I started this about a year ago, but I've been in denial about writing fan
fiction. I've recently felt the urge to pick it up again, and I thought
I'd post part of it to see how badly I suck. C&C welcomed.
Olvido
"There's a hole in my heart as big as my heart." -X
Akane gasped and sat up in her bed, eyes straining to see her
nightmare visions come to life. Her lips were half twisted into
a name, a name that evaporated into the air. A chill touched her
nape and she slid back beneath the sheets. Sleep was long in
coming.
Akane looked up from her breakfast for the third time. She was
sure that Kasumi was watching her, but she couldn't quite
catch her at it. Nabiki pushed back her bowl and snatched her
books as she ran out the door. Something tugged at Akane's memory.
"Where is Nabiki going?" Soun's newspaper twitched and
Kasumi gently put her chopsticks down. They exchanged a look
then Kasumi smiled sunnily.
"She's going to school, Akane-chan."
"Why can't I go?" Kasumi's smile faded a little bit.
"You are very sick, Akane."
"Oh." Akane thought about this for a little while, then shrugged
and left the table. She could almost hear the birds singing outside, and
the koi would want some company. She smiled. Fish couldn't get lonely.
+++
"Moshi Moshi!"
"Doctor Tofu?"
"Ah, hello Kasumi. How is everything today?"
"Oh Doctor, I'm worried. She asked about school today."
"Has she shown any other signs?"
"No."
"It should be fine then. How are you holding up?"
"It's very hard, Doctor. She smiles sometimes, and it's almost
like before. But most of the time she sits and stares, or pads around the
house aimlessly. I caught her up the in attic one day, looking at mother's
wedding kimono..."
"You can't live like this forever, Kasumi. There are places that
have people trained to deal with her kind of problems,"
"No."
"Just let me give you their number, we can check,"
"No."
"I understand."
"..."
"K-Kasumi, I'd like to talk to you about it sometime. M-May I take
you to lunch?"
"I really can't..."
"It wouldn't be anything at all, please Kasumi..."
"Who would watch her?"
"Well, where is she now?"
"...."
"Kasumi?"
"Oh. Oh dear, Akane..."
"Kasumi? Kasumi?! Are you there? Kasumi!"
+++
A lone figure stood next to a snow-covered drift. The yard was
desolate, the one tree left standing was twisted and black, twigs
seeping through the winter sky like thin lines of poison through curdled
milk. The figure was shivering, her flannel pajamas plastered to her by
wind and wet. Her eyes remained fixed on the small shadow in front of her.
There weren't any fish, or any grass or leaves. There was a rock,
but it wasn't in the right place. It looked like it had been ripped
out, like a tooth, and left on its side. The girl's bottom lip began
to twitch and contort. The wind yowled in her ears, and suddenly
she couldn't take anymore. She couldn't run, she could only cradle
her head in her hands and try to shut out the noise, shut it all
out, find him...
Two arms suddenly wrapped around her from behind. Akane smiled, then
frowned.
"Oh Akane, you're freezing, your hands and feet are almost
blue!" Kasumi started to tug the shivering child toward the comfort
of the house. A little bit of tea and she'd be fine, then everything
would be okay again...
"Kasumi, somethings happened. The pond...the pond." Tracks of
tears were freezing on Akane's cheeks. Kasumi stopped abruptly.
"Oh Akane, I'm sorry. I'm sorry." She drew the cold little girl
into her arms and felt the familiar sting of self-loathing. Tea wasn't
enough. Nothing was enough.
Two figures stood against the wind and wished for summer.
+++
The door creaked slightly as Kasumi entered, holding a small
platter. Akane shifted slightly in her sleep and sighed. The tall girl
carefully placed the platter on the nightstand, and scanned the room for
disorder. Last year, the room had been in shambles, blood stained the
sheets, the rug, the splintered bedposts. But now the room was back in
order, with the exception of a guilty cardboard box under Kasumi's bed. A
box that contained the unremarkable momentos of a teenaged girl in love.
Kasumi picked the hypodermic needle up from the platter. With practiced
ease, she slowly squirted a small amount of the liquid from the needle,
clearing it of air bubbles. Softly humming to herself, she lifted the
covers and exposed Akane's arm. A permanent purple bruise had formed
there, and she pierced the heart of it, pushing for the tired vein that
would rush the chemicals through Akane's heart and into her brain,
where...
"Kasumi?" She froze, syringe half-emptied. A terrible dread filled
her as she looked into her sister's face. Akane's pupils were as wide as
dinner plates. Her sister had never woken up for her medication
before. Seconds lurched by, and Kasumi felt her heart racing.
"Kasumi, where is he?" she managed to stutter out, before the
drugs held her completely in thrall. Kasumi flinched slightly, needle
coming out of her fingers to shatter on the floor next to Akane's bed.
+++
"Au matin j'avais le regard si perdu et la contenance si motte, que ceux
que j'ai recontres ne m'ont peutetre pas vu." -Rimbaud
Akane woke up counting. She could tell it was going to be a wonderful day.
"1-2-3-4" She hummed the numbers, making them into her own special
song. "5-6-7-8" Numbers were definitely her friends. They
could tell her what day it was when her sister didn't want to
say. "9-10-11-12" Move the desk that only she could manage and find
the scratches in the paint on the wall. "13-14-15-16" Stingy sister,
trying to keep all the numbers to herself. "17-18-19!" Yes, today
was the day. Akane carefully scratched a straight line next to all
of the others. Just like a parade! Yes, today was good enough for a
parade. All the lines danced for a moment, inviting her closer
examination, but she shook her head and moved the desk back into place.
A good morning stretch just wasn't the same without the sunshine,
so Akane flung open her curtains and...what was this? A pair of bloodshot
eyes under a shag of blue-black hair greeted her. A tiny squeak of dismay
escaped from her throat, and she drew her hand up to her mouth. The person
did the same. Akane breathed out a sigh of relief, but drew it back in
quickly. This was her? It was wrong, she wasn't skinny, her mouth wasn't
so white, her hair was short, not long and shaggy. A shaking hand touched
the image. No. This would not do.
Kasumi frowned at lukewarm dish at Akane's place. Father had already gone
into the yard to tend the bonsai, and Nabiki had long since run to school.
"Akane-chan?" No answer. "AKANE!" Her frown deepened. She stood facing the
wooden duck, willing herself not to relive another of her fateful
entrances into this room. Kasumi silently asked her mother for strength,
then opened the door. In the middle of the room sat Akane with a pair of
safety scissors poised over her head. Hair covered the floor like an
exotic carpet. Akane smiled and lopped off another lock. Kasumi felt like
adding a few clumps of her own hair to the mess. She sighed and closed her
eyes.
"Whatcha doin', sis?" The scissors fell to the ground, forgotten in her
curiosity.
"Counting, Akane-chan." There was a moment of silence, then she felt a
hand grip her arm.
"What numbers?" Kasumi's eyes blinked open and she regarded her sister,
covered with hair, like some kind of animal.."What NUMBERS?" Akane's grip
on her arm got tighter and suddenly Kasumi remembered bricks broken,
people flying through the air, him flying through the air...
"Akane, I was just trying to stay calm." A light went out of Akane's eyes,
and her hand dropped back to her side.
"Oh. Not mine."
"Now may I help you with your hair? It must have been hard without a
mirror." Kasumi remembered, too late, that Akane's mirror had been
shattered on that day. She quickly scanned her sister's face for a
reaction, but there wasn't one.
"Please, Kasumi-chan." It was almost normal. An older sister helping her
younger sister out. Almost. Kasumi sighed and ushered her sister into the
bathroom, but not before Akane could steal a look back at her desk. And
her numbers.
"Daddy!" Soun poised the shears over the last branch of the bonsai and
prepared himself to face his youngest. He was so tired. Too many
ghosts. He sighed and looked up at the girl. His hand snapped the shears
together convulsively, ruining the bush.
"Akane! You...your hair!" Akane beamed a smile at him. For a second it was
as if he had gone back in time, back to when that smile meant something
and the fire of hope still burned bright in his chest. But a closer
examination showed him the thinness of her arms, the circles under her
eyes. A haircut couldn't give him his daughter back. A shadow crossed over
Akane's countenance, and Soun braced himself. She bent over and picked up
the severed branch.
"Daddy, its all lopsided now."
"Perfection in imperfection, daughter. That seems to be the way of our
Art."
"Just like he was, right?" Soun felt his heart turn over.
"W-who do you mean, sweetheart?"
"Oh, nobody." Soun let it pass, any further conversation might goad her
memory even more. He decided to change the subject.
"Why dont you get a few flowers for Kasumi?"
"Why? Are we having guests?"
"The old ones are wilted and dead, Akane." Soun turned back to the bonsai.
"Dead dead dead!" she agreed. "Dead Akane, dead dead!" He whirled around
to face his daughter, a slow chill working his way up his spine. But she
was already half way up the path, skipping cheerfully.
+++
1) X- the punk band from LA, not the CLAMP creation.
2) Rimbaud "In the morning I had a look so lost, a face so dead, that
perhaps those whom I met did not see me."