######******######
"Run Away" by The Real McCoy broke the silence as a white-haired
woman walked down the red aisle towards the ring. She wore her hair in the
same manner as the original Kei of the Dir, er... Lovely Angels and was
wearing a WWWA logo on her mechanical arm. She wore a blue silk shirt that
had a Yin-Yang on the back and black jeans. As Flair got into the ring, she
turned to Yuri and the now recovered Kei from Dirty Pair Flash. Kei nodded
to Flair before smiling a bit.
The song "Flight of the Valkyries" by Wagner began playing. The sky
went dark, thunder and lightning danced in the distance. When the music
reached it's climax, a lightning bolt soared from the sky, through the
roof/ceiling into the ring. Once the brightness settled and the dust
cleared, the audience saw Thor, son of Odin, as well as an alternate Urd,
Belldandy and Skuld. The three goddesses of time and fate exited the ring
as Thor swung Mjolnir a few times.
"HEY! Where's my Spice Girl CD?" Shao Khan yelled.
Robo, Bender and Marvin the robots laughed to themselves as they all
smashed the CD to bits.
Thor blinked as he found sixteen stun grenades in front of him. The
explosion sent him rebounding off the ropes, despite the fact that he had
managed to create a shield to protect him. He grunted and got up to glare
at Flair. Flair drew her gun and stated quite firmly, "Significantly cool
technology is indistinguishable from magic."
She fired, but Thor rolled out of the way and unleashed a lightning
bolt at her. She raised her metallic arm and blocked the electricity all
together.
"I came here ready for those Pikachu, but I guess my
electricity-proof arm is better than I thought." Flair said, grinning.
Thor hurled Mjolnir at Flair, but the 3WA agent leapt over it.
Then, Mjolnir followed, startling Flair before she took a hit in the right
leg. She felt something in her leg spasm, then she landed awkwardly. She
pulled out another grenade and threw it at Thor, who used Mjolnir in an
effort to bat it back at her. Unfortunately, the Thunder God had forgotten
of a new invention of the technological age. Contact fuses. Luckily, the
grenade wasn't an explosive, but rather a flash grenade. However, this
blinded Thor quite painfully. Flair aimed her gun and began firing, her
blasts shaking the shield Thor managed to form. After ten shots, the
barrier finally broke and Thor was helpless. Flair pulled the trigger on
her gun one last time.
*CLICK*
"ERRRGGG! Cheap SSOA military-hardware!" Flair snarled, throwing
the gun down in disgust. She raced up to the still recovering Thor and used
the Vulcan Nerve Pinch on Thor, rendering him unconscious. It was a shame
too, because just as Thor passed out, his vision returned to normal before
fading to darkness.
######******######
"And we've just gotten word that Sailor Moon recovered. She will be
declared the winner for the previous match as Shadow B and Medea are still
looking for Jason." C-chan read from a paper.
In the Toy R'Us, Jason swung from a vine and looked around. He
looked around. The last thing he remembered was hitting a wooden case and
then he woke up here. Suddenly, another man landed next to him.
"So, new to Jumanji?" the man asked.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Jason
replied.
"It's a shame, Thor was doing so well up until now. But I guess
this means that he's not invincible." A-kun said.
######******######
Kontijaro entered after destroying the red doors with a handy
grenade, waving to the crowd as he, Psyduck and Pikachu slowly walked down
to the ring. The opening theme to Crono Trigger played over the speakers as
the trio made their way slowly to the ring. Kontijaro stepped into the ring
and waved to everyone once again.
The crowd patiently awaited Dewin's entrance. Hurriedly and with a
lot of noise, Danny, his younger, pudgier and richer brother (and manager),
ran up to the ring. In his hands was an offset white field mouse. He put the
mouse on the ring, took out a canteen from his pocket and poured its
contents over the mouse.
Nothing happened. Well, there was a wet mouse in the ring but beyond
that...
Danny emptied his pockets on the ring. Which meant a pocket
organizer, two wads of ten thousand-dollar bills, a couple of sleeping
darts, a HUGE hankie and two cents spilled out. (Every pocket has two cents
in it, or the equivalent in the current country's currency. It's like the
cheese sandwich and the moldy tomato in the fridge)
Climbing into the ring, he picked up the hankie and started to shake
it. Violently. Suddenly a sleeping Dewin fell out of the hankie. After
Daniel poured the contents of the canteen in his hand on Dewin's head, Dewin
yawned and slapped Danny on the top of the head. "Why did you do that!?" He
looked around. "Oh."
Dewin tied the hankie around his neck (It's clearly the cape that
Dewin usually wears) and pulled out Danny's shotgun from the inside of his
cape and handed it to Danny. He stage-whispered "could I borrow the car
tonight?". Danny nodded quickly and stepped out of the ring.
Danny took a deep breath and hollered; "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! DEWIN
IS IN THE RING! IT'S TIME TO START!"
"GET OVER HERE, YOU LITTLE PIPSQUEAK!" Shao Khan growled, angry that
Danny had stolen his schtick and his job, even if temporarily.
Danny raced off. Kontijaro and Dewin faced each other. Kontijaro
tried to speak into Dewin's mind, but the Great Dewin was immune to such
mind tricks. Besides, with a little brother who might learn mind tricks as
well, Dewin
_had_ to develop ways to counter mind-attacks. Deciding to
ignore this development for now, Kontijaro raced forward only to come face
to muzzle with a Bengal Tiger. He yelped and jumped back as the tiger
slashed at him. The tiger transformed back into Dewin.
"Heh. Didn't know I could do that, did you?" Dewin asked
rheotorically. Everyone had figured it was just a Jusenkyo cure as most
avatars had.
Suddenly, Dewin transformed in a pink cat-like creature. Suddenly,
a blazing red aura formed around the cat-creature and sent Kontijaro flying
out of the ring.
"PIKA! PIIIIIIKAAAAAA-" Pikachu began, flaring with electricity as
the urge to fight the new Mew-Dewin creature arose.
"PSSSSSYYYYYYYY!" Psyduck interupted.
Pikachu stared at Psyduck.
"Psy, psypsypsiyiyiyiyiduck." Psyduck told Pikachu.
Pikachu looked between the two Psychic Pokemon and shrugged before
making a sweeping motion towards Mew-Dewin. As Kontijaro pulled himself
from the wall that Mew-Dewin had sent him into, Psyduck faced off against
Mew-Dewin. Mew-Dewin, for it's part, wasn't quite sure what was going on.
All it could hear in the conversation between Pikachu and Psyduck was
something about pride and Kontijaro could go stick something somewhere. The
two Psychic Pokemon flared with bright auras.
"Hmmm, looks like a psychic battle. Better turn on the
PSIIMPROTRON!" C-chan said.
"What?" A-kun demanded.
Suddenly, the four-way TV lowered from the ceiling and displayed
Psyduck and Mew-Dewin. Where the auras of Psyduck and Mew-Dewin collided, a
bunch of Monty Python characters were whapping each other with fish, each
group tinted like the aura that had formed them. Within minutes, the fight
had changed into two Chibi-Usas pushing each other. And eventually, two
Xellosses playing Solitaire.
"I win!" the red Xelloss declared.
"Oh, you're so lucky. I wish I-HEY, YOU CHEATED!" Blue-Xelloss
said.
"Uhhhh... no, I didn't." Red-Xelloss answered.
Blue-Xelloss picked up his Solitaire table and whacked Red-Xelloss
over the head, to which the Red-Xelloss replied by kneeing Blue-Xelloss in
the Mazoku Groin. In otherwords, the nose. Blue-Xelloss stumbled
backwards, swearing more than Cid Highwind had ever sworn in his entire
life. Psyduck collapsed with Mew-Dewin following. It seemed that during
the fight, Kontijaro had recovered and had waited until Mew-Dewin had
finished his battle before blasting him with a lightning bolt. As it turned
out, Psyduck had down a very good job working over Mew-Dewin's form.
Dewin shifted back to normal, but wasn't ready to give up just yet.
Using all of his willpower, he managed to snag two spectators who had been
on their way back to their seats. Flaring with new power, Dewin stood up
and faced Kontijaro.
"DIE!!!" Dewin roared, pulling out his now-trademark baseball bat.
Kontijaro grinned and fired another lightning bolt at Dewin. The
bat attracted the lightning and sent it coursing through Dewin's body.
Dewin growled, then changed into a demonic-looking mouse. He cursed his
inability to control his transformations very well before lunging at
Kontijaro, who was not smiling anymore as his target was now too small to
accurately hit with lightning.
"SQUEAK! SQUEAK! SQUEAK!" Dewin cried as he dodged Kontijaro's
lightning attacks.
[*Translation: DIE! DIE! DIE!]
"KONTIJARO'S THUNDERBOLT ATTACK!" Kontijaro shouted.
"SQUEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAKKKKK!" Dewin yelled in response.
[*Translation: DIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!]
Kontijaro and Dewin met head-on. Then, Kontijaro went flying
backwards and hit the corner post. Dewin, on the other hand, went flying
and vanished from even Robo's scanners.
"The hell?" Robo inquired.
"HEHEHEHEHE! Take
_THAT_, Dewin. I win again." Bender the Robot
laughed.
"Uh, I can't sense him." Robo commented.
Meanwhile, in Washuu Hakubi's lab, Dewin the mouse found himself
surrounded by a very angry Washuu and an even angrier Ryoko.
"HOW DARE YOU USE US AS BATTERIES!" Ryoko snarled.
"Ah, ah, ah, Ryoko. He'll make a fine guinea pig for my experiments
now that I'm not busy... NYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!"
Washuu laughed.
Dewin began crying.
"Well, no choice. Guess Kontijaro's the winner." Bender said.
"I guess so." Robo replied.
######******######
At the Toys R'Us, Medea and Shadow B were angrily staring down
Ensign Roy, who happened to be a customer representative for Toys R'Us.
"Why in the world did you have something as stupidly dangerous as
Jumanji in your toy store if it can suck people into that dimension!" Medea
growled.
"Because we couldn't really say we had everything kids want if we
didn't have every possible board game available, now could we?" Ensign Roy
defended.
Medea calmed down a bit, then grinned evilly.
"Then you'll be playing with us until we get Jason out, now won't
you?" Medea asked not-so-politely.
Ensign Roy gulped. Being on the first Enterprise as a red-shirt was
safer than working at Toys R'Us. At least it wasn't an angry parent
demanding Pokemon items. Those people were terrifying.
######******######
"Up next, Cap'n Bungie versus Bombadil Goh, the Clash of the
Mega-Egos!" C-chan giggled.
"C-chan..." A-kun warned.
"Hey, what can I say?" C-chan asked.
"You can say that you'll show me your boobs." A-kun commented.
A-kun found that if struck hard enough by an angry female, the back
of one's skull
_can_ strike the back of the sternum.
######******######
Once the attention of the audience is no longer on C-chan, loud
fireworks go off and the band Puking Piggies begins playing "Puking Piggies
Go To Market". Strippers dance on stage next to the band members,
distracting them somewhat, but the Puking Piggies prove that they are mildly
more professional than pig. Cap'n Bungie entered through the red doors and
walked down to the ring with Leona Ozaki in her Bonaparte following close
behind.
As Cap'n Bungie leapt into the ring, accidentally landing wrong and
resulting in a strange pop followed by stabbing pain which he merely grinned
through, he began waving his arms, building cheers from the hentais for
hiring strippers, cheers from the fans of the Puking Piggies and boos from
anyone who thought that his entrance was in poor taste. The band finished
it's song and vanished, as did the stage and strippers. This illicted some
more boos, but Cap'n Bungie ignored them as they were from the perverts who
liked the strippers.
As Cap'n Bungie walked to the ring, he & his escorts barely avoided
falling into a newly excavated pit. As Cap'n Bungie entered the ring,
Bombadil's theme song 'A Different Kind of Magic' started up. The ring
darkened and the searchlights swept up toward the celling and the catwalks,
so as to aid the audience and Bombadil's opponent to look for him...
But unfortunately, Bombadil could not be seen...
Cap'n Bungie breathed a sigh of relief that Bombadil might have
decided to forfeit this match... after all he had seen the last match that
Bombadil had been in... And Bombadil was a certifiable weirdo. The
backstage musings ranged from him being a nutball to a blood-thirty psycho.
Cap'n Bungie mildly wondered if he should've paid more attention to the last
match Bombadil had been in.
As the audience started muttering and generally wondering if
something had
_really_ happen to the self-styled masters of cheap shots and
outright-cheating. The rest of the searchlights that had been sweeping the
ceiling cut out... leaving only four spotlights on a quartet who had just
walked up to the ring, while everyone's attention had been on the catwalks
above as it had been suspected that the four would return to their previous
method of entering just to establish a pattern then fool everyone.
As everyone's attention focused on the pair of rather attractive
women in matching kimonos accompanied by a dashing young man; whose
brilliant red hair styled like a blazing comet tail off-set his tuxedo, and
a short feline creature dressed up like a MiB; shades included...
"Prepare for trouble..."
With that the quartet gripped their clothes and tossed them up into
the air... revealing that Team Rocket and Bombadil were in the house...
"Make it triple..."
And then the sentai poses started... somehow accompanied by a giant
red R in the background...
"To protect the multiverse from devastation..."
Once the sentai poses started... it was far too late... Cap'n
Bungie rolled his eyes at the narrative piece.
"To unite all okatus beneath the heavens..."
"To denounce the evils of truth and love..."
"Musashi..."
"Kojiro..."
"Bombadil..."
"New Champions of Team Rocket..."
"Blasting off at the speed of light..."
"Surrender now or prepare to fight..."
"Xiao Mao... That's right!"
With that, as Bombadil climbed into the ring, his opponent and just
about everyone noticed something different about him... or rather her...
Which wasn't so hard as his formerly black hair was now a dark ocean green,
and guys usually didn't possess the curves that were accentuated by a black
skintight bodysuit, all that and the fact that she was half a foot shorter
and had a kawaii rating off the scale; with large lipid brown eyes, and
pouting red lips...
"Damn, you make a fine looking girl, Bombie." Cap'n Bungie
commented.
Bombadil's left eyebrow twitched dangerously.
"Hey, just kidding. 'sides, I got Leona and she's trouble enough."
Cap'n Bungie said, covering quickly.
"BEEEEDAH!" Leona answered, sticking her tongue at Cap'n Bungie.
"UUUUHhhh... I'm going to give this Blair Witch Project a very low
rating, Mr. Siskel." Shao Khan said.
Cap'n Bungie and Bombadil-chan shook hands, then leapt apart.
Onna-Bombadil summoned eight fireballs and hurled them at Cap'n Bungie, who
dodged and raced at the female Bombadil before lunging in a tackle.
Bombadil leapt over him and unleashed a Freeze Arrow. Cap'n Bungie rolled
out of the way and jumped up at Bombadil, who narrowly avoided having Cap'n
Bungie's head splatter her own as the Cap'n managed to 0 to Mach 1 in 2.1
seconds, crashing through the ceiling. Bombadil blinked before hearing a
whistling noise and remembering that according the extremely stretch, but
still vaguely real laws of physics: "what goes up must come down".
Thus, Cap'n Bungie crashed through the ceiling again, missing
Bombadil completely, and slammed into a hot dog vendor. Cap'n Bungie swiped
the unconscious vendor's wallet, stole and ate a hot dog that wasn't mashed,
then headed for the ring. It was a good thing that the "leaving ring equals
instant disqualification" rule was no longer in effect.
Cap'n Bungie used a flying lunge kick ala. Mortal Kombat, but
Bombadil wisely avoided the attack. However, Bombadil didn't avoid the ki
ball to the gut, which sent her to the mat. Cap'n Bungie began marching
towards the fallen Bombadil, making sure that Team Rocket didn't do
something to interupt him by glancing at them as he approached Bombadil. It
turned out there was no need. Team Rocket was snatching some of the pokemon
who were trying to get free hot dogs from the still unconscious vendor that
Cap'n Bungie had knocked out as Growly, James' Growlithe, ate all of the hot
dogs that hadn't been snatched up by Meowth.
"Ya coulda picked better assistants." Cap'n Bungie commented.
He glanced to see that Growly was looking a bit sick as it headed
for the ring.
"Hey, they're okay, when they're not focused on stealing Pokemon."
Onna-Bombadil defended.
Growly got into the ring and stumbled over to Bombadil, whimpering.
Cap'n Bungie rolled his eyes as Bombadil quickly recovered and began patting
the sick-looking Growly on the back. Suddenly, Growly belched out flames
which engulfed Cap'n Bungie. As he stood among the hot dog scented flames,
he realized that the Growlithe's sick look had been all part of a trick.
Suddenly, smog filled the ring and two forms raced into the ring as Bombadil
attacked Cap'n Bungie.
Four wild blasts flew from the smog and numerous curses were heard,
both human and Pokemon in nature. Spells, rays of energy, cries of attacks,
bitch slaps, kicks, eye-poking, nose-grabbing and numerous other attacks
were audible as everyone tried to figure out what the hell was going on
inside the ring. Team Rocket leapt into the ring, deciding to try and help
Bombadil. Numerous explosions, a few electrical attacks and the coup de
grace, the oh-so-familiar sound of a mallet getting cracked across someone's
head. It didn't help anyone that Leona decided to fire Bonaparte's cannon
into the ring in a vain attempt to clear away the smoke.
The final blast did clear away the smoke, but also sent Meowth and
the two mysterious Pokemon who had entered the fray earlier flying out of
the ring and into the stands.
"Hit...mon....leeeee..." one Pokemon mumbled.
"Maaaaachaaaaaaaampppp." the other Pokemon cursed.
"Dat smarts." Meowth commented, pulling himself upright.
In the ring, the results of the fight were visible. Bombadil was
hung over one of the ropes, Cap'n Bungie was in the center of the
smouldering crater, James had a tell-tale bump of a mallet that missed it's
intended target and Jessie was currently kicking a bell-shaped grass Pokemon
that was trying to swallow her and failing as Jessie's kicks were annoying
it too much. Everyone waited. One of the two main combatants had to wake
up in order to win.
Then, one of the two combatants stood up, and began laughing,
"WAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I WIN!"
Cap'n Bungie mooned the crowd.
######******######
"Damn, I was rooting for Bombadil." A-kun said.
"Well too bad, Cap'n Bungie won fair and square." C-chan replied.
"It's kinda amazing that after all that Team Rocket has been
through, that they and their Pokemon aren't well-nigh invincible by now."
A-kun commented.
"Yeah, it kinda is. But, it looks like Moon-Boy will continue into
the Finals." C-chan said.
"I'm A-kun." A-kun declared.
"And I'm C-chan." C-chan added.
"Saying 'Good fight...'" A-kun began.
"'and good night.'" C-chan finished.
"We
_could_ have all three Finals ready in time for New Years, but
sadly it's not entirely sure." A-kun said.
"No kidding. Damn, I hate working the X-mas rush." C-chan grumbled.
"Everyone on the FFML pretty much feels the same way, C-chan." A-kun
responded.
"Oh well." C-chan said.
"Say, why don't you open my present early?" A-kun asked, motioning
to the six-foot cardboard box behind C-chan.
C-chan started at it's sudden appearance, then ripped it open to
reveal a Megaman-esque battle suit.
"WAI!" C-chan said, hugging the armor, then A-kun.
"HAPPY HOLIDAYS!" C-chan and A-kun said in unison.
"And stay tuned for the Finals, the Final Finals and the Absolute
Destiny Finals, all in one big package!" C-chan decreed.
######******######
Sephiroth moaned as he pulled himself out the crater he had been
left in. (See Semi-Finals 2 for details... that's right, a different
Sephiroth fought Nozomu Stingray) He spat out some rocks and managed to
stagger to his feet. He was still alive and well. However, just as he was
about to burst into Villian Laugh #386 ("I'M STILL ALIVE! BWAHAHAHA!), a
hand politely tapped him on the shoulder. Sephiroth turned. A somewhat
small woman in a powersuit held a clipboard. In her breastpocket, there was
a little button that read "IRS Agent".
"Sir, I'm here about to talk to you about your financial situation.
It seems that for five years, you avoided paying your taxes." the IRS Agent
said.
"I was dead." Sephiroth said.
This was apparently not something that surprised the Agent who
mumbled something about vampires not understanding that they still had to
pay taxes before she checked Sephiroth's pulse.
"Oh?" she inquired.
"I got better." Sephiroth answered.
"That's what they all say." the Agent told him.
Sephiroth was dragged away so they could adequately define how much
he owed them.
"LISTEN! I'M A GOD! I AM ABOVE YOUR PUNY TAXES!" Sephiroth
bellowed.
"Oh, if you're a God, that puts you in an entirely DIFFERENT tax
bracket. I've always wanted a few wishes of my own." the Agent said,
grinning wickedly.
Sephiroth quickly realized that shouting that he was a god was not
quite the smartest move he had ever made.
######******######
A-kun's notes: <rant> Ugh, work sucks. Sorry this took so long, but as of
December, I'm getting flayed alive with too much damn work. And if you
don't know, I work in the shipping industry, which is hands-down the second
worst job in the U.S. during the Holiday season (the first is working at the
docks as overly-zealous parents try and buy the items straight from the
delivery guy) as morons come directly from sales to us and ask us to package
their @#%#$@ and they don't even know if the stuff's fragile. Here's a tip:
DON'T SHIP DURING DECEMBER IF YOU WANT IT TO GET THERE BY X-MAS! Ship in
November if you want it to get there in time for X-mas, because unless you
wanna pay $30-$150 to get the package there on time, it ain't friggin'
likely.
As for The New Millenium, most cyber-jockies know that the real new
Millenium starts in 2001. But, some mathmaticians say that the person who
came up with the actual year was off and that we're actually in 1996, still.
It doesn't matter. We don't know when our universe started, so we're off
anyway. So, nyah! </rant> Anyway, hope your life doesn't suck that much
during this holiday season.
C-chan's notes: Well, even if it's difficult for A-kun to get into the
Holiday season, I can. Happy holidays and here's the chart for the Finals!
Finals
1. Kontijaro versus Skyler Sands
2. Rhialto versus Flair
3. Silphion versus Octavian
4. Cap'n Bungie versus Sailor Moon
Final Finals
1. <<UNKNOWN>> versus <<UNKNOWN>>
2. <<UNKNOWN>> versus <<UNKNOWN>>
Absolute Destiny Finals
1. <<UNKNOWN>> versus <<UNKNOWN>>
Hope to be done before Y2K craps all over Cyber-Space. <cue echo,
wait until fade, then cut echo> And don't worry about power outages if
you're in Minnesota. A-kun's father works for NSP and he said that the
computers there are already Y2K compliant. In fact, they were purchased
recently and thus were Y2K compliant to begin with. Hell, the main thing
they use computers for is to create timecards for payroll and to play on the
internet. The only places that had to really worry about Y2K were the Power
Plants that were nuclear.
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