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The Pennance of Uranus
a Sailor Moon short
by Chris Jones
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"What did you wish for?" Hotaru asked me, as we
watched the stars shooting across the sky.
"What would I have to wish for?" I replied. "This is
our happiest moment."
And it was. There, as the four of us sat in my car, I
was with the person I loved most in the world. She had died
by my side, and I had died by hers, the angry red blood of
betrayal thick and dripping from my hands.
The princess's heart brought the four of us back. It
brought *all* of us back, and, try as I might, I can't feel
bad about what I did.
That sounds psychotic, doesn't it? I slew little
Hotaru. I can still see the calm expression on her face as
she lowered the silence glaive, which she had just raised
against Galaxia. Her face... her beautiful little face was
calm and full of peace.
I can remember the grief I felt, holding the little
shining purple light in my hand as I fought Galaxia for
control of my own soul. I can remember the grief I felt when
I realized that it was all for nothing.
That was all before Usagi brought us back. Now, when I
try to go back there... to recapture those dark feelings, I
come up against a pair of shining blue eyes that hurt just
as much as I do when I suffer... even when I want to suffer.
So... this is my penance. The princess has closed her
fist utterly around my heart. I know that the next time she
asks me why I disagree with her... or the next time that she
questions why I want to choose to make a sacrifice... I know
that I will not be able to resist the siren call of her
sweet voice that won't let me hate myself enough to make a
painful choice.
I know that Michiru feels the same way. Even though it
never passes her lips, I can see it in the happy-yet-haunted
expression that she wears. I see the same expression now
every time I look in the mirror.
To allow myself to have feelings of sadness, remorse,
grief, or anger is something that would hurt the princess.
This is something I can no longer do. To make a sacrifice
would make her cry. 'Because this is the way we do things,'
is no longer an adequate excuse to hurt her.
I was born to be the princess's servant, just as I was
born to be Michiru's soulmate. She has bound me to that
destiny not with violence or with my desires. She has not
tricked me. She has not magicked me. I almost wished she
had.
To hurt someone else is to hurt her, too. Hurting her
hurts me, but that only hurts her more. I cannot begin that
vicious cycle again like I have so many times before. The
threat is not that she'll quit loving me if I do something
she thinks is bad, but that I cannot be with her anymore
because I can't stand to hurt her with my presence.
Anger and outrage empower us all... but so does love
and kindness. Usagi's love is like a tsunami, drowning us
all, washing away our ability to hate.
I can feel it in my blood, now that the Chaos that was
bound inside Galaxia has been released back into the galaxy.
Earth is going to be attacked soon by agents of the Chaos. I
think it will be a short, easy fight, but when the time
comes, Usagi will fight by giving her love to those who are
attacking us...
And I will have no choice but to stop fighting and
kill my own hatred. I will have no choice but to stand still
and let her do what she knows is right.
This is my penance.
_ _ _
After several months of working my way through SMR, SMS, and SMSS fansubs,
I just finished watching the last few episodes of SMSailor Stars.
Wow.
I've read the manga, but it's something else entirely to see it, even
though it's presented so differently. (No teleportation to the Galatic
Core! No Asteroid Senshi! Waah! No Sailors Phobos and Deimos! No Planet
Mau! WAAAH!)
While I think the SM manga is a better story, what really makes the anime
so much more entertaining is the characterization. I (a hulking 6' 250lb
guy) just about bawled my eyes out when Haruka admitted that she had
betrayed Setsuuna and Hotaru as she was dying.
For everything that happens by the end of the story... for the admission of
guilt, Michiru and Haruka are smiling awfully big as they watch the
Starlights' incandescent trails as they head back home.
This is my answer to those smiles. ^_^
Sailor Moon Says: All you otaku need to support fansubs! They're the only
way to get cut-up and marginally popular anime into the U.S. Also, when an
Anime sub/dub company starts to distribute your favorite, support them in
their efforts and buy the tapes! Tee Hee...
* * *
C. Jones - guilty@arn.net - http://cyberwheel.simplenet.com
* * *
Raw Data -
Number of party-goers expected to visit
Las Vegas for New Year's Eve: 750,000
Number of hotel rooms in Vegas: 120,000