recommending, Alan Harnum wrote..
"It was," she said ruefully. "I wonder just who he irritated
to pull such an unpleasant duty shift?" Neptune shrugged the way
she did most everything, with a sort of languid elegance.
"I was just wondering the same thing," she murmured, "about
us." Uranus glanced back at the activity in front of the skyship
terminal building.
"What's that expression?" she asked. "It's a lousy job, but ..."
Paragraph arrangement seems awkward to me here--I'd recommend putting the
sentences that focus upon and identify Uranus and Neptune as the speakers
in the same paragraphs as their speech, [..]
--
Or maybe it'd be even better to follow the standard way --
putting the sentences which shift the focus to different
character in separate paragraphs:
-- It was, -- she said ruefully. -- I wonder just who he irritated to pull such an
unpleasant duty shift?
Neptune shrugged the way she did most everything, with a sort of languid elegance.
-- I was just wondering the same thing, -- she murmured, -- about us.
Uranus glanced back at the activity in front of the skyship terminal building.
-- What's that expression? -- she asked. -- It's a lousy job, but...
It's worth mentioning though, each of these styles
influences the rhythm of the story in different way..[try to
read the examples aloud and you'll notice it..] so it's up
to author to pick the one that works best for them.. ^^;
Tolaris
--
just before he died, he said:
"A red dragon? Aw, the DM wouldn't give us one of those until we're
really high level. I disbelieve."