On Sun, 19 Dec 1999, Sebastion Fitsroy wrote:
[Ack! <thump> I never in my wildest dreams thought this
would be finished.... Folks, I present to you the first sign of the
Apocalypse.]
*^.^*
<snip story>
I'm just going to give some overview of this story, since most of
this I have given detailed reviewing (and I'll give Matt my more
detailed review of the newer parts later).
Cool.
As to your positive comments: thank you. I really did try hard on
this story to work on characterizations (which is why it's slow at the
beginning). I think this story lets my strengths go to the fore more
than in my other story attempts.
Heh, you can tell which story's my favorite, huh? ^_^;
Yet, there were some problems, though minor ones. One the story did seem
to rush in places where it had been much slower early on.
I realized this too, when i looked at how much had been devoted to K&S
prep-story. I will begin with this if I decide to revise it for my
submission to the RAAC group.
Also, Itchy's <grin>
large bank account supplied by Plot Device Bank of Japan, I know that it's written
away and it's rather humorous, but, I don't know, you probably could have been
dealt with it more than an after thought.
This too may be corrected. There is one character who can save this
scene, and only one way he can save it.
Of course, you do realize that, in keeping with the anime feel, an
author is allowed one deus ex machina per 1000 lines. ^_^;
But that's all I could really complain
about. Also, what about Ami? I really wanted to see more of the role that she
played in all this.
<nods> Her role was sacrificed in the mad dash to link what I consider
to be my best work with the work I've already done. Again, I can and
probably will revise and correct this oversight. A nice scene should
be enough.
That's it, but I would like to say one or two things in passing:
That last dream sequence with Sat, <shakes head> that was fuckin'
hilarious. I'd expect that from Lazar, but you? <grin>
Umm... maybe you're thinking of another sequence... but I didn't intend
that one to be played for laughs. ^^;;;
Just what did Massy say to Kay in his bedroom?
There are some mysteries that may never be solved. I'll e-mail you
privately if you really want to know, but it was never intended to be
in the story.
Are Yummy and Itchy still going to be included in tangent with Sunshine?
<evil grin>
The two sets of characters are compatible, yes. ^_^
However, Sunshine Girl, as it is, is dead. It has become incompatible
with my writing style. Gomen, ne.
Once again, Matt Johnston relies on cute openings to grab our attention. <grin>
What? At least K&S didn't get down and funky!
Anyway, I've said my piece. And Matt, I salute you. As for you other FFMLers,
kick yourselves for missing this and go into the FTP archive to find it.
If it's still down, ummm, then kick White Wolf or Alan or someone, <grin>.
Thank you, Bastion... and to everybody who reads this. Please, drop me
a line if you do, even if it's just to say you did. I'd like to know
that this story in particular is being read. Like I said before, it's
special to me, as m first finished original fic and as a piece that I
feel may go a bit beyond what many deal with... but I'm blowing my own
horn. ^_^;;
--Matt
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"I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings...
'Boy With Pail'... 'Kitten On Fire'..." --Steven Wright
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