi as Joseph, and Ryoko
as the Angel stand in the manger.]
AEKA
Oh, Joseph. Our child is about to be born.
RYOKO
Hey! Don't stand so close to Tenchi! I mean Joseph!
AEKA
Don't talk that way to the Holy Mother of God! Stay up there and be an
angel! Now, as I was saying, Joseph...
[Ryoko levitates some hay and knocks Aeka down.]
Why you! How dare you do that me in my delicate condition! Take that!
[She throws one of the sheep at Ryoko. In no time, Ryoko and Aeka
are throwing anything that isn't nailed down.]
[Ripple-fade back to Tenchi and Sasami, who are pale...]
TENCHI
Good Lord...
SASAMI
They'd never let us do another Christmas special again.
[She sighs dejectedly.]
Oh, well. It was just an idea.
GRANDFATHER
Tell you what. I know of a traditional story you can tell. One that's much
less dangerous.
TENCHI
Great! Sasami, gather the others!
SASAMI
I'm on it!
[Fade. Background music begins as we pan over the deserted first floor of
the Masaki house.]
TENCHI (VO)
"'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse."
[Mihoshi, dressed as a mouse, is asleep on the couch.]
"The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there."
[Everyone has stockings. Ryoko's is huge.]
"The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sugarplums danced in their heads."
[Sasami and little girl Ryo-oh-ki are asleep. A dream of candy
floats above Sasami's head; Ryo-oh-ki dreams of carrots.]
[Cut to Tenchi's bedroom, where Tenchi wears an old-fashioned nightcap.]
TENCHI
"And Ma in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled down for a long winter's... nap?"
[Tenchi turns around to see both Ryoko and Aeka wearing
"'kerchiefs" and grinning.]
Uhhhh...
[quickly:]
"When out on the lawn their arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter!"
[Aeka and Ryoko are ticked.]
AEKA
What do you mean?
RYOKO
You haven't even been *in* bed yet!
[Tenchi bolts.]
TENCHI
"Away to the window I flew like a flash!"
[Aeka and Ryoko give chase.]
AEKA
Come back, Tenchi!
RYOKO
You get back here!
[Tenchi runs down stairs and reaches the big window.]
TENCHI
"I tore open the shutters and threw back the sash!" Or I would have, if
we'd had either...
[Aeka and Ryoko catch up.]
AEKA
There you are, Tenchi!
TENCHI
"When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer."
RYOKO
*Really* tiny.
AEKA
I'll say...
[Outside, Washu, as Santa Claus, rides a sleigh driven by eight cabbit
Ryo-oh-ki's. Each cabbit has antlers tied to his head and wears a name
tag.]
TENCHI (VO)
"With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick!"
WASHU
Ho ho ho!
TENCHI (VO)
"More rapid than eagles, his coursers they came."
RYOKO (VO)
What's a "courser"?
TENCHI (VO)
Shh! "And he whistled and shouted and called them by name."
WASHU
"Now Dasher, now Dancer, now Prancer and Vixen!
On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen!
To the top of the porch, to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"
TENCHI (VO)
"So up to the housetop, the coursers they flew,
With a sleigh full of toys and St. Nicholas too."
RYO-OH-KIS
MIYA! MIYAAAAA!
[The cabbits pull the sleigh on top of the house.]
[Cut back indoors.]
TENCHI
"And then in a twinkling, I heard on the roof,
The prancing and pawing of each tiny hoof."
AEKA
Paw, you mean.
TENCHI
Aeka!
AEKA
Forgive me! Please continue.
TENCHI
"As I drew in my head and was turning around..."
[BOOM! Washu comes down the chimney.]
WASHU
Ow! My butt!
TENCHI
"Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound."
[Washu picks herself up and straightens her beard.]
"He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot."
WASHU
Yuck! This is *not* coming out.
TENCHI
"A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler, just opening his sack.
His eyes, how they twinkled!"
[Washu flutters her eyelids for the camera.]
"His dimples, how merry!
His cheeks were like roses..."
[Washu poses, showing both profiles.]
"His nose, like a cherry."
WASHU
Eh? Hmm...
[She fiddles in a pocket and comes up with a false red tip for her
nose and puts it on.]
TENCHI
"His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow."
[Washu continues to pose.]
"The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth..."
WASHU
Oh! Right!
[She fishes a pipe out of a pocket and quickly lights it, taking a
few puffs.]
TENCHI
"...and the smoke, it encircled his head like a wreath."
[Washu turns green and has a coughing fit.]
WASHU
COUGH! CHOKE! GAG! That's enough of that!
[She tosses the pipe in the fireplace.]
TENCHI
"He had a broad face and a little round belly..."
WASHU
Ho ho ho!
TENCHI
"That shook when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly."
WASHU
That's 'cuz it *is* jelly! Synthetic, of course.
TENCHI
"He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
and I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself." (laughs)
WASHU
What are *you* laughing at?
TENCHI
Uh, ahem. "He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work."
WASHU
Right! Sorry!
TENCHI
"And filled all the stockings..."
[Aeka gets jewelry, Sasami manga, Mihoshi snacks, and Ryoko a huge
bottle of sake to fill the oversized stocking. Ryoko sees it and
starts to drool.]
"...then turned with a jerk."
[Washu jerks around.]
"And laying a finger aside of his nose..."
[Washu pushes the false red tip on her nose, activating a large,
winged, rocket-pack that folds out of the back of her suit.]
"And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose!" HIT THE DECK!!
[Washu nods and her rocket pack goes off sending careening wildly through
the room before finally shooting back up the chimney. Outside she
overshoots the sleigh by several hundred meters.]
TENCHI (VO)
"He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle..."
[Washu whistles, and the cabbits quickly pull the sleigh into the
air to catch her.]
"...and away they all flew, like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, as he drove out of sight:"
WASHU
"Merry Christmas to all! And to all a good night!"
[The sleigh flies off into the distance.]
Two digits! HAHAHAHAHAAA!
[Fade to Sasami in bed. Light from the window plays across her face. Her
eyes open slowly. She yawns and stretches. Then she blinks as she realizes
what day it is. She shakes little-girl Ryo-oh-ki awake.]
[The two little girls walk out into the hall in their pajamas and bare feet,
with the camera following behind. They turn the corner, and their faces
light up as they see the wonderland before them: the tree, fully decorated,
with colorfully wrapped presents filling the room. Tenchi is waiting for
them.]
[As they come down the steps, the rest of the cast appears, each equally
delighted. Soon Christmas morning is well underway, as everyone opens their
gifts. Ryo-oh-ki gets carrots, each wrapped with a bow. Ryoko gets a book
of "True Crime Stories". Everyone is talking and having a wonderful time.]
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
[MUSIC #4: "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" (straight) sung slowly]
SASAMI (VO)
Have yourself a merry little [Sasami receives a Ryo-oh-ki cabbit
Christmas, doll and thanks Tenchi by hugging
Let your heart be light. him.]
>From now on, our troubles will be [Ryoko and Aeka sheepishly exchange
out of sight. presents, then eagerly unwrap, happy
with what they find.]
MAKOTO (VO)
Have yourself a merry little [In El-Hazard, Makoto and Nanami
Christmas, decorate a Christmas tree while
Make the Yuletide gay. Mr. Fujisawa and Miz watch. Makoto
lifts Nanami up to reach a high
NANAMI (VO) branch. He stumble and they fall on
>From now on, our troubles will be top of each other. Both blush, and
miles away. Miz giggles.]
PRETTY SAMMY'S CLASSMATES (VO)
Here we are, as in olden days, [At the Christmas dance, everyone has
Happy golden days of yore. a great time. Mihoshi's appetite is
just as big in this universe, and
she snarfs snack while Miss Kiyone
looks on disapprovingly.]
Faithful friends who are dear to [Ryo-oh-ki appears, and is picked up
us, by Sasami. Bird-Rumia lands on
Gather near to us, once more. Misao's shoulder and rubs against
her cheek.]
THE RANMA GIRLS (VO)
Through the years, we'll always be [A Christmas party is being held at
together, Ukyou's, with food and drink and
If the fates allow. fun. Ryouga nervously gives Akane a
Hang a shining star upon the highest gift. Shampoo initially turns down
bough. Mousse's gift, but curiosity gets
the better of her and she changes
her mind.]
AKANE (VO)
And have yourself [Akane catches up with Ranma outside
A merry little Christmas now. and they exchange gifts under the
stars.]
[Music fades.]
[Fade to the Christmas party at Pretty Sammy's school. Sasami and Misao
are having some snacks as Hiroto runs up.]
HIROTO
(Uh, Misao? I was wondering if, you know, maybe you'd like to... Uh...
You know, um, dan--)
KONOHA
(HIROOOOO-TOOOOOO!)
[The jealous Konoha grabs Hiroto and drags him back toward the
dance floor.]
HIROTO
(Hey! Wait! Hold up!)
SASAMI
[she giggles]
(Misao is getting so popular!)
[Misao blushes.]
[Fade to another party, this one in El-Hazard. Everyone is having a blast,
especially Shayla-Shayla, who is plastered.]
SHAYLA
Hey, Makoto! This eggnog stuff is great! Really great!
MAKOTO
You should thank Nanami. It's her recipe.
SHAYLA
Uhh. Yeah, right. Um...
[She downs her glass and screws up her courage.]
Anyway, I got you a little something. It's not much but...
[She gives him a small package.]
I hope you like it. Good-- I mean, Merry Christmas!
[She scoots away, blushing.]
SHAYLA (VO)
Here we are, as in olden days, [Shayla, still blushing, refills her
Happy golden days of yore. cup. Makoto catches up to her and
taps her on the shoulder. He's
MAKOTO (VO) wearing her gift, a small pendant
Faithful friends who are dear to with the emblem of the fire shrine.
us, Her eyes tear up and she blushes
Gather near to us, once more. even more, but her smile is huge.]
SASAMI (VO)
Through the years, we'll always be [Back to the Masaki party. Ryoko
together, poses in her Santa costume as
If the fates allow. Mihoshi claps.]
Hang a shining star upon the highest [Ryo-oh-ki, in cabbit form, runs up a
bough. ladder to put a star at the top of
the tree. Everyone applauds.]
TENCHI (VO)
And have yourself [Aeka and Ryoko sit on either side of
A merry little Christmas... Tenchi, for once not fighting over
Now. him.]
[Cut to El-Hazard]
THE CAST OF EL-HAZARD
(MERRY CHRISTMAS!)
[Cut to Pretty Sammy]
MIHOSHI
(Okay, everyone! Altogether now!)
THE PRETTY SAMMY KIDS
(MERRY CHRISTMAS!)
[Cut to Ranma 1/2]
THE CAST OF RANMA 1/2
(MERRY CHRISTMAS!)
[Back to the Masaki house.]
TENCHI
Merry Christmas, everyone. Thanks for coming. I hope to see you next year!
[Pan back through the door until the entire Masaki house is visible, with
the party continuing in the window.]
[Title: "MERRY CHRISTMAS!"]
****** T H E E N D ******
C&C is welcome, of course, but I need it fast, since I'm trying to get this
out on the 'net by the end of tomorrow. I'll probably distribute it through
my website, since I doubt r.a.a.c can turn around that fast, though of course
I'll try them too.
------RM